Here he is! The wounded hero. Back from the dead!
El'-Jefe leered at me as if I was a crispy honey-glazed pork shoulder joint.
Aye aye, whatevs boss man.
I sat down across from him and his enforcer Blex who was frowning hugely like he was itching to paw his cheap shoes on the ground and charge at me like a small pony.
So, four weeks off and back at work. What do you have to say for yourself?
El'-Jefe chuckled and nudged Blex with a meaty elbow. Blex raised a fake ingratiating smile at his boss which made a change from dropping to his knees, pushing the Jefe'ster's massive belly up and noshing down on his penis.
Yes well. I broke a rib. What more can I say? I sent you the doctor's notes. All legit and above board.
I didn't mention that I could literally have told my doctor to write me a sick note because I was menstruating and he probably would have.
Yes yes, we got the Sick Notes, but the thing is, you never said how it happened. You never gave us the juice? What happened? Were you climbing a fence?
El'-Jefe's eyes gleamed with an animal glee like a fox in the night catching the scent of a lycra-clad cyclist's arsecheeks.
Climbing a fucking fence? What the fuck goes on in this man’s head?
Hmm, well. Not much to tell really. I mean, I don't actually have to say how, the point is that it happened. I went to hospital and the Doctor signed me off work. I am quite sure I don't have to say?
I am not ashamed to admit, there was a hint of desperation in my voice. Like that time I was at the fishing supplies shop and they only had half a kilo of maggots left.
We do need to know. There is a check box on the HR system, see?
Blex scraped his laptop aggressively around to face me as if he were steering one of those big doughnut-tyred Uber Eats bikes into a hurricane.
On the screen before me, I did indeed see a checkbox.
I looked up at him.
Um, was this injury as a result of extreme or dangerous sports? That is what you are asking?
I sniffed dismissively and made a poo-poo'ing motion with my hand as if Blex was yet another annoying rodent trying to sniff my fingers.
We need to know... For the checkbox, see...
Blex smiled coldly, no doubt feeling all sharky. El'-Jefe leaned forward pushing his big hanging jowls out the way to lean his chin on his hands.
Go on, Boomy. Just tell us. For the checkbox?
El-Jelly nodded eagerly at me.
Fine, fuck it. I broke my rib by opening a bottle of Prosecco. There, that is all. Not very dangerous. No danger sports required. Are we done?
I gritted my teeth and growled, inwardly daring them to laugh and plotting how I would murder the fuck out of Blex first if they did and take my time deading El-Jefe.
Oh, opening a bottle of Prosecco... Oh, oh my. You poor thing. I guess that would be a no to the Dangerous Sports. Ha! Off you go then. Thank you.
I got up and left. As the door closed I heard laughter explode from the two bastards within.
Mother funters. They will pay. Oh yes, they will pay.
It is a little known fact that Prosecco was first produced in the 16th century as a weapon to be deployed as a trojan horse into enemy encampments during a siege. Soldiers with broken ribs are far less able to climb walls.
Essentially what you have is a war wound. I think that comes with a purple heart.
HAhaha, I am definitely going to have to steal that as a verifiable back story to my war wound 😀😀
You can use my comment to qualify the fact as truth.
It is written on the internet so it must be iron clad. No one may refute me now!
I've never seen a false word written on the interwebs.
Me neither, not a once
Next they'll be erecting a fucken statue to the Boom like they did with William Wallace.
They sure do put the lids on tight these days.... don't they???
Jeepers.... a check box...
I knew you told you messed up a rib or two, but I had no idea it took you out of work a month. Hope it is feeling some better now. Good to see you back here again.
You gottta love them checkboxes!
It was a proper ouchy! I couldnt do anything for the first couple of weeks then I could start doing things. I might have milked it a bit. Just a teeny bit ;O)
ha ha ... .I don't blame you. How many times do you get a valid opportunity? If you are lucky, not many times for reasons like this though.
I bet it was hard to get back to work after 4 weeks off.
It has been an awwful week getting back into the swing of it. It is just coming into summer too and I kind of just want to potter about at home chilling!
You do have to reach out and grab these opportunities, although if it had been pain free I would have been much happier!
Good Lawd! It seems your commenter has been spammed! :)
Lol, I just saw that! Deaarie me, I have that account muted but when I look at the page for a brief second I can see them :OD
I didn't realize I had been FRATerAnizing with Hive RiffRaff!
🤣
I'm so gullible sometimes.
Amazing AS always
Yo chica!! Hehe, Cheers!
Yeaaah! How r u Meester¿¿?😌😁
I'm magic lass, lovely to see you again!! How are you!!
Si! lo se ! you always are!!!
Thats make me soo happy!! I share the feeling , always it's great to see you
I'm fine! doing a little magic too 😉😉
I all very glad to hear it, you're the bomb 🙂
Omg! thanks my friend 😌 n you are the sexy bomb!😌😋😜
Death to all prosecco bottles!
