The week was proving to be a long one.
It had started out well, with a jaunt up the hilly north of Scotland and much walking, singing and night-wine. But that had ended when the Good Lady received a call about her mother, who was terribly ill and had been taken into hospital.
We blazed our way to the bitter Eastern side of Scotland. The side where even the dogs refuse to walk the streets alone.
Thus, I now found myself standing patiently outside a hospital ward whilst the Good Lady's family conversed within.
I spied a pile of those cardboard bowls that old people pee in nearby and tried one on my head like a jaunty hat only stopping when a nurse gave me an odd look as she wheeled something that looked like an old leathery uterus past me in a wheelchair.
She kept calling it Emily and occasionally it made farting noises in reply. Vaguely I wondered if I had stumbled into Scotland's version of Area 51
I tried for the millionth time to get a phone signal but this was the East of Scotland, they were still recording songs from the radio onto cassettes.
Bizarrely, I swear I had this exact one. It was shit, but everything was shit back then.
Hold up buddy. You take this arm, I will take the other. It's like a wee dance, eh?
I turned, was someone asking me to dance? How quaint. I hoped they didn't expect an erection also, I have never been best at summoning them up in hospital.
Alas, the dance was not for me. Two male nurses were standing nearby, One was old, bald and fat and the other was much younger and looked like a cheese string with hair at one end.
They appeared to be in charge of Emily now and looked like they were trying to manoeuvre her into a different wheelchair.
Which really shouldn't have been hard because she looked like a dried-up spindle of donner kebab meat.
Finally, with much to'ing and fro'ing, they got her in it.
You did a grand job there youngster, you were like Charlton Heston!
Danny De-Vito said to Cheese-String.
Charlton Heston? I don't even know who that is?
Cheese-String looked baffled by his old counterpart's absolutely shitty wit.
Whit do you mean, you don't know who Charlton Heston is? Everybody knows Charlton Heston?!
Danny De-Vito raised his voice in indignation as if he were a plastic bag listening to Katy Perry's Firework for the very first time.
Haw, you, you know who Charlton Heston is don't you?
His eyes had alighted on me lurking nearby.
I nodded so as not to look too keen to become involved.
See, everybody knows. I mean fuck sake. I AM SPARTACUS! Does that not ring any bells?
Danny De-Vito punched the air on the yell of SPARTACUS.
No, no. Hang on mate. That's not right. It was that Scottish guy, somethin' Butler, wasn't it? THIS IS SPARTA!
Cheese-String did his own punching the air yell to emphasise his point.
No, that's a different movie mate. The 300.
I chipped into their conversation which was approaching the kind of ludicrousness only usually seen on Blurt
Danny De-Vito turned on me.
The 300? Charlton Heston wasn't in that. It was Spartacus?!
He huffed and grabbed the wheelchair containing the now comatose Emily and started wheeling it away.
This is SPARTA!
Cheese-String helpfully threw in whilst kicking a trolley full of laundry like it was the Persian Messenger from the movie before following his idiot colleague.
It was Kirk Douglas that was in Spartacus!
I yelled after them.
Private conversation mate, butt out.
Danny De-Vito called out in annoyance over his shoulder whilst flipping me the finger.
I watched the pricks go then sighed.
Oh well, back to being bored.
I wonder what uterus jerky would taste like, and would it be best from pig or cow?
Talk to @generikat. She might be able to hook you up with a sampler...
Is this true, @generikat? Because if it is I never said anything and I don't know wtf @jacobtothe is talking about and besides I'm stuffed, can't eat another bite.
I’m not going to throw any jerky into this ring, uterine or otherwise 😆
😄 good call, you wouldn't want to waste good meat.
Keep calling her. She might come. ;)
Hey, I’m slow to summon I know!!!! LOL!😝
Hehe! You are just on time!
I think a cow might give the best depth of flavour. Probably tastes like stomach;0D
I should invent a new kind of menudo. Call in Womenudo.
Goddamn. That's the kind of soup the Scottish would love. After all, we eat haggis!
