Hey, have you moved the spiraliser?
The Good Lady echoed weirdly from the depths of one of the kitchen cupboards in which she was so deep that only her bootie and hind legs we poking out.
I wandered into the kitchen and looked down quizzically at her backbits.
Huh? It's hard to make you out from in there.
I said with the slightly disinterested air of a man counting down to wine o'clock.
I said, have you moved the SPIRALISER?
She shouted so hard that her bum waggled and in my head, I imagined that it was the one doing the talking.
It waggled more as she started levering herself backwards out of the cupboard and finally plopped out red-faced and panting as if having given her all on the jazz kazoo. I turned and gave her my best Jim Carrey talking ass impression.
For fuck sake, stop that!
Her hand darted out and slapped my bahookie hard.
Har!
I whipped back around and pulled my trousers up.
What were you asking under there, my sweet?
I tried to look serious despite the fact she was covered in dust and her hair was sticking up in wild directions from her excursion under the countertops like Doc from Back to the Future.
Maybe she was going to tell me it was time to go back?
I was asking where the bloody spiraliser was. I can't find it and I want to make some courgetti.
She pouted crossly as if Minnie Mouse had borrowed her hairband again.
I drew myself up to my full terrible height and glowered down at her distastefully. Not only had she mentioned the infernal machine but also Courgetti. Urgh, the name itself made me shudder almost as much as the thing itself.
Although, at least she hadn't said zoodles.
I am afraid I threw it out.
I said, setting my lips in a flat brooking no-nonsense line.
You bloody what?!
The Good Lady snapped like a mousetrap at the cheesy gates of rodent heaven.
Yes, I threw it out. I am not having that nonsense polluting this house. The poor children, one minute they think they are getting spaghetti and the next minute you plop down a bowl of stringy vegetables doused in lemon and coriander.
I tossed my hands up in disgust.
Whatever next, will you fart in their mouths and tell them they're having beef koftas!?
I folded my arms across my chest.
You... you can't have thrown it out? I loved that thing!?
The Good Lady looked aghast like a Blurt user hearing of the new Mute function.
It's gone. Dead. In the bin. We shall have no such devilry here.
I stifled a fart of triumph.
I can't believe you would do that?!
The Good Lady stomped off in disgust shouting terrible derogatory things about men that I was quite sure were illegal on Twitter.
I laughed heartily till I was sure she was gone then I crept out of the house to the garage.
In the dankest blackest corner I switched on an old yellowing lamp and pulled a cardboard box out from a grubby shelf.
Sneering malevolently, I tugged the box open. The spiraliser cowered within.
I lifted a long skinny knife.
I'm not finished with you yet my friend. Oh no, not by a long chalk.
Come on! You can spiralize! I don't like it all the time, but, maybe once a week or ten days, I will throw something at the family.
Tonight we had spiralized sweet potato enchilada casserole Yummy! Honest to God! Thai salad. Next time I will spiralize and make fries! Spicy Sesame Noodles with crispy tofu.
I can't do the zoodles for a while. I am so over them, but, I do like them.
You better not kill the tool. There are bigger and better ones she could buy. I would say if one wanted to, they could break the bank. Let's have a revivial!
Too funny. You are lucky she didn't break you. 😂
You can spiralise sweet potato? I thought it would be too tough and mean for the old plastic bits of the spiraliser!
I don't mind it now and then but we have had a zoodle overload lately and its all I associate iwththe damn thing. Your ideas sound quite amazing though!
There are lots of them. The spiral fries are delicious! Let me know if you want any recipes.
Well if you have one handy for spiral fries that would be awesome! I might fall in love with the spiraliser again! :O)
3 medium baking potatoes (or sweet potatoes)
1 red onion (white/yellow for sweet potatoes)
3 tablespoon extra-virgin olive oil
1 teaspoon finely chopped rosemary
1 teaspoon dried oregano
1/2 teaspoon chili flakes
Pinch of salt and pepper
Preheat the oven to 400°F (210°C).
Wash and remove the skin from the potatoes and spiralize them, using a medium size blade. Spiralize the red onion as well. Spread out the potato and onion noodles on a parchment-lined baking sheet and drizzle with extra-virgin olive oil. Sprinkle with salt, pepper, chili flakes, dried oregano, and freshly chopped rosemary. Toss to coat with your fingers and then place the noodles in the oven. After 15 minutes, if there are any pieces that are starting to brown too quickly, cover them with aluminum foil. Continue to bake the potato noodles until they crisp up, checking every couple of minutes. After 30 minutes, all noodles should be cooked and ready to eat. Let the fries cool for 5 minutes to crisp up a bit more and then serve immediately.
Hot damn Denise! This sounds splendid. I shall most definitely try it and save the spiraliser from the torture of the garage! Woot woot!
Try them both! I don't think you'll be sorry!
You'll regret it, I promise you.
HAhaha, I might do! I might regret it because it has saved itself from the bin!