They should be made of soft plastic for the likes of me 😀😀😀
Yeah, but let's look at the positive side...knowing you as I do, your rib was replaced with a bionic one so it'll be good to go next time.
My Rib is now AI! It does the thinking so I dont have to :OD
Oh man, that's awesome. I can only imagine how excellent it is to have a rib more intelligent than your brain. I'm so jealous. Your rib will be writing your emails and Hive posts and how cool is that!
I was just about to say, I am creating an account for it and soon it will be posting merrily away on the chain! 🤣🤣
Your rib can spend HBD like all those other cunts too!
Fight Club should have been your answer mate! One place I worked at.. one of the dudes had bruises and cuts on his face every Monday. That was his answer and one never talks about the internal workings of 'the club'.
Haha, oh man, that would have been awesome to say. Pretty much everyone understands that we don't talk about fight club!!
Next time.. if I don't say I was boning his mum and fell out of the tree in which she lived 🤣🤣
Your description of 'El-Wobble' somehow makes 'Jabba the Hut' come to mind... close?
Astonishingly close. Sometimes when I am talking with him and he makes one of his jokes I laugh the way Jabba does HUR HUR HUR and Ithink he thinks I am just a bit weird and doesnt realise I am taking the utter piss :OD
Hahaha..
It looks like the bosses El Jelly and El Jefe are in the a pickle jar now. No one messes with Luigi after opening his DOG wine.
Fun to read. You story is pertinent and kind of a parable of shit going on these days. Anyway, if you take the "controllata" out of the wine label DOCG you get DOG out of control.
Dog out of control. heh heh, I like it!
It is the world in macro. Petty admin and people wondering why nothing ever gets done anymore!
Yikes tell them you were injured on duty, home duties, not their friggin business. Interrogation, make them pay when they least expect it coming....
!BEER
I am happier thinking they don't believe my prosecco story. Lol, I wouldn't blame them. Defo should tell them where to stick it!!
Shitty middle management always try to be bigger than they are, spin them any story line, why must they know.
I always wonder what makes them like that. Or are they just the annoying sort who gravitate naturally to the roles!
Brown nosing grunts always land with their bum in the butter then swagger around thinking they toff.
Today I haven't had time to gossip in the comments section. I hope it's just fiction and that the wine had a lighter cork.
What jerks!
Ha! If only it was just fiction!
I have been out of the game for weeks! But thankfully I am almost 100% better now! 😀😀
Ohh... 😟
I'm glad to hear you're okay. Please be careful, the crypt can't lose its dragon 😁.
My middle name is careful! Although it is also danger so it can get a little confusing! 😀
I'm surprised the governments of the world haven't passed a law yet making it mandatory to wear full body armor, goggles, and a helmet while opening Prosecco. I would guess sparkling wine-related injuries and property damage are fairly common. I once put a hole in my chin and knocked a few teeth loose while using a corkscrew to open a bottle of merlot.
Yikes, it sometimes seems like the most innocuous of things that can cause injuries. Or then again, it might be the volume of times making it seeem more likely, lol!
I love the extra-dry Prosseco wine, by the way, yesterday I had some wine it was my birthday, fortunately my body did not suffer any fracture, lol. I am very glad that you are already recovered from that acute intercostal neuritis or broken rib, whatever it was, today you are well and in good health, Mr.@meesterboom 🌹
I totally love it too! Except when it decides to go rogue and lay me low :OD
Almost all better now! Just a twinge left!
Cheers milady!
I hope you can do Pilates later, it helps a lot for flexibility, they are very therapeutic. Thank you for your kind wishes.🍷
I am heading to the gym tonight for the first time in a month. I will get a good idea of what I need to do to get up to speed then! :O)
Everything will go very well, and for sure your coach will advise you, conveniently for your physical well-being.💪
If not, there will be hell to pay!! :OD
ufff I hope hell passes quickly in the gym and you start rehabilitation and physiatry with a good therapist so you don't repeat this painful event. I lived it a few years ago, hurts too much even to breathe
Was that from the cork hitting you!?! That's crazy.
To be honest, I'm slightly afraid of any sparkling wine - mainly of losing an eye because someone isn't paying attention where they are pointing the bottle.
Lol, I could handle a cork attack I am sure.
We had a bottle where the cork was totally jammed. I was holding it against my chest and straining away at it. It wasn't budging so I heaved really hard whilst pulling it tight against me so it doesn't slip. And I heard a crick noise and was like oh fuck, that's my rib. They laughed like mate when I showed them at the hospital.
Never again! 🤣🤣
Oh I see. That makes more sense lol. Damn though. The ways that we find to hurt ourselves as we get older are wild.
I once severly pulled my neck muscle while stretching in the morning. I had to wear a neck brace for like 4 days. Now I'm afraid to stretch 😂
Glad you're doing better now
Yeah, I am fairly sure It wouldn't have happened five/ten years ago. Fucking getting weak! Although conversely, before that I was doing pretty good in the gym!
