What's going on here?
I yodelled at the mostly empty office as I marched up to my allotted desk.
Nearby, an odd-looking developer twisted around in alarm. He had a long and straggly beard, making him look decidedly like a stunted version of the dread Cthulu.
What's up man?
Cthulu mumbled trying to avoid eye contact so much that he was in danger of headbutting a nearby wall.
What's up? What is fucking up? I will tell you what is up. The chairs!? Where are the fucking chairs?
I snarled at him as I looked around the office.
In the sea of desks around me, there were no chairs to be seen. It was as if the place had been bewitched and worse than even that fucking twee bunch of Irish popsters.
and why the fuck is the horse-faced one about twenty years older than the others?
The chairs, man? Oh yeah. Like, there aren't any in this wing. They made these standing desks. Didn't you get the email?
Cthulu tried to look both helpful and smug, which made him look like a cat staring open-mouthed in disgust at the neighbour's dog clumsily but hopefully smearing beef paste over its penis.
Only old people read emails.
I sniffed disdainfully.
Erm, well, no. That is not correct?
Cthulu stuttered in disbelief at my response.
Yes, it is correct, hobo.
I raised a hand to cut off any more nonsense from the tremblingly bearded Cthulu as I caught sight of a magnificently stern and slim-looking woman clip-clopping along the aisle between desks whilst tapping angrily at the tablet she held like a french cigarette in her hands.
Excuse me! What happened to the chairs? What's going on?
I put on a posh accent just in case the lady was working-class and it made her want to give my face a wipe with her thunder cranny.
Working-class British people love a posh accent. It's genetic, a built-in subservience from centuries past. I could literally walk into any shop and honk like a posh goose and the owner would try to wank me off with his sister before giving me piles of money for the pleasure.
The Stern lady looked at me as though I were a dalmatian puppy and the 101 other ones she had were not quite enough.
Didn't you get the email?
She said in a furiously posh voice. It was posher even than my pretend posh voice and that was posher than a polished ebony walking stick with a silver handle in the shape of a wolf's head.
Only old people read emails.
I said dismissively, waving a hand in the direction of Cthulu who was trying to say something clever but was hampered by having to twist and bend in awkward directions to hide his erection at the sight of a lady in a skirt.
Ha, oh that's a good one. You're funny.
Clip-Clop laughed like a filthy drain then stopped and frowned.
You were joking weren't you?
She closed the case on her tablet and fixed me with her smoky black eyes.
Wahaha, of course I was joking. I open ALL my mails. Even the shit ones from the likes of him.
I gestured contemptuously at Cthulu who by now had settled into an odd half-crouching sulk.
Oi!?
He feebly croaked.
So you will know that we got rid of the chairs in the East wings and introduced the standing desks? Much better for you. Great for your calves.
Clip-Clop turned one of her gazelle-like legs to the side and smiled somewhat vivaciously.
Yes, and it's good for the likes of beardy to stand a bit and give his down-belows an airing too.
Again, I gestured at Cthulu who was providing me with a never-ending seam of material to impress my new posh lady friend.
Oh god, you are awful. But that's funny! Oh, poor Colin.
She flashed a pitying smile at Cthulu who promptly had to start contorting again.
Stepping in close, she reached out a hand and flipped my ID badge over and looked at it closely before nodding.
Ok then. I am just going to mark you in as one of the standing desk pilot users. So, on a scale of 1-5 would you give them a 4 or a 5 for how good they are?
She tossed her hair to the side and fixed me with a smile brighter than the sun itself.
I felt things twitch and growl in my nethers.
These damned things? A fucking one and I am being generous... I am kidding. I love them. A five all the way!
I slapped one of the desks as if it were a horse that I had just rode in on.
Oh, that's fabulous. Well, I better be off. See you later!
With another toss of her lustrous mane of hair, she clip-clopped on her big jaggy heels through to the next wing.
I let out a big sigh and threw my bag dispiritedly at the Standing Desk near to me.
Fuck sake, man. Standing desks, what a load of shit. I can't believe I have to stand and work. Fucking hell.
Snorting like a pig denied figs, I flipped open my laptop.
Hey, you told her you loved them?!
Cthulu cried indignantly.
I huffed and shook my head.
Colin, I think you have penises in your beard. Now shoosh, I am trying to work.
Damn, my legs were already sore.
Tapping into Friday, don't need penises in the beard nor chairs....
Go have a good one!
@tipu curate 2
Upvoted 👌 (Mana: 25/55) Liquid rewards.
Yes, none of us need that :OD
I will indeed milady and I hope you do too!
Rendition was good in story format, music going in the background, yup smiled and face did not crack!