As long as the Good Lady is not aware that it was saved from the bin, you're safe. ;)
YES!!! Spiralize the sweet potatoes!!! Or potatoes!!!!
Just not zucchini or squash. They need to stay thick and chunky to at least have some texture!
That was a test right ? You told her you threw it out to see if she would grab a knife and try to murder you, but since she didn't, you really CAN throw it out this time.
Sly....
Hahahah, it was almost a test of that nature. I just moved the damn thing because it took up so much space and she hardly ever used it!
Zucchini belongs on a kebab between bits of mushroom, bell pepper, onion, and marinated diced pork. It does not belong as a spaghetti substitute. There's an actual spaghetti squash that is surprisingly edible and tasty, even if not an ideal substitute, but ZUCCHINI? Make that foul appliance suffer!
Hey, that actually sounds like quite a good idea! I am inspired, I could spiralise zucchini and put it in between two burgers on a massive sandwich with onions n schixxle! You may have saved its life!
There are recipes for shredded zucchini pancakes. Might work as a veggie burger. I'll stick with murdering as many animal species as possible in a single grilled sandwich though. Add bacon and eggs at least!
I do like the addition of bacon and eggs, if it can be crisped enough I don't mind a bit of veg. Make mine a stack!
Somehow, I feel like I am better off for having never heard the words spiraliser, courgetti, nor zoodles ever before lol.
I think that no one should have to face such a thing as a bowl of zoodles when they are expecting a big hearty bowl of spaghetti bolognaise!
Everything is illegal on Twitter... except kissing MSM ass..
And you better be careful sassing her like that before she spiralisers your manhood and covers it with lemon juice like some sort of fairy meal you like to pass off as food
Imagine a spiraliser manhood!! It would be like something from the thing!! Lol
Now get to the clock tower before midnight McLfy!
Help, I'm fading from a photograph!!
Haaaaaaa you realize that you were scaring the poor device that the good lady needed haaaaaa I guess the device didn't realize it, luckily, with your threats it could give her a heart attack haaaaaaa, I imagine your malevolent face haaaaaaa
It was a malevolent face indeed!! But who knows, I might give her it back now :0D
And there I thought you were keeping your sex toys in the kitchen. I never heard of a spiralizer.
You might have to get one of you like your veg funky!! They are rather good actually!
Note taken. I might (spa)get(ti) my hands on one, some day ;^)
A ha ha!! Oh yes, nice one!! 😀😀
Downvoting will be added next; developments are the future!
I can totally see it. Dressed up as something else but still downvoting!
This is why I watch the Blurt drama, there's more than we have!
I like to drop in too. Especially when they are fighting like cats in a bag 🤣🤣
They love something to complain about :)
My neighbour loves his spiralizer and we have some courgette plants we share that give him plenty of ammo. I've never used one myself, but when you have an excess of zucchini you need different ways to serve it.
!BEER
They do, if they didn't have something to complain about they would fall apart!
To be fair to the missus, I quite like some spiralised veg but not when we get too much of it. I am worried I will fade away! :0D
This might be a good way to give the same taste 😁
Koftas is a Scottish word? Has something with Turkish? Because we call meatball köfte.
Yeah, that's what we call a long sausages like meatball. I suspect it is a British play on köfte. There are usually spiced lamb. I am quite fond of them!!
Yea me too, especially with beer. I mean this by köfte.
Ah, that is different but I bet they are based on the same thing!
That spiraliser looks amazing! I want one!
They can be quite nifty for a different way to veg it! :0)
I am looking for one now :D
Amazon is good for them!
Is spiralizer it's actual name? I have never heard of such a thing 😂 The only noodle substitute I've ever done is Spaghetti Squash, which doesn't require a machine and is actually not bad at all...in my opinion, hubs doesn't agree overmuch 😆
That's the thing with us hubs'es e can see through these fancy fancy mcschmancy things!!
And yeah, the ones I bought was called the miracle spiraliser or some such twoddle!
I have one tip.
Sweet Potato!!!
Spiralize sweet potato. Then, in batches, cook it in bacon fat and coconut oil until it caramelizes a little. Tastes like candy.
We've tried squash, zucchini, etc etc. Blech! If it's anything that gets mushy when cooked, bin it, then grab pasta. In fact, never substitute pasta - it's sacred!
But, you can substitute sweet potato for hash browns.
To make life easier, I was able to find the Kitchen-Aid spiralizer attachment on FB marketplace one day. So, I don't even have the risk of slicing my fingers any more.
Here's recipe I've used many times (but spiralize the spuds and then add some coconut oil to the bacon fat - trust me). https://againstallgrain.com/2014/01/16/smoky-sweet-potato-hash/.
You could even surprise the Good Lady and make her breakfast in bed. She might even let you stick around for dessert.
https://www.kitchenaid.ca/en_ca/countertop-appliances/stand-mixers/attachments/p.5-blade-spiralizer-with-peel,-core-and-slice.ksm1apc.html?originVariantsOrder=NC
I will be trying that. It's pretty awesome, I agree that things that go squidgy when cooked are not the best. I just didn't think sweet potato at all! Now I just need to buy some bloody sweet potatoes!