I have done things like that, never as bad as getting a neck brace but pulling things and the like from innocuous activities like stretching out to get something in the back seat of the car and going aaaaaaagh at something pinging in my shoulder. 🤣🤣
Exactly. It's the innocuous things that get you. I've literally said to myself "well I guess now I have to limber up and stretch before doing anything" putting dishes away, getting dressed...etc
But then you injure yourself stretching and it's like "well what the fuck am I supposed to do then!?!"
Heh heh, yup! You can injure yourself tossing and turning in bed 😀😀 There is no hope!
lol for real?? that's not their business how you break a bone! checkbox or not... you should have saying 'making sex'
and i tought we had the retardest HR and work-sick management ever in the world
Making the sexy as an answer works have amused me no weekends but I don't think it works help in the embarrassment front. It was a right pisser having to say!
Ha ha ....You should learn the trick to open using teeth, to save your rib next time :)
Haha, I can imagine with my luck the horrible dental fees I would have to pay after an accident doing that!! :OD
I expect that the injury rate from opening such fizzy pop is pretty high. Those corks can shoot out at high speed. Their laughter at your suffering is deserving off revenge.
Mind you, a lot of 'blokes of a certain age' put themselves at risk with things like mountain biking and paddle boarding. I did come off a bike a couple of years back with no serious injury and I don't think anyone saw it. The shame can be worse than a scrape.
Stay well Boomy.
!BEER
I came off my bike a couple of years ago. I was quite lucky in that apart from some grazing I just had my pride dented. Damn pride!
I am much recovered now. I think I will be abit more careful in future, Ihave a feeling my body is telling me things I dont want to acknowledge!
Hi Boomy!
We haven't heard from each other in a while!
I hope your war wound from the sparkling wine is getting better... As far as I'm concerned, a sparkling wine cork can be included in dangerous sports, they were only laughing because you forgot to say that you were popping the bottle of sparkling wine while bungee jumping ;-)
You did well not to tell the whole truth, those checkboxes can be very annoying!
Yo dudeski!!
How are ya? I hope the fatherhood and child situation is getting easier!
I am back in the game for the dangerous wine sports 😀😀
All good, come on, we're not complaining!
Samuele had the surgery twenty days ago now, even with some complications everything went well and now he's in great shape... He basically has a new heart!
Now we're in Rome and in a few days we'll go back home and finally all this story will be behind us :-)
Wow that's awesome to hear!!
You will be deserving a break from all this stress!
Let's say that Samuele deserves it more than anyone else, he's been through a lot, but now he can enjoy some peace and quiet :-)
Greetings @meesterboom ,
What a story......you are once again in the Fray.
Now you have triggered us all with that word 'checkbox'....it is all too much. ^__^
On the one hand we are delighted to hear you are quite recovered and on the other hand, sorry to hear you are already confronted with the senseless bureaucracy of the day.
Kind Regards,
Bleujay
Bureaucracy is the pots!!
I am glad to be better. Now I can stay writing again. Lol!
Glad to read you're healed Mate! And those nitwits do not know who they deal with, hah!
You know, revenge is a dish best served cold. As the one who laughs last laughs the hardest. (Freely translated from a Nederish saying.)
Anyway, it's weekend, time to relax and have a great one.
Cheers! 🍻🌞
That is exactly what the weekend is for. I am aiming to chill very much!! 😀😀
😁👍
I broke my rib by opening a bottle of Prosecco
Haha.. I would have laughed at him and then called him a pussy
That's what I did, my reflection in that mirror has never been so ashamed 🤣🤣
Anyone can have an accident, even in the bathroom some people fall, it happens, ignore your boss and that other silly, fuck them, you're fine and that's what matters.
Yes indeed, that is my attitude too! 😃
Will the broken rib be avenged?
I shall make sure of it! 😀😀
You turned a simple injury into such an entertaining story 😄 Who would know opening a bottle of Prosecco would be this dangerous 😄
I certainly had no idea the night was going to go that way! Bloody prosecco! 😀😀
I feel there should be a revenge story after😅
I’m waiting and sorry about the injury
There will be a revenge story of me attacking a poor innocent bottle of prosecco 🤣🤣
When we come back to the office after a four-week vacation, it is a fact that if we laugh and joke too much, the person who is there will get angry, so it is better to bring something special for the person when they come back, so that the person does not get angry with us and the whole work continues with love.
The only special thing I would ever bring El-Jefe is tha back of my hand! 😀
#hive #posh
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lol I pity those 'mother funters'....I am sure they will pay, and we hivians will reap the rewards of their suffering by hearing the tale of their downfall. Damned checkboxes lol
Those damn Mother funters!! :P
very nice writing. Blex , to me, I think of this character/monster in this game I used to play. He was like a lion guy that shot a fire crossbow. :)
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BEER.Well it is a sad but true fact that the older I get, the more easy it seems to hurt myself. Hell sometimes even in my sleep! So, welcome to my world lol
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STOPI have always liked this one! Thank you!