Dang it when I visited Scotland I forgot to try that! Next time.
It's definitely an experience
Thus, East of Scotland is still in 90s. I would love to see there 😁
It is, like a very grey and depressed looking nineties!
Grey and depressing cannot be compared to 90s😮
If you lived in Scotland it can!
It was so good in Türkiye, my generation still miss it.
Darn, I should have been over there!
I'm sorry there was no phone signal, because a selfie of you with a bedpan on your head would have been quite priceless !
But for real, what do they expect you to do while you are waiting, if you can't play on your phone ??
Employees flipping the bird to the "waiters"..... tsk tsk
I hope your wife's mother will be recovering nicely from whatever ails her.
Well howdy ma'am!!
I did entertain myself quite well despite their horrifying lack of 21st century amenities!!
Lol in a word: Perfect! 😁
Hehe!
AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA !!
... and it matches your shirt ! Quite the outfit I should say !
I like it !
Grey on grey, and outside the skies were grey too! lol!
I know that guy! Spartacus, right?
For whatever reason, this took my brain to Caligula. Which I then had to go determine if Charlton had cameo'd in ... he had not.
I think my brain simply wanted me to add that to my Google search history, just to mess with my "Recommended for you" list on Amazon.
Amazon, Facebook and Google all meet in Caligula's pleasure palace to come up with way's to mess with our heads - and most time's they are correct.
Oooohhhh.. look, another rabbit hole. I wonder what's down there today.
That is a rabbit hole. I have totally stopped googling stuff that I know will then appear in shopping ads and countless knows what else!
It is funny but when they mentioned him I thought of planet of the apes but then when I thought of old Heston I could almost imagine him in a million things but couldnt actually think of anything else solid he was in!
Now I just remember his guns speech mostly which he delivered with aplomb I must say!
Some people just don't know their historical actors, or ape planet explorers.
I had my share of cassette players too. I spent too much of my life waiting for games and stuff to load into my computer from them. Never get that back.
They really dont. You think that the great actors would command at least a little bit more memory in the fans!
Me too. I will never ever forget that screech as my spectrum loaded up a game! Those minutes seemed to be the longest ever!
Isn't he the crazy gun guy too?
Sorry to hear about your wife's mother. I hope she is okay and has a speedy recovery.
Waiting in hospitals is the worst. Worst than an airport even. You have to entertain yourself somehow.
He is indeed the guy of the cold dead hands!
Cheers mate, it was quite the wait and for whatever reason I was consigned to the hallway which was a dull dull place to stand. It was a pretty rubbish hospital all in all. Not a jacuzzi or air hockey game in sight.
Haha yeah. Are Jacuzzis and air hickey tables common in hospitals in Scotland? 😂
Lol, they should be. Then no one would be complaining when they had to hang out in one! :OD
Spartacus, what a film. My memory is around 35 years ago though sadly. They nailed people to crosses, it was savage (for the 60s').
I remember that bit! It was savage, there was a total realism in those movies that was absent from most of the other dross that was out at that time! I did like a bit of Charlton Heston but mostly from Planet of the Apes!
Planet of the Apes was awesome! I was just a kid when watching both the film and then the TV series.
The TV series was great too. I even liked the recent remakes but the originals were dashed fine
Too much information, loads of laughs at the end of a Friday !LOLZ
Thanks for vivid descriptive writing to let off a fart....
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Hospital humour only thing to get you through a visit.
I totally agree. They are forlorn places!!
I'd probably fit in nicely at that hospital because I pissed myself when I clicked that blurt link.
I am not sure if that link is a treatment or a punishment. It certainly clears the pipes! :OD
Seems to be the polar opposite of that brochure being handed out the past few months but you know what they say:
Fake it until you break it.
I think it is starting to look broken. I mean really, what are they thinking! They will be needing a new chain at this rate, stat!
Too much for one week. If they fork next week I'll shit myself.
If they fork I am joining up! Such drama to be had! LOL!
But if they forked....
