Saying Goodbye

in #story7 years ago (edited)

My final few weeks in the corporate world have been a reflective time. This is quite a profound pivot point to take at the age of forty-six.

I’m not only making peace with, and saying goodbye to, the job but to co-workers I’ve known for half of my life. Surprisingly, I’ve realized I’m also saying sayonara to the old me.

Going through file folders of over two decades of performance reviews, corporate personality assessment results, and other memorabilia show a steady progression.

I noticed an undeniable growth arc from a young go-getter to a middle aged man who realized long ago that he had hit the glass ceiling.

My perception of life changed drastically a couple weeks ago after I handed in my termination notice. The continuously oscillating feelings of elation and fear eventually subsided. I'm less stressed and am standing up a little straighter.

Yesterday, as I walked the last of my paperwork to Human Resources, I saw things for what they truly were. I didn't belong there and hadn't for a long time. Long ago, the safe route became an impediment to my personal and professional growth. I’m left with one prevailing thought...

Why did it take me twenty-three years to do this?

The full answer is buried underneath many layers. Not so surprisingly, part of it was handed to me by the Universe a few nights ago. While watching the season premiere of Finding Your Roots on PBS, Henry Louis Gates, Jr. revealed some shocking details to Bernie Sanders about his ancestors. Bernie learned for the first time of the unimaginable struggles his father had to overcome in Nazi occupied Europe.

Bernie’s immediate response upon learning of the suffering of his family was, “Now I understand why my father was conservative and risk-averse. Safety and stability were like Heaven for him.”

He then went on to acknowledge his father’s life experience indirectly shaped his own life as well. Then it dawned on me that Bernie and I had more in common just our Ashkenazi Jewish heritage.

My paternal grandfather passed away when my dad was three years old. His mother struggled to support him and his three other siblings on a waitress’ salary. As a result, my father and his older sister were raised in a succession of foster homes until they became adults.

From the stories my father has told me, most of his experiences with foster families weren't great ones. His childhood was filled constant volatility and strife. He never felt like he was wanted or fit in, and dealt with psychological and physical abuse. With this kind of foundation it's hard to build true confidence.

Although he never finished high school, my father is very intelligent and industrious. He always had a day job and one or two side-gigs, worked on his own cars, and fixed things instead of throwing them away. He taught me to keep a folded twenty dollar bill tucked away in the back of my wallet at all times for emergencies. He and my mom forged a childhood for me that was a cocoon of stability and regimented sameness. A routine you could synchronize your watch to. Dinner at 5:30pm. Car rides on the weekends. Summer vacation, the last two weeks of July.

My dad craved and gravitated towards stability, even if it was at the sacrifice of sizable potential gain. When an appliance broke or it came time for our family summer vacation he would pull out a bankroll that he managed to squirrel away. The prevailing attitude around our house as I was growing up was be thankful we have enough to pay the bills. Aspiring to realize dreams was a luxury.

Because of the amazing gift my parents gave us, the stability of a safe childhood, my brother and I had the confidence to live our lives a little more boldly.


Those, indeed, are a pack of Winston's in my bother's hands. Thankfully, he couldn't operate a lighter yet.

We had dreams and were encouraged to chase them. Although there was generational evolution, it was apparent that my father’s philosophy was deeply ingrained in me.

I'm a very firm believer that things in life usually happen for a reason and are understood in retrospect. This transition into writing full-time was just not going to happen for me until I developed the inner confidence to manifest the outward change in my own life.

I'll take this as a lesson for this next exciting phase of my journey and for the rest of my days. All of us are trying, the best we can, to figure things out as we go along.

If I were to share one bit of advice from my experience it would be this...if something in life scares you, run boldly towards it.

Deep down inside I think most of us know exactly what we need to do. It's only a matter of having the courage to listen to that inner voice and act on it, before it's too late.

Thank you all for supporting me this far on my incredible journey!

(Gif compliments of Giphy.com.)

