AAARGHHHH My HAND!!!!
I reeled back from the kitchen sink, a mythical place unheard of for all but the most intrepid of men.
Blood sheeted down my wrist from a gigantic gash on the side of my hand.
The Good Lady came running into the kitchen at the sound of the most manly and not at all high-pitched, girly screaming.
What is it?? What is going on... UURRRK?!
She staggered back at the sight of me standing there with a bloodied limb held aloft as if I had been fisting a prize cow that was on its dabby-doos.
What happened, oh my god. Are you ok?
She grabbed a dishtowel and raced forward as if to push the filthy fetid rag at my bleeding wound.
I pulled my hand away and with a slow intake of breath, regained my mannity.
I was washing the dishes when one of the bowls cracked clean in two and my hand got cut by one of the halves.
I continued to hold my red-painted hand high as if I were a Dutch prostitute searching for a pole to swing on.
There's a lot of blood. Let me see it?
The Good Lady inched forward and I bought my hand downward gently taking the hand that was exerting pressure on it off.
As I lifted my hand the almighty gash started to spew forth blood in a mighty tsunami and I quickly slapped the pressure back on.
Oh, no. That looks right deep and nasty.
The Good Lady winced.
I tutted and shook my head.
Don't worry baby. It's nothing. It's cool.
I said attempting a shrug whilst holding my hands together in what looked like prayer.
It's not cool. It looks really serious?
The Good Lady furrowed her brow like a moose finding a frozen shit in the snow.
Oh please, baby. I'm a man. This is what we do.
I gently pulled my hand away and examined the cut. The bleeding had almost stopped. It did look a bit rippy.
That doesn't even make sense? You will have to get a stitch in that. But that means Hospital... That's a scary thought isn't it, with all this Corona nonsense going about?
She reached out and put a hand reassuringly on my shoulder.
I shrugged it off making a face like an Irishman ordering Craft Gin online.
I'm not scared.
I said, a little defensively.
Are you sure. It really does look like it needs a stitch?
She tilted her head to the side.
I shooed her away with my good hand. The other held tight to my chest.
Away with you, I will be fine. I will stick a plaster on it.
As she left the kitchen, my face fell.
I couldn't really say. But I was scared.
Scared real bad.
With an injury like this, how the hell was I supposed to parp the pork trombone?!
I am missing some vocabulary:
dabby-doos ?
pork trombone?
Please, enlighten us, dear word master.
Oh goodness!! It feels so rude and coarse to put them in the plain light of day!
But if you insist... :OD
dabby-doos ? - a lady's crimson tide but without submarines
pork trombone? a penis!
Oh, I apologise in advance!
Two words "super glue"
I gritted my teeth as I read these very two words.
I had heard of this before but have the terrible fear of somehow making it worse and really having to go to hospital!!
Don't tell anyone I'm a big feartie ;0)
Used it on my kids quite a few times... Most facial wounds are stitched with the medical form of superglue these days since it scars less
Wow. The very next time it happens I will do it! Although, I hope that next time is quite far off!
https://www.popularmechanics.com/technology/a25067/the-surprising-military-history-of-superglue/
The idea of repeatedly gluing children back together like broken teacups makes me smile.
I see your priorities are in place as you consider the ramifications of your wound.
One must always have priorities!!
Use the other hand, it will be quite a different experience.
HA, you are right, it will indeed!!
Damn ,that there is proper out of the box thinking! :OD
😉👌 Good healing to you mate!
Its a sore one, I think it will be ok though!
That kind of cut can hurt quite bad. Could advice to drink a couple of beers, as a painkiller (sounds like a song title 🤔) But that might make your blood too thin. Hope it feels better soon.
One of my favourite songs is painkiller by Judas Priest! Saving the beers to the weekend unfortunately sigh
The wound will be healed, the beer will be even more tasty! 🍻
Man, how can he even sing, bend like that...
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2LTzLZ6VfAA
LOL, is that even a word?
No going to A&E unless you want to wait 12 hours AND catch that damn virus to boot. The plaster will have to do.
If it's not it should be. It sums up everything!!
It really does need a stitch but there is no chance I am going to one of those places at this time. I just won't move it for a few days!!
I don't blame you, they are bad in the normal times, now.. it will be crazy. There have been 2 Corona deaths in my local hospital already.
Really? I haven't heard of their having been any in mine but the idea of being cooped up in a place of certain death does not appeal. As soon as it happened I was like, fuck!! I ain't going to hospital!!!
Ceramic cut? They're the worst, they're sharper than knives I swear x_x Did you end up needing stitches or was the bandaid enough? Or did you have stitch tape? (I don't know what it's actually called but if it's not too wide/deep it holds it together well enough XD)
Yeah, ceramic, grr.
I held it very tightly with my thumb till the bleeding stopped and it felt like it wasn't going to burst open. Them I used two plasters to hold it together. Probably like stitch tape would.
I think on any other occasion I would have gone for the stitches but this time, no chance!
Oof x_x well stay on top of the betadine (or whatever you're using for disinfectant) and manage it like there's stitches x_x hope it feels up swiftly and normally XD
I'm sure you'll be fine, I sliced my knee open on a broken soap dish once (even I'm not sure how that happened), my uncle was sure it would need stitches and that we needed a hospital, my aunty and I figured it would be fine so we just aloed and bandaged it up in a similar fashion to what you did and I now have a wicked scar...which goes with all my other wicked scars XD (the scars aren't that bad/noticable, I used to skate a lot so one more was whatever XD)
I am keeping it insanely still. I think it is healing quite well already. Hurts like a mofo but I am not too worried about it cracking open today!!
Another few days and I will be sorted.
It will leave me with another nice scar. Lol, what a thing to collect!
About decade ago my own hubs had his finger pulled into a motor... after taking a huge swallow of liquor he reset it and sewed it up with black thread himself😆 Kept it clean and dressed, it's perfectly fine! I knew I had me the right man for an apocalypse way back when 😂😂
Oh man, that sounds amazing in an awfully apocalyptic kind of field surgery way!! I pressed mine together and am now remaining completely still!!
Life at home is heaven. unless you never go out...:D
I have the fever!! The cabin fever!!!! :0D
I think that sometimes dishes try to sacrifice themselves on the sides of the sink. It is something like That's the last time I will be used to feed children Brussels sprouts. For the happiness of children everywhere, I shall break myself!
How fortunate you have a tough wife. My husband cut his finger on a lawn mower blade last summer - nasty cut, very nearly took the tip off - and I almost puked and almost passed out all at once.
Are you hunting and pecking to type this then? Now that's devotion.
I am quite lucky it was on the side of my thumb. I can type quite manfully.
My daughter was bereft. When she found out it was her bowl she went bananas, despite the fact there are three more identical bowls!
Howdy sir meesterboom! Did you stay at home or did you go get it stitched? You're so strong and rugged that just picking up the bowl it broke in half!
I stayed at home and it is healing nicely now. It's only agonisingly painful if it touched anything now instead of all the time!
Oh that's great progress then. lol...maybe you'll have another manly scar that you can make up stories about!