A Bear In The Woods

in #lifelast month

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You look laht you could doo with summat dark and smooth inside yer.

A hand gripped my shoulder as the words were muttered into my ear.

My chocolate octopus slammed shut in a spasm of manly self-preservation.

Oh fucking gawd, what the fucking hell was this?

Was I about to be made into a human beef wellington before being tossed into a ditch like an empty can of coke?

Surely not, it was broad daylight? In fact, we were at a festival. A food festival no less. It was all very jolly with little stands everywhere and lots of free shit to make up for the fact that it cost a fucking fortune to enter the damn place.

Well, I wasn't going down without a fight.

In fact, I fervently hoped I wasn't going down.

Despite the bear-like grip of the meaty paw on my shoulder I managed to whirl around and drop into the fabled, Tantanmen stance. My hand curving round into a deadly blade of flesh.

I stopped.

Laughter bubbled from my lips and I found myself striding forward and giving the big bastard who had me a captive of my own imagination only moments before, a giant bear hug.

Which was only fitting, because it was the Bear-Man

A man who owned the finest beer shop in the land. A man who had gotten me so drunk on a freebie night that I had woken up on the couch the next morning next to a traffic cone and wearing the previous night's kebab.

Despite not being able to remember a jot of that night I still thought of it fondly, it had been a cracking night.

The Good Lady still bought it up sometimes.

What the hell are you doing here?

I smacked him affectionately on the shoulder in the way of men.

Am selling shit aren't I?

He grinned his big bushy bearded grin of old and I found myself grinning back.

Selling shit? Well, if you are selling, I am buying. Where is it?

I hopped from foot to foot. I could do with some exotic beers. There is nothing in life that cannot be sorted by a fourteen per cent ABV stout preferably with a random picture of a wolf dressed as The Fonz on the front of it.

Follow me mate!

The Bear-Man led and I followed him to his stand.

Confused I looked around, it was definitely the Bear-Man Beer-Man who had led me here but there was no beer. Just a small selection of bottles of exotic-looking spirits.

Um, I thought there would be beer?

I said, scanning the stall again just in case my eyes had been replaced by dogs' testicles and were no longer working.

Beer? At a festival? Nah. Not cost-effective. Here, Ah told you ah'd get summat dark and smooth inside ya!

He handed me a ridiculously large measure of something sleek and brown and smokily potent looking in a glass.

I took a swig.

It was fucking amazing. Coffee, vanilla and wait... was there spice? Yes, there was chilli heat and lots of it! I love chillis! I love spirits! I love coffee! Even more, the bottle had a grim reaper on it!

Holy shit, was this the holy grail?

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Ah know you like skulls and when ah saw this ah thought, where's that fucking Boomy? And then... There you were!

He poured himself a couple of fingers of the rum and sipped it, smacking his lips.

Another?

He motioned the bottle at me.

Don't come back mashed and stinking of drink.

The Good Lady's warning as she had told me to go off for a wander came back to me all of a sudden.

I had better not, here with the missus and all that.

My inner Mad-Scotsman squirmed in disgust at the words tumbling from my mouth.

The Bear-Man looked crestfallen for a moment then he perked up.

I understand mate. I really do. Let's av woon more for the road and I will let you go. Might even give you a bottle for nowt!

My inner Mad-Scotsman perked up at the mention of something for free and took over the controls of my brain.

A short time later I met back up with the Good Lady who rumpled her brow at me quizzically.

I met the Bear-Man! And look, Free Rum!

I waved the bottle of free rum I had victoriously at her, Her inner Mad-Scotswoman took control and her eyes shone with delight.

Free-Rum?

She cried.

I nodded and put an arm around her waist.

FREE-RUM!

Now we just needed to get our faces painted blue.

