Fade To Black

in The Ink Well3 months ago

Anything that has a beginning will eventually have an end. But those two terms are more of imaginary lines we like to draw on what is otherwise a continuous flow.

Should we feel sad about winter, more than we feel happy about spring? Would spring and its symbolism as a new beginning, without the winter, have any significance or even be a thing?

I've been dealing with a multitude of issues for a while now, and during the past few days, an extra has occurred, since they love to come bundled together in waves. Not the celebratory kind, despite the timing, but more of the reflection inducing kind.

I have this crazy thought sometimes, that one does not "stay" if they feel they are "unwanted" by others.
Like being casted in a void that disperses and drains out any shred of energy one has left to separate them from merging and becoming part of it. This is different from being 'loved' or 'hated' by some.
One cannot simply carry on for long, when an overwhelming majority are willing to let go of them or wanting them to "go".

Ermm, no... I'm not talking about politics. That game has a different set of rules it seems.

I'm talking about life and death!

Between birth and death is a glimpse of some theatrical events we call life, whatever happens within that period, despite it being pointless and meaningless in the grand scheme of this nonpersistent existence... We still like to believe that it holds some meaning, and sure, maybe it does. We invented a word for it after all!

A woman of 90-some years young has recently passed away. She had many children, grandchildren, great grandchildren and then some more.

I'm not good with tributes, and haven't intended to write one, so I won't. I will just lay down a few thoughts I have on mind through this quick overview of her life instead.

During her last 15-20 years, I have seen and heard the overall attitude towards her sadly shifting from being a center piece to almost unwanted as somewhat a burden by some of her offspring. Not that they didn't love her, nor that they've left her uncared for, but life and their families as they grew older became their priority, along with the general situation becoming increasingly difficult on all fronts.

Saddening to say the least, but that's the natural way of things I guess. Not to mention humans have these tendencies to complain even about the very nature they were made of in the first place.

Despite her old age, luckily she wasn't suffering from any major illnesses or even minor ones.
In fact, she was "healthier" than me and many others, including some of her great great grandkids whom she outlived to witness their fortunate or unfortunate departure, take your pick depending on your views about life.

Is it a blessing to live for long, or is it a curse?

Some might say it is a blessing, others might say being born has already been THE curse.
Despite my opinion leaning more towards the latter and regardless of your opinion or mine about it, everyone agrees that being and remaining healthy is the best thing one can and should aspire for.

Anyways, back to the point I was trying to make or break, if there was any to begin with.

She got married at an exceedingly early age, where playing with dolls or playing hide and seek would've been more appropriate, more in line with her thinking, and more in tune with her whims. Scolded by her parents for calling her husband "uncle" out of respect, because she didn't know any better, as he was a few years older and a much taller kid, but those few years made a whole difference in her mindset, and auto-respecting "older" folks was a thing.

Don't get me wrong, there was no abusive relationship per say, she loved him and has always spoken highly of him.
But judging by today's standards, and rightly so, it is outrageous, totally unacceptable and a crime for parents to allow, let alone force such marriages on kids. More recent generations may or may not be aware that this was the "norm" in most places if not all over the world, some got rid of it a bit earlier than others, but without the struggles and the epic life battles these older generations had to endure, none of the rights, laws, freedoms, and standards of living that the present and future generations live to enjoy or ruin would've been possible.

She, as most families of farmers in that era, had many children, during the times of global and local unrest and major changes. A young and an early widow had to raise her kids mostly alone, working in the fields, carrying a baby with one arm as her youngest was barely 20 days old when their father died, while picking fruits, vegetables, and sowing with the other arm.

Older generations and their OnlyFarms, eh?

Eventually, with the help of the eldest son who had to start working early on, to provide with her for his siblings, each played a role, forged, impacted and improved the paths for the younger ones.

I'm pretty sure this is a classic for many families during those times. So, needless to go into details.

A kid, who raised kids, struggled and laughed, played and cried, and eventually, died as it were, a kid, despite of it all, and regardless how strong, just like everyone else… Deep down, do we ever grow up?

Time goes on and we tend to forget, even the ground that we stand on. Perhaps that's a good thing so we can keep moving forwards, but certainly pausing and reflecting from time to time is needed too.

Requiescat In Pace, Grandma. You lived a full and fulfilling life, with its goods and bads, ups and downs, traveled and seen many places, met and knew many faces.
You were loved by many, despite some erratic swings on that Cosmic-Want-O-Meter scale.
Your journey of cycles around the sun may have ended, only to signal and enable the beginning of your everlasting universal journey of ultimate peace.

And to all the good, loving, and wonderful grandma's, and grandpa's out there, current and future ones. Whether it is realized in each and every moment or temporarily forgotten, through your struggles and all that you've been through, you carried on your shoulders and paved the way for this bittersweet dream known as life to go on.

Trying to sweeten and reduce the bitterness as possible. Defining a meaning from the meaningless, warming and populating the vast cold void with cheer and happiness whenever applicable.

Merry Christmas to all, and happy holidays. 🎄

All content and rambling is courtesy of me, unless stated otherwise.
Header image from Pixabay & #LIL by @agmoore.
© 2022 @yaziris

You remember that one time you told me that you weren't that great of a writer? LOL yeah ok Yaz.

My damn computer is on fire from reading this! You have a way with words that is astounding— that OnlyFarms reference didn't jolt the mood, yet provided a chuckle. I love a writer who can do that :)

A kind and vaguely cheerful nihilism? One that addresses life and it's pitfalls in practice? A new genre of writing.

