Today we are going to peep through the emotional lives of Damian and Laura. More specifically, through the way they deal with their own emotions when they find themselves in a state of mental suffering; in other words, their cognitive style (thinking style).
Let me inform you that Damian and Laura do not know each other. But, in many ways they lead similar lives, they enjoy financial stability, live in big cities, have healthy social lives and don’t suffer from psychological (e.g clinical depression and OCD) or physical illnesses (e.g heart disease or diabetes). Also, similarly to the men and women who took part in the study ref. conducted by R. Davis and S. Nolen-Hoeksema, Damian’s and Laura’s measures on task switching as well as on working memory abilities do not differ.
Nevertheless, despite the numerous characteristics they have in common, these two individuals become very different from each other when it comes to the way they think and behave towards their own negative feelings.
Damian - The Ruminator
In general Damian states that he has a good life. However, he presents a particular thinking style that makes his unpleasant emotions that much more uncomfortable for him: Cognitive Inflexibility. This, consequently, contributes for Damian to ruminate; ref. which means that whenever something emotionally distressing takes place in his work, family or romantic relationship he focus his attention on his low mood, and has negative repetitive thoughts about its causes and consequences. ref..
For example, a few months ago Damian had a heated conversation with his father, who made a couple of unpleasant remarks in a rather harsh way. A few hours later Damian’s dad had put everything behind him; Damian, on the other hand, was still ruminating about the situation a week after that. In a sort of behavior that reminds me of what Davis and Nolen-Howeksema put forward in their research. They say that instead of being proactive about their sadness, ruminators just keep on reflecting about how terrible they feel ref.
Unfortunately, for Damian, this passive thought process and manner of behaving will only sustain and perpetuate his low mood and depressive thinking.
Why Does He Ruminate, Then?
What psychologists mean by individual differences, in a nutshell, is what makes people unique when it comes to their peculiar psychological attributes (e.g IQ levels, personality, cognition etc...). Various studies ref. have found that rumination is one such peculiarity ref.. Hence, while some people (like Damian - aruminator), will just passively partially digest, chew and swallow his negative emotions over and over again (pretty much like cows do with the cud); others (like Laura) rather focus on finding a solution in order to feel better, nonruminators.
Despite rumination being a coping strategy, it is, however, a maladaptive oneref.. For instance, this is a mechanism that diminishes individuals’ keenness to take part in mood-lifting activities and it is linked to the recalling of bad memories about oneself as well as to negative interpretation of events. ref.
While neuroticism (a personality trait) correlates positively to repetitive negative thoughts, ref. making neurotic individuals more prone to resort to such coping mechanism. Research reveals that rumination may as well be a result of cognitive inflexibility.ref.
Cognitive Inflexibility
Cognitive inflexibility is the inability of effectively changing thoughts and behavior as a means to obtain desired future outcomes. ref.
That describes Damian quite well, who, despite not being clinically depressed, finds himself ‘stuck’ in this particular mode of thinking, struggles to see a different way of coping with distressing emotions, and tends to abandon helpful coping strategies even when they bring about positive feedback. ref.. Damian, for example, knows that if he takes the time to watch an action movie, his mood will be lifted (at least for a while). But, he never does that when he is upset.
Davis and Nolen-Hoekseman found that men are more likely to ruminate as a consequence of cognitive-rigidity than women. Also, men report their rumination and sad moments less than women. Additionally, the two psychologists found that when new strategies are required to achieve optimum performance and success nonruminator men are more flexible to adopt them than ruminator ones.ref. For me, this just lends support to how set in their own ways ruminators can be!
Not everyone is like that though.
Laura - The Nonruminator
Laura also had an upsetting conversation with a family member, her sister. They were both hurt. And, the fact that she is a nonruminator doesn’t mean she didn’t feel sad about what happened and behaved accordingly. After all, negative emotions do have a greater and longer lasting impact on us than positive ones. It is the way we are built. ref. Still, Laura has a different approach to such occasions than that of Damian’s.
Whenever she finds herself emotionally involved in distressing situations, she observes the consequences her thoughts have on her behaviour. It is as if she begins to watch herself from a neutral perspective. This prevents Laura from being swallowed by sadness and worry; which, in turn, frees her mind to find solutions to move on.
As hard as this may sound, you can succeed in it. Believe me.
Become your own self-observer
There is a Northen Irish man, Brian Keenan, who resorted to such strategy during the time (5 years) he was held captive by Shi’ite militiamen, in Beirut. In his inner fight to keep his mind sane he decided:
to become my own self-observer ... letting madness take me where it would as long as I stood outside and watch it .
(Keenan, p.85)
In his book An Evil Cradling he also confessed “I allowed myself to feel and think all the things that were in me, but at the same time could stand outside observing and attempting to understand”.
Through this approach Keenan managed to endure extreme fear, hopelessness and mental chaos. If he could do this under food deprivation, imprisonment, and constant threat, I have all the reasons to believe that you and I can succeed in it under the comfort of our homes.
However, for that to happen we need to be aware and non-judgemental. The latter is a particularly important facet of this process, because it gives rise to acceptance which paves the way to openness and the search for new prospects. For reasons that when we are non-judgmental about our thoughts and the way we feel, further elaborations and (mis)interpretations of circumstances, its causes and outcomes are less likely to happen. ref.
Why Bother?
I have come across many people who fail to understand why harbouring negative repetitive thoughts is simply not good. Unsurprisingly, most of them were/are actually individuals who tend to ruminate. You see, ruminators do report that through such process they feel they gain understanding into their emotional issues. ref. An impression that dangerously encourages them to keep on ruminating. Dangerously because, rumination is associated with cognitive impairment, entrapment in negative moods, reduced confidence in one’s decisions, and poor effective reasoning. ref. No wonder why Damian feels bewildered.
Taking Action
If you are a ruminator, this post, hopefully, will have enlightened you about a possible reason as to why: Cognitive Inflexibility - a rigid way of thinking. Even more so if you are a man (as women are more likely to ruminate because of socio-environmental reasons ref..)
Sometimes we find ourselves not necessarily depressed or anxious; but we have the feeling that it is so because of the saddening thoughts that keep crawling in our minds. Then, we focus on them and begin to feel low, and victimize ourselves, and to worry… We then become hypersensitive, begin to place disproportionate importance in small events, which makes us feel even worse. It just goes on and on. You can see this is not a healthy pattern! It is detrimental to us and to those around us. Now, I hope, you understand how necessary it is to break this cycle. For the sake of our subjective well-being (how we feel inside) as well as of our relationships.