Nope. Not saying it. They can find out the hard way.
I know Charlton Heston from the Planet of the Apes (1968) film. He played George Taylor, the main character. The Planet of the Apes film series is one of my favorite sci-fi film series.
I loved that movie. The bit where he finds the Statue of Liberty! Awesome stuff!
I hope the best for the mom of your Good Lady.
Your stories make me smile every time and reading it my memories come to my childhood when I watched Spartacus for the first time. To be honest, as an old woman with a young spirit inside myself, I appreciated so much Butler in 300 :P
Hiya missus!!
There was a lot of Butler (and the rest) to appreciate in the 300. I remember seeing it in the cinema and thinking that there was a lot of flesh on show! lol!
It was the kind of "flesh" I appreciate to watch (It's not the same for my hubby :P ).
I can imagine. I can imagine his face would have been much like mine! :OD
Cheese string and Dannt Devito sound like they kept you entertained for a whileen anyway... Reminds me of a website from back in the day called Overheard in Dubln... There were always great stories up there with random conversations between randomers
Hopefully Mrs. Boom's Mother is doing OK.. Hope she gets well soon.
I remember that site! It maybe it was a sister site for Glasgow? I drop remember something shipping they lines of overheard in... Don't of the old internet stuff was funny as feck!
Ah right, a few cities must have had them, found a few auld chestnuts there on Google... Some laugh!
Yeah, every city has its shameful bits and patter!
Hello dear friend @meesterboom good afternoon
A hospital room is not the most pleasant place to be, luckily you were faced with situations that made the time more fun
I am very sorry for the illness of your wife's mother, I hope that by reading this comment she is already in good health
have a beautiful weekend
Hola Jlufer!
They are definitely not fun places to be that's for sure I am only glad I was visiting!
Have a good one dude!
I was gonna tell you how a friend of mine's mom was a stewardess for one of the Area 51 planes when I was growing up but I got so engulfed in that Blurt shit show just now I'm questioning her career.
AHahaha, it is quite the shit show! I was engrossed for a fair while when I saw that post shared about! Mental that they would freeze accounts. Then argue endlessly about all sorts of shit.
I want to hear that Area 51 tale though!
Raechelle, I called her Ray. Her dad built kayaks in their garage. Her mom attended flights from LA to Henderson—nearest airport to Area 51. They never really talked about it but we all knew her mom attended the flights. Weird huh?
Not like that blog though.
Driving from LA to Las Vegas, you'll drive right passed it on the east side of the 15 freeway. You don't wanna stop anywhere along that stretch.
It has quite the mythical vibe here. We are all a little obsessed with it. I remember before the internet it was worse. The whispers and the secrets and the strange magazines or books that told them. We just have haggis and bear men in the hills! :OD
That blurt blog sent me for such a loop I can't remember if Danny DeVito was in Taxi or Gladiator.
I worked a couple projects within just a few miles of Area 51 during my career. You can't see anything from the freeway but it's a known thing it's just a few miles out on the other side of the mountain; exit Hwy 15 at Gold Strike and drive east. But during my career I ran projects at Molycorp a few times and then was at Ivanoah a little more than three years. Both projects, just an exit away from Gold Strike in either direction. We all have memories of a few weird looking launches in the sky around that area the news always reported as test rocket launches.
To add to your obsession.
It was definitely Taxi. I will never forget him staring menavingly at his ball like reflection You looking at me?
Good old De Vito!
TEst rockets! They were always test rockets!
I remember when I was a lot younger the first time I saw the picture of the Lockheed Blackbird or something similar and although it looks relatively normal now back then it was like WTF, that's not something we made!
I wish there was a company making a good cassette deck with non-shite components these days. Have you seen Techmoan's channel on Youtube? He tears apart those craptastic Amazon knockoffs and points out how they all use the same garbage decks nowadays regardless of the form factor or label.
I haven't seen him but I will check him out. I hate that about Amazon. It's this huge almost scam thing where they dress up the same thing in fort different ways and forty different companies flog it in wildly varying price ranges to make them seem different.