Sort:  

Rum blew the head off me down in the Canaries. I never forget the hangover(s). The stuff was so nice I kept going back to it. There was one morning I think I went a bit blind. I will always remember the name of the sweet sweet nectar of the Canarian gods that would be so devastating the next day. Arehucas. Get some lad to bring it back from holiday. You won't be disappointed until the next day then you will be. I'm not one of those bad hangover people either. A can of coke, a ride and a chipper is my cure. Once I get 2 out of 3 I can declare the hangover over and the ride doesn't have to be with anyone. But this stuff. Jesus!! At one stage there was a black gentleman at the end of my bed in his little red suit blowing sand in my face. It is the closest I have got to coming down off heroin.
https://www.gourmetencasa-tcm.com/en/4956-arehucas-carta-de-oro-1l.html?SubmitCurrency=1&id_currency=1&id_country=26&gclid=Cj0KCQjw3eeXBhD7ARIsAHjssr9aC0SVh3w1se27gGGeFin87ndlPUA8HOec4UaMP0Osohbe5iDuGnwaAv9YEALw_wcB

Hahahhahahah, A bit blind that is hilarious. I remember going a bit mad with the Ron Miel honey rum when I was over there. It is so nice I could literally tan millions of it.

You paint the picture well, lol!

Oh that's the best!! I am so happy to hear of the bear-man.....I've been missing him and I haven't even been to Scotland LOL

Oooh that rum sounds scrumptious! Also glad to hear the Good Lady enjoys the rum too...enjoy your bottle!!

She does and she did enjoy a bit bit of that one! It was a splendid day and it was nice to meet the bear man. I had missed catching up with him quite a bit!!

I wonder if he knows he is nearly a legend due to your tales of ales lol

Who knows. I am quite glad he never read my nonsense about him. He would probably be like, get, who you calling hairy and fat! Lol

hahaa...it will remain your secret, but I do thank him for his contributions to your stories

I shall hopefully be frequenting his shop now that Covid and all that jazz is relatively over! I had kinda almost forgot! oops

Good thing there are only the three of us in Hive. Even Google bot doesn't stop by.

Hive is good for the privacy! :OD

There is nothing in life that cannot be sorted by a fourteen per cent ABV stout…

The breakfast of champions!

Hear hear!! A breakfast stout sets you up for the day!! :0D

Your post has made me remind of a recent event in my country. A young bear ate mad honey then fainted :)

https://www.msn.com/en-us/video/watch/this-bear-ate-the-wrong-honey-and-became-intoxicated/vi-AA10ABz7

Good lord, even the way it's sitting is hilarious!

Yea, also frightening.

Defo, it was quite a skinny thing, It looked like a teen bear

Yes, actually a baby female bear.

Ah, that explains it

Free rum! I'd cry too. There's FREE and there's free. Like, rum vs a free used barbecue, perfectly rusty and unusable on the curb.

If it's free them it's a winner in my book whether it's rusty metal or rusty liquor!! :0D

Yeaaaaahhhhhhhhh

Free will always win the day!! Haha, the Bear Man, that's awesome! Wondered how the big fella was doing, so glad he got a cameo 😁

I love cameos and I love free booze even more, woot woot!! :0D

"A man who had gotten me so drunk on a freebie night that I had woken up on the couch the next morning next to a traffic cone and wearing the previous night's kebab."

That made me laugh !.... traffic cone....😂

Good thing you're married to a woman that has an " inner Mad-Scotswoman".... ha ha

Free Rum !! It sounds like it would taste good with all those flavors.... or very bad. LOL

We only tried it straight and with ginger ale. It was quite fabby with ginger ale. Even though I liked it straight but I was willing to compromise :O)

I loved that traffic cone but the Good Lady eventually put it out in the street, sob!

At first I did not understand well hahahaha even I think I still do not understand well at all, you narrate in a unique way, but when I saw the picture I understood better and associated the woman with your wife ... I guess I do not know haha, I laughed at the end "Ron free" A Scottish crazy inside his being x.x well life should be enjoyed haha greetings bro.

The Good Lady is indeed my wife! I do write in a way that is a bit nuts. Thank you for dropping by :O)

Free rum is arguably the best kind of rum.

Tbh I dont drink a lot of rum but Coffee, vanilla and chili is an interesting combination. I could see that being good.