But, please, don’t get me wrong, I am not suggesting you to simply live in denial and put everything behind you. Not only do you need to reflect about what distresses you; but, you must. Nevertheless, not in a ruminative way.
Our thoughts work very much like glasses through which we read the world around us. So, let’s imagine we have quite a few of them at our disposal. But, because of our inflexibility we stick to the one that lead us to read the world through the lens of anguish.
Psychological findings like this truly help me understand some of the enigmatic text of the the Tao te ching by Lao Tzu, who, in section 76, says the following:
The stiff and strong are death’s companions
The soft and weak are life’s companions
In what metaphorically tells me that rigid thinking is a route for a shattering existence, whilst its opposite, flexibility, is one of the tools that makes us achieving, peaceful beings.
Reference List:
Baumeister, R. F., Bratslavsky, E., Finkenauer, C., & Vohs, K. D. (2001). Bad is stronger than good. Review of General Psychology, 5(4), 323-370.
Davis, R.N., & Nolen-Hoeksema, S. (2000). Cognitive inflexibility among ruminators and nonruminators. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 24, 699-711.
Evans, D.R, & Segerstrom, S.C. (in press). Why do mindful people worry less? Cognitive Therapy and Research.
Tzu, L. (1972), Tao te ching, New York, Hackett Publishing
Keenan, B. (1993), An Evil Cradlng, London, Vintage
Segerstrom, S.C., Stanton, A.L., Alden, L.E., & Shortridge, B.E. (2003). A multidimensional structure for repetitive thought: What’s on your mind, and how, and how much? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 85, 909-921.
Thank you, dear reader, for taking the time once again to read my post 😊 Now, would you be so kind as to let me know : How do You React to Your Own Negative Thoughts? Are you more like Damian or like Laura? 😃
I wish you all a wonderful weekend!:)
Oh, wow.. Your style of writing keeps getting better with every article. It is obvious that you enjoyed writing it, which makes me enjoy reading it!
On the topic
I would say that most of the times I am Damian. I tend to keep negative emotions and thoughts for a longer time than I would like to. But here I would like to make a clarification or an attempt to add another perspective to your story.
Sometimes people feel/act like Damian, because of their self-observation, not because of cognitive impairment. (When I say people I actually mean myself also, because I am projecting at the moment.. Oops 😅)
Anyway my point is that sometimes too much self analysis and reflection actually makes you more anxious which leads to overthinking and reexperiencing negative thoughts and feelings over and over again.
Depending on what these thoughts are related to (could be something short term related like family argument, work problem, exam etc.) When that is the case the negativity and anxiety fade away when the event is not present anymore or lost it's significance.
But when these negative feelings and thoughts are related to something on the long term (traumas, personality problems) things are getting really serious and unpleasant for the one experiencing them. He actually becomes the victim of himself- his self-reflection the mechanism build to analyze and help him becomes an enemy, emerging suddenly then disappearing. This cursed circle of psychological process within a healthy individual (referring to your definition at the very beginning) could lead to some quite unpleasant conditions like anxiety disorders (Ocd, panic attacks) and depression.
Damian should allow Laura to appear more often, because her presence is healthy for him. BUT she can only do so if he allows her. If he is happy he would invite her himself and they would build a beautiful and healthy world (the person's complete fully functioning personality).
For me, Damian is mostly present, searching for answers in the negative emotions and thoughts reliving them and looking at them from different perspectives. After he is done, sometimes he discards them, but more often he keeps them locked into his wooden chest, because sometimes he thinks he would need them, transformed into defensive reactions to similar situations which created them originally. Laura would only come if invited or when she finds an opportunity to sneak in, while Damian is distracted. She would clean his mess and try to hide his wooden chest, but as Damian returns, he always finds it, chases her away and continues his work...
@dysfunctional ... will you stop talking about me ... lol. @abigail-dantes such a well written post and consequential conversations. I find Im now thinking of people Ive known and which road they take. As I work my way through my own book of life I find that reading such posts and studies make me sit and analyse my C.Ptsd condition. Although Damian and Laura are generally happy and well adjusted Suzan struggles to be. However, learning that there are alternatives leads the thoughts to look for a roadsign to a way out of the cow field and into the dairy. Let the cows ruminate while I learn to take milk and make ice cream.
Thank you for your contribution to the well being of your fellow humans.
Thank you for sharing this incredible insight here on my feed @suzanrs. I love your analogy! Yep, let us leave the ruminating to the cows and spend our energy on making and enjoying ice-cream 😃 ❤
What a most wonderful comment @dysfunctional (very psychoanalytical!) 😊 The perspective you presented here makes me wonder whether there actually is a fine line between self-observation and rumination.
Does self-observation becomes rumination when it enters this state?
Does rumination give way to self-analyses/observation
therefore allowing the person to think clearly and objectively, and then welcome the Laura part of the self?
Further, it would be interesting to speculate whether Damian resists to Laura's actions (eg. clean his mess), and inviting her in as a result of rigid thinking.
Oh! thank you for giving me the opportunity to reflect on this from this perspective Dysfunctional, I read your comment with a smile on my face in awe of your train of thought.
Your last paragraph is beautiful, an this is why I am so passionate about my writing here. Because there are people like you (and many others), who I have the privilege to interact with and learn from ❤
That would be ideally speaking. Sadly that's not the case in reality.. I personally think that Damian does not allow Laura to take over by herself. They must live in peace with each other..
Your article provoked my thoughts and comments, so thank you. :)
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I don't really dwell on negative thoughts, but I always think about reasons why, what, how, when and so on.
After that analysis and conclusions I just move on :)
About being flexible, I'm always laughing how everything interconnects when you look at the big picture.
“You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water my friend."
Bruce Lee said that, not exactly a psychologist. I think it fits quite well here.
Have a nice week Abi! :)
Hey Sim :)
It sounds like Bruce Lee read the Tao 😉
Or he drank a lot and had thoughts like that. How that sounds? :)
I find interesting the separation of ruminators from solution-finders. I always felt that ruminating on a topic is tantamount to seeking a solution, whereas not ruminating on it is equivalent to ignoring it and hoping that it will go away by itself: a mood-lifting activity, for example, does not seem, at least on the face of it, to contain anything solution-related to a son's fight with his dad.
