I don't know how to say the right words because frankly, there are none. I can only say that my dad took the long way home and spent years in a degenerative state, having Alzheimer's. They eventually get to the point where they cannot speak, swallow, or any other function.
I think losing a parent is one of the most profound things that would go through in life. It always comes in the middle of the night, because what was the last good thing that happened to you in the middle of the night? And no sex does not count, and I only added that so you didn't derail my comment.
Truth be told, I have no idea why any of us have to put on her face of bravado. Perhaps it was easier to go on with life.
Just like you said with touching a person that is already gone, moments after my father passed oh, I went to touch my hand upon his cheek to say goodbye, but there was nobody there to bid adieu. I feel for you oh, I really do and I'll be toasting you for the rest of the weekend. Because it's hard and then there is that thought that I just bubbled up closer to the top. Now that gave me a little bit of a scare.
Here's to Dads! Cheers! To you, I leave a virtual hug.
Och, this made me smile when reading it. So true every last word. I am sorry you had to go through that. Seeing them get to that stage is so hard. Even though they arent the person you loved they still are at the end and as you say, it has such a profound impact. I always felt the pair of them would go on forever and then boot, they were gone together withing months.
It is a learning thing and a painful thing.
Heres to Dads! Virtual hug right back atcha :O)
I have to say one thing before I leave you alone. When you recounted your dad asking to let him go, it sent shivers u my spine. That is probably the only coherent thing my dad said in his end days. The man couldn't put a sentence together, but, had the clarity to know he didn't want to live that way. I think that was the most painful thing to watch and know my mom was watching the whole thing with different eyes. She carried hope in her soul, I just prayed God would mercifully take him.
Looking back, I am ashamed I thought those things, I loved my dad, what was wrong with me? The hardship on the family is something nobody talks about. Because you want to be there, everything is put on hold, unless it was a necessity (or a bottle of tequila, clearly excusable) And your own health suffers in ways that aren't seeable by you until you take the time to sit down and reassess. My dad didn't even live in the same State, I had moved after I got married and have moved with the job since, so I went every couple of weeks for a week and the one time I waited a couple of days extra for one of the kids birthdays, I got there and he couldn't speak.
I never left for six months.
Like you said, you just don't expect them to ever leave you. When they both pass, you become an orphan. Try that one on. I bawled just thinking about never having a meal or a debate over the Democrats and who was really the better candidate.
I will say one thing. As sad as I am that he passes, I take a little comfort in knowing where he is and that he is safe. During COVID, I know I wouldn't be able to feel that way. Still, my heart.
My bleeding, bleeding heart.
Cheers, Boom!
Cheers lass!
That was the thing that got me too. He couldn't say anything legible, like the words coming out of his brain were getting scrambled by the time they got to his voice box but he managed to say that and it made you think what kind of state is he in that he can force that out because as you say, they don't want to go on like that.
I was constantly ashamed of how I felt. I tried to convince my mum that it would be better if we let him go and I will never forget the look of hurt and betrayal on her face because she thought he would come back from it, maybe not quite the same but somehow and he never even came near. I think that is what hastened her passing in the end, his demise and her never truly being able to say goodbye to the man she loved.
I remember the first time someone who had been through it said to me, its an awful feeling when you realise you are an orphan now and I just bawled my eyes out. It is such a truly weird thing.
i better stop writing before I start bawling my eyes out again!!!
I'm almost afraid to reply to this, for fear I'll go off the deep end like I did a few days ago. Suffice to say @meesterboom, my face is now a bit wet, especially after reading @dswigle's replies after barely recovering from reading your post. Perfect choice for a toast, and I'm sending hugs as well...
That dswigly is an eloquent one and no mistake. I think she put it far better than I. Thank you :O)
💗