Can you do me a favour? Ileyena is on the class WhatsApp group for the Little Boom and she is having trouble accessing the homework on that new app they have.
The Good Lady popped her head into the Attic where I was working and made a weird sad clown face which I took to be her Help me Obi-Wan, you're my only hope expression.
I knew I had to tread carefully here because her weird sad clown face was frighteningly similar to her weird sex clown face and a gentleman has to have a care for getting his pork bifter out only when the situation demands it.
Ileyena... Is that Hawkmouth?
I barely looked up from my laptop where I was trying to make a bar graph look more like a mountain someone would actually want to look at.
Pfft, yes it is "Hawkmouth" but you know I don't like you calling the other parents names.
She made a humphing noise like a dog on a stick.
I'm not calling them names, lass. I am using nicknames as a term of endearment.
I smiled winningly, I always found a winning smile accompanied a good lie extraordinarily well.
A term of endearment? A term of endearment? What about Louise? What is it you call her?
The Good Lady said sternly.
Louise? Oh, she's "The Unfuck."
I smiled even wider now. I loved saying that.
The Unfuck?! What does that even mean?! I will tell you what it means. It means you are being a meanie. That's what it means!
She lifted a hand to the side of her head as if it were an aerial on an old TV Set with a rolling picture.
She took a deep breath as she attempted to bring back her usual serene calm.
So anyway, Ileyena can't get that new app SeeHear to show her kids homework but you managed it didn't you? Could you go on the WhatsApp group and help her?
She gave me a plastic-looking smile. One that wouldn't be out of place on Taylor Swift's face as she stroked a potato.
Oh lass, you know I hate the WhatsApp group. It's full of fucking numpties that don't know how anything works. They could give Jon Snow a run for his money. I mean, it's amazing they even managed to let a baby successfully fall out of their himjiminies?
I frowned at the thought. I tried not to think about childbirth after having lived through two of them. Sometimes, I could still hear my own screaming.
Oh go on. I think you owe it to the group for being mean and making up mean names for them behind their back. Even if they don't make sense, ha!
The Good Lady snorted smugly as if she had just kicked a vegan into a goal made of ham.
Whatdya mean, don't make sense?!
I was offended. More offended than I had been in some time. More offended than when I am confronted by a dirty spoon and that is a terrible thing to see.
Your bloody nicknames. They don't make sense really. I mean, sometimes they sound funny but I just sort of laugh even though they don't really mean anything.
The Good Lady did not seem to be aware that she was digging a very deep hole with the spade of her words. A very deep hole that might be her grave.
They do make sense. Every nickname I give someone has roots that make sense.
I sniffed haughtily as though I were a movie critic asked to review Ghostbusters 2016.
Oh really. Go on then, hit me. How is Louise "The Unfuck?." God, I hate even saying that. You are so crude at times.
She made the kind of face which pre-YouTube used to mean you smelt something bad but now means you think something is awesome.
I took a deep breath.
You're not going to like it.
I readied myself to run perhaps forever like that Argentinian guy that no one can ever remember his name.
I am sure it will be hilarious.
Sarcasm dripped from the Good Lady's tongue like nectar from a bee's tit.
Well, it's because when I see Louise's husband he always looks so morose that I think he wishes he could unfuck his missus so that he would never have had children and could be truly happy.
I tried a winning smile at the Good Lady again.
She glared back at me coldly then pointed at my phone.
Go on WhatsApp and help Louise.
She stomped off.
I guess it wasn't quite hilarious then.
So you're the one who took all the names. The culprit was right under my nose, the entire time. Never in a million years could I have predicted it was an inside job.
Nonames!!! And in fact that is what I nearly titled my post as. I then thought it was skating on the edge of name stealing so I didn't because I'm pure weird like that but I did think of ya and checked out your profile and saw you had returned a tad!
So I confess. I took em. I took em all!!!
I become consumed by the forest for months at a time, and it's all because of people like you, making rescue impossible, since they're all out there with their flashlights, but no name to call.
Finally I'm located and they ask, "Are you Lost?"
No. Never met the guy.
Never met him either, I have heard lots looking for him. But never to be found.
Makes it awkward in Starbucks I must admit. When they serve the coffees no one knows who they are for. Sad times. But if I didn't take all the names someone else would have
FOMO will do that to a guy...
You're forgiven.
Then I can return to my people.
Live long and prosper, son.
Now you need to beg Boomy for a name. It all makes sense.
I bet his secret name for you is, Sparkles.
"Nicknames as a term of endearment." I have some for a few of the folks around here, I'll not say though, they're...umm, colourful...well...on WhatsApp I'll say, and have, as you know! 🤣
You saw that Taylor Swift potato stroking video too? I thought the lass only sent it to me!
Bro, I read this to someone, a girl...she laughed all the way through. I don't know what it says about you, or the girl I read it to...Good sense of humour...or fucken twisted?
Probably both.
I hope you're well mate.
Colourful, that is exactly what you want from a nickname! I have indeed seen enough of yours for others that I know we are on exactly the same page :OD
I think it means the girl is top notch and possibly just a tad fucken twisted... but in the best way!