Perhaps because the coping strategies are trying to change his emotions rather than fix the real problem which is outside of him?
Of course that may be overly simplistic, as I guess all manner of styles and combinations exist: fruitful and unfruitful ruminators as well as fruitful and unfruitful non-ruminators.
Interesting sex-differences!
A nicely written and balanced post, and I liked the forays into Keenan and Lao Tzu. It's nice when examples from the real world or from literature are brought in to make the scientific topic being discussed more lively.
An interesting question, or thought, is how much Keenan's method of observing from an objective POV might be related to a body's automatic strategy of depersonalization as a result of severe trauma and abuse.
One of the people I like and follow is Michael Shermer of Skeptic magazine fame. Yesterday I received an email from Skeptic about a new book called Unfuckology - behavioral self-help based on strict science - and there's a whole video interview with the author that I haven't watched yet (cos it's 1.5 hours long!). So anyway I wanted to bring that to your attention!
Gosh! I forgot to address this observation:
An interesting question indeed! 😊
As you know, in depersonalization the sense of detachment is both from one’s body and thoughts. In Keenas’s case, based on what I read on his book, I dare to say that the fact he was aware of that detachment, and trying to understand his emotions, might indicate that was more a coping strategy than a consequence of the trauma/cronic stress per se.
Although, what might also have happened is that he felt that way in hindsight. But,when it actually happened it was more of a depersonalization process than a mindful one.
Good observation about hindsight!
First I'd like to say the cute cow with the bell w. It made my morning. It reminds me of my favorite milk as a child :)
I wish there's a switch to turn off rumination. Life would be super awesome if there's such a switch. But be that as it may, crying over spilt milk has never in the history of mankind replaced the wasted milk. It's just like trying to control everything, anyone who does that has definitely set himself/herself for failure. I see the constant rumination as self-imposed punishment similar to guilt when you think you are the cause of a problem. The non-ruminators live an enviable lifestyle.
Ahahahahaha I am glad you noticed the cow! I suppose it helps to lift the seriousness of the topic a little bit :)
We are fascinating, complicated creatures Green. Even when everything is externally fine, there are still cognitive tendencies that might make life difficult for some of us.
Thank you for stopping by 😘
Have a great day :)
Lunch time over here (It is SO hot!)
Check out the temperature here
It's crazily hot. But we loving it :)
Oh! 😅
Still 2 hours until midday here! 🔥
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Thank you guys 😊
i agree that ,that is so true
in regards to how i react to my negative thoughts , i think sometimes i am Damian , sometimes Laura , but more like Laura when i became a mom , Laura now because as much as the situation would want me to feel low or down i am considering my family , especially my kids and how it would my second , my minute , my hour and the whole day. motherhood had brought a lot of changes to me really , before i got lots of instances where i am like Damian , lots of negative thoughts spinning in my mind , then will start to convince, oh Aubrey , you are sad , you have to be sad , you have to cry.. LOL
there miss Abi , another interesting topic from you. How are you today? hope all is well po. thanks again very much always and always. much love for you from us , good evening from PH 😘❤️❤️❤️
Yes, you see how it works? It is interesting right? :) Feeling well comes easier to some people than to others; but, this does not mean we have to succumb in sadness! Sometimes all it takes it is a little understanding and a shift in attitude for things to improve inside and outside us!
I am very happy to hear you have abandoned that cycle of negative thinking! ❤️ 😊
I have been very well over here. Thank you for asking my dear. You are always so loving, and thoughtful :)
ps: I trust Freia is feeling 100% again!
so happy to know you're doing goood miss Abi , you deserve all our love and the happiness in the world because of your kind and helpful heart too.
Freia is very well already since Friday afternoon , then sad part is Alex my second got fever Friday night , but good news , fever seems to leave her right now
thanks miss @abigail-dantes 😘❤️❤️❤️
Hello there, dear Abby! This is a brilliant piece of work! I enjoyed reading it very much!
Ever since I learned about coping strategies in university, I have been fascinated by them. As you said, a coping strategy is something that can bury you deeper in sadness, anxiety, anger, etc or get you back on your feet.
In fact, last year I tried to create an assessment tool to distinguish adaptive from maladaptive coping strategies as part of a project at work. It was a very interesting subject to explore.
There is something I really like about CBT. It has some great strategies to transform the rumination (or any other maladaptive coping strategy) into a more successful coping mechanism.
Anyway, I really like how simple and easy to understand you put this concept. I sent it to someone who I really care about. Unfortunately, he wouldn't listen to me. I hope he reads it and gets an insight.
See you!
Hello @insight-out 😃 It is nice to see you around :)
It pleases me very much to know you enjoyed this post, and I am also glad to hear that I managed to not complicate things (the topic/concept). Thank you for saying this! ❤ I really value the feedback I receive from those of you who take the time to read my work.
When I started here I used to hear a lot of things like: your posts are too long, too many complicated words, it is too technical ... Ahahaha ... Oh Gosh! 😅
It sounds like we will be reading many interesting experiences from your work/study on your blog (eg. the tool you developed for coping strategies, for example). Like you, I am also a fan of CBT methods.
Oh, between us, I wrote this post also as a kind of a message to someone 😉 I wish you good luck with your someone! :)
All the best to you and to your family.
It is difficult to please everyone with the content we are creating. Sometimes it is impossible to keep it short - too many important things to say :)
Unfortunately, I am still waiting for the "someone" to read it :)
All the best to you, too, Abi!
Hello @insight-out 😃 It is nice to see you around :)
It pleases me very much to know you enjoyed this post, and I am also glad to hear that I managed to not complicate things (the topic/concept). Thank you for saying this! ❤ I really value the feedback I receive from those of you who take the time to read my work.
When I started here I used to hear a lot of things like: your posts are too long, too many complicated words, it is too technical ... Ahahaha ... Oh Gosh! 😅
It sounds like we will be reading many interesting experiences from your work/study on your blog (eg. the tool you developed for coping strategies, for example). Like you, I am also a fan of CBT methods.
Oh, between us, I wrote this post also as a kind of a message to someone 😉 I wish you good luck with your someone! :)
All the best to you and to your family.
oh ... ruminating! Very bad thing that is ... painful
Everything that has left the present moment can basically remain exactly as it was, because the past will not change anyway. What was said was said. Done what you've done. In Germany we have the word "post-think" - the opposite of pre-think. Anything you want to pre-think or post-think instead of practicing smooth authenticity at the moment an event arises is suitable for ruminating.
