The Awakening - A RL personal freewrite that I did a few years ago (reminds me of how far I come)

[saffisara]

Sometimes life is really hard and you wonder how much you can handle.
Things keeps coming and it feels
like there is no end to it.
Like COMMON!!

BUT THEN...
You wake up and see things from
another angle, realize how far
you have come and what you accomplished so far 😉

That is what happened to me when
I looked back and realized all the
things I been through and how
much I grown since then.

It is especially one part of my life that
was harder than anything I been
through, I was soo blinded that
I thought my life wasn't worth
anything... I was invisble!

So here is my most Personal story,
and I am not sharing this to bring
you down or feel sorry for me.

But Mabye it can help others and Mabye YOU been through things in YOUR life that you NOW look back at and are
thinking... Wow 😳 I was blind.
But I woke up and CHANGED
my life, took my life back!

So here goes...

Awakening came late after many years of abuse

Not physically but mentally

I had this thought of a relationship
that for me meant so much.

〰️✨〰️
Love and honesty
Sharing everything
Support each other
Respect and trust
Meeting halfway
Have Fun
SMILE
〰️✨〰️

Just some of the things that I didn't
think was to much to ask for.

The first few years we got to know
each other and everything was new
and we were happy, took care of
each other and it felt like
anything was possible.

But somewhere along the way
something changed and you started
to blame me for things I didn't do
or whenever you had a bad day.

You Chased on me whenever you
got a chance and for things that
wasn't my fault but YOUR.

You YELLED at me and called me
things that really stuck with me
(Hated you for that)

And for some reason after a while I started feeling guilty about things that
I hadn't done and felt like it was all
my fault cause YOU made me
feel that way. DAMN you!

And whenever you felt bad I ended
up apologize even though I knew
I had nothing to do with it.

I always putted/put everyone before myself, and as you putted YOURSELF
first in every situation, there was
just no room for ME.

After a while it was like I disappeared, was invisible and worth nothing.

When it was my Birthday, valentines
day, christmas or whatever other
day, you always said to me:

-"You have to earn if you gonna get anything, and do you really think
you're worth it?"

I actually started to believe
that I didn't... Not worthy

〰️😢〰️

I stopped asking for things for myself, stopped saying no to his every wish to avoid arguments, but was completely numb and got to a point where I just walked through the day like a real
zombie, Just not caring or feeling
anything but deep sadness and disappointment in my life.

IS THIS MY LIFE FOREVER?

Mabye he's right, mabye I'm not worth anything and doesn't deserve any of
the the things I wish for.

It got worse after that and you completely drained me from all my energy and love and dreams...
You almost killed me

My family and friends started to
notice something was wrong as I
wasn't smiling anymore and the
light in my eyes were gone.

Well I had no light in my life at that
point what I could se, except for my amazing cat Elvis who was my
lifeline then to be honest.

〰️❤️〰️

THEN... One day he came home with flowers 💐 he kissed me and said he
loved me so much, and I KNEW something was wrong cause..
This just NEVER happened

Then I found out he had cheated on
me, and I actually felt something
for the first time in years.

Relief

An opening chance...

I finally had an excuse to walk away,
WITHOUT feeling guilty about it.
Was like a blessing!

THAT ... Was the day I walked away
and left everything behind me.
I decided to chose Life!

BEST DECISSION OF MY LIFE 😊

I could finally take a real deep
breath without heartache.

I started to recover and build myself
up again, with the love and support of
my family and friends I realized that
I was worth much better than this
and that I really DID matter.

I started to get really angry for all
those years I did so much for
him out of Love but he gave
Nothing back but pain.

All the draining and words that hurt
like knives I wished I could give back
to make him understand what he
did to me, and how it made me
feel small and unworthy.

But then I got to the conclusion that
it didn't matter, he was the one with problems and it was not my fault,
He just couldn't se his own part
or responsibility in anything.
So I did let it go.

BUT THEN... Came the

Afterchock

APOLAGY AND TEARS

A big sorry and that he couldn't live without me, he understood now what
he did wrong, we should try again.

I actually felt sorry for him and again
I started feeling guilty to the point
that I almost caved.

But I got that lump in the stomach
back and I just couldn't go back
to that, so I said no and that
he had to start living his
own life and I mine.

I felt a bit guilty but I got over it and
then I got all angry at him again.
who does he think he is?

Don't I deserve a happy life?
Why does someone who's suppose to
Love me, want to hurt me so Much?
Screw him 😡 no more!

So time passed and I started to finally
live again, I actually learned a lot
about myself and found my
way back to ME!

Laughing again and smiling, helping others as I love to do, and now got appreciated for it 🙏 that was a
bubbly feeling and made me
happy inside out 😊

Getting compliments again 🙈 well
(still working on taking it without blushing 😊😁 say Thank you)

Loving life again and appreciate the
little things, I se things so much clearer now and realize that in some hard situations in life it can be like
walking around blindfolded,
for me that was the case.

Sometimes it can just take a little
to long to WAKE UP!

