Today my brother visited us. My brother is a bit of a gallump
(an annoying big lump of a thing)
He and I don't entirely see eye to eye so I wasn't looking forward to his visit as much as you would expect.
Scotland is a very small country, we only have seven cities and you could argue that three of the seven are really just jumped up little towns. The two largest cities in Scotland are Edinburgh (the capital) and Glasgow (What should be the capital.)
There is a fierce rivalry between Edinburgh and Glasgow. Coincidentally my brother lives in Edinburgh and I live in Glasgow.
He pulled up outside my house in his big shiny new BMW. I came out to greet him.
Alright dude.
I muttered with something short of enthusiasm.
Alright wee man.
He said with a verbal swagger. It is worth noting at this time that wee man is a bit of a familiar yet also derogatory thing to call someone in Glasgow.
My brother stopped beside my car. It's a nine-year-old heap of junk with one saving grace, that is, it gets me from A to B.
This your motor? For real?
He pointed mockingly at it.
I rolled my eyes so hard I almost fell over and confirmed that yes, it was my motor.
How old is it?
He walked around it as if inspecting a dinosaur fossil.
It's 9 years old.
He flinched as if I had thrown filthy toenail clippings at him. Then hurried after me as I headed in the house.
We exchanged small talk. He was staying the night and had no need to drive later so I offered him a beer. He curled his lip.
You got anything decent like?
I laughed long and loud. In certain circles, I am known as the beer man, so this question amused me no end. I come back from the fridge with a selection of amazing beer. Most of which I am sure he has never heard of or seen.
His brutish finger hovered above the bottles on display, moving back and forth. It settled above a bottle with a big skull and crossbones emblazoned on it.
I chuckled.
Are you sure? That one is a chipotle beer.
He made a bulldog chewing a wasp face.
Of course, I am sure. I can handle chillis no problem. I am used to hot stuff that you couldn't even imagine.
I opened the bottle and passed it to him. It had quite a mild chipotle kick so I knew he would be ok. He took a swig and carried on.
I mean, I have eaten chillis you wouldn't believe. I am the King of Chillis!
I smiled at this. Despite being brothers he obviously doesn't know me very well. I am chilli mad.
The King of Chillis huh? I make my own chilli paste. It's rather good. Quite hot. Perhaps you would like to try some?...
He flushed a little, the chipotle in the beer obviously starting to burn in his throat.
Yeah man, bring it out. Is it really hot? I can eat anything hot. The hotter the better. Go on, bring it out.
I went into the kitchen and returned with the chilli paste that I had made recently. It was my favourite one, Hot Lava Chilli paste. It was a bright orangey red and glowed with an angry heat from the Scotch Bonnets that it mostly consisted of.
He looked at it. He looked at me. He looked at it again. Some of his bravado slipped a bit. I waved a teaspoon.
Just a quarter of a teaspoon will be plenty... That is, if you're man enough?
I could not help but add in the last in a sniggering malicious way.
He looked inside the jar, the fumes were enough to make a welder cry. It seemed to glow slightly. I felt a bit bad. It's madness to try my chilli paste. Unless you can handle proper spicy heat that is. Given the way that his cheeks were going red from the mild chilli beer I had given him, he would never be able to take it.
I'm only kidding mate.
I put the lid on the jar and made to pull it away.
Too late!
My brother grabs it and the teaspoon I had with an iron hand.
Give me that. I can handle it no bother. You will see.
He unscrewed it and in one fell swoop took a big teaspoon as if it was ice cream and plopped it in his mouth.
Everything stops. I stare at him in horror.
He smirks at me, smug as a man who has fallen into the sea and walked out with a fish in each hand and one in his mouth. He swallowed the mouthful of chilli paste.
The colour suddenly drained from his face, then it came flooding back in a rush. His cheeks glowed bright red. He coughed. Just a little. Then a lot. His hands clawed at his neck. He stared at me, eyes bulging in his not smug anymore face.
Toilet!!
He manages to wheeze out. before running off. I hear the door on the toilet slam then an awful retching noise. He seemed to be shouting for someone called RALPH then HUEY.
After some five minutes of the retching noise. He came staggering back into the room.
Hot, Hot. Too hot.
He waved his hand at his face which was soaked in sweat.
Need a drink.
He leaned over and grabbed his beer.
Nooo! Don't drink beer...
I was too late with my warning. His face started alternating from red to white to red again. He waves in the direction of the toilet and runs off again.
Once more the retching noises and horrible slopping sounds. This time interspersed with him crying that his sick burns.
Eventually, he comes back in the room. He is still hiccuping and looks like a badly stunned cow.
Just gonna go for a little lie down if that's ok?
Of course, of course.
I waved him off magnanimously. The good lady at that point came in and I told her what had happened. She laughed heartily before asking if he would be ok.
Yeah he will be fine.
I said.
At least, until it comes out the other end...
Ouch, the silly blighter. Have you got any annoying relatives? Have you ever eaten something to show off and regretted it?
Tell us your best tales of grisly relatives and burning chillies in the comments. I will be there to listen!
Authored by: @meesterboom
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Thank you!
Great
AWESOME!!! Bothers are always fun, I remember a childhood incident happened with me. I threw a brick at my brothers head, ended up having to get stitches. Then a few hours later he threw one back at me, back to the hospital for stitches.
Ah the bricks of brotherhood! I hope that has forged a bond between you!
Yes. I have some annoying relatives (a brother in law particularly) but my brother isn't one of them. Your story makes me happy for that.
We have some chilis around here that are highly thought of. I'm not a 'super hot' guy, but I do enjoy a good chili now and again. I'd like to try your sauce on a proper burrito...
I have a very small Edinburgh connection. My Great Great Grandfather got his engineering degree at the University there and traveled most of the way round the world before he settled in Oregon state and here I am :)
Thanks for a wonderful post.
Well I think that connection makes you an honorary Scot!
I love chilli, this one is very good because it's not super hot but tolerable. Give it a bash!
While reading this story, it was entertaining me more and more, bigger and bigger challenges with your brother. From your brother’s side of course. It’s like the competition between you and your brother was getting hotter and hotter.lol I could feel your brother’s superiority, like he was above you.
lol, now this made me really laugh. First chilly, then chilly beer made by famous chