Today I struggled to bring it all together; It was a difficult day of reflection and contemplation and whilst I don't want to go into it here I will say that it deeply affected me and my ability to function as normal, in my real-world job and here on hive also.
For many days I have posted here on the blockchain. In fact over the 1402 days I have been on the platform I have posted 2132 times including this very post...That's 1.5 posts per day for every single day I've been here. Over that time I've never really had a problem with writing; It's seemed to come easy and my average word-count is something like 800 words per post so clearly I write a lot and with relative ease.
Today I struggled to find a word
When I write here I apply three simple things being effort, personality and passion. I find that in combining these elements I'm able to put something together that I'm generally happy with. I say, I'm happy with, because I mostly write for myself here understanding that the majority of people will never read my posts anyway. Writing for myself provides value though and so I inject the three elements above and click the publish button...That's the reward...The publishing of my thoughts as words.
Today one of those elements was missing...Passion was elusive; It was like I felt there was no point and despite trying to grasp it I couldn't seem to manage it.
I've always been a passionate person; As a kid, a young adult and as a grown man passion has defined me and driven every other aspect of me. It's been the one single element or characteristic that has pulled all the rest together like a puzzle. All the parts of me are gathered by it, combined and ordered...Mostly vibrant coloured puzzle pieces, but sometimes just shades as well. They are all me and are all concatenated through that one single element - Passion.
Today...Not.
It's interesting because yesterday I injected so much passion into my daily post that it spilled over into my real world as I wrote it; I refer to this post. And yet I sat today staring into space looking inwardly trying to find something, passion, which usually comes so easily.
I can't function without passion and the attitudes and actions it inspires in me and, whilst I can turn it off, be callous, cold and dispassionate, being that man is so against the grain that it cuts me...I've done it of course but it exacts a toll that I'm no longer willing to pay. And so passion.
Occasionally in my professional life I've been asked what one element I've brought to the fight, the attributes that have helped me find personal-success, and my answer is always passion...It's the platform from which everything else launches. Sometimes people say, but what about hard work, training, punctuality, technical skills, ownership, leadership skills, responsibility, results-focus, and so on...Yes, all important...But without passion one is unlikely to deploy any of them effectively and so mission-success will be difficult to find. Passion...For me it's where my life starts and I like it that way; Just my opinion.
Today I went away
I was absent today. Somewhere else; Still visible of course as I haven't yet perfected invisibility, but absent nonetheless. I had to find something, the passion that is usually the greater part of me. I moved through my work day robotically and then just went home at 1100. There was no point being there...I had to find passion as I'm useless without it.
I read some words and listened to a little music, looked at a few photographs and closed my eyes...Not sleeping, just seeing inwardly, and emerged a few hours later with a little more clarity of self.
Writing helps me order my thoughts. It helps to put my thoughts at arms length I guess; I can see my thoughts better when they're written. It's as if the writing takes the swirling thoughts in my mind, organises them and the journey they take from my brain to the keys and screen takes me on a journey also. Then clicking that publish button is like a confirmation of sorts, an agreement with myself. It says, yes, that's how I feel and that's what it means to me, no matter if I've written the thoughts clearly for others to read or just alluded to them.
I'm not a perfect man; I'm the antithesis of perfect actually. I'm ok with it though, provided I can tick some internal boxes and perfection is one of those. I show it, generously give it to those who deserve it and I crave it in return, from those who love me...And from myself. Today it was difficult to find, elusive, like trying to grab and hold onto smoke...But whilst sitting there with those words, the pictures and music I surrounded myself with I found it; A method I've used in the past.
We are all many things and what one sees on the surface of a person isn't always what lies beneath - There are many factors. It could be one's past, present or thoughts of the future also; They all combine to make us who we are...Everything in life affects us, all of those moments I wrote about a few days ago in another post...They make us who we are, good or bad. Today I felt bad, but then felt ok, a condition that endures as I write this. Passion is responsible on both counts; The loss of it and the rediscovery of it. I can't be any other way - I'd not be me without passion and wouldn't want to be.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised so be humble and kind
Discord: galenkp#9209
Ever catch yourself applying too much passion?
Happens yes. The flip-side of being this way inclined is the over-use of it, that it swings both ways; Comes out in various ways.
I have my moments, too. Needs to be harnessed. When it's pulling you around, it's cool. Getting shit done. But even that beast needs time to rest.
I've been so incredibly focused at times in my life, awake for 2 days, maybe more; busy. I don't do that anymore. What goes up must come down. LOL! If there's one thing I'm good at, it's crashing.
You get it, I see. Balance I guess...Sometimes I lose that fight. I think you understand.
If one has a perfect record, they're probably cheating.
Yep, agreed. I'm happy to admit my faults...It's a strength, and helps one to address them.
Sounds like you might just need a recharge. Have you checked to see if your light is red or green?