I have had many with vanilla and I think one with both vanilla and coffee before but the chilli was a killer addition. Tis very smooth for all that. Which I think is thank sto the vanilla. I was told at great length about it being natural and not the essence!

The free bit was the best bit tho! :OD

Yeah I've had Kraken rum which has vanilla in it and that's quite good.

Yeah extracts generally don't taste very good. Especially in beer 😵‍💫🤢

I have a bottle of Kraken in the kitchen right now that someone gage me for my birthday, nice stuff!

Extracts suck ass in everything I think

Well sure, giving the big bastard a bear hug is totally worth it for a free bottle if its decent...however even I got limits and that is where I would draw the line!!! LOL 😁🤣😃

Hehe, I am a sucker for free anything. If hugs get me it then I am distributing them around like confetti!

Damn, that seems like a great drink the way it looks and the way you've described it 👌.

For me what I like is head but since skulls are inside heads then I think I like skulls too. (I wonder if you know what I mean 😈)

I know what you mean!

I love skulls, even outside heads,lolol!!

Hi meesterboom ,in this type of event it is as you say , free admission , one thinks free , come on , already in the place they say , they can eat what they want but they can not take it home , but once you have reached expenses you have to eat , I guess the RON was something out of the contest but pleasant for you.
A hug

It was very pleasant! But yes, the day ended up being very expensive just to get in and get free stuff!!

I daresay I wouldn't have the restraint to limit my intake, but a free bottle of that decadence supersedes shots on the spot.

That's one delicious looking bottle of nectar, love the art, matches well with what it says..."A spiced rum to die for". Yeah, I'd die for a taste of that.

It is, or rather was very good! It is clever of him actually as I now have a hankering for it and will no doubt be tapping onnhis door to buy another! I am hooked!

Haha, "was very good!" I'd be hooked also from the look of that. I can imagine the taste. He sounds like the smoothest salesman, but not the kind that leads you where you don't want to go. I bet his beer is fabulous. I have such a taste for these sorts of things, it makes me drool at the thought.

Free rum is the best rum

It did the trick! :OD


Freebie Night! Free Rum! This man loves you, looking to get something dark and smooth in ya. Oh, yeah! Who loves ya, baby? Free Rum does!

I have missed The Bear Man and his amazing intoxicants. I am always a sucker for the free ride! It will get you every time!

Sounds spicy!

It is deliciously spicy! I have missed him and his bizarrely flavoured wares also.

I am now in the mood for more, like a rat that has been let out if his cage! :OD

Oh, I have missed spiced rum! I got some from a Puerto Rican distillery right before Covid. Okay, duty-free, I got 4 bottles. I still have a sniff left, so I needed a reason to go back. Maybe when it is cold here.

I let my passport expire!!! What??? I did.

I might have to get local rum.

A rat that has been let out of his cage

Oh! That just gave me chills! Throws you a bottle
I am so bat *hit scared of rats!

I used to have pet rats!! Oh how I loved the little buggers. My poor mum was terrified of them.

You have to get that passport fired up so you can sail the seven seas again!

That too. I fly to Puerto Rico, it's a quick little trip. Who lets their passport expire? Covid/no sailing made it go away.

God Bless your poor mum! My kid weren't allowed to have one! Mean, n'est pas?

I was a stroppy teenager and was trying to impress a girl I think. I told my mum it was a mouse or a gerbil and it was fine till one day she saw it's tail and screamed the place down.

Mine almost expired. That bloody COVID has a lot to answer for!

Puerto Rico a short hop away, it's totally exotic to us!

My sister in law is from there, and her parents always want me to stay with them. They are such nice people! Plus, nothing better than a local to show you all the secret spots. It has been really nice of them, They are coming her in the fall and I get to show them our Capital. :)

Again. Your poor mum. I bet I can scream louder. I really, really don't like them! Ewww!

I hope you impressed the girl. :)

I did impress the girl. It was a ridiculous fraud but I pulled it off and eventually I grew to love the little buggers!

Get the passport and return with them after their visit!

Can't beat free booze. Sounds like a great guy to know. Have you drunk it all yet?

