I kept thinking of the appropriate title for this post, but just didn't know what to title it and then I thought about how I have been feeling for the past 2 to 3 months and felt overwhelmed. I was almost going to reconsider the idea of doing this post, but then I decided to go ahead with the post and just title it with whatever came in my head. I was missing my Steemit family oh so much that today I just couldn't hold back myself any longer and I knew I had to do this today. I was away for over a month and God times have been so hard and trying that I can't even begin to explain them, but hey who said life was a bed of roses. And also,life is as difficult or easy as you make it so I took some wrong decisions, some wrong turns and made things tough for me, but that's alright. I am now in a much better state of mind and am ready to accept and take accountability of my life and my decisions.
That brings me to the question where was I. Like my dear friend and mentor @sultnpapper asked me in a comment 'Where have you been hiding?'. Yes, you are my mentor because you have taught me so much about life and the US not to forget haha. So, I was hiding inside my own cocoon basically. I am still going through a difficult time in my life, primarily my marital life and it isn't easy at all. Things were extremely difficult and chaotic about 2 months back when I was literally losing my sanity and wanted to hit my head several times on the wall. I am quite sure all those who know me here did guess something from all the painful posts I was doing here and people were so supportive. Thank you @jaynie, @eco-alex, @trucklife-family, @solarsupermama and everyone else who reached out to me to make sure I was okay. I wasn't okay and I am still not perfectly okay, but I know I'll be fine soon enough and this faith is what keeps me going.
I haven't decided anything for final pertinent to my marriage so I am not going to speak about it right now. My husband and I are taking time to make a better and informed decision, because we want to make a decision we believe in and one that is best for us especially for our son. So we are living separately for now trying to think this through because as much as I initially felt I wanted to part ways, I realized later how important it is to give time to things in trying times. Also,I feel that both of us weren't as self-aware when we married one another as we are now so we are now more conscious of our own selves and what we want. Then again, marriage is a huge thing especially when you have a child so it is better to take time and rethink a decision before following through with it. Here I'd like to declare that he is a good man and just because things are not going in the smoothest possible manner right now does not make him a bad person or me a good person. We are both lovely people going through trying times in a boat. :)
So yeah the past 2 to 3 months were intense and dreadful for me and I just wanted to die. But then I realized that it is alright. All of us have our challenges in life and maybe this is my challenge. I have been through different hardships in life so it wasn't new to me that a difficult time had come my way, but this time it was so humongous and emotionally draining that I just wanted to give up. Fortunately and like before, my son saved me once again. His smile, his face, his being, his existence and the thought of his well-being helped me slowly gather the shattered and wounded pieces of my heart and soul and sew them back together. I wanted to live, to keep going on, to fight, to feel peaceful, to smile, to be happy and my son was my compelling reason behind that. So I did gather myself back and stood up. I am not the same person I was before and honestly I am happy with that. Because the woman I am now believes in herself now more than ever, is better aware of what she wants, is ready to fight odds more courageously than ever and is not ready to succumb to distressing times and to bow down to people who want to rule her. So that's me now and I'm happy with it.
This episode that I am going through was so overwhelming that I can't even begin to touch that aspect. I remember crying on roads, crying while driving, crying while feeding my son, crying when doing grocery and looking for a corner to quickly hide my tears and paste a smile on my face.
Tears and I have now a very lovely bond. We were always friends, but now we are even closer. I know there is something to look after me, embrace my pain and accept it when I cannot do it myself and those are my tears so I am honestly not even one bit upset that I cried. Crying is a beautiful thing and something that gives you liberation, but yes I believe there is a difference between letting your tears out and crying and crying about every hardship and not being grateful for your blessings. Throughout this time, I did cry a lot but not for why I was stuck in the situation. I embraced it and owned my pain and that has turned me into an even stronger woman than ever.
Throughout this time, I missed being on Steemit like crazy but because I had work to do, my baby to look after, my house to manage and my own pain to endure, I just had to take it slowly and go easy on myself. However, now that I am in a saner state of mind and know how important it is to look after myself, I am making sure I do the right thing by blogging here. I have always loved Steemit and no matter how much people tell me this platform has no future, I believe in it because for me, it isn't about money. It is about the beautiful people I have found here so guys I wasn't absent because I had stopped believing in Steemit. I was just taking a time out because of my own personal problems. But I am back and that too with a bang so you will be seeing a lot of me now. Hahaha. I am so happy right now. Love all of you so much! Like always do share your feedback on this one please.
Love and light,
Sharoon.
Here are some of my articles that may interest you:
Is Life Actually Tough or Do We Make it Hard for Ourselves?