I believe that even talking badly behind someone else's back belongs in the category, especially when those involved carelessly - sometimes even with pleasure - participate. That is then public ruminating:) Talking badly about others means that you are not interested in a solution but only in confirming the bad opinion about someone. To confirm a bad opinion means you must find strong attributes which denigrate the object of discussion. In fault finding one can ruminate on and on. One subject leads to the next. Like a lawyer to make a case where actually is no case.
To answer your question:
I am Damian and Laura and also Bertha, Edgar and Martha. Means that depending on circumstances, my state of arousal and mindset at that time
determines my pull towards ruminating or distancing from it. I found myself a crazy animal as well as a wise judge.
I had times where you could have called me a best practice ruminator, filling my mind with garbage like I was the lawyer from above. Luckily I write most of my ruminating thoughts down and when I look at them later on I can see how biased and aroused I indeed was.
When I stretch my lifetime and observe the peak of my diary entries I can tell that I had high peaks during my puberty and within life crisis and other difficulties.
Writing for steemit is kind of leading a diary by analyzing other objects and not myself - it shows me the abundance of characteristics and also that everything which is a tendency of a person can be initiated as well as calmed down. It needs wise people to act towards a ruminator and if they become a majority the ruminating person will most likely stop doing it as there is not enough encouraging resonance from the outside to feed it.
Because, after all: to ruminate inwardly (in the sense of not able to stop thinking) requires to be alone, right?
Where meaning is given the potential for both ruminating and not ruminating is there.
Hi Erika ❤ :)
You see, you are my Mathusalem. I like your idea of public rumination and found the example you used to illustrate it a very relevant one.
I respect the way you always manage to expand the context being discussed, as if you don't allow the individual to bear the burden on his own (well, you are a systemic counselor after all). And, yes, I agree with you: passive rumination require loneliness; or, perhaps even isolation.
I share your view about Steemit too :)
as well as the habit of writing down my thoughts and analyzing them later 😉
Much love to you :*
❤
Before steemit I was writing for my hard-drive (except my special theme blog which is quite some time ago).
Very much so. I am a systemic thinker through and through and I think we are all feeding us back and forth. If there is no support from the system than things get boring and uninteresting for a certain topic.
What about you? Have you also thoughts about your own writings that some of them are deeply embarrassing and some you are impressed of?
Have a good week,
yours Methusalem :)))
I have, yes :) I have also noticed that when I write about unhappy times my writing is a lot longer and detailed than when I write about joyful moments.
😍Saludos mi estimada…
Jejeje jejeje de verdad que sus temas son buenos. En mi particular opinión es cierto que no siempre es fácil sobrellevar las circunstancias de la vida y más si esto genera negatividad a nuestros pensamientos.
Al leer esto:
Pude dar respuesta a sus preguntas:
Tuve una conversación con un amigo con respecto a unos problemas por los que él está pasando, ya que tiendo a tomarme muy enserio las cosas que veo en los demás y bueno de alguna manera u otra es como si me afectaran a mi directamente y como yo en su momento las solucionaría…
En esta conversación yo le decía, que prefería mantenerme al margen porque sonará raro, quizás yo sea un extraterrestre pero yo en lo personal evalúo las situaciones y trato de resolverlo rápido sin tanto drama ni problemas. Trato de matar la culebra por la cabeza como decimos coloquialmente aquí en mi país para que de alguna manera u otra no me afecte tanto el asunto y no haya tanto drama. Asumo, tiendo a ser como Laura, evito o trato de buscar soluciones y no sumergirme en pensamientos negativos o raros de que pudo ser de tal forma y no fue.
De verdad que nos pone a evaluarnos, jejeje eso sí que es bueno…
Creo que cada vez, puedo darme cuenta de cómo soy y quien soy.
Un fuerte abrazo, se le extraño en estos días de ausencia…
Well my dear @jayoxaju, what can I say? 😊 If I had to guess I would have guessed that you are more like Laura too.I say this based on the reflections you kindly share with me :) This is positive, productive way of thinking and, therefore, being. It allows for booth good physical and mental health. You truly are a gem!
You are very sweet for saying this. Thank you for your loving words and support always my dear! 😘 But, I know you understand that sometimes I take the weekend off just to relax away from the computer! 🌞
Lots of love to you and your beautiful family!
Así es!!! A veces necesitamos un pequeño espacio fuera de este mundo para nuestros seres queridos y mas si es nuestra costillita (esposo).
Besos mi estimada...
❤😊
Damian here has a very simple life quite easy going and no health challenges, the reason why he choose to be a ruminator is not really understood by me however I should tend you that people who find in difficult to move on after things like heated challenge between loved ones are often prone to commit suicide, they feel they're worthless and the more they go deeper into the abyss of their dark thoughts the more they don't want to to get out, they feel that feeling good is a weakness and they need to engross themselves in those kinda thoughts in order to feel closures .
I use to be a ruminator but it was because I had health challenges, I was broke and broken and all the poems and fiction I wrote on my sick bed were suicidal, you see?
But Damien here is different he definitely did not go through what I went to through, but sometimes it's even more deeper more darker and more complicating than we know or see, it could be as a result of loneliness or idleness that's brings out this ruminating tendencies, but it's more than definely that.
I didn't see a post front you last Friday, I hope you're well? It's alarming to miss your splendid Friday weekly, absolutely, thank you for bringing this through, I'm so elated I ready.
Hello my dearest @josediccus :) How nice to see your comment!
This is not really a choice Josediccus. It is a consequence of his psychological make up, as psychologists concluded that rumination is just yet another type of individual difference, due to cognitive inflexibility and not necessarily loneliness or idleness, which actually might be factors that enhance his rumination tendencies.
I am sorry to hear you went through times of mental and physical difficulties; but, I am very pleased to see you made it through it and are here gifting us with your beautiful poems! You have a gift 😊
Ps: Thank you for noticing my absence last Friday 😅 Everything has been fine. I just felt the need to take a break from my office/computer last weekend and enjoy the summer with my husband.
Much love to you always my dear :)
Wow and the fact that he is unaware of this conundrum that he's in makes it perplexing, one at times cannot explain how they're emotionally shaped up, it's generally experienced by people around them. So many people are like Damien and are generally unaware of the situation.