This is packed with so many important statements... insights that we should all take a moment to process. I feel as if addressing my perspective on what you said wouldn't do it justice... So, I'll say this: your Grandmother was a remarkable woman, and I have a deep admiration for how you carry her memory.

Gosh, thank you so much for sharing this. I sent a small tip since this is past payout, Hope to see another from you soon, if it feels right ❤️

😅 Yes, I do remember and I still think it's the case.

A kind and vaguely cheerful nihilism?

I'm glad you picked up on that, I tried to avoid getting anyone reading into some depressive mood while talking about these subjects.

Thank you so much for reading, and thanks a lot for your kind words. ♥️

She was wanted, by at least one person. I knew her through you. All we can hope for is love. Not even to be remembered, because those who remember us will be gone some day.

This is not a tribute. It's a shared journey, a shared life view. Your grandmother's life could have defined a century. Much of what you describe is familiar to me from my own family's stories (though not the early marriage).

The beauty in this piece comes from your grandmother, and it comes from you. You are wise and have a great heart. She was lucky to have you. We are lucky to know you.

The early marriage thing has ended very rapidly within 1 generation over here, her generation can be officially considered the last one to broadly struggle with that sort of thing.

Thank you very much for your kind words @agmoore, I'm the lucky one to know you!

Much love for you my friend. ❤


Emotion flows off the page; I can feel and hear you crying. I’m crying too. Age is such a relative thing - you are so right to say (in so many words) that we are as old as our health allows us to be. Your grandmother was young, because her attitude and her health allowed. I know how much you’re going to miss her; it’s in every word you write.

Yaz, you move the world forward, your family and friends forward with this beautiful tribute; we see the thing that is timeless; love! You have it in abundance and I’m so glad I’ve had a chance to get to know you and “see” that love in action.

Your granny will live on in loving memory of that I’m sure.
Love, love, love you muchness. Hugs, hugs, hugs 🤗🤗🤗🤗💕❤️💕❤️💕🤗🤗🤗🤗💕😔😔🥲🥲🥲🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

You leave me speechless with your heartfelt comments and kindness all the time.

Its truly my pleasure to know you and "see" how wonderful of a person you are. Anyone who were lucky enough to get to know you would easily say the same, because simply it should've been @itsowonderful 😘

Much much love and hugs to you too my friend.🤗 ❤ 🤗

Awwwwwww 🥰❤️🥰💕❤️🥰

This is beautifully written, @yaziris. I enjoyed reading more about your grandmother.

A life well lived, with people and love, is all we can hope for in this life. And your grandma seemed to achieve that. I hope she felt that in her waning years and hours. It's heartbreaking that she had faded from the central place in the family sentiment. I suppose it is not unusual, with how busy people become with the own lives. But our elders brought us younger folk into the world, and in an ideal world, they would be treated with utmost love and respect.

Deep down, do we ever grow up?

I loved reading that. I don't personally think we do. The expression "young at heart" is really true. As long as we have youthfulness in our hearts, we can still enjoy what this life has to offer.

Thank you for sharing this story in The Ink Well. I your grandmother's memories stay with you always.

I hope she felt that in her waning years and hours

She certainly has. I'd say she was very content overall. And all those contradictory feelings people have are just natural and part of what life dictates sometimes in the end.

As long as we have youthfulness in our hearts

Yep! This 💯 and it even has a positive impact on our physicality.

Thank you for everything Jayna.. Much love to you my dear friend ❣ ♥️

Yes!!!!! reading your post is a blessing. You don't know how much I missed it.

I loved your post. What an amazing lady she was... You made a perfect tribute.

I have to go and listen to more of my grandma's story now. 😁 (although she repeats a lot of them haha)

Thank YOU and Happy Holidays brother. 🤗


Yes, they tend to do that. Same story, over and over again, and you'd have to listen to it for the 100th time as if it's new 😁

Happy holidays to you too bro. 🎄

The emotions literally flew off my screen, a great write up @yaziris.
Naturally I don't believe in mourning when the old die. For in whatever circumstance in which they left us, it can be certain that in their long years here, they've amassed great knowledge and experiences.

I think the erratic swinging of the want-o-meter is something that happens quite usually when an elder reaches and passes 80.
It can be considered the breaking age, when the family realizes that one bad step and it may be the end.
I'm glad your grandma left healthily and peacefully.
Have a great Christmas 🎄

I don't believe in mourning nor cheering in general either. Young, old, or in the middle alike. I think the very first part of my text hints at that.

happens quite usually when an elder reaches and passes 80

Yep, sadly so. Add some sort of inheritance, or a bit of temper of the elder to the mix... And yeah, things can get ugly 😁

Thank you for stopping by @seki1. Happy christmas and peaceful holidays to you too! 🎄

Tye inheritance bit...
Could easily become a recipe for disaster..😂😂
Happy holidays bro

I'm not good with tributes, and haven't intended to write one, so I won't.

And yet you did, and it was a beautiful appreciation of her and her life. Your thoughts on her showed that her life impacted you, and such an impact is all a person can ever ask for in this life. Even if it's not fully reciprocated, know that you also have an impact with your actions and words. In this case, it was a positive impact. Thanks for writing this reflection on life... I have this little feeling that grandmother would have been proud to read this. 😊

Thank you. Appreciate the compliment @freecompliments.

Wish you the best with your community/project!

Thank you kindly! 😊

And if at all you need some support during this time, let me know. I may not see your message immediately, but I'll be around.

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Much appreciated brother. 🙏 Happy holidays!

Congratulations on your story, I liked it and I hope to read another story of yours, Merry Christmas, I hope you have a great time with your loved ones.

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