Functioning on a Wounded Heart and Soul...
Forgiveness- Not Easy to Practice but so Liberating when You Do..
Sometimes, All You Need to Do is Say No!!
Why You Need to Live for Yourself too and Not Just for Your Kids
My Thoughts on Monster Energy...
Why We Must Take One Goal at a Time?
10 Things I wish I knew Challenge
Going Back to Home Sweet Home (A Short 50 Word Story)
Make Me Smile Challenge- My Son and His Innocent, Witty and Smart Answers
What's the Best Thing a Child Has Taught You??
I Don't Have a Perfect Child and That's Just So Beautiful...
Every Once in a While, it is Okay to Slow Down a Little...
What is Matriarchy? What Do You Think a Matriarchal Society would Look Like- @ecotrain QOTW
How to Keep Your Eyes on the Goal...
I am a part of the wonderful @ecotrain that aims to make this world a better place so do join it if that's your aim too..
Join us @steemitbloggers
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Glad to see you back and sorry to hear you are having a rough time I hope perhaps popping back on here may give you some emotional support to give you more strength to deal with all your ongoing issues and enable you to work to a conclusion that is best for you and your son
I'm sorry I have not been more present for you Sharoon. If you need to talk, you know my story, if you need an ear, or shoulder I am here now <3
Aww no, it is okay. I completely understand and your story has helped me out a lot honestly. Thank you for being such a nice support. <3
I never asked, I knew ... that is why I checked on you. I can tell you that I am no marriage counselor, and probably not a great mentor either but I have been through some ruff spots in marriage and me and the Mrs. will celebrate 24 years on Monday.
There were a couple times when we were about to call it quits, but stepping back and letting cooler heads prevail pays off, spending some time and looking at the situation from all angles is most important. I am sure that things will work out for the best for you, don't rush yourself into a bad decision. Even though I said I am not a counselor, I will say, marriage is a "give and take " life and both parties have to understand it and agree to it. If both parties to the marriage can do that then things can settle down and work themselves out.
You have a lot of friends here that you can lean on, so don't hesitate to reach out to us. I will keep the three of you in my prayers, which are daily, just like the dose.
Hi @sharoonyasir, I'm @checky ! While checking the mentions made in this post I found out that @sultnpaper doesn't exist on Steem. Maybe you made a typo ?
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!help.G’day mate! and I Upvoted you :) !
:
“Not everything happens for a reason; we claim that it does for a reason: to console ourselves.” ====> Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Thanks a lot. :)
Hey thank you @checky for pointing out that mistake. I had missed out a p so the error occurred. <3
G’day mate! and I Upvoted you :) !
:
“Nothing humbles a beautiful woman better than not being wanted by a man whose girlfriend or wife is ugly (or not as beautiful as she is).” ====> Mokokoma Mokhonoana
Thanks a lot for the lovely words.
You are such an amazingly strong woman @sharoonyasir and I promise you... you will look back at this post as well as to this time in your life from a place of strength... and it will no longer challenge you as you will have overcome it. You are a powerhouse my darling... be sure to remind yourself of that each and every morning. I love you and am ALWAYS there for you!!! One day at a time love... you are already treading the right track and sharing this so transparently plays a HUGE role in the healing process. 💜💚💙💜💚💙
@jaynie, I cannot even begin to tell you how much I missed you, your words, your wisdom and everything about you. The last chat we had on this topic, remember a few months ago that gave me a lot of clarity on things. You are such a huge inspiration and honestly you have helped me out so much. Thank you for all your love. <3 I have yet to take a decision but I am happy the direction I have taken because I am feeling peaceful.
Thank you for your beautiful words and love hon. Your presence has been greatly missed too, but I completely understand. Just so happy to see you back... even if it is sporadic. And whatever direction you take hon, it will be the right one for you... trust that. And you know where to find me, if you need me! xoxoxoxoxo
Oh Sharoon, I am so sorry you have had to go through all this pain, but it does sound like you needed to in order to get to where you are now. It is really tough being in a relationship, sharing yourself with someone and that we all change so much, our needs and our desires. becoming a parent definitely is life changing and sometimes we grow together or grow apart and that is okay as long as you are staying true to your self and looking after yourself. Much love and healing and light to you beautiful woman, welcome back we sure did miss you and if you need anything let me know xxx
Aishlinn, you are so right. Being a parent is life changing and brings so much responsibility on our shoulders and minds. It is because of my son that I am not rushing through this and I am so glad and blessed to have him in life because he keeps reminding me to slow down and think rationally. I surely missed you a lot.
Isnt it funny that we get to thr point in our lives when we know that the only way through pain is to own it and feel it?