Today my light is red, and occasionally off. I tried giving myself a shake, but it didn't work. So I'm sitting in back of landrover under a blanket in sunshine. Red light is blinking.
I think my lights are on the blink Riv.
It's okay, sometimes you just need to fiddle with the wires a bit. You'll be shining before you know it. xxx
It's all good...Nothing corn chips and salsa dip can't fix.
I had jalapeno, baked bean and cheese grilled sandwiches...
That'll do it! Good comfort food.
Sometimes I feel tired and do not have the mood to get on the bike. I know It is good to go but I just do not feel like doing so. I say to myself just get out and go for a short one, just an easy short one.
I then start getting dressed and while doing so, my head and mood start changing, it is as if the initial "no" goes away as I have already decided to get out, even if it is just for a small ride.
When I get on the bike and out my head starts thinking about the path to choose, this way or this other. Taking this one is short but if I change my mind I can go further away for a longer one.
I usually end up taking a much longer ride than I initially planned because I feel comfortable once I have been able to reverse that initial feeling. When I come back to the house, after a shower, I feel glad I was able to take a longer ride again.
It's a good example and I know exactly what you mean. I think today I just needed tome time. Intended up taking a hike later and am feeling pretty good. It will stick.
Even if you would maybe disagree, I would say that this is a passionate writing about dispassion that has been experienced. So it is kind of a balance, right? :)
There are days, of course like this. When you feel it is better not to do anything with this attitude...but it is good, as exactly seeing and feeling this is the confirmation how your normal condition - the other, passionate way - is valuable for you and everything you do. If you feel you have reached the bottom, is good, as that will be the starting point, and you can go just one way from there, up!
Passionate writing about being dispassionate. Seems passionate! Lol.
It's all good...There's not much that can hold the old G-dog down for long. 😊
The antithesis of perfect eh. Does that mean totally? ;O)
Lol...Let's roll with it. 🤣
Hey I hear you, my friend. It's tough to be on "100% of the time". I find it exhausting and not very rewarding, in my life, at least. You can be on at home, and the drudgery of spending 8 hours at something you hate is tough to overcome; again, just my personal situation. Sometimes it's easier to just drop out, but I know that's not the answer (at least most of the time, lol).
I like this community; I didn't even realize it existed until I read your post. I might have some good therapeutic rants to share with everyone here shortly. Thanks for the share!
Life is hard for sure, sometimes. Other times it plain sailing. That's the nature of it. I'm not one to avoid rough seas as I know they are inevitable. I deal with them mostly, like in this post...It happens so there's no point skirting the issue.
I hear you with the just drop out comment...Not my style though, yours either it seems. I'm a fighter.
Yeah, have a rant or two...You can also just drop things like this that may not fit anywhere else. You'd be most welcome.
I feel ya mate. Writing don't come quite so easy to me but I hit that same wall from time to time.
I'm just glad passion is a renewable resource.
I have ways of dealing with writers block, mostly pretty effect too...But the other...Life is like a pendulum I guess, only in each place for a moment, ever-moving. We do our best, or should, and hope it's enough.
I’ve had those days, though I don’t know if I have the passion levels all the time but it’s there for sure. When it’s not there it’s tough, and I’ve had a day or two of those in the past few months with some crap. Thankfully there’s lights at the ends of those bleak tunnels and coming out of it is a good feeling when you recognize it. Perhaps you put too much passion into that other post lol. In jest though, I don’t think it was that. It might take a bit to determine what it was, or you might never figure it out. Life’s weird like that!
Writing daily has been a good endeavor for me as well I’ve found. It’s a good way to mentally arrange things, remember what went on and try to solidify it into something legible. I’ve enjoyed the posts, even if they are more for our own selves and our random thoughts and musings.
I noticed you aren’t in the engagement league anymore. Did you remove yourself from it? Or did I just miss your name lol
Yeah man, life throws up challenges that effect us internally and I think it's ok as it gives us the ability to adjust our course, learn new skills and be a better version...Sometimes it allows us to cut those mooring lines and head out of the harbour to catch those trade winds to new destinations...It's not a bad thing...Although it can seem that way when in the moment. Best to recognise it, acknowledge then deal with it...Like I did yesterday. Ownership and responsibility.
Yeah, I asked Asher to remove me from the engagement league several weeks ago...It's time for other people to take the lead. I might come back someday but for now I'm happy to see other people rise.
Passion is the engine. Reason is the steering wheel.
Unreasoning passion is just burnouts in the street, and dispassionate reason is a parked car pointed in exactly the right direction.
Is that your own words? Seems pretty legit.
My words. You gotta have both.
Wise words from a wise man.
Hey, @galenkp.
Hope all is well.