Haha, you cant go far wrong when you have music in the background and get to surf and chill!
Haha, you cant go far wrong when you have music in the background and get to surf and chill!
Office chair on wheels, surf, chill and rock n roll... 🙃
More like skate, chill and rock 'n roll!! :0D
Look Ma no hands skate....
Show up for work in a wheelchair. Optional standing desks is a great idea.
Optional I agree!! To be fair I have since found out that we can choose which wing we sit in and the west has chairs!
Wheelchair, lol. That would do it!
Oh good Christ!! Let their name never be mentioned again, torturous to the ear canal.....
Standing desks!? Get away to fuck, we'll be standing on flights to New York next!
If they paid me to go I could take that kind of standing! But in the office, they can bite my banger 🤣
They should get those kneeling chairs to go with the standing desks and then they can say they're fully ergonomical XD
Crikey, don't put ideas in their heads via me. Now I am bound to blurt that out during a meeting!!
Bahahahahhahahaa XD
But hey at least you won't need to stand all the time then, that's not much better than sitting all the time. But not everyone can work while on a treadmill or something and they don't have moving desks yet.
If you're going to blurt out kneeling chairs also blurt out beanbags, those who don't have trouble getting in and out will probably appreciate being able to rest their backs on occasion XD
I would love beanbags. Although they are certainly not very difficult to get up/out of! I call imagine that being quite entertaining!!
They can be if you have mobility issues XD
I think that would be even worse. I don't have any and in a big one in a kids place I once had to roll out of one!
LoL! That is a legit way to get out of one XD I really wanted a couple for the reading "corner" in the games room (the bookshelf itself is in the corner and after that there's not much room, the games room itself is kind of more a games alcove XD) but at the time we had a dog that had way too much fun thrashing beanbags around because of the sound and it was apparently so much fun to make the little beans fly out of it x_x
"Working-class British people love a posh accent. It's genetic, a built-in subservience from centuries past."
So true. Walk around all posh with a plate of bangers and you will surely get at least a reach around at any pub
Aye, it's a given! You should see it in Scotland, it's probably worse!
Time for escalation. These desks need treadmills or those Nordic Trak ski simulator gizmos so you can exercise while you work. Gets the blood flowing and keeps you alert, dontchaknow. Explain how it's especially ideal for management types. Claim the Japanese are already doing it.
I will claim the Japanese are already doing it and then claim that's exactly why we shouldn't!!
Although annoyingly, they have got us doing all this lean nonsense, which is directly borrowed from assembly line stuff of the Japanese!
Insist the best Japanese businesses offer !BEER and weekly massages to all employees as a reward for loyalty.
If I could get away with that I would. I might be at my max for suggestions. I already suggested a 4 day week for all!
You never know. Push just a bit more and they may award you a 0-day workweek!
View or trade
BEER.Hey @meesterboom, here is a little bit of
BEERfrom @jacobtothe for you. Enjoy it!Learn how to earn FREE BEER each day by staking your
BEER.Are you taking the piss? The least they could do was raise them, else everyone's going to have 'old-man backs' real quick!
Oh they have raised them. We have funky standing desks. I say funky, they arent very funky but they are tall!
And narrow. You cant have a lot of stuff on them like I like to have!
Are they trying to tire you out faster.. What is the madness?
They claim, and this is quite hilarious, that they are looking for non monetary ways to improve our working lives.
I am like, eh, buy me a fucking chair, that will make me happy! Dont make me come into the office at all, that's would work!
Next there will be a treadmill were you stand.., fucking madness! Are the boss fat-cats also standing?
We have jokes about a treadmill to power the laptop so they can claim the green credentials :0D
The bosses all have individual offices in the 'open plan' office. Big chairs too!!
Bewitched! Oh Lord...they all looked like horses except the one that looks like Isla St. Clair. I can't believe that was 1998, it looks like 1988...weird.
Anyway, standing desks. Are they the ones with electric motors that can make them go up and down because if so, there is mischief to be had....especially in the direction of people with minging beards that have a tendency to easily get trapped in the mechanism...
Toodle pip old chap, I'm off for a late 70's Isla St. Clair moment.....alone.....
ISLA ST. CLAIR!!! I loved her! I really did! What a blast from the past that is!
These ones are cheapos and don't have any electric mess aboutery nonsense with height although one of the guys that works from home has one and he was showing me the other day. We laughed!
I think I might have to go and have a wee think on oor Isla! ;OD
What is this world coming to?? If they aren't going to provide chairs then they should pay you more as an incentive to 'ditch the chair' lol. I suppose next will be a one legged milking stool issued to all who still wish to sit. That way you can strap it to your ass and take it with you from assignment to assignment lol. Unbelievable!