Thank you so much for this brilliantly written subject you brought today and thanks for clarifying to me as well.
Yeah u guess sometimes a break is needed from laptops and internets and all, I hope you're rejuvenated again?
You got it! 😎
Ahahaha, yes Josediccus, I do feel re-energized after my break :) ✨
💖💖💖 😀
I like the opinion of Victor Frankl on this topic. The man went through the horrors of fascist concentration camps only for the reason that he taught his mind to be distracted from negative thoughts. I think this is a very good live example.
Too much credit is given to Frankl's book (mis-titled as well in my view). Most people who survived the camps also survived mentally. Thank our biology.
Thinking style is actually something that has been built up over time, definitely through past experiences, and sometimes present ones. We all have a point at which some events are almost certain to redefine our attitude, emotions and thought.
One of the things I have learnt about mexicans is that they dont focus on things/events that might call for low mood, instead they focus on enjoying the present. I am different in this aspect. Still trying to adapt that.
I think this is something that needs to be cultivated as we cannot overcome them just in a moment.
Thank you for this wonderful post. I can basically see myself in the mirror of this post.
Hey @turpsy :)
It is nice to see your comment. I am glad you could relate to the post, and I hope it has brought you some insight. You are right! Reflecting about our own thoughts and behaviour is something that indeed comes with practice. I suppose that is why the Mexicans (and Brazilians) are good at it, it seems something that is passed on from generation to generation 😊
All the best to you and to your family 🌷
I like that kind of lineage transfer. I hope to develop that and pass it on as I grow much wiser. Thanks for the wishes.
@abigail-dantes
The theme of this article is so important that if everyone gets to read it, it would surely put an end to the challenges faced by ruminators. I guess such habits persists because the victims may have been unaware of them. Gonna resteem this post for benefit of all.
@sciencetech
STEM contributor
Hello there @sciencetech :) Nice to see you here!
Absolutely, that is the first step indeed! To help ruminators see how their coping mechanisms is not really helping them.
Have a wonderful day 😉
I must say each time I read your psychological articles it piers into my inner me. Seems you are talking to me directly.
Inspiring article @abigail-dantes
Oh, You have just made my day by saying you can relate to my writing to a point @marterwriter! THANK YOU :)
We are all a bit like that aren't we? But, like I discussed in the text, reflecting about what makes us sad is not necessarily a bad thing. It just depends upon how we do it. If we just keep on feel sorry for ourselves, that will take us nowhere. However, if we use those reflections to understand our self in order to move forward, things just tend to get easier, at least from an emotional point of view :)
You take care & have a wonderful day!
Once again, thank you for your kindness :)
Thanks @abigail-dantes . That's very true. Your articles brings healing to a lot of depressed people. Keep on keeping on.....
I still don't know why you don't use 'motivation' tag in your articles. Such a concise way of describing the two types of people that exist in terms of thinking. I will like to see myself as a mixture of Damian and Laura...lol. some events happen and you can't but ruminate upon them, for example, losing a loved one. At the same time, I like not to major in minor issues, issues that are not consequential both in the short and long run.
Your articles have a way of ministering to people (myself inclusive). Keep up the good work dear.
Shaid! 😍
What a nice comment you left me here. Thank you for your constant support! I suppose in a way I am a blend of Laura and Damian too 😆 As, sometimes, I catch myself unnecessarily going over and over small things. But, as soon as I realize I am doing that I resort to means that make me snap out of it :)
It pleases me very much to hear you find my articles somehow helpful 😊 You take care. Lots and lots of love to you and your loved ones!
Ps: I am going to look into the motivation tag.
You are welcome abii. Glad you are considering the motivation tag. I find many of your articles 'soul lifting' as they call it. A tonic to start a new day....
💖
Finally, I read this. And it was worth reading! Really worth reading. I guess I am a ruminator like Damien. Sometimes when I get low all the past sad incidents swallow me. Also, I start thinking about those bad events again and again. I feel there is a
positive feedbackwhich makes unstable at times. A small negative event leads to a rush of more bad thoughts coming to mind.Yes!
Hello there @dexterdev :D
It is so nice seeing your comment here on my feed. Thank you not only for taking the time to read my post, but also to let me know you found the read worthwhile! It is very kind of you to provide me with such encouraging feedback!
I wish you great success with breaking the cycle! :)
Hello appreciated @abigail-dantes. Thank you for sharing your knowledge once again with us.
The advice of cultivating self-observation, and making the effort to develop cognitive flexibility is very valuable. Your examples remind us of the importance of being attentive to our style of thinking and those around us, since the criteria for a clinical diagnosis may not be met, but cognitive inflexibility may be dramatically affected by quality of life.
I am reflecting on this and the need to identify and break the cycle of rumination. And remember We all have capabilities to achieve progress with the help of others. Blessings.
Hey there @mela88 :)
I am glad to hear this post got you reflecting a little :) I agree with your view that circumstances might impact cognitive inflexibility.
Thank you for stopping by!
Hi Ms. Abi.... Sorry for being late... My Pio is sick he has measles so kinda busy with him....
Damian or Laura....
I think I am Laura most of the time but there are those times that I am damian too... Especially when the situation is really frustrating because, there's guilt in me or I feel that it is my fault, just 2 weeks ago I have that feeling when me and my son got hit by a motorcycle, while crossing the road, I feel so bad and think that it is entirely my fault... Good thing my husband is there to comfort me and telling me it is an accident and no one likes it, so for like a week I am damian but after that I became Laura again... Though inside me until now the guilt is still there but I'm trying to get out of that negative feeling....
Thank you Ms. Abi for your weekly post... It feels like I'm visiting my psychologist every week..
Thank you for everything..
Much love...
AVHY 😘😘😘
I am pleased to hear that you managed to overcome your negative feelings @avhyaceulip. Your husband is really sweet for being on your side and helping you to be more positive! Thoughts like those are, sometimes, inevitable, they will always come! The secret is in not allowing them to bring us down :)
I wish Pio a speedy recovery.
You take care of yourself too my dear.
Lots of love to you all :)
Thank you for this wonderful article I enjoyed reading it. Actually negative thoughts are very stressful and I am one of the people who suffer from them, although I am trying hard but I have not found a way to expel these thoughts because of which I can not sleep.
I hope you will write us more articles on positive thinking in the future :)
Greetings to you ;)
Hello @benainouna :)
It is wonderful to hear from you. I am very pleased to hear you liked this article.
