Billy the Binman

cock-a-doodle-doo blared out from the phone on the bedside table.

A well-judged elbow in the ribs woke Billy from a deep slumber.

"Aww for fluff's sake it's Sunday!" exclaimed Billy.

"Well you only have yourself to blame as you were the one that volunteered to work overtime Billy" said Mrs Binman.

"Aye right enough hen" replied Billy as he got out of bed and plodded through to the kitchen to make his coffee.

After finishing the three s's and bringing Mrs Binman her morning coffee, Billy stepped outside sat on the wall and waited for his morning lift.

Headlights came hurtling towards Billy. Even though it was summer in Scotland, it was still dark at 3am.

With an almight screech of it's brakes, the big bright yellow bin lorry pulled up alongside the kerb, and in jumped Billy.

"Good morning ya ugly numpty!" grumped Colin towards Billy.

"Good! it's fluffing four on a Sunday morning, what's good about it, ya bawbag!" retorted Billy back to Colin.

"Actually it is good William because you are alive William, it is good William because we are ALL alive William! Never forget that William and good morning William!"

Quentin was the intellectual of the trio. Educated at Oxford in England, Quentin had successfully trained as a doctor. However, he had since found out that he had a fear of blood and even more bizarrely a fear of people. This meant being a doctor was impossible, and Quentin the doctor became Quents the binman and he absolutely loved it.

bins in snow.png

"Ach enough with the philosophical claptrap Quents, we're all trying to wake up here!"

"Speak for yourself William, some of us have been up for two hours already William! Perhaps you would like to collect the lorry from the depot William, get our schedule sorted William and then pick us up for a change William!"

"okay okay keep your fluffing hair on, oh wait you don't have any!" laughed Billy

For the last three years, swearing had been banned by the council, and if someone swore they had to pay a fine, so now the three men would fluffing swear all day long without actually swearing!

"What was for dinner bawbag?" asked Colin swiftly changing the subject.

"Pancit" replied Billy.

"What's fluffin pansy when it's at home?" asked Colin.

"Not pansy, it's pancit and it is basically noodles."

"Why not call it noodles then? You had fluffing what was it ah yes arrepas the other night, why not call it a sandwich?"

"Because you neanderthal they are Arepas from Venezuela and are basically corncakes. You call things as they are called in their country of origin. You would not call haggis stomach filled shite would you?"

"You speak shite, you really do Billy, what was it the missus made you the other night, oh yes I remember .... afluffingakara!

"Akara and it is a delicious bean cake."

"So call it beancakes then, I swear you have a bloody United Nations harem in your house billyboy!"

"Ah behave Colin, don't be a jealous arse!"

"Chidren, Children calm down, as I have told you many times before, a pizza a day keeps the doctor away" laughed Quents the could be doctor that wasn't.

"Anyway our route is starting at Hope Street today and we are nearly there, so get yourselves ready." said Quents.

"Hope, I need some bloody Hope sharing a cab with you two numpties!" laughed Billy

"Don't we all" chimed Colin and Quents in unison.

Despite the hostility towards each other Billy, Colin and Quents were the best of friends and had been working together as a team for the last ten years. They had been voted the council's best bin team for the last 8 years and it meant that they were known as The Troubleshooters and were sent where no other team would dare to collect. Today's route would see them start at Hope Street and finish up at Rage Road.

Quents was the designator driver and just sat behind the wheel all day. It was Colin and Billy who would wheel the bins and put them into the trash part of the lorry to be crushed. This morning they working quickly and had emptied the bins on Hope Street in no time.

Now The Troubleshooters were working on Trouble Terrace, the clients (the council made the binmen refer to the bins as clients) on Trouble Terrace were the worst in the Kingdom. The people living there were a rabid bunch, and Billy and Colin never knew what they would find!

"Hey Billy, do you think it is break time yet?"

"Let's finish Trouble Terrace then stop for a cuppa!" grinned Billy in the dark.

"Fair enough, just three more bins and then a cuppa" whooped Colin.

Suddenly Billy stopped frozen in his tracks as he spied his next bin.

"Hey Colin, get your bloody arse here right now!"

"What is it?" shouted Colin

"Look, look what's hanging out the top of the bin!"

"What is it?" shouted Colin again

"It's a fluffing foot!"

TO BE CONTINUED ... PART 2 TO BE RELEASED Friday August 12th 2022


All images and ramblings are from me, the mad Scotsman @TengoLoTodo unless otherwise stated.


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A fluffing foot, indeed. Now that’s a show stopper. What next, for the brave Bin men. 🤗🤗🥂🥂🥂🥂🥂

Hehe I liked that end for part one 😁

😅😅The brave big men. I can totally how Billy would be so inquisitive to dig deeper into why the foot is there. He could convince Colin on them checking it out, but Quints definitely going to disagree.