There is about a third left. We are not as crazy as we used to be back in the day. :0)

He is remarkably free and easy with the booze. I think he just make a packet with the markup on the fancy beers!

Yo ho ho ho! Watch festival, mad Scott's are on the loose! Sounds like a brilliant day out! !PIZZA

It really was, it was helped not only by the drinking and the rum but by other weather... It was thirty three degrees all afternoon which for Scotland is unheard of so we all had an amazing day instead of the usual huddling under trees or tents for cover from the normal relentless rain!

I can't imagine living with so much rain. Now i feel spoilt. Here's to the good days, let they be plentiful!

Our sunny spell ended and the next ten days on the forecast are... Rain. Blegh

Many moons ago, I was at a tiki bar in Huntington Beach, CA. We were having dinner and tiki drinks (rum with a splash of fruit). The place was loud, but not too loud. Just enjoying a nice evening out while on vacation.

This lady comes over and apologizes for all the noise that her group were making. It was the release party for Dead-Head rum.

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By the end of the evening, we were "part of the family". They paid for our dinner/drinks and gave us a bottle of the rum and the tequila

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If was a fantastic night ...

NOTE: Neither the rum or the tequila are very good, but the bottles are cool

The bottles are possibly the coolest bottles I have seen!

That sounds splendid. Sometimes when things aren't so good the free factor gives them that extra boost into legend territory! :0D

I forgot to mention ... the top of the rum bottle holds a 1 oz shot.

Don the Beachcombers has closed ... and I just noticed what one of their final posts was about....

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There's sill hope for Scotland.

Ha, I didn't even know there was a Scottish rum festival!! Damn they need to work on their advertising!!

Having the lid fit a shot is a fantastic idea

Dayum... A rum drinker 😎 im more of a beer lover.. But rum... Rum is for pirates 👌😎

The man is actually a beer shop owner, just dabbling in the dark spirit side!

Interesting.. I find it sad to mention that even though South Africa has a craft beer community and all that.. Its not very popular here... People keep supporting the main stream companies and that really hurts the small craft beer.. Or any other craft alcohol "if thats the right word for it" producers and then they cant keep their doors open.
Although their are alot of craftbeer restaurants near the seaside

It was that way here for may many years and then suddenly the craft beer siode exploded. Yo were always seen as a bit of a smelly weird person if you liked craft beer before and now everyone is into it.

I hope they explode over there too, some of them are splendid!

Hmmm lets hope for the best!

Have a good one Bud!

You too matey!!

No driving back home for you, it's the bus!

We got the train! It was all remarkably civilised despite me being slightly gished!

Is Bear-Man opening his beer shop in town, did you ask?

I did indeed ask. He has been open for ages. I just haven't thought to go and check. I will have to start visiting again. I do like an exciting beer or two!

The Bear-Man led and I followed him to his stand.

Only a few could understand this but who can say no when the best stand before us. What a legendary impact your post has.

Thank you very much!

Welcome and keep winning.

I will do my best! Cheers!

!BEER


Hey @iykewatch12, here is a little bit of BEER from @meesterboom for you. Enjoy it!

Learn how to earn FREE BEER each day by staking your BEER.

The Bear-Man returns! !BEER


Hey @jacobtothe, here is a little bit of BEER from @meesterboom for you. Enjoy it!

Do you want to win SOME BEER together with your friends and draw the BEERKING.

The !BEER man cometh! hehe

I don't think you have mentioned him since he did some door-to-door delivery during COVID. Is he still running his shop, then?

He is yes. Back to normal now. I actually had forgotten almost because I don't work in town an awful lot now.

My memory is now refreshed!!

That bottle wasn't free. It was a bribe to get you back in his store where he will swiftly recover his investment.

That thought had occurred to me. If so it is a splendid piece of marketing thinking!


Hey @meesterboom, here is a little bit of BEER from @jacobtothe for you. Enjoy it!

Learn how to earn FREE BEER each day by staking your BEER.

PIZZA!

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You could have had the extra drink - just let her know it was free 🙌

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