Have you noticed the greatest quality that kids have? I am not talking about their energy, persistent curiosity or youthfull playfullness. Although all of those are amazing qualities, they are not fully present in all of the kids. The thing which is always there, whether an adult notices or not, is their hope. The stubbornness of never giving up to a wish, to a desire. Kids always hope.
Parents can often crush the bubble of their offsprings with harsh criticism and dictatorship like attitude. Adults expect kids to behave according to their rules, fortgetting that there is a sort of magic in leaving your kid enjoy their childhood. A parent can scream towards a kid. The kid hopes they are still loved and that the parent will apologize. A parent can reject and ridicule their offspring. The kid hopes that they will live up to the expectations and strive to not disappoint. A parent can say and do traumatizing things, the kid hopes they will repair the relationship.Someday. In the back of their mind, kids hold on desperately to their hopes, even when it is detrimental for their emotional health.
As we grow up, the world will also be a crush-the- bubble factor. If we turn into cynical and negative people, we lose our inner child. We can end up believing that everybody is bad and that we should protect ourselves by looking tough. I saw how often those of us who kept on hoping for people to turn good were seen as naive. As a strong empath I often found myself in that position. My hope in people never wavered and despite the evidence, I always wanted to believe that people are generally good. Of course that at a certain point and with certain people this hope has to stop when you are constantly hurt and taken for a fool. But those are the exceptions.
I admire people who act towards their hope. I admire when I meet adults with this trait. The benefit of growing up and keeping this quality consists in our ability to pick our battles. To filter the right kind of people who appreciate a second chance and who deserve it. All humans make mistakes and those who love you will hurt you along the way. It's inevitable. But offering the flower of hope to someone who is not willing to water it is a loss. It's a loss in the garden of this wonderful kid within, where dozens of hope flowers are being taken from the ground everyday and offered as a sign of sincere love. Love is this constant care for our childish garden of hope. This is a sacred garden so we should all watch our steps.
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After reading this piece, I guess I still got my inner childlike hope intact. Thanks for this amazing piece.
Hey! Thank you for reading and for the lovely words.
I'm happy to hear that there are still people who protected their inner kid. That's golden. Hope in humanity is something which should not be lost.
!ENGAGE 20
ENGAGEtokens.great post! I feel that it is always so helpful to go out in nature and reconnect with our larger selves
Hello! Thank you! I agree with going out in nature. I do it all the time in the weekends, it helps me restore my energy and it gives me a sense of inner peace. Nature is always the best place to be when you want to gather your thoughts in silence
!ENGAGE 20
ENGAGEtokens.I think that it becomes hard at times to maintain a positive demeanor with children, especially when there are so many other pressures in life to contend with. I actually think that one of the repercussions of Covid will be the affects of frustrations at this time among family members, as people get increasingly stressed by a type of cabin fever. It isn't easy to maintain composure, but it is useful to learn how to recognize one's own poor behavior and apologize for it - and of course, hopefully learn from it so it doesn't repeat.
I think that you are correct in regards to current social pressures. Coping with life as it is and with a child must not be easy. But kids never asked to be here in the first place, so I think that it is always the obligation of the adult to adjust to kid's needs and not viceversa. It takes a lot of work for adults I know. To manage the inner self under immense pressure. But that child will grow and we all know that at a certain age we will start to question ourselves about the choices and behavior of our parents. With this thought in mind a parent should nurture the relationship from early on. Because later in life they will collect the rewards in form of attachment style and behaviors. Most likely I guarantee that the majority will reap what they have sown.
!ENGAGE 20
ENGAGEtokens.Your post has made me reflect on how much I say "no" or "you can't do that" to my kids. I needed to read this today. Thank you. I'm going to try really hard to change my vocabulary and even if I know it's something that can't be done, instead of telling them no....reword it to maybe "Let's see if we can find a different way"
Your post is powerful and I thank you for making me think! 🙏
Hey! Your words made me smile, I am so glad that you were able to extract with such accuracy the important advices from my article and apply them in your family life. Thank you for reading me!
I think that all parents need to see life through their kid's eyes in order to behave in the best way possible
!ENGAGE 10
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ENGAGEtokens.Admire a child's hope. Still hope good things of yourself. Of course, children will break rules- which will give criticism merit- but remember that you screw up as well. Be as a positive role model you can; criticize a child constructively; otherwise, they may lose their ability to hope.
You are on point! Being a good model for the kid is the best example. Ruining hope for progress is such a harsh thing to do. I think that few parents realize the trauma they cause to their own offsprings due to excessive criticism
Criticize the kid constructively when they deserve it. An "F" on a quiz should not deter hope. Of course, if they seem to not care, don't expect them to hope. If they feel like a "loser" because of the F, that is not necessarily a bad thing (unless it causes real depression), use that F as a learning experience. Remember the F itself is the punishment, no need to rub it in.
I totally agree with you! Criticizing a child is really a horrible thing to do, with long term repercussions. Parents need more parenting lessons and there should be something done about this
Often a very demanding parent has his own shortcomings and therefore demand the impossible from a child although they themselves might have failed in life. It is not fair or ethical
(Warning- LONG post...)
Sometimes a person deserves criticism. You need to tell a person when and what (s)he did wrong. When I missed the beat playing the piano, I would be told "no!" That in itself is a form of criticism. Not all criticism is bad; there are rules in life. A teacher who grades a child's paper is a "critic" in her own right, and if a paragraph does not fit, she must circle it and explain why. That is a form of criticism. A person who gets a parking ticket deserves it (usually), and is being criticized for his/her laziness. But reward is equally important. Never criticizing could have bad results too.
Maybe we mean different things when we use the word criticism? If you mean criticism as "insulting a child with a loud voice," I understand, but that is not MY definition of criticism; that is my definition of "belittling."
For me, criticism is "judging the merits of someone via some established standard." That is not necessarily the same thing as belittling. If a child breaks the norms, (well, adults do to), then explain what has been done wrong, and then explain what has to be done right.
A judge and jury who finds someone guilty of a crime is being critical of that person's behavior. A parent who scolds a child for breaking a flower vase is also being critical. No parent is going to react gently and take it in stride when the child breaks the flower vase, no matter how accidental. The child still broke a norm; Flower vases are not to be broken. Saying "watch what you're doing!" is a form of light criticism in itself, for me, anyway. Criticism and belittling are two different things.
Criticism can start as something good, but turn into belittling. I think this often happens. You start explaining to a person what he did wrong (criticism). After that you link it to something else he did wrong. And then something else he did wrong, till you wind up hurling insults. That's not criticism to me. That is belittling (or being a total asshole, if you want to use common speech).
Hey! I think that the tone of voice makes a huge difference. It is one thing to scream violently and have a nervous breakdown because of a vase versus calmy explaining the child that they have broken a norm. Even studies have shown that a simple animal learns better not through punishment but through positive reinforcement
But explaining why breaking the vase is wrong is still a form of criticism, no matter how soft the voice. The child did wrong, and you are not HAPPY with the behavior; you are CRITICAL of it. You don't have to scream; if I say something like, "Johnny, Janie, no playing like that in the house because you might break something that is not yours; look what you did," that is still a form of criticism. No way will I ignore the fact that they broke the vase. If I disapprove of the behavior, I am CRITICAL of it.
For sure this is a valid point of view and I can understand it