Try that at your family dinner table and see how it goes over. Tell them it's for their own good...you're just watching out for their wellbeing. It'll never fly LOL. Happy Friday and happy weekend!!
Hahaha, pay us more... more like whip us more and make us eat their fetid leavings!
I could take in my own milking stool but that might get me fired :OD
Happy weekend lass!! Hope you have a good un planned!
Hello dear friend @meesterboom good day
You've never had any luck with your deskmates.
You can't spend so many hours with a person who is disheveled and has a horrible beard. you are strong you will overcome
enjoy the weekend
Mr Jlufer! How are you!
I have never had any luck with desks or deskmates. Some things never change :OD
Hope you have a good weekend mate!
Lmao 🤣 funny. Pretty woman have that effect.
I actually like standing desks and always wish I had one whenever I worked in an office. I find that sitting kills my legs. Being stagnant for long periods of time hurts a lot in a really strange way. Ideally it would be nice to have an adjustable desk though with the option of standing or sitting as needed. Standing all day isn't really ideal either for a lot of people.
I would love onthat I could adjust so I could sit or stand at various times. I would prefer to stand after lunch and sit before.
Pretty women have always made my head spin. Poor Chthulu, he probably didn't deserve a pounding :OD
Yeah they make those desks too. The fancy ones are electronic or hydraulic (not sure exactly) but the cheaper ones have a hand crank. I'd take either myself.
Ours have a hydraulic bit just like our chairs do. Pull the lever and it goes up, lean on it and it goes down. I mean its alright. Not for extended periods though.
I can see why they didn't go electric in my place. The circus that would have been for some of us in IT as we fiddled with them all day long!
Haha that's true. Hydraulic is perfect though. Can you get a tall chair to go with it like a high stool that also goes up and down?
We do have high chairs that do that in our canteen cafe, it has two tables and the like. Could maybe nick one from there!
Yeah that could work 😄
Good Lawd ! A new way not to buy something. No chairs would be a no go for me. I wouldn't mind standing up now and then during the day, but not all day. If they don't expect you to use them but a few minutes at a time just passing through, maybe... but no.
I see you love your new email/old people comment. Gotta love the different responses.
I do love that. I cant help but use it all the time now. In fact Ikeep saying it for other things now. Utterly unrelated. Good Lady asks for a hand bringing the washing in and I am like., pfft, only old people hang washing up...
I wouldn't mind them for a short while but once we book a desk for the day that is it. We arent meant to hop about which seems to be the flaw in the pattern
No hopping about ! ha ha
I guess I was thinking of those desk risers that you can raise or lower right on top of your desk. One desk, adjustable to sitting or standing.
We only had little stands so that you can raise the laptop up to eye height but nothing fancy before. Not now though, now we are super powered!!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
What the! You are gonna stand to work? What exactly happened to the chairs? Who doesn't need a chair while working? What's with your calves 😂😂 this is so funny.
And the accent that got a reverse response from the lady... Oh no! You didn't see that coming, did you?
Another funny read, thanks Mr Boom 👋
I didnt see it coming at all. I thought I would be the posho!
I am going to sit in the opposite wing in future, they have chairs and I can happily slouch and surf hive in them :OD
Hello? Maybe you should start reading your emails ! I wonder what else you missed? On 2nd hand it's more fun this way!
Emails!? Emails!?!
What the fuck, only old people read emails :0D
Lol. I do read them but the company "Connect" email which these nuggets are usually in is such a dry self congratulating affair that I don't read that one!
Haha! I agree! Shhh! Say that 1 more time and El Jeffe will make you write the company newsletter!!
He had suggested I put a fluff piece in sept my various perfects on more than one occasion. I tell him I can't write 😀
Put one in. Make it bad. He'll never ask again.
Hahaha that's good then 😅
Kinda good. Time will tell!!! :OD
Pig denied figs 😆 No one has a way with words quite like you meboom! (I just realized my phone now recognizes meboom as a word 😂)
Pulling myself back to Hive world. You need to tell me how you do it, how you never find yourself going "Huh, it's been a a couple, few weeksmonths" hah!
Have I missed anything? Is crazy still being crazy?
Ha! I do find that though!!! I make it a target to post twice a week and sometimes miss that :0)
It's nice to see you lass. There ain't been too much happening. Little drama same just nick the same old. You will have to spice it up!
I was quite fond of the pig denied figs 🤣🤣
I'm trying to make sure I don't breech the 30 days mark. Gets sooo much harder to get back in after that I've found!