I use to say that the first and promising step to change this sort of thinking is actually to realize that this is one's case, which you have done :) from here onwards, it is a matter of practicing the non-judgmental aspect of your thought process and becoming more proactive about what makes you feel good.
But, you are right! I should write a post about positive thinking :D
Thank you for the idea. You take care of yourself!
Some psychologists even believe that even a little pessimism is healthy because it forces us to try more and think when experiencing a bad situation.
If all this time you have negative thoughts, know that you are not the only person who experienced them. Negative thoughts occupy a large portion of our entire mind. Even negative thoughts may indeed be a human psychological part. Like our ancestors, we constantly observe the environment and try to improve it. The process becomes a problem as we begin to think that negative thoughts are true.
Know when negative thoughts become a problem. If negative thoughts affect behavior or interfere with everyday life, that's when negative thoughts become a problem and you may have to seek help from a mental health professional. Too much negative thinking can make matters worse because you think bad things will happen. The explanation for the phenomenon lies in the self-fulfilling prophecy, which refers to the cycle of having prejudices or thoughts about a situation, which then leads to the emergence of new behaviors, which in turn leads to the prejudice becoming reality.
For example: You expect to fail the English exam tomorrow. Because you think that you will fail tomorrow, your behavior or actions are not learning. Then, the next day, you fail the test. The long-term consequence is that you start thinking that you are stupid or bad at doing the exam, which causes more exam-related problems.
I like the straight-forward example you used here to illustrate patterns of passive-negative thinking Jamal. Good one. You can see how this is something that already starts early on in life (school years), and if not addressed properly can become a lifetime feature in one's existence.
Thank you for taking the time to comment once again :)
In my opinion, the ruminators are simply those with an unforgiving heart. And andunforgiving hearth can cause hearth attack.
I know of a man that always reminds his wife of her past misdeeds which the wife thought he has forgottn and forgiven anytime the wife errs.
Imagine a marriage between two rumiantors, it would be full if quarrels and lack of trust due to past action, and divorce is inevitable in such a case.
A non-ruminator, looks much more younger and healthy than a ruminator
As for me, I am a non-ruminator and am glad I am
Oh, Marriages between ruminators can result in emotional individual and marital struggle! And you are correct, harboring negative feelings lead to not only mental illness, but also physical illness. There is enough evidence to support out there!
I am very pleased to hear you are a non-ruminator @ikchris. consider yourself a privileged man!
All the best to you.
Thank you for taking the time to participate in this debate. I appreciate it very much :)
I appreciate the fact that you appreciated
Am a lucky single man indeed searching for a non-ruminator single lady(God-fearing) to complement my missing rib
Life would always present us with shitty situations, but it is our responses to these situations that really matter. I think I'm a nonruminator like Laura - that could explain why I don't brood over negative situations.
As a matter of fact, I see life as a combo of adventure and risk, and someone being on the ruminating end could make him/her to crack under the pressures associated with some life's oppositions.
Nice piece as usual Abbey
Hey Sammy ❤ :)
What a most woderful way to approach life:
.That is definitely the way to go. Precisely because of the reason you mentioned: "life will always bring about unpleasant situations"
Take care over there Sammy, I hear it is incredibly HOT!
Lot of love to you:)
Yes Abbey; it's so hot here. I hope our brains would not start melting from the heat :D
Much love from here 😚
Interesting take on two differing coping methods. I definitely fall into the “ruminator” and “cognitive inflexibility” categories. Seeing and hanging onto the negative puts me in control of the situation, doing this seems to keep disappointment at a distance. Rigidity helps me maintain structure which is necessary for survival, being out of control is a major stressor.
Not a great way to live, sometimes it’s mere survival, but I have medication resistant MDD along with PTSD. Interesting post😉
Hello there @walkthisway :)
Thanks for coming around to read and comment.
You seem to have your system in place! Understanding your own methods of working things out shows a good level of self-awareness. I, myself, am a little set in my own ways too. But, the way I found to not be restricted to them is to look ahead, and reflect about alternatives in advance in relation to stressors.
All the best to you.
Many thoughts passed by when I read your (once more amazing) article dear Abi, but I would not share them : )
What I keep (among other things..)
Be like Keenan - self aware
Become your own self-observer. Let madness take you where it would, as long as you stand outside and watch it.
(Keenan, p.85)
Thank you Abi <3
My dear Kate (@katerinaramm),
How wonderful seeing you here on my feed! ❤ :)
Yes, self-awareness is indeed a very important facet in mental stability, as much as the non-judgement of the self. One can only be able to move forward from self-observation when one does not condemn one's feelings, but rather learns from them.
Keep those thoughts of yours flowing ... 😉
Much love to you :*
Hi Abi. After reading your article, I just remembered a quote from the Doctor Strange movie.
I'm a strong believer of this quote. I used to focus so much on removing all my negatives. I used to analyze a lot and spend lots of time to understand my negatives and try to eradicate them completely. But it never worked out at all. All I had to do was to just leave them alone and focus more on my positives and my positive thoughts. After I started doing that, my mind is more peaceful now.
I consider positives and negatives as two lamps glowing inside us. They are always glowing and it can never be cut down. The only thing that we can do is making them glow brighter by pouring oil. We have the freedom to choose which one can be brighter. If we pour oil on the positive lamp and let it glow brighter, our life will be peaceful instead of trying to completely diminish the negative lamp which will never happen.
I really liked your explanation about being a self-observer. I have tried it multiple times and it is amazing. In certain situations, I split myself into two where one part of my mind observes what is happening when another part of my mind is the actual subject. The observer knows what the subject is doing is wrong, but still, I have never been successful yet in making the observer interrupt the subject and make the situation smooth. But I can see that I'm definitely progressing. Hopefully, soon I will be able to make it happen.
Thanks for the wonderful article. 😁😁 Request you to write more frequently. At least one article per week maybe. 😉
@bala41288 my dear,
This is an extraordinary comment. Your analogy of our minds to glowing lamps is insightful and relatable. And, I must say, that for a young man like you, your approach to your inner battles is a most impressive one!
Now, I am only wondering if the 'observer mind' should actually interfere 'the subject mind' or just let it be, and do its thing in times of distress. I am going to go for the latter option :)
Like I said before Bala, I am impressed! So, thank you for taking the time to share your experience here with us. I truly appreciate it. Thank you, also, for the quote from Dr. Stranger. It is a pretty good one indeed!
