You ready for some hard milk?
There was a tap at my desk and I looked up to see Toulouse grinning like a buffoon above me. We called him Toulouse because he resembled a big fatty sausage bursting out of its skin.
Now here he was, bursting out of his skin above me like a wet pillowcase stuffed with meat and giblets.
I beg your pardon?
My left leg kept twitching involuntarily at Hard Milk.
I mean, what the fuck was that? Hard Milk?! Had he frozen a couple of pints of jizz and was readying himself to throw them at me? That was bound to sting. Why would he do such a thing? Didn't he know that I was a kind and loving person who deserved better?
Where would he get a couple of pints of jizz for freezing from anyway? I am no expert in the provenance of jizz but even if he was turning tricks in the evening that would be at least a couple of months hard graft just for me. I'm not that important, am I?
Unless... Elephants?
Crikey, this was getting complicated.
Maybe it wasn't frozen pints, maybe he had just been scraping the dried stuff out of his fingernails. Yes, that had to be it.
Hard milk?
I tried not to sound rattled but my voice betrayed me, and I sounded like I was attempting to sing Flowers by Miley Cyrus on a cheap Karaoke machine.
Don't forget the CHICKEN!
Toulouse raised a clenched fist and pulled it into his waist in that classic pose of victory so favoured by people born in the eighties.
And chicken?
For once I found myself blindsided by someone in work which was a rare event. The subsequent discombobulation was making me feel a little giddy.
In what universe did chickens mix with hard milk?! And I still didn't know what this hard milk nonsense was about.
I could take no more. I had to get to the bottom of this and tootsweet.
I pulled myself to my feet and pointed a stern finger at him.
And chicken you say? Well who the fuck isn't up for hard milk and chicken!
I slapped my hand forward in a high five and Toulouse leapt to meet it resulting in a thunderous hand clap that flattened all of the IT geeks in a twenty-foot radius.
Yeah!
We both exclaimed in unison.
So, get you there at about 6 pm? Lots going, Christmas and all that.
Toulouse ran a hand through his slick hair like a plump unwell Tom Cruise.
Yeah man, where is it again?
I attempted to sound casual as if I didn't suspect that this might be a plot to bag me, throw me in the back of a van and transport me to Romania for the hard milking.
Damn, I hope they didn't whip you if you didn't produce enough. I had heard many stories about the Romanians and their love of cheesy balls smothered in cream. Now it seemed they had developed a lust for good unsullied Scottish milk.
Bram Stoker was right, they were evil. Evil to the core.
And now they were planning to lure me to my milk-producing doom?
Bucks Bar, Up the Trongate, you will be able to follow your nose!
I laughed the laugh of men who are all in on a joke and are absolutely not clueless as to what is going on before quickly rattling Bucks Bar into Google.
Ah.... There it was, a fried chicken and Hard Milkshake place.
Well, that was unexpected. I didn't know whether to be happy or disappointed. No forced milking for the good people of Romania.
Not this time at least.
🤣
I finally came up with this delicious chicken and milkshake read, as much as I love milk! 😁
Hey, are you always such a bad thinker?
Always a bad thinker, its the most fun way to be :OD
You are very exaggerated hahahaha, you practically thought that they would kidnap you hahahaha and the objective of kidnapping is very different from that of this country, here they kidnap people and demand money, people hand over the money and on many occasions they do not receive the person, they ask for more money, Well, at least in relation to you it's about hard milk hahahahaha
Lol, yes kidnapping is a little extreme for the hard milk. What ios life without a little exaggeration! :OD
It makes me laugh to think about how the people at your work can see you "on the outside", and you "there" with your brain, generating the most bizarre and funny ideas in the world. 😆😆
The possibility of the elephants, .... speechless 🙌🤣
I think if they saw what was going on on the inside they would run away screaming :OD
I'm sure 👌🏻🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Truth. Oh that made me laugh.
Hard milkshakes. Never heard of such a thing. No doubt it is a contagious idea and I'm going to hear of a place doing it popping up around the corner shortly. Well I hope you went, because no doubt it will give you lots of new material. And I hope this fellow isn't lactose intolerant, but somehow it seems like he would be :)
I did indeed. They were strange things. Cloyingly sweet but almost kind of moreish. Of course you couldn't have many as you would probably vomit but it was worth trying. I have found myself reluctant to entertain the thought of going again though!
I am not much of a drinker, but there is something about the mixture of sweet with alcohol that I find nauseating. It is as though my liver shouts out from within me "Alcohol and sugar! Are you trying to kill us?!" I guess my liver has never been any good at having fun. I'm glad you went, I'm sure that goofy fellow appreciated the company :)
Kind and loving Mr. Boom, just be careful not to be lured to the Hard Milkshake place too often or you might also end up resembling
And get into trouble when you stumble into the house 'over the limit' after one too many hard milkshakes!