Hope your good man!
Pretty good mate, can't complain. A few things in play and my feet hit the ground this morning. Always a good day when that happens. 😉
Top fucking banana! I am glad to hear it. Get in there dude and make that bloody universe pay you back in spades!! 😀
Funny you started this way - i thought it was funny. Now that I'm doe reading, I think you're not gonna see a "weird sex clown face" for a while now. And the good lady is wishing she could unfuck a few things!LOL
You better help, or I hope you have some good snacks in the dog box i mean attic! if not have some !PIZZA
Sidenote: Parents in the WhatsApp groups are lank annoying. Always the same ones that can't follow instructions. But I like it coz you can suss out the annoying ones and avoid them. I can also suss out the cool ones because they like my jokes!
I have helped. They are all on it now. What I find more annoying now is that some people come on and dont even read any of the messages that were on before and just go, it doesn't work!
I think I have pulled myself back from negative rep with the Good Lady. At least for a little while :O)
And all you want to say is that because your brain doesn't work!
Well done on you. I would have just ignored the special people. The Good lady needs to up her cynicism game. You should give her a talking to. Maybe she needs a turn to go to the dog box lol
I always feel like saying this is not my job! People start to presume you are their for their own personal support.
I suggest the Good Lady has to go to the dog box often. Needless to say she just pffts at me, !LOL
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People are arseholes man. One of the downfalls of instant messaging platforms. But I'm all about getting to it when it's convenient for me as well. If it's not an emergency it can wait. When you communicate this to them they realise it and back off. It's actually not their fault that they don't think about the next person's commitments. The world is encouraging narcism man.
People totally are. It's my baseline for judging folk is to assume that they are arseholes unless they do something otherwise to prove me wrong 😀
Aren't we just two balls of positivity 😂😂😂
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Oh nicknames are good XD It's a sign of sincerity, right man? I'm sure you solved the problem in the Whatsapp group, probably Hawkmouth didn't see the big click here on the screen.
Its quite the big button she was missing!
I like nicknames, totally shows sincerity :OD
That's not quite what I thought the name was going to mean - I was thinking just plain old unfuckable 🤣 ugly as the kids say
Oh hahahah! That would be far too coarse for a gentleman such as I... ;OD
😂
You've escaped impalement yet again...I can't count the times you've nearly been in divorce court lol. Keep it up and you can be the headless horseman for Halloween this year hahaaa
I will almost certainly be the headless horseman. She really hates it when I mock people that arent in my work that she knows a bit. It just makes me worse though! :OD
Maybe I was lucky that my kids were at school before WhatsApp was a thing. I did end up doing the odd bit of tech support though.
Thinking of nicknames obviously shows you care about them.
My caring runs deep. Either that or as I am getting older its harder to remember names which I have always been rubbish with and easier to remember nicknames.
Whatsapp is a curse. There were people using the P6 group to sell stuff the other day. I was like oi, beat it!
Excellent that attitude of his wife, it is common among school-age children to agree on their homework and to catch up with their little friends, via WhatsApp, and I think they also make parent groups follow up with them... their children and establish healthy bonds and good social growth.
That thing about taking the names of who my son is talking to?, it is very good that you do, there are too many wolves disguised as Little Riding Hood in the networks my dear friend.
Write in Louise's WhatsApp status that please send your names to be added, that is, if you are pending and validating who you are...with eyes wide open, my dear Sir.
Hugs with all my respect for you and your lady wife, from my warm and beautiful Caribbean.🏖️🌴
Online can be a frightening place. I think I will keep them all from WhatsApp as long as I can and just leave it to us parents.
The group is useful, but so many notifications! lol
Good day to you Missy! :O)
Years ago I went through the experience, with my children, and almost everything was person to person.
Nowadays, the immediacy of knowing everything at the moment takes over the attention of children, teenagers, and adults. And as you say, we have to be alert, there is too much danger in the networks, even for me, who am a 60-year-old lady.
A fine 60 year old lady, you would never guess!
I think people will have intimacy/face to face issues as they get older in this online culture that kids will be so immersed in. But then again, our parents probably thought the worst thing that would happen to us because of TV etc, lol
Ooh, what a sweet gentleman you are, thank you very much for such kind words for this lady from the Caribbean, who does a lot of exercises, yoga, and stop counting to keep me well inside and out...
I tell you that the TV thing is true hahaha God how to forget it with the restrictive schedule to be able to watch certain programs selected by my parents. Thank you for bringing those memories of growing up to my present.
Happy day, Mr. of words that connect with my soul. Gratitude for your look.🌹
Lol. I was opportune to meet this shit for a brief while before it went extinct 🥴
And how glad we are that it is truly extinct! I cannot believe how awful it was sometimes to get a picture especially ifg you had one of those shitty portable ones with the inbuilt aerial!
I do hope you did not have to hit it hard in the head to get working fine because we usually take turns with my siblings to do that 😬
Haha, that brings back as memory or two of walloping them in the side!!!
Haha, yep, we used to hit them on the side too when the head part doesn't work out... Lol.