I emapthise so much dear. So so much. I wemt through the same thing years ago now. It was so difficult but my little boy buoyed me up. I remember slumping to the kitchen floor and not being able to get up because I was so overwhelmed and he toddled into the room and all was good. He is now 21, havent seen him for a month and miss him to bits.
Im glad you are in a good place. Life huh!! It can sure rattle us.
Those quoted words though , I feel that's what I have been going through too... With all the problems in my life... That's exactly how I feel I have become too... Soo many tears.
Ohh I am so sorry you had to go through a hard time. Please know I'm here to shoulder you and be a support. Sometimes we don't even need a listening ear- just someone we know who will be there for us silently. Such times are so hard and the more sincere support we have, the easier it is to pull us through this turmoil. Life can and certainly does rattle us hard at times. Thank you for sharing a part of you with us. Love for you and your son!
Hi sis ❤️ @sharoonyasir , I hope somehow your situation becomes more clear , and somehow God help you in this hard situation , to cope with everything , to manage anything . I pray that everything becomes better for you sis , I'm so sorry about what you are going through. I wish we could help you some way , but what can we even do , rather than say a bunch of words which , we think is right. I really hope I am saying the right thing. Love you sis 😘😘😘 you got this.. please let me know how you feel , if you need anything...that I can do..please do tell me.. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Aww thank you for such a beautiful prayer Ashley. It means so much. I am here for you too. Let me know if you need any thing. <3
Tears are our emotions being melted away. It is better to melt those ice block from time to time than to let them freeze us all over. Take your time before making an important decision and trust your intuition. In the end, everything will work out fine and one day you will be happy with whatever you decided because it will lead you somewhere and that somewhere will be good for you. You are a strong and lovely person, believe in your self and all will be good. Sending you much love 💚
Wow such lovely words of advice. Thanks a lot @zen-art. It is always a pleasure having you here. <3
@sharoonyasir Sweetheart I hear you, and with you... I hope you find courage ..Just take one step at a time.. . you write so well and I can feel it... please don't stop writing. :) Much love and power <3
Thanks a lot. Your appreciation encouraged me so much. Glad to know my writing touches people. Lovely having you here. <3
I'm so sorry to hear about your struggles. I also tend to hide away when things get tough. It's my default reaction. But like you, I'm doing my best to keep in touch with those who really care. It seems like there's so much love and support around you, and I hope things get better soon <3
#steemitbloggers
You are so strong for staying in touch with people who care. Hiding away is an innate reaction, but it is important too. To some it may seem like an act of cowardice, but it isn't so. Just your body and mind telling you to slow down. Thank you for the lovely words. I am here for you.<3
Your raw honesty is beautiful. Every one of us mamas has felt something of this - I have been a single mom since my now 13 year old turned 3. It is what it is. Focus on your son and the joy of little things and somehow things rebalance and shift. Much love to you from Northern Thailand.
Aww you are super strong mama. I am so sorry you went through a rough patch but so proud of your strength. Thank you so much for the lovely words. <3
I am sorry you are going through so much right now!
Ill have to go through some of your posts later when I have time and see what is going on with you.
All I can say is that we, the Steemit family, are here for you and we are very glad to see you back!
As far as marriage goes, I have been married for 15 years now. There have been rough spots. There have been times when the thought of separating has crossed our minds. However, we promised to stay true through thick and thin, and surviving those trials has made us a stronger couple than ever. No judgement if you decide to stay apart, BUT if you can pick up the pieces and fix what's broken, you will be an amazing, strong couple. Remember, love is an action, not a feeling.
Thanks for your honesty. I was absent from Steemit for about 2 months as well last October and November. I am glad you have a strong support group here. And I pray that you will find reconciliation with your relationships.
Although I have never experienced your pain, I feel your saddest. I wish you the best and lots of peace.
Challenging times.
I read someplace that relationships are the hardest karma. I know this is true for me. Transitioning from through these feelings with others can be ahelp, and surly it can harm.
Finding a path forward from dark times can be difficult, recently I have been recognizing that my adult daughter still needs me. However difficult my situation may be, I must improve my reality so that gers can be better.
I admire your courage, sharing sensitive topics takes a lot of it.
Hey beautiful mama. I've been gone a few days in moving hell. We wanted to move to a less remote area, but we are also splitting up. So, I'm right there with you. I'm sorry things are so hard for you right now. Life is messy. Keep following your own truth and heart. What anyone else thinks is totally irrelevant. As long as you both keep loving the boy, he will be fine. Kids are so resilient. I am sending you so much love and strength right now. I know you will bloom through.