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I appreciate that, thank you:)

It's 95F here... 36C
I cannot wait, and yet dread seeing snow, again.

hehe that was the most snow we had last winter!

Last winter, we had one storm (among many) East Coast US, with about 2 and a half feet o0f snow. ONE storm! In the left of the image, you can JUST barely see the tops of a fence, that stands 3 feet (a meter). Those bushes are about 7 feet tall. BENT from weight of the snow.

Wow that is crazy stuff!

It's no Scotland for sure.

Hahaha the dialect in this one is golden. Well done!

Sending some SCHOLAR tokens your way for participating 😁

hehe thanks for that :)

"Because you neanderthal they are Arepas from Venezuela and are basically corncakes. You call things as they are called in their country of origin. You would not call haggis stomach filled shite would you?"

The beloved arepas from my country Venezuela. It was a pleasant surprise to find ourselves here in this story that takes place in Scotland. I already want to know what a foot was doing in that container. I'm looking forward to the second part 😎😉

The beloved arepas from my country Venezuela. It was a pleasant surprise to find ourselves here in this story that takes place in Scotland. I already want to know what a foot was doing in that container. I'm looking forward to the second part

ah yes I had to mention your arepas;) I actually had one a couple of weeks ago in a cafe here in my small town in Scotland!

Are you by any chance Venezuelan? because I feel very close to you 🌸.

jeje no, but I have very good friends who are Venezuelan ;)

They are in Scotland too?

They are and I will make a post about it:)

oh I would love to read it, I will be pending !!

jeje on Friday and I keep meaning to leave my comments on your story!
I will tonight :)

I had to look up arepas and every other thing in that paragraph to fully understand what was meant there. I immediately cracked up when I put the pieces together. 😅😅

hahaha you do an excellent and very valuable job of taking care to understand what is being talked about. I was very surprised to find the word arepas in a post by someone who lives in Scotland, that is, on a very, very distant and unknown planet hahaha. Arepas are a typical Venezuelan dish, although I also know that it is popular in neighboring Colombia.

Just now I just ate some very delicious arepas. Normally we have breakfast with arepas, but these were a little different because from yesterday's meal there were some vegetables "batata" (sweet potato) and "auyama" (pumpkin), I pureed them and then mixed them with the precooked corn flour that is with those of us who make the arepas. Then I roasted them and put a little butter on them, then a puree of "aguacate" (avocado) and shredded chicken with some vegetables and zucchini. I also accompanied it with a green tea with hot lemon.

I think I talked too much just hearing that you mentioned the arepas hahaha Excuse me 😥😎😁

What is the point of reading without understanding? I know the writer is trying to tell me something, so it is my job to understand what I am being told. That is the only way I can fully relate.

The way you desbribed this Arepas is making me really crave it...there is so much that goes on into making this delicious dish. I have never even seen a pumpkin either. There's chicken, avocado, corn, potato, and zucchini. Zucchini looks like cucumber. This Arepas is one healthy food, or maybe it's you recipe that is so delicious.

I think I talked too much just hearing that you mentioned the arepas

No way. I am really glad you did. I now know a little about Venezuela and its people, and how they love Arepas.

You haven't seen a pumpkin either. The truth is that I'm tired of eating pumpkin because mom abused her when we were kids and made us eat more than we should hahaha. She still uses it a lot, so do I, but mostly I eat it because I know it's healthy.

Arepas are fairly healthy hahaha because they are usually made from precooked cornmeal but it is processed and does not have much fiber, some are enriched with vitamins. Healthier are those made with natural corn, parboiled, drained and then ground. Add a little salt, knead and roast or fry in enough oil. The fries are super tasty but too many calories so I always make them grilled. You can fill them with anything. Today I put perhaps more than usual. I like them plain with butter and cheese (because I love cheese) or even plain with just butter if they're hot, but they're also not as nutritious 🍪☕.

Jeez! For fluff's sake, Ed! How could you stop Part 1 there? Bloomin' cliff hanger or should I say foot hanger! Hehehe!

Great characters you've got yourself there, mate. I will be back on the 12th to find out what happens next to The Troubleshooters.

hehe is that now how we end three parters with cliff hangers?
Or a foot hanger in this case, I think part 2 has a great ... hanger too;)
Thank you for your encouragement Julia😁

Absolutely, @tengolotodo. Glad to find you're on my Bingo card, heheheh!

ah yes, I downloaded my card but have not seen who is on it, but I shall be reading all the entries anyway.
It is cool that you are on mine too then;)
Happy Monday Julia!