Dam women getting crazy ideas again, Far from spiralizers you were reared.
Women be nuts! And nuts for the mad gadgets that are shite!
Bawahhahaha! I love these little stories. Great how you turning the mundane everyday into comical little tasty titbits! Compile into a little book I say, diary entry style! It will be digested in minutes, much like zoodles!
Lol, it is my favourite thing to try and see the little moments and make something of them! :OD
Lol is a book on the cards though? You have many of these that could work so well! I love comical satirical writing so I'm biased. But perhaps we'll see you on a book tour!
My Good Lady is continually trying to get me to put my stuff together into a coherent story or even snippet style like you say. If I ever get a chance I will. Or when the kids are a tad older and not needing non stop fussing!
These adorable terrorist do take so much time and energy. Maybe try setting some time aside. 30 mins a day or even 1 hour a week. Im sure the lady will be supportive. Also, how does she feel about being the chief antagonist in your tales?
She quite likes it. I do run most of it past her to see if she chuckles when reading. I probably annoy her when I am like What? What bit are you laughing at? etc. I don't think there has been one that has offended her yet so I must be sort of accurate :OD
Wait what! So she knows about the box in the garage! Lol
That...would not have gone down very well here at all XD
I tore shreds off people when they decided to "helpfully" get rid of a bunch of stuff that "wasn't getting used/played with anymore" (both mine and the kids' stuff) because they incorrectly assumed that what they see when they're over (in outlaws' case) or home (in J's case back when he used to work out of home) was how things were all the time. Nobody ever did anything that monumentally stupid again XD
I had to look up what a spiraliser was, they look so cool XD
Oh they are very cool! I actually do like them. I did stick it in the garage though as it was doing my head in taking up worktop space.
I put it in the garage because I have been on the receiving end of that fury of binning things! :OD
No kitchen cupboard space to shove it into when not in use?
You would not believe the stuff that is already building out of our cupboards!! The next thing that will probably cause drama when it 'disappears' will be the pasta roller maker thing!
Maybe just get rid of "your" stuff that you don't want/need/use anymore and then when she complains about the lack of space point out that it's all "her" stuff that's the problem XD
But my stuff is sacred!! How dare you! :OD
LoL! Yeh that's pretty much the reaction here too XD
What visuals, LOL! So it seems the Good Lady is bent on green goopy healthy things no good half Scotsman/half Irishman would touch with a million foot extra limp courgetti noodle. (btw, I find most Irish food untouchable, despite my genetic makeup)
Love the talking ass, can't believe you dropped your trousers for that, LMAO! Surprised you didn't get smacked for that one.
That poor wounded spiralizer, so sad, so heartbreakingly sad. I always ate everything from it raw in salads until I decided mine needed the trash bin. Trendy things such as that aren't worth the bother. 😂
I was kinda thinking that it isnt worth the bother because I have a sort of scraper thing which I use for thai style salads which does a good job of making long stringy bits. As you can see I am exercising my full descriptive powers here. lol.
Irish and Scottish food is largely unpalateabla, Sometimes I try to pretend because of my heritage but really, meh. :OD
Incredible descriptive powers, lol. I didn't think it was worth the bother either, plus it leaves that core of vegetable after, although I use these things in making soup stock, so it didn't get wasted. I have some scraper thing I use, plus there's also the mandolin.
Hahaha! So I'm not alone there, thankfully. Shudders at the memory of corned beef hash. I did have haggis once, homemade, it was really good, but that was a long time ago. I kind of had the impression, based on your love of hot sauce and other food things that your palate was expanded far beyond Scotland & Ireland.
Oh god, I am shuddering too at the thought of anything corn beef. Bleurgh!!!
Thankfully indeed, my palate left Scotland many moons ago!!! ;0D
LOL, so happy to hear you shudder at that meat mess too. Your palate left Scotland long ago, that's too funny! I'm imagining it sailing far across the ocean to a land of diverse spicy delicious food.
When I imagine it like that I almost feel a pang of sorrow that it has left me behind...
Come back palate!! come back!!!
LOL!
But...do you really want it to come back...that's the question. I've accepted that I'm traitor to my heritage, both Irish and Canadian.
Hahahaha 😂😂
What's with that cliffhanger? Well, my conclusion is she caught you, rescued the spiralizer and went on to make whatever it is she wanted to make with it leaving you sad and downcast like Justin Sun when he thinks about what could have been.
Aw, its like you have a secret lens into my life! :OD
Bro, the Ace Ventura is spot on. Such good moments in movie 1 and 2. I always remember the rhino !LOL
Just want to say thanks for stopping by my posts too man, means a lot. Your stories and sweet thumbnails are O.G sir.
And dam you animal lol, fix those trousers haha, id be thinkin the same with a sweet bum in my presence.
Age Ventura was always some funny shit!!
Dem trousers be getting fixed!! :0D
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