Thanks for the chuckle kind Sir:)
Hehe, I am always careful not to be lured to a bursty sausage doom!! Although I'm this case it's definitely not something I have to worry about, they were all too sweet!! :0D
I'll forever after be seeing some people as fat sausages, and I must tell you there are many here in SA. I'll have to be careful not to end up like one😅
🤣🤣 witty cheesy man. You are at it again, and I feel for the Romanians, too. They must have been expecting you.
Now, let's get to the first cracky thing
🤣🤣🤣
And now this...
You sure are, but I don't know why I had to laugh out first when I saw it.
Haha, I always laugh when I Uthink of myself as a kind and caring man :OD
Today is Romanians day, they are a good bunch really... :OD
🤣🤣... Well, you are 😊.
Wow, Happy Romanians Day to them 😁. They'll need some milk right away, don't nt ya think?
They are crying out for that milk, hard or otherwise :OD
🤣🤣🤣. The otherwise may be too soft for them 😆😆
They need it hard to blunten those fangs!
🤣🤣🤣 sure, I believe they do 😅😅😅
Wow slam dunk off to Milky-Lane you go, not sure where they make chicken at a place like that over here.... 🙃
I had never heard of hard milk shakes before. I must say, I am looking forward to trying them. I am sure they will go with chicken... Kinda, lol!
Hit the chicken first Chicken Licken, then tasty treats close by, along the lines of ice-cream cake topped with caramel, marshmallow or hundreds/thousands depending on taste.
You know I really should have hit the chicken first but the alcohol gets me everytime! Must learn to do things in the right order!!
Sun's over the yardarm, so must be OK.
Lol, I wish I could see the sun. Its like grey twilight here :OD
Pretty bleak outside no sun, warm 25C, humid as well.... Yuck!
Now that I read your post this mars preoare for lunch chicken breast in julianas sauteed with onion garlic sql oimienta negra slices of red pepper that is sweet and cream of milk bathed with some mushrooms sauteed in garlic and white wine, they were delicious and as a complement I accompanied it with jasmine rice, cabbage sprouts glaze. I'm sharing this recipe this Christmas season.
We are people of the world...
The important thing is to mix well and not stop moving the chicken with the milk so that it does not become "bad milk"...hahaha
And no one wants bad milk!
That does sound fabulous. I look forward to seeing this recipe! I love chicken in all its forms!
i
I recommend this one and it is very easy to prepare. for yours espisa and children 2 geandes breasts cut into strips adibas with crushed garlic in mortar salt pepper and 2 chili peppers to your liking. you sauté them in corn or soy oil, whichever one is easier to acquire and butter, you sauté it, besides have the mushrooms, the milk cream and the striped cheese of your taste, I like the white one.
when the chicken is almost done you add a white wine gilpe to that amount, sauté and so add mushrooms, milk cream with enveloping movements and grated cheese and then to taste friend ☀️
Cheers! for the good milk my friend...lol...
Ah that sounds lovely. I do love a good chicken dish! Cheers milady, I shall try this!
Something I've never heard of before, man XD I hope you enjoyed what you ate. I was thinking this post might turn into a Romania adventure :P
Haha, thankfully it stayed in Scotland! They were quite nice, awfully sweet. Feel a bit bloated and meh today!
contigo es imposible aburrirse 😂
A forced milking in Romania!!! I could imagine it...with a circle of gypsies around, dancing frantically while they extract the milk for the ritual of hardening it 😂😂😂😂
I would love the gypsy party, but without milking!!!😂😁😬
I can see it now, Let the ritual begin!! with much stamping of feet and whirling!
I think I would be quite fond of a gypsy party, also with out the milking! :OD
👍💃💃💃💃🎶🎵🎶🎵
What the bloody hell is a hard milkshake? One of them ones you struggle to stir with a straw??
They had ice cream in them! Like big scoops. It was a bit mental but they were plenty strong so couldn't say no.
Story of my life, heh heh
Hard milk can only be an ice cream 😄
The Milkshakes do have ice cream in them!!! I cant wait :OD
Of course you are but seriously you cracked me up with this 😄
And again
I was shocked when I heard you were blindsided but hey! It's normal. The good thing is, you could pull yourself back to your feet
One day I wont be able to pull myself up and that's when they will put a headstone over me!
Lol, I certainly dont deserve a hard milking :OD
I doubt if that day will come
Not in work at least!
When you meet your Romanian friends, ask for Palinca or Tzuica ('de pruna', 'dubla', they will know what you mean).
And by the way, hard milk translation word by word is 'beaten milk' or 'bruised milk' - lapte batut.
Ha Ha!
Lol, Beaten or bruised milk sounds worse! I only have one Romanian friend but I will be sure to run those past him!! :OD
What a great story man, and how you tell it. 🤣🤣🤣
Its all in the telling. How to turn boring life into something else :OD
That was hilarious. What is up with that opening invitation? I almost read it as "You ready for some hard milking?" haha. But I think you handled that extremely well. I usually don't like it when people describe things as if you can read their mind, or immediately know what they're talking about. But if it results to these kinds of scenarios, then that is fine.