Please follow our official Steemit account for the film series @hardfork-series. We are thrilled to announce we'll be debuting the HardFork Film Series Teaser Trailer at SteemFest2 in Lisbon! Hope to see you there!

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Wow! Amazing post Eric, love how you're digging into the psychological nurture/nature underpinnings of your choices so far and then firmly deciding to make bold new ones! Counting the days along with you till you're free!!

Thanks, Doug! It's strange how these realizations hit sometimes like a lightening bolt. I'm so looking forward to being able to dedicate myself 100% to this wonderful dream of ours!

If I were to share one bit of advice from my experience it would be this...if something in life scares you, run boldly towards it.

I love that.

Looking forward to a Job retirement post from you, Eric!

This piece was so moving, I had to read it in two parts with a break in between. It made me really reflect on the people that shape our lives and ways of thinking.
Time to start making a reality of that life that has been playing in your dreams.

Thank you so much, @Opheliafu. I'm glad it resonated. I was feeling rather melancholy last week, thinking of everyone and everything I would no longer see on a regular basis. This is going to be a very drastic change at my age but I'm more than ready.

What an amazing an emotional post! I hope it gives courage to many, and I for one thank you for sharing this with us.

This is obviously an amazing post to read twice and admire, but another time I will be asking you about that pack of Winston's ;)

Thank you, Adil! I appreciate you reading and commenting! He had fascination with cigarettes when he was younger. Both of my parent's smoked when we were young (in the mid 70's) so he was probably trying to emulate them. At around age 5 we caught him outside actually trying to smoke one. Lol.

Excellent post. I enjoyed reading your story and I must say your dad has taught you well and is a great example for you to follow. We always have to make the best of what life throws at us.I wish you all the best in you future endeavors :)

Thank you! Yes, my dad definitely taught us a lot that has proven useful in life!

if something in life scares you, run boldly towards it.
Such good advice. I don't think you should worry about going through this major change at this point in your life. I think it's important to have the courage to change everything, at any age. Like jumping into cold water, it's refreshing, it lets you know you're still alive.
This is so very inspiring to me. I wish you the best of luck in your new life, sir.

Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed the post! It took me many years to figure this out but, once I did, the doors began to open.

This is my dream and so many others as well. Good for you.

Thanks, keep pursuing that dream no matter what!

Thanks, i will.

Now that was really great to read too awesome : ) you are leading the change

So what's it going to be going forward? Novels, movie script, series pilots :)

For the next year or so I'll be working on this - https://steemit.com/@hardfork-series. We have such a solid team of talented people working on this that we may decide to pursue another project after the series is done.

The name is very similar to what I'm working on now. Different stories and genre, but a big coincidence nevertheless.

Wow! Amazing self discovery! I also quit the professional side of my life 5 years ago (I am 37) and now spend my days with my family and my 5 dogs! I create wealth with experiences and teach my son that he should follow his dreams, no matter if they are the same path as everyone around him or not! WE do not have copious amounts of cash now, but I do have time, which I feel is more valuable than money any day! Good luck on starting the next chapter of your life! I will be following your journey! :)

That is fantastic that you were able to achieve this at such a young age. Money isn't the driver for me either, it's totally about freedom and being able to work on and hone my craft. It's a whole new world to navigate though - no employer sponsored health insurance, etc. There's lots to figure out.

We are lucky in the UK I guess, we have the NHS so we don't have to pay for health insurance. Usually if you find something you are good at and that you love, there is a way to make a living from it. I never believed that until it actually happened though, it is great that you are taking a leap of faith!

@ericvancewalton, I respect the fact that you have come a long way to get where you are at in this journey you are on. From the rough parts of Ohio to the bitterness of Minnesota, I'm very glad you have achieved so much. Its great you had the opportunities you did and made the choices you did over the course of these past few years. I recall speaking with you years ago when you mentioned a few times that you were at a dead end. Well the world is opening up to you and props to you for taking the leap!