Apparently, I got it wrong. Heheheh! I am on yours, but I'm meant to fill in Bingo card A.
Ah, well, I didn't know who was on either card at the weekend and just read for the sheer delight of it. I think that's the best way anyway. 💛

Now you have confused me!
Surely we are the same and fill out the same card?
I have been busy this week, so not looked at it properly, I shall do that tomorrow!

😅😅😅😅 foot hanger!

The whole plot is golden.

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Haha, Super Ed!! No! how did you leave us with that suspense, seriously, just when the Troubleshooters were about to go into action?

I wonder if you already know what's coming next with that fluffing foot, or are you also in suspense until you write the next chapter;)

jeje Super Eli, did you like that!
Well it is a three parter so I have to leave you in suspense today and then next Friday too!
jeje yes I have written it, can you believe it I am not JIT!

Wow, not JIT!! jaja
Alright, I'll get used to the idea that the suspense will be maintained for two weeks. At least this one I know it won't be indefinite 😜

At least this one I know it won't be indefinite 😜

you are killing me 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Jaja!!! who is killing who 😂😂😂


you killing me with laughter!

Did someone say fluffingakara? And Christ! You write so well I want to steal your brain and kidnap your hands! A foot?! Jesus! Tengo! I'm coming in your DMs. No way I can wait till Friday. Heartfluffingattack if I don't.
The humor was so good! I was laughing as I read...😩... How do you do it?! Ah gosh! This is so mind-blowing! Ahhh... I'm still laughing 😂

jeje did you enjoy that.
You know me, I will always have humour in my writing, my way of making the audience entertained.
I had to get akara in there, and the fluffing foot, well I thought that was the perfect ending for part 1
Thank you for encouraging words, as usual they motivate me:)
I am glad you laughed though, that is the intention!

I fluffing loved it! I loved it alot. Hehe. Mission Accomplished Pilot Ed!

Fluffingakara totally cracked up😂😂

I wan surprised to see that. He does write so well.


I wonder if it is a giant bunny in the bin... Fun read, Trouble Terrace I think has lived up to its name. !PIZZA !LOLZ

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hehe a giant bunny, well you never know;)
Yea Trouble Terrace will cause mayhem, and I appreciate you reading!
Thanks pen:)

Damn!! What is a fluffing foot doing in a bin?? There’a definitely some dark shit doing down somewhere.

This is so good, @tengolotodo. You write so well. I the humor was on point.
Friday seems so far!

hehe the fluffing foot;)
It was a fun story to write and thank you so much for your words of encouragement.
I love to read things with some humour in them, so I like to write what I would like to read.
hehe Friday will be here soon and thanks again for your wonderful comment!

And that is the best way to go about writing a story. You want to implement what you would want to see as a reader.

I am so looking forward to Friday.

Exactly Joe you have got it!
Have a great week :)

Oh my God! What a writer you are🤭
How did you come up with this fictional story ? Seems I am the only one left on this moving train Hehehe, when I thought I have seen it all, now behold another great work 👍🤩

....and the fluffingakara? Lolz this suspense eehh🤔, I am patiently waiting for Friday, really crave to know how the story will end. Bill and Colin are cracking my brain here🤩 🤗🥳

I came through dreemport!

Thank you so much for your kind words.
I just see something and then a story will form in my head. The trick for me is to write it down before my brain has deleted it!
Hehe the fluffingakara lol well I had to put something in for my Nigerian friends and readers.
I love to be entertained when I read so I try when I write to entertain my readers and write the sort of thing that I would like to read.
Ah well there are twists and turns to come, and I think you will like the nextpart on Friday:)
Thanks for popping in via dreemport.

A foot 😲 I think that's a little too much trouble for the Troubleshooters!!!

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jeje thanks for the curation Wrestling :)
I think the Troubleshoooters will be in tomorrow !

I forgot to come back and leave a comment - so i'm do for a spanking please! hehehe

but let me just tell you....

Before this - i had only seen your stuff for the feathered friends i think.... i do NOT KNOW if i have ever read your fiction before???

and i am absolutely hooked. honestly!!!!!!!!!! HOOKED.

you are NOT an aspiring writer... you are a WRITER.
this was SO comical - but SO well done!!!!!! the way that they couldn't curse anymore and the fluffin' and the banter - i mean - my grandfather - for a while was a garbageman! hehehe and this???

this was the culture! just hard working men - having a good time - not expecting much out of life except to do a good job and keep their noses clean, protect the community from ne'er-do-wells. hehehe and day in, day out... that was the life.

you CAPTURED this so well!!!! i LOVE this - and now that i've come back to leave a comment here - back to part 2 hehehehehe