I think that is how I was reading it as well. I was like what the funk?!
Thankfully, it all worked out in the end. Me arriving home slightly drunk at an ungodly hour, lol!
Tootsweet 😃 hahaaa...I have used that word a couple times today already🤣
Not sure about that hard milkshake but it brings to mind my mom, dad and their friends drinking grasshoppers when I was little. If memory serves they were made with ice cream and creme de menthe and I don't know what else. Wonder if that qualifies as a hard milkshake? In any event, I'm sure you will give it a good go!
Hehe, I put it in thinking of the other day.
There is a minty one, I like the sound of grasshoppers. Maybe this is going to be a life changing event. Things might go totally different after tonight!! Hehe 😀😀
That's awesome lol. I will be interested in a follow up to your post to see what hard milk you decide to try! In any case, enjoy it to the utmost!
Hehe, I have had a bourbon aand biscoff one, which was yummy. a Jack daniels one with coffee liquer as well which was nice and a bit bitter in a good way and finally I had a Mint Panther Milk and choc chip ice cream with mint chocolate which frankly was so sweet I had to go onto beer after it to fight the sugar high!
I have enjoyed em but not sure if Iwould seek them out intentionally! lol
Yes, my first thought is as a dessert drink, but the beer wins out in the end!
An alcoholic milkshake, that could be delicious but also, if you go too far with it, it could be disastrous. Dairy and alcohol is a finicky mix. Seems like a fine line, kind of drink.
It's nearly time! I am hoping that they get the balance right and I end up sozzled on a sidewalk at the end of the night 😀😀
Let me know how they were. Good luck 👍
They were magic but appallingly sweet. The liquor that was in them tended to compliment and add to the sweetness rather than cut through it. I would like to say I am in no rush to try them again but that might be the hangover talking!
I see. Yeah I'm not into things that are too sweet anymore. Sugary stuff always seems to add to the hangover. Sounds like a nice treat though. Maybe not something you want to drink too many of or even a single one if it's a night of heavy drinking. Worth the experiment for sure though
It was definitely worth it. I will try and put it behind me and think about the mulled wine tonight!!
Tis the season for mulled wine 🍷
For goodness sake, You do provoke the most god-awful imagery. I must commend you for that. Wet pillowcase stuffed with meat? Really?😂
Imagery of the awful kind is my speciality! :OD
😆👏🏼👏🏼🦶🏼
There's a hard milkshake to finish waiting for me two towns down.
Now inspired to follow my nose.
You 😎💯
I think hard milkshakes could be a game changer for the world. Here's to em! :OD
Indeed.
This one's got my name on it 😈
But Sundee says...
👇🏼
Hapoy Friday!!!
!PIMP
You must be killin' it out here!
@nickydee just slapped you with 1.000 PIMP, @meesterboom.
You earned 1.000 PIMP for the strong hand.
They're getting a workout and slapped 1/1 possible people today.
Read about some PIMP Shit or Look for the PIMP District
Well would you look at that! Quite sumptuous looking. Although being the morning after the night before it makes me feel slightly wobbly but I am sure that will pass :OD
😆😬
Sawry best fweind.
Hair of the dog and all that!
I like my hair of the dawg to be in the evening, lol!
Well that don't even make any sense Minion - Megamind
I hope you made it through the day, darling. Sugar comes downs aren't for lightweights
:)
And that admin is me working out notifications.
And I didn't even have a hard milk yet.
Notifications suck. I wish they were better
Well I just discovered that you get updates on new posts for beasties on Ecency if you favorite
This affer a year and a half on Hive
Wish my admin was better!
Yo quiero saber eso de los batidos que hacen con leche de alta calidad , tendrías que probar los míos eso sin son buenos..
Los batidos son una delicia, me encanta un buen batido!
A mi también hombre, son lo máximo, feliz día..y continua creando contenido interesante y de calidad.
Y tu hombre!
#hive #posh
Hahaha
The hard milkshakes made me laugh
Can there ever be a hard milkshake
Apparently there is ice cream as well as hard liquor in them. It will be magic!
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STOPor to resume write a wordSTARTI thought you were going to be trying to milk an old gal, that would be hard to do but not impossible I suppose. They’ve got a chicken fetish too sometimes I suppose, tickle their candy. (It was supposed to be fancy but auto correct felt that was more appropriate. I’m gonna let it ride, tickle my candy please!)
What was the hard milk, was it spiked with some booze? That was my other suspicion, but my second choice of course. I prefer to think you were trying to fondle some old ladies.
Hahaha! What the hell is a hard milkshake and how was the combo?
I severely doubt you even know where Romania is on the map...