We all matter and we are all worth
the BEST life have to offer and
happiness is a good choice!

This had happened almost right by
the time joined this amazing plattform, and it is a BIG part of my growth and people here have changed my life
for the BETTER 🤗❤️🤗

@enginewitty was one of the very
first People I met here, he saw me and took me into thealliance family.

He knew my situation and was my
biggest support and understood,
he made me belive in myself
as he always did.

He became a good friend from day one and thealliance family been my
biggest BLESSING ❤️🙏❤️

And plattform like THIS can really
change lifes (it changed mine)
Saved mine in a way to!

〰️❤️〰️

So whatever YOU might be going
through, or have gone through.
It matters, YOU matter!

And in every dark, there really
IS a Light. I promise 🥰

〰️❤️〰️

THANK YOU for reading 🙏 appriciate it

And don't ever let anyone make you
feel small or unworthy, cause YOU
are worth EVERYTHING 💕

MUCH LOVE TO YA'LL ❤️

Proud Member of the best family ❤️

^{Peace - Unity - Family - #thealliance Amazing leader @enginewitty}

Proud Member of #ladiesofhive

^{Beauty by @thekittygirl ❤️}

〰️❤️〰️

🌸Just happy about life and Thankful for
all the blessings in it! 🌸

@saffisara :Passionate about reading YOUR posts and commenting. Loves to laugh and take pictures. AND I'm a Hug Lover! Remember Every day is a #haturday

^{🌼All pictures are my own and taken by me 🌻}

^{Thank you @enginewitty 💖}

^{Thank you @inthenow}

Comments

[dfinney]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

You are awesome. Glad you finally had the opportunity and STRENGTH to kick that dick to the curb!

[saffisara]

You are even MORE awsome @dfinney 🥰
I am happy to know you, and hope one day I get to 🤗 Hug you in RL.

Life sure take us on journeys sometimes that we don’t understand or wish for. But we learn so much along the way and usually sees things much clearer after.
I am happy that I changed my life and decided to be happy and find myself back to Who I was 😁 and it has been a Great journey and hard.

What we learn to is how important the People you surround yourself with are... Thank you for being one that makes my life brighter sis 🤗💕🤗 much love

[wwwiebe]

This is such a positive message, and I know that I'm happy that you're in a good place now and happy and bubbly. It's good that you took the opening when you saw it!

What is sad is that I have had conversations with multiple people on Hive lately about how they have rediscovered their self-worth and that they, too, deserve to be happy. It's sad that should ever be in doubt. I'm really glad you're in a better spot.

[saffisara]

I am glad you liked it and that you saw it as a positive message (was my attention)😉 and everyone has a story and I thought it might help others as like you say.
It is sad that so many People are in a situation that makes them unhappy and feel unworthy.
I wish I could tell them that they deserve better and that they DO matter.
Thing is that some People learn to know your Buttons and if they use it against you it can take a real toll on your self confidence.
It can be at work, friends, partners and it is heartbreaking.
But it is a situation that can be turned around, if you just decide to choose YOURSELF and to not let others pull you down.

I heard stories to here and I know when you in it, hard to see a way out. ESPECIALLY if you really belive you not worthy.

It was a needed writing 😉

Thank you for reading and your kind words. Hope you are doing well and having a fantastic week.
Finally Friday 😁

Much love 🤗🍑❤️🤗

[underground]

!LADY

you need some Sassa 🤣

[saffisara]

😂 Hahahaha..

[ladytoken]

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[brucegryllis]

Thanks for sharing something so personal Saffi. Life is really tough sometimes and it can be hard to cope with but I'm glad you haven't let that define you! I've been having a tough time with my mental health for the last 18 years or so and getting to know you all in The Alliance has made a big difference to me too! Your positivity goes a long way!

[saffisara]

I thought sharing something personal that isn't all easy to write down (but well needed) could help others.
Sorry to hear that you had a tough time to my friend ❤️
Life sure can test you in ways that sometimes can feel overwhelming.
And if it keeps coming it can be hard to not let it get to you.
But what I learned is that the People you surrounding yourself with makes ALL the difference.
I made the decission after my experience that all people who used and drained me, selfish people who only thinking about themselves and not who they hurt or stamp on.
They don’t deserve my time and I don't need them in my life.

People who are genuine and give unconditional Love, who really cares about you and makes you feel appriciated and loved.
THEY are Golden ❤️

Real friendship is all about giving and recieving unconditional Love and not taking each other for granted.

People here that I met sure become RL friends that I cherrish alot 🥰
And I am happy you found it to.

Happy to know you and we are all here for each other 🤗❤️🤗

Have a wonderful weekend.
Much love 🤗💕🍑🤗

[brucegryllis]

You too. Have a great weekend!

[saffisara]

🤗🍑🤗

[latino.romano]

Eres uno de los miembros más valiosos de nuestro grupo Thealliance, siempre te valoramos por tus aportes y porque siempre estás allí. Lamento mucho lo que pasaste, me alegra que estés mejor ahora. Un gran saludo de amistad y aprecio Saffi.