Ahahahaha, yours is a kind, motivating request! I will keep it in mind. 😊
Have a great week ahead and take care :)
I'm a ruminator par excellence. I am so incredibly efficient in ruminating, I even ruminate about my own rumination - hence, I'm bascially doing rumiception
( •_•)
( • _ •)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)
Ahem. Well. I know, this is a bad habit and compared to my past, I'm doing this not that often anymore. It mainly depends how strong my emotional connection to a certain trigger is. If I don't really care, then why bother at all?
Usually, whenever I am confrontated with negative thoughts, I initially think "Well, ok, that guy's an idiot, fuck him."
Then I maybe do some exercise or go to sleep or whatever - the next day, I'm re-evaluating the other guy's statement. If his arguments are valid, then I will consider them carefully. If not, well, then he was indeed an idiot and I shouldn't care at all.
In my experience, the amount of passed time is direct proportional to the decrease of me giving any fucks about something. As trivial as it may sound: time can indeed heal almost every wound - at least the mental ones.
No matter how hard you suffered some years ago, eventually you will not succumb to this suffering anymore, but grow stronger. Either that or you are going to kill yourself at some point.
That is definitely something worthy of putting sunglasses on Ego. You always manage to take everything to the next level.
Still, it is good to hear that 1) you are aware of it; 2) you understand it is not necessarily something productive and 3) that you are improving. Also, like you said, why bother when one doesn't really care? But this is where ruminators fail to make a sound judgment; hence, placing huge importance in every little event.
Similar to you, when I catch myself ruminating I go for a walk, do Yoga, try a new recipe etc... this has never failed (me) to lift at least some of the tension towards a particular situation; which, in turn, allows me to be more rational about it if I need to revisit it late on in a more proactive manner :)
It is indeed interesting how times heals wounds (I/we should write about this!).
You take care Ego 😘
Lots of love ❤ :)
A very interesting article.
Being Damian is such a bore!
I grew up being a ruminator for sure, and it is still my default setting - if I do not stay aware of the mindset drifting in that direction.
I can also knock myself around the head,(ouch), and snap out of it, even heading off the 'default setting' entirely, before it has a chance to kick in.
For me personally- it's rarely , if ever, a productive use of time...
(whispers: good of you to make it..😂)
I respect how honest you are about your emotions and thoughts very much! You are so incredibly honest to yourself that you leave no space for excuses.
"Being Damian is such a bore!" only begs the question: "what can be done about it, then?" 😅 Although, there are other less painful ways to snap out of passive rumination 😛 For me, running and swimming work like a dream!
😏😂Leave a space for an excuse, and eventually it get's filled with a lie ...and then we get the screwed up world we live in right now...
😂😂😂
So true!
Another fantastic one Abby !! And from all the cities, you had to reference my home town :D :D
Have a lovely Friday you !
Ha!And guess who I thought of when I came across this book ... YOU 😘 I even told my husband :)
Thank you for stopping by my dear @mcfarhat
En esta parte me llama mucho la atención sobre el coeficiente intelectual, podría decir que una persona inteligente podría asimilar este tipo de pensamientos y no ser Rumiante, pero en mi caso es difícil ya que padezco un problema para manejar la ira (cosa por la cual lucho a diario)me considero una persona inteligente y letrada, pero por mi condición soy Rumiante.
Esta es la respuesta que he estado buscando desde hace mucho tiempo!
Sin lugar a duda me está describiendo, soy como Demian, pero con unas desventajas como mis problemas con la ira y la epilepsia.
Es difícil para mí no molestarme, de hecho la mayor toma de decisiones al momento de una angustia no han sido desacertadas, me atrevería a decir que en esos momentos corto el mal desde la raíz, pero son decisiones muy contundentes, cosa que le comentare en un momento por Discord.
Efectivamente no puedo vivir así y creer que nada ha pasado, como decimos en mi tierra “hay que tomar el toro por los cachos (cuernos)” pero es determinante como tomamos al toro si como Demian o Laura.
Una vez más gracias por esta publicación, he tomados unas decisiones antes de leer esta publicación, créame que me gustaría que las supiera, un abrazo mi querida Abi.
Hello my dear, dear @javisem 😃
No, no, no ... this post does not indicate any sort of correlation of causality between IQ and Rumination. What it says is that similarly to the IQ, personality etc... rumination is understood to be an Individual Diffiference :) For example, in the same way some people are extroverts and others are introverts, others have high IQ and some have average, some people tend to ruminate while others don't.
The possible reason for this being Cognitive inflexibility (thinking style)! 😉
All right, if you are like Damian and you recognize it, that should be the first step to change this pattern of thinking. I understand you have issues with controlling your anger ... have you reflected what is making you fail? What is it that stops you from controlling your anger? Can you find the answer to that?
All right my dear. Thank you for your reflections here and for sharing your thoughts. Let me know if you have any questions about this and I will do my best to reply to them tomorrow.
Yes, last weekend I took a little break with my husband! :) You are very sweet for noticing my absence.
All right. I am going to turn the PC off now.
I wish you a great weekend ahead.
Much love to you :*
Hello @abigai-dantes
I must confess this is a sure masterpiece. Using the two imaginary characters - Damian and Laura — to depict the different cases makes it so easy to comprehend the subject matter. The provided tips to help ruminators overcome the challenge are very in order. Thanks for sharing.
@eurogee
Oh, thank you @eurogee 😊
I am so pleased to hear you liked it and appreciate very much your observation about the characters I put together here :*
All the best to you my dear.
Would have given a more detailed response but my piece is freezing very annoyingly.
@eurogee
@abigail-dantes, We all know that our thoughts are our real driver, and it's really important to have pleasant thoughts because Pleasant Thoughts can help us to produce effective actions.
But, sometimes it's really difficult to hold the positive thoughts because we are surrounded with so many forces and we never know which aspect will going to affect us in which way.
Most importantly, we have to practice towards our thoughts and we have to self observe and self introspect towards our actions and reactions both.
And also we have to identify those channels which help us to stay in the phase of positivity and this phase is really important in our life to attain the peacefulness in life.
Wishing you an great day and stay blessed. 🙂
I couldn't agree more with you dear @chireerocks : we have to practice nurturing positive thoughts. This is so true (and interesting at the same time!).