Something, it seems, has changed with you or is in the process of changing—
I hope I'm way off the mark and totally reading stuff between the lines that aren't there. It's just that you've just been very reflective of late, and seem to have a lot of alone time. Certainly nothing wrong with any of that, and I'm very glad you're sharing what you do. I was just looking at your last several posts (roughly two months worth) and noticed that things haven't been very... something. I wanted to say upbeat, but that's not the word. Maybe it's more along the lines of something missing? Maybe that's closer.
You mention passion was missing from this post. You've also mentioned that the environment at work has put a strain on you in a couple other posts. Feeling lackluster or unmotivated.
Kind of reminds me of some of my two or three pre-mid-life crises. :)
Probably, it's me, and I'm crazy. :)
As I said, I hope all is well. With you, and yours.
I'm all good mate but thanks for saying something. Life is full of twists and turns my dad used to say and all we can do is take the journey. There's been times I've accelerated and power-slid around those turns and at others I've had to hit the brakes and be a little more cautious...It's all just life.
You mention work and I'll admit that I'm not really feeling it right now, but it is what it is and life is still good regardless. Don't read too much into it, I'm not suicidal or anything if that's what you're thinking - That's not my style. I use my writing to order my thoughts at times and I probably say enough to illicit responses like yours here, and not enough to give the full perspective. So few read what I write so I feel vindicated to write with impunity and simply for the sake of saying things out loud so to speak.
As far as spending a lot of time alone, that's been the nature of life for a long time; I'm a busy person as are others around me so it may seem that way I guess. I pack a lot into life though and have a pretty good one...It's wrong of me to complain about it I guess, and if I have I should stop it...Life is pretty good, the future looks amazing and I'll just power-slide around those curves applying the brakes as required, then gassing it again to race to the future.
Thanks for saying though...Bro's don't say this stuff enough, but we should.
Hey, @galenkp.
Nope. Wasn't thinking about suicide at all. I was thinking more along the lines of close relationships being strained, but you said all is good, so as I said, I'm crazy. And I'm glad that's the case. :)
re: complaining
I wouldn't say it's wrong. As you said, life doesn't go as planned more than we like, and sometimes, being human, that affects us more at certain times when we might normally just power through.
However, I wasn't really getting that vibe from you as far as complaining goes. You being a little more reflective is part of it, but something else, too. You feeling the twists and turns of life a little more and then sharing it might be it. It's not like you don't do that normally—I guess I was just reading an uptick in it and wondered what might have happened.
At any rate, I'm glad I finally asked. I've been concerned for a while and I decided I should finally break the "bro code of silence" (my term for this) and ask. :) Never was all that good at that particular bro code, anyway, which I blame on my mother, since that's where the urge to know what's going on and then talk about it comes from. :)
I'm not one to play out my relationships on social media, or any where outside of any particular relationship to be honest, and so would never allude to any issues here, even if they existed. People may make assumptions due to the lack of particular content they may be used to seeing however perception isn't always reality.
I actually really appreciate the direct question and the place it comes from as it shows a sense of caring and interest that seems lacking in this world we live in. Especially between blokes who tend to just clam up and hold it all in. Like everyone I have a past and some of that past isn't all that nice and so I have to deal with it...I'm just as broken and fallible as the next person and sometimes it comes out here in some words I write.
I'll tell you one thing though, I need a break, some time away. I'm off camping for a few days in May and am looking forward to zoning out a little, breaking from routine and not having to work the brain-cells in my noggin as much. That's not too far away now so I'm looking forward to the detachment - I need it.
Thanks again for your concern and for having the care-factor to broach the subject.
Many times I'm wondering myself when I'm on a hike..what the hell you are doing Trang !!! Hot..Sweat..Steep Slopes..Exhausted !!! My legs sore and I walk bow-legged for weeks 😂. I swear I'll just lay down at home then doing these difficult things.
Then a friend call: hey you want to go for a Hike tomorrow? "Huh..Let me think!!! I'm not recovering yet..!!! Well, what time? Okieee I'm down for it !!!😀
Many times I struggle with myself and don't really understand why I'm doing things but then I still do it.
You are the most motivated person I've known on Hive Blog Galen 💖
Hiking is legit and whilst we may not feel like it at first once we're on the trail it's all good!
Thanks Trang, I appreciate this. 😉
Nobody is perfect. We are all fragmented to varying degrees and passion, is one of those things which swings high and sinks low. The lows are heavy and the highs weightless. This is something I have struggled with my entire life - the highs and lows which come alongside being a person primarily driven by passion. I have learnt along the way, to simply ride the waves of the lows - which you seem to do as well.
Acceptance of the contributing factors and facets plays a huge role in how we successfully navigate it all. Absence, or rather escape is a necessary thing when it comes to the management of emotion... especially passion.
You cannot change who you are, so don't even try, because that will break your spirit and ultimately kill it - leaving you with nothing you want.
It seems once again you throw some light on the subject, and issue, with great thought and thoughtfulness which doesn't surprise me. Thank you for taking the time and for being a pretty special person whom I value greatly.