[saffisara]

Awww... Muchas gracias por tus amables palabras 🙏💕 casi me hacen llorar (en el buen sentido) eres una persona maravillosa mi amigo 🤗
La vida puede ser difícil a veces, pero también aprendemos mucho en el camino. Para mí estoy feliz de haber tomado la decisión de elegir mi vida y cambiar mi situación. Y por muy dura que haya sido la experiencia... también aprendí mucho de ella e incluso cosas sobre mí que probablemente nunca hubiera aprendido de otra manera.

La vida es preciosa y demasiado corta para vivir infeliz y con personas que te hacen sentir indigno y herido.
El enfoque debe estar en vivir los momentos, apreciar las pequeñas cosas y con las personas que amas y aprecias 🥰

Gracias por ser TÚ 💕 y espero que estés bien y que tengas una semana fantástica.
Mucho amor 🤗

[kerrislravenhill]

What a very personal share, thanks @saffisara

!LUV

[luvshares]

@kerrislravenhill_(1/1) gave you LUV. H-E tools | discord | community | <>< daily

[saffisara]

And THANK YOU for reading me 🙏💕
We all have life experiences that might be Hard to share and might make us feel ashame.
But it is a well needed writing and it can help you to get it out, but most important might help others to.

Life is precious and we all deserve to live it to the fullest 💕

Happy weekend sis 🤗❤️🤗

[pixelhuntersam]

The fact that you are able to post about your journey in a positive light, is just further proof of how far you have come. Well done. And remember, you are worthy of happiness! 🌻 Keep on shining!

[saffisara]

Thank you very much for your kind words, it really moved me and I appriciate it alot 🙏💕
Life is a journey that we all learn from in different ways.
I am glad I posted about my experience and hope it can help others, and to know they not alone.
Also life is precious and we all deserve to be happy and feel loved and appriciated 💕

I hope you are doing well and having a fantastic week.
Much love 🤗❤️🤗

[thoughtfulposts]

[saffisara]

🙏💕🙏 Thank you

[abmakko]

Such an amazing rendition of the journey of life and the triumph of the human spirit... A whole lot of lessons I picked from your writings too... Thanks for sharing :-)

[saffisara]

This made me so happy to read 🥰
Thank you for the kind words and I am glad you could find something to pick from the writing and take with you. It has been quite a journey but I learned SO much and even things about myself that I didn't know, and that nothing is impossible if you just belive in yourself.
We usually are much stronger than we think 😉

Thank you for reading and I wish you a wonderful weekend.
Much love 🤗💕🤗

[abmakko]

Thanks... same to you ☺️

[ismaelrd04]

@saffisara Hola mi querida amiga. Que gran corazón tienes, uno que no merece pasar por cosas malas, de hecho, ningún corazón lo merece. Espero y deseo que mejores, y que recobres la dulzura que hay en ti, y que por sobre todo sigas siendo fuerte y amable. Te queremos.

[saffisara]

Awww... Siempre dices cosas tan dulces mi amigo 🥰
Realmente te aprecio a ti y a tu amable corazón.
Ese fue un viaje de vida que cambió mi vida y han pasado casi 5 años y puedo mirar hacia atrás y ver lo que aprendí en el camino y lo lejos que llegué 😉 nadie merece ser infeliz o ser tratado MAL. Todos merecemos sentirnos amados y apreciados.
Es por eso que amigos como tú y los que conocí en la alianza han sido una bendición para mí. También mi familia que nunca dejó de apoyarme y quererme.
La vida es un viaje que nos lleva a través de momentos difíciles y momentos felices, pero siempre hay una Luz en cada túnel 😊

Quédate genial y feliz fin de semana. Mucho amor 🤗💕🤗

[enginewitty]

And many other things too. Very happy to have you in my life and I'm sure I'm not the only one that can attest to having their world being a brighter place since you arrived. Love you Saffi.

[saffisara]

You are many things to and you know I can make the list LONG 😉
But most of all you been there almost in every hard or happy situation since we met, and you always seen me as I see you 😍 and that is precious to me.
You are such a wonderful person and so much more than you belive yourself 🥰 wish I could give you my 👀 for one day so you could see YOU through my eyes.

Thank you for being YOU and I love You Bunches 🤗💕🥰😘

[innerblocks]

Thanks for sharing your experience with us!

You have been curated by @thekittygirl on behalf of Inner Blocks: a community encouraging first hand content, and each individual living their best life. Come join the Inner Blocks Community , and check out @innerblocks! #lifehappening

[thekittygirl]

OMG, I had no clue you had gone through something like this. I did, too, but you never show any of the pain, the hurt. You are always happy, perky, and overflowing with love, so I did not know you had been treated so very badly. You are such a rockstar for sharing this. I am glad you found the strength and courage to walk away and turn your life around! You are one of the sweetest, most caring, most positive people I have ever known, and I love you so much! 💗

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[montanita]

Really emotive story! Congrats for your strength and your courage! =)