Any kind of wallop will do!!
True. Good Morning.
Haha...the next post will be entitled 'the day I accidentally called my wife's best friend by my not very complimentary nickname and now I live in the shed'. It will happen. Not if, but when!
Hope you've had a great weekend and stayed away from anything alcoholic involving peaches!
No pieces but lots of alcoholic raspberry nonsense! Keep meaning to post about it!
I have gone to far with her mates before. That was a bawhsair away from doghouse material!!!
Unfuck. I like that. Sounds like a term of endearment to me.
It's a solid one. She's a fine filly just the kids that are the disadvantage!! 🤣
Well all kids are a disappointment.. oh wait you said disadvantaged
Hahaha!!
I also hate the whatsapp groups if there is more than one or two in my phone :)
I think its killing my battery. I will have to leave them again like I did last year and the year before!
Hahaha!
This could be part of the script for a movie called 'Terms of Endearment'
A shame it already exists but, then again, everything is being remade these days and this might make for a quality spoof...
They cant stop meddling with movies. All the good ones that dont need remade are suffering on a pyre of reimagining with 21st century sensibilities!
I agree. Hollywood and the movie industry in general seem to have lost all originality and inspiration. Perhaps that is why AI is taking over ;<)
It could be! So that things could become even more bland!
It would be nice if there were more original IPs being made instead of Disney and the rest trying to cash grab on past successes
Yeah, a shame that I left the movie industry (
not that I was ever actually part of the 'industry' haha! I hardly made a 100 bucks with my projects ;>)
Barely a hundrd is still more than zero!
True that and I am not counting the money I made with a couple of uncreative 'films' I tried to make for other people ( just my own indie productions that I put online )
It might be better not to let her know what you call them 🤣 Would save some headaches!
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I think in future I will try not to tell her, the problem is that I find it very hard not totell things that I find amusing. I literally cant stop flapping my mouth!! :OD
lol, making it a private joke would save you a lot of trouble!
!PIZZA !ALIVE !LOL !PIMP
I know, I just cant help myself!
😂 you know she isn't going to laugh though!
!PIZZA !ALIVE !LUV
She does with some of them! Just sometimes she thinks I'm being mean!!
Maybe try to only tell her the tamer ones?
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You know I read the entire post, well I always do the same, plus I laugh while I read and imagine, but I'm going to focus on what you say about the two births, when you say you were screaming I imagined you screaming and the good lady looking at you ahahahah, I guess the look told you, hey, silly, I'm the one giving birth, stop yelling, that's my job, hahahahaha
Lol, that is pretty much the way it was. Well, she was screaming too. The births were terrible. Like being in a slaughterhouse when they just decide to start killing the humans too and splashing blood up the walls. I will never be the same! :OD
Reading your post reminded me of my childhood story. When we were in school, our friends used to have the same name and it was a lot of fun. He didn't like it at all and sometimes he got very angry. It was a perfect time. One remembers that time all his life.
Those are the good times, the ones you look back on and smile that will never leave you!
Yeah i totally agree with you.
Nicknames like that are only funny when the person doesn't find out what they are called behind their backs... has to be said! Hopefully you have a cone of silence aroudn the house. :)
Nothing leaves the house. Mostly because the good lady is embarrassed by my madness. Although to be fair she does laugh at my less crude names!!
Moral of the story WhatsApp groups are like political parties in Latin America.🙄
Moraleja los grupos de WhatsApp son como partidos políticos en Latinoamérica 🙄
Thats the polite way of putting it, yes :OD
If definitely
No sir, it was absolutely hilarious!!!!!
My wife asked what I was laughing at ... I chuckled harder when I said ..."Just some guy on Hive being funny."
Hehe, well thank feck for that. It makes me laugh every time I say it! 😀😀
Honestly man, I wonder why you're still alive and standing with how often you make the good lady go bonkers. I wonder then if it's not the sense of humour that drew her in or what?
I really can't with the nicknames but really, poor Louise's husband.
In my head I'm a handsome James Bond figure which is obviously what attracted the Good Lady but just occasionally I suspect it might have been my humour degree looked best, lol 😀😀
WhatsApp groups may be very annoying
I've got a lot on that app and I'm getting tired of it already
I even want to Uninstall WhatsApp on my phone...
I thought about uninstalling. Then I thought about blocking lord of people. Then I just ignore the damn thing 🤠🤠
We all know Jon Snow knows nothing. They must be a clueless set of incompetent bastards!
I have to do a post on it. One of them couldn't scan a QR code with her camera because she had it switched to front facing?!? Buffoons the lot of them. Its like when you are a kid and you have to do all the techy stuff for your parents
#hive #posh
Nicknames were a dime a dozen growing up, how did we lose the humour? Everyone I knew growing up had one, behind their back of course...
Urgh now you have some flashing through my mind like those old flash cards used as reminders, no yikes they were good fun 🤣
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@meesterboom I do found it hilarious 😂 , I got names too for people..my way of endearment as well.like Polar Bear, Cyborg, Sleepyhead, what's wrong with those names..anyway?🤣🤗
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