Gosh I wish I had been a fly on the wall through this, I think my laughing would have given me away.
Hope your Mom in law is doing ok.
Ok so I opened that link and this weird thing happened, I started feeling dirty and as I read a few more paragraphs I just found myself closing the tab because I can't actually bare that BS. That place makes my skin crawl.
It's funny you say that about that link as it has the same effect on most that look at it!! :0D
East of Scotland , haha did you bring your winter woollies!
I hope your mother is law is okay after all that.
Nah, she is well goosed mate, sadly so but thanks for asking.
It was astonishingly sunny that day but was back up today and it was minging!!
I hope your mother-in-law is feeling a bit better by now. That is scary with our parents aging in place on us. :(
Hospital humor. It is the only thing you can do in such stressful situations. I really wanted to see the hat. Not that fake picture, but the real deal. I mean, I am laughing in my head because I can really imagine it. :)
Prayers for the family. Safe travels back.
Also the news is not good. It is as you say, parents getting old and aging on us :0|
I have tried to keep the humour up for the good Lady but there is only do far you can go before you get punched in the face for being an insensitive bassa!
I was going to say that! :) You beat me to the punch. You want to keep it light, but, not seem like you don't give a rat's behind about things. That balance is hard to find without sinking into the situation.
I remember when my dad passed, I remember when your dad passed. My heart still clenches at the thought of it. I try to put myself in that place and try to be what is needed. I don't envy you one bit.
But, the Good Lady is lucky that you aren't insensitive, just protective of her. My thoughts are with you and her and Divine Mercy for her mom.
❤️
It is a very hard balance indeed to strike. I am hoping that my suggestion tonight of lots of wine will go some way to making her feel better. You can't beat a bit of chat and wine when you need to unload.
It's awful when they pass and you are right, holding that in mind will help I think when thinking of what to do and say.
Cheers D :0)
Much luck and love, my friend.
Blessings to the good ladys mum bro. You look good as a soccer star, or a dancing with the stars champion. Keep boom slayin boom. We slayin, we aint playin.
I be ready to slay on the clay!!
Do basketball players play on clay? If not they should, if only for the sake of the rhyme!
Oh yes I know the feeling well.. kind of like being in church as a young boy. I would be most thankful for any distraction from the boredom. Watching a little bug crawl across the floor. Anything! I swear time moves much slower in there. Someone need to investigate that phenomenon.
Mulder and Scully, those are the only two that could do that phenomena justice!
Why don't the dogs walk the street alone? Scared if getting raped? Or eaten?
I think both and not necessarily in that order!
Hahaha 😂 look how quickly it turned to private conversation! I would have liked to see his reaction if there was phone signal and you pulled out the real info from the net 😅
If I had pulled out of the info from the key it might have gone a whole different way! :0D
Amazing work buddy
I know Charlton more from the Ten Commandments and Moses than the other stuff personally lol. Classics! Back when acting mattered not just CGI.
Cheese string, he’s one of the doomed ones sadly! There’s not a lot of focus on the important history stuff so that we can remember how fucked up things were. Part of that is watching some old movies I think! Hopefully the youngster can find time away from catching monkeypox to get up to date on movie history.
I think people soon will be in trouble with history. At least the ones who don't educate themselves. There is so much disinformation out there now from shit memes to YouTube channels dedicated to lies that people rely upon for research!
Thinking of you and The Good Lady, hoping you are doing as well as possible.
Love and hugs
Cheers lass
So did the mother in law hang in there in the end? They have a terrible reputation for staying alive a long time.
Fraid not dude. It was all downhill.
Oh shit sorry to hear that.
Cheers man, one of those things. I have taken her away up north.. Take her mind if it and all that. It reayd a planned thing and I thought it best to just go for it
Up north? From Scotland? Where did you take her? Lapland? 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Hahaha!! Everything up from Glasgow is up north!! I mean it's actually West but if in doubt, North!! 🤣🤣