The wine is hitting that mushy point, haha, I LOVES ya meboom!
The standing desks are nothing without the treadmill to go with that. If you're going to hurt, you might as well get rewarded for it.
My biggest question is, what's in it for you? Seems they never send an woman who challenges the word beautiful when they want a yes man.
I have always wondered about their ability to send an attractive woman to a predominantly male department to get good results.
It seems to be working better for them than their anonymous surveys and anonymous suggestion box which didn't work out at all well!
How can you type whilst treadmilling though?
A few years back walking Desks became popular in corporate America. Treadmill desks Are the next one way to increase the activity rate of people . They cited reducing health problems but the one that really sealed the deal was that it increased productivity and energy levels. Frankly speaking, they're just trying to move it around a little.
Hehe, I see what you did there.
I fervently hope that that particular trends does not arrive on these shores. I use a treadmill in the gym and that's it!!
When was the last time you went to the gym? 2019?
I just started back. Will, a couple of months ago. I am like a machine!!!
Oh, my! No wonder they took your chair away!
Oh, my! No wonder they took your chair away!
Oh, my! No wonder they took your chair away!
Lol
Hello @meesterboom, cthulu looked like shit in front of the woman, you did very well there is no lack of the person who wants to annoy others but they meet another who is not willing to not be screwed, I would have done the same, well and I would give a blow too and it's not a joke
He did, and it is my job to help him look bad!
:O)
Just with until you try a desk atop a treadmill. You keep it slow enough that you can still type ... it eventually gets relaxing. But ... within a week, you will never turn it on again. Then, it's simply an elevated standing desk.
Then ... the pilot's over and you never see that thing again.
That is one pilot I don't think I will be game for. I struggle when I am on the treadmill in the gym and i have to press the buttons for increasing/decreasing the speed. It makes me go all uncoordinated and nearly flying off!!
Reminds me of when BP took out all their chairs from meeting rooms.
Backfired as so many people would all goto contractors offices for meetings and spend half the doing it🤣🤣
Ha!! They did that in some of our meeting rooms!! Nobody used them till they put them back!
Haha this was a good few years ago, I can't believe they are still doing it, bloody nonsense so it is!
They just recycle the same old shit every few years!
And never fricking learn either!
🤣🤣🤣. Omfff i feel sorry for you boom . Waiting for a bus. There's nothing like a good 8 hour sit down in work. I think every job has a Cthula. It's all the rage now to be unkempt and smelly. 🤣🤣🤣
It is all the rage isnt it! IT is always full of them but I have noticed lately that everyone is really going for it.
I will not be booking any chairless desks in future I tell you. I ended up going to the toilet about ten times for a seat!
Lol
Makes me glad I don't have a 'job'. Tbh, I only need to leave the house and visit the nearest village, forest or river beach to spot a ctulhu in the wild, around here. They are often very friendly though.
Hahaha! I knew it was probably going to be about standing desks but I was distracted by all the funny details of your visual storytelling.
I have actually been considering a standing desk for quite some time, not necessarily to get rid of chairs but to get rid of lower back pain and other returning aches that seem to be due to sitting too much on uncomfy furniture, handling my laptop in the worst kind of (reverse yoga) poses.
I need a comfy chair like that yellow one on your porch.
Cheers for brightening up my day, as per usual :^)
Standing desks!! In the workplace. It is madness!
I actually considered one for the house but it isn't something I would fancy spending a lot of time at. I like me chair in work. It is comfy as anything!
If I got the weather I would be working from that chair on the deck all the time!
I agree that it's a different thing in the workspace. Should at least be optional.
Also 'madness' has become the norm, in the last couple of years.
It is hard to think how madness can get any madder these days but there always seems to be a way found!
It sure seems like the monster of Mad Ness is ruling the world, these days :>)
HAha, there is no getting away from Mad Nessie!! She will hunt you down with her snakey neck and find you!! :OD
Also do you want some of our weather here? It's 34 degrees in the shade, right now. We are at the start of a serious heatwave, with 35 to 40 degrees Celsius and warm wind.
We just had a storm and it only lasted twenty minutes and now it is sunny and warm. Its a bit mad today!
I would take that though!
Chairs man🤩😁
Chairs! :OD
There's beef paste??!!
If there isn't there should be!
We can use it to glue our hamburger buns together in a pinch.
You can also seal leaks in your roof with it.
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!
Speaking of cthulu, you like the song call of the Ktulu by metallica. One of my favs, solid instrumental. Classic tale from your reality Boom, keep yodelling. That is a go to spot for me one day. We are bros from across the ocean lol. Love your humor, its lost on some people nowadays.