Hey, do you mind if I stick this in your bin? Mine is full to the brim.
I waved a rubbish bag full of stuff at my neighbour, Pootenanny, who was manhandling a spade at his front lawn as if he were threatening one of those German people who come to your door selling potatoes.
Sorry?
Barked Pootenanny glaring over at me as he tipped his spade shovel down on his scabby lawn and leant on it.
You mind if I stick this in your bin? Mine is full and they are collecting tomorrow.
I nodded my head over a Pootenanny's bin which lurked sullenly outside his gate.
My bin? You want to put your rubbish in my bin?
Pootenanny asked waspishly, as if he suspected that it really had been me that had thrown a a dead seagull over his side of the fence in the dead of night last summer.
(In my defense, it was chock full of maggots and was giving me the heebs.)
Yes, please. You know the rubbish collections are all fucked just now with lockdown and my bin is full to bursting.
I gave him some buttery sex eyes and threw in a chummy tip of the head as well.
No can do. My bin is also full to the brim.
Pootenanny harrumphed peevishly.
There was a lengthy pause.
I think your bin is only half full? You would really be doing me a favour.
I made a quimmish face at him and blinked like a rabbit spinning on a dough hook.
I beg your pardon?
Pootenanny glowered at me.
I think there is space in your bin..?
I smiled ingratiatingly.
How would you know how much space is in my bin?
Asked Pootenanny slowly as if poking his toe at the briny crust around an Irish lady's bahjina that had been left out in the sun.
His accusing gaze flicked from me, to his bin and back to me so rapidly that I worried he was watching tennis on a screen I could not see.
I looked?
I said, shrugging my shoulders.
Pootenanny staggered back slightly like a big dog with hangy slobbers was jumping at him.
You looked in my bin. What the fuck were you doing, looking in my bin?!
He looked mad. Furious mad, as if I had actually announced that I had gleefully masturbated his Golden Retriever into a cup and sold the contents to a trans person called Isto on the internet.
I was seeing if it had space for my bag of shitty rubbish.
I said with a slight edge to my tone.
Well, it doesn't and kindly do not tamper with my bins in future.
Pootenanny huffed and turned his back on me, pretending to do some gardening.
I rolled my eyes and headed back into my own house.
Oh hey, didn't John let you dump our stuff in his bin?
Asked the Good Lady.
I dumped the bag down.
I frowned, before answering with a sentence I thought I would never have to say again.
No, fuck him. He's getting another dead seagull.
Where are you going to find another dead seagull? And when you find one, will you make sure that it is full of maggots?
I shall ask fate to provide! :0D
Or the neighborhood cats...!
The rubbish dude's arent collecting around your gaff? Tell them you ain't paying your council tax!
They used to do four different bins for all our different stuffs. But now they have stopped the recycling till things are normal and wet have just to wedge everything in one bin and it's not as easy as I thought! I'm assuming my bag in his Empty bin tonight, when darkness falls... Mohohowahr!!!!
That's one dodgy council, we have 4 too, biz as usual around here.
Aw man, really? I presume we were all taking the bin hit. That's rubbish, literally! My council must be skint
Neighbors...
I had a bad one in Edmonton. Dude chased me off his property one day because I "trespassed" so I could stomp out a lawn fire. Half the yard was black and smoldering and he comes running out in his white underwear with a shit stain on the back to tell me to get the fuck out...
A the lesser spotted, shit-stained variety of a narsole. Tricky ones them. Mine is usually just standoffish, never thought he would take such a hump at me asking such a simple thing. Then again maybe I did because I did look in it to see if there was space when he wasn't there. lol!
Had another neighbor many years ago. He suggested I trim the hedges (I was in my early twenties, had better things to do) so I said I can't because I don't have trimmers. He borrowed his trimmers to me. I kept them in my garage for five months and didn't trim the hedges. Then one day I catch him in my garage snooping around. Wanted his trimmers back. I said, "You could have asked."
Sounds like he was snooping about looking for more than trimmers!
Where do you keep the bodies? He might have been wondering about the night goings...
Usually I dissolve the bodies but lately I've been noticing a few hands go missing.
They're always the first to go missing. Everybody always needs few good hands
Thieves doing hand jobs is just something I never thought would happen.
Gosh! is it just me?
I don't know why, but I find this woman in your illustration very very attractive.
I'm not sure if it's because her hairdress style and those sensual traits in the shape of her eyebrows, the challenging look in her eyes and the rest of that seductive expression on her face or something.
Or if it's simply because I've already been successful in raising my libido big time these past few days of quarantine and isolation. Holy crap! };)
I suspect it's a combination of those fine looks and your libido!!!
I knew it! You definitely are a fine detective and acute observer. :)
My detectivity is second to none! ;O)
What a cruel neighbor you have @meesterboom
It looks like he really bear a grudge to you🤔
He is a bit of a meanie, lol!
in different places where І live І have wolf neighbors...
"special" frames are everywhere😂
I wrote like the sound of a wolf neighbor! Wouldn't like to have one but it sounds cool!
😄
Hmm , it might be wise to booby trap his bin with a small explosive devise triggered by an iphony facial recocknisian app .
I donno if i spelled that corect do ?
It might not be perfect spelling but I reckon I got the size of it!!
You send me to tap his cat three times on the rear with a plastic phone? Consider it done!! ;0)
exactly what i meant .. glad you got that .. rofl .
Hehe
Oh, you nightcrawler!!
He deserves it. How rude to not let your rubbish tumble together! I will bet he gets up early to run out and check! Now, what will you do? ;)
!tip
If he goes out and checks I am goosed because I'm dumping in it tonight!!
Fortunately, the bin men come quite early! And I can always deny it :0)
Deny! Deny! Deny!!!😇 Never admit.
The golden rule!!!
Typical neighborly love. Time to get him back with one of those house parties once this is all over. Why did you even ask? I would have just done it without thinking twice. Just put some shoe polish on the handle and that will fuck him for messing with the boom man.
Hehe, that would indeed show him!
It is a good question. I have done it loads without asking, on the fly. Mayeb it was the sun giving me a funny turn!
And that's what happens when you throw a dead seagull over the fence XD
You mean, like, cause and effect? This is Argyll. I had no idea the world worked in such a crazy way!
🎁 Hi @meesterboom! You have received 0.1 HIVE tip from @dswigle!
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Some people are just assholes, through and through!
Yas indeed they are!!
The only good seagull is a dead seagull employed passive-aggressively in a neighborhood spat. Is that the proper terminology? If not, it should be.
It's good that they have some use!