Where do I fit in?
I sometimes wonder about my purpose in life. At the age of 40 I’m still trying to figure out where I fit into this world. What do I have to contribute to society?
I’m not being “productive”
As the mother of three young children I am eternally busy. However I often feel that what I’m doing isn’t “productive” or “valuable”. As well as being a mum and a housewife/homemaker or whatever you want to call it.....I actually have a problem with calling myself those terms but in reality it’s what I’ve been doing for the past few months....I’m also a writer and freelance radio producer. When I write or produce programmes I feel like I’ve done something productive. The problem is I’m trying to find time to do these things and end up feeling bad because I currently don’t have enough time to devote to these creative career building pursuits. When I do have the time, usually after all the children have gone to bed, I’m often exhausted and end up falling asleep at 9pm!
Boss lady
All of this means that I can end up feeling like I’m not fulfilling my true purpose in life. Interestingly if another woman had just said all this to me I would tell her that what she is doing is very valuable and right now that is her purpose.....to raise kids with love and guidance, to provide a safe and stable family unit, to go out there and be loving, compassionate and fabulous. Occasionally I do take my own advice and go round feeling like a boss lady who’s parenting the shit out of life. That’s a nice place to be.
Something to work and hope for
Purpose is important. It’s what gets you up in the morning and helps you stay positive during adversity. It’s something to work for and to hope for. The other day a friend of mine posted this on Facebook:
The universe connects us
It really resonated with me. During the months leading to our house move I was feeling a little stressed out. At that time I used to take Mini Me 3 to a local parent and toddler group which an older Malaysian lady used to help run. I don’t know how but we ended up talking and she always asked me how I was doing and what the update with the move was. In a way it was easier to tell her my worries rather than a family member as they would then become stressed out for me! This lady was practically a stranger but those random conversations with her helped to put my mind at ease and she had some good advice. Maybe that was part of her purpose? And now that I’ve told you this little anecdote will it encourage you to also find a surrogate Malaysian grandmother (she doesn’t have to be Malaysian by the way!) and tell her your worries? Maybe that’s part of my purpose? I really don’t know but I like that fact that the universe connects us all in that way. It’s more profound than we know.
MummyImperfect x
@tipu curate 0.5
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Being a good mother is invaluable but i'm sure it can feel that it's not about you as much and you need something of a personal mission. However, you're still super young and I'm sure many great things are in your future! however, purpose is loaded term. There is no purpose beyond what we think there is.
Yes that’s true...I wouldn’t say I’m “super young” maybe just young 😁
Our purpose can also change at different points in life too.
Interestingly this has been a big topic in my life lately. 2019 has been tough and eye opening, and it's become more important than ever for me to feel like what I'm doing in life is fulfilling and purposeful. Seems like somehow, through different hardships and experiences, so many of us are coming to very aligned understandings :) Hope you're all well and enjoying your new home!
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Yes the way that life unfolds can make us re-assess our purpose. I think those challenging times help to mould us. Hope all is well with you.
There is no perfect solution. Being a stay at home mum is hard with little recognition from society but trying to work and juggle family life is a difficult balancing act too. Lots of compromises to make. Having a mentor or confidante who understands is great 💭
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I think the way that the British society views stay at home mums doesn’t help with that sense of purpose. The amount of times I’ve been dismissed by people because I’m a stay at home mum and don’t have a “job” or career to talk about!
I had a year’s maternity leave for each of my two children and I did feel that I disappeared. It’s a good time to connect with other mums going through the same stage in life. Trying to work and care for young children is beyond exhausting so if you can focus on your kids now and return to work when you are ready, then you’ll feel better for it 😊
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I was reading something today about looking at the present through rose-tinted glasses (the way that we look at the past). If you are more aware of moments that you know will cherish when you look back on, then you can enjoy them more now. I try to do that.
When my kids were babies / toddlers, it was more of a fog as I was so exhausted 😴 My 4 year old still wakes me every night. Still, I cherish my kids in spite of all the challenges.
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Thanks for blessing me this morning dear. This is so helpful and good.