Have a wonderful day my dear. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your insights with me :*
Welcome and thank you so much for your kind appreciation and response. Wishing you an great day and stay blessed. 🙂
Idk, I usually dont ruminate on problems, I get angry and determined to fix them. Its a style that has worked all my life. Unfortunately I live with a woman who thinks I need to be "happy and positive" which doesnt work for me, when I feel that way the problems dominate my life with nothing being done to fix it. Feeling positive or happy means nothing is wrong. Its beyond frustrating trying to fix problems when I cant deal with them the way I know works. She doesnt want to be around me if im being negative, which I understand but then the problem never gets fixed lol
Having the determination to solve problems is sure an asset when it comes to emotions. But, I would like to make an observation, if I may. Anger is associated with physical illness (eg. high blood pressure, heart problems etc..), and this is perhaps one of the reasons why your partner would like to see you approaching life issues from a calmer perspective.
I like how you show self-understanding here @sevendst19. It shows that you engage in self-reflection and have found a way to 'get things done'. And since you appear to be a reflective man, let me propose a new angle from which you can see the world around you:
Unfortunately, the moments in life during which nothing is wrong are quite rare! Don't you think? Yet, you can still be positive about your existence through seeking solutions. You said you are the type of guy determined to solve problems, that in itself is a positive outlook. Focusing on the problem would be a negative one.
As for 'happy', well that is subjective. Nevertheless, when you are positive about the way you address issues, that enhances subjective well-being (how you feel inside) and pushes anger to the side. For someone like you: confident and self-aware, I don't see why this couldn't also be an effective way of fixing problems. After all it is not always productive to adopt cognitive inflexibility
You certainly do; but, why not give other ways a little try? Ways that not only might prove efficient, but that also prevents ill-health and contributes to bringing harmony to your home :)
All the best to you & thank you very much for taking the time to read and comment!
hello my friend @abigail-dantes I really see myself more in the case of laura because I am the type of person who faces their negative thoughts and I try to get ahead in a passionate and favorable way that help me cope with the situation and not letting those changes show that my thoughts want. Greetings and thanks for your posts
Hello there @derekdamian
What a wonderful outlook of life you have! It always makes me smile when I hear that people have such a positive approach to their existence :)
Thank you for commenting.
All the best.
The way we deal with our thoughts and emotions is key. It makes such a big difference just to change small aspects! I used to be Damian but I prefer to be Laurel. Wasnt always easy, the shift to Laurels mindset took me quite some time. Worth the effort though! Reesteemed :)
Hello @shivaspect :)
Thank you for taking the time to read, comment and reesteem my post. Also, I truly appreciate you letting us know about your very own experience with changing your thinking style! It is motivating!
All the best to you.
This was indeed a very interesting read. Loved the way you explained everything. I however found myself relating to both Damian and Laura, in different contexts in my life. Not sure if that makes sense.
Hey @sicenceblocks :)
It is good to see you here! Of course it makes sense. I think that at any time in life we can relate to both of them; but, ultimately one aspect(ruminator or non-ruminator) tends to manifest more than the other!
In order to enjoy higher levels of subjective well-being, however, we shall actively engage in thinking processes that makes us more 'Laura' like :)
All the best to you.
Thanks, I will keep that in mind. I think I also know a few friends who may benefit from your article. I think I would share it with them.
@abigail-dantes...I wholeheartedly thank you for this post..
I believe that I myself, am a ruminator and I have had different phases regarding this issue.
The first phase was pure confusion, as to whenever I would deal with negative emotions, I would revel in the negativity and just dismiss it as me being a generally depressing person, yet everyone close to me tell me that I'm known for my constantly smiling composure.
The second phase was the hard struggle, where I would notice this phenomenon happening, but I would feel powerless to stop it, as I was so used to feeling down whenever it happened.
The most current phase was after an implosion of my feelings, which caused me to break down in tears in front of my mother while having a relatively normal conversation during dinner. I showed my greatest insecurities of piling all of my worries and taking hold of all the responsibilities in order to not let anyone else worry.
I sincerely thank you for helping me be more aware of my situation and what long terms things I need to do to help succeed in my long term aspirations.
This is a very kind, motivating comment @twotoedsloth! I have no words to thank you for taking the time to let me know the steps you went through during your inner-journey.
Having clarity about what is going on in our heads is definitely an important step on a journey out of that state. However, things only become clear to those who are willing to see it.
You show incredible self-awareness, and I have no doubt that you will soon see yourself breaking this pattern of thinking and enjoying higher levels of subjective well-being :)
All the best to you!
Thank you for your kind words!
Thanks for your post, I liked it a lot. Inflexible thinking is not only a source of individual suffering but is at the root of many dogmatisms that generate suffering in the world to be the source of prejudice and hatred, contempt and aggression.
A hug
Excellent point @raul65! Thank you for expanding the detrimental effects of cognitive inflexibility to the social level. This is a very valid observation indeed :)
Great article. Yes, I need to work on my cofnitive flexibility.
Hi @wstanley226
The fact that you are able to recognize that some of your thinking pattern is rigid is a promising start! :) Because of this, I am sure you are going to be able to successfully do it!
All the best to you
@abigail-dantes I like this! "In what metaphorically tells me that rigid thinking is a route for a shattering existence, whilst its opposite, flexibility, is one of the tools that makes us achieving, peaceful beings."
every person, every head is a world, the important thing is that we know how to cope with those people who are different in their thoughts of us. Being positive helps a lot to overcome certain situations that we think are difficult. Everything has a solution..... greetings from Venezuela!
Hey @betzy :)
Yep, it is important for us to learn to cope with people and also with ourselves and what goes on around us. Positive thoughts, certainly, deliver a more promising outlook and encouraging approach towards times of distress.
Thank you for stopping by!
Hello @abigail-dantes, I hope you are passing your your in good position.
peep through - good !
I like your post so interesting @abigail-dantes
Thank you.
A very interesting article.
Being Damian is such a bore!
I grew up being a ruminator for sure, and it is still my default setting - if I do not stay aware of the mindset drifting in that direction.
I can also knock myself around the head,(ouch), and snap out of it, even heading off the 'default setting' entirely, before it has a chance to kick in.
For me personally- it's rarely , if ever, a productive use of time...
(whispers: good of you to make it..😂)
I think I would have less problems if we were friends and lived in the same place 😂
😉 I hope you are well Sami :)
I hope so too Abigail 😉 🤙😁
❤