Thanks, Fong! It's certainly been an interesting journey so far. That "dead end" time in my life was so frustrating. I truly felt like I attempted 10,000 ways to success and none of them worked. I almost gave up then. So happy that you are joining me on the crypto path, my friend. One day soon we'll be reading your very own Freedom Post. I can't wait for that moment.

Congratulations on all of your success @ericvancewalton. Love the old picture of you too. :)

Thanks, Scott! That seems like many lifetimes ago!

As you get older, last month seems a lifetime ago. :)

If I were to share one bit of advice from my experience it would be this...if something in life scares you, run boldly towards it.

This is very encouraging ! Myself, an Entrepreneur who left corporate job @ Lucent / Bell - Labs exactly 9 years, 11 months and 24 days, at times I feel the need for courage. This post also makes me happy and feels re-assuring as decided to follow my passions at an age of 27- 28.

Sincerely appreciate the post!

I'm glad you had the courage to make the change at a young age! I believe the world is changing to very much favor the entrepreneur. I see so many jobs disappearing in the next few years!

I'm glad you found the courage to move on. sometimes we get stuck in our monotonous routines because we fear change. I like that "if you fear something you should run boldly towards it". Thats what i'm trying to do currently but man is uncertainty a frightening thing. I wish u the best in your writing!!

Thank you! Uncertainty is definitely frightening. One thing I realize is we don't really have security anywhere these days. Good luck in all you do!

I'm a very firm believer that things in life usually happen for a reason and are understood in retrospect.

As I grew older, I've come to see things the same way. Maybe at this point the years spent in the corporate world seem wasted, but then maybe you needed this time to grow and gain the experience you're now going to put in your writing.

I think I learned a LOT of lessons in the corporate job that will translate to this new phase of life. I've also learned a lot about myself and what I don't want. Thanks for your comment!

Very thoughtful post, Eric. It resonates with me especially well at this particular time in my life (thinking of taking on some major risk in pursuit of a new "career"). All the best to you, will be following along here on Steemit.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Thanks and good luck with your transition!

excited to see the trailer at steemfest 2.

We can't wait to share it! @dougkarr will be wrapping it up soon!

feel free, from 9 to 5 .
Thanks for posting.

Thank you for reading!

great post

good story friend, I wish you always success ....

good story friend, I wish you always success ....

Beautiful animation

Nice one

Great Words to live by!!!!

You are a brave guy, who taking risk..Those don't take risk, can't do anything.. Those don't take risk, can't do anything... All the best..

Amazing moment,,,,

Interesting stuff. I remember when you had your other post about fully leaving your job. That was a good one as well. Cheers to new beginnings!! You have my follow now!

"This transition into writing full-time was just not going to happen for me until I developed the inner confidence to manifest the outward change in my own life." - I love this! Isn't this what we all feel? Obviously writing was your passion. But how often do we tell ourselves, or convince ourselves, that where we are at is good enough? Or comfortable enough? Simply based on the fear of giving it up? I applaud your courage and absolutely wish you the best of luck. I so look forward to your future endeavors and projects. Good on ya Eric!

Congratulations on breaking free to do what you want to do with the rest of your life. I stepped out of my comfort zone when I was 47 years old. It was the best decision of my life. Doing a job that you really don't like and have little or no prospect of achieving anything more is not a bright prospect. Go for it and enjoy the journey!

Congrats again! Don't beat yourself up for taking 23 years, you were ready when you were ready.

Or maybe I'm writing that for me.

Congrats again!

Powerful post! We're pretty close in age and I can completely relate to the kinds of reflection you're going through. This post's timing is perfect for me, as I'm thinking ahead to my next step. Nice to know there's a fellow traveler.

hi @ericvancewalton, every post you are all qualified, i am your fan, if you please and please please follow my back @jekisatria

nice post, lovely memories.

Amazing to read your toughts. There was never growth without chances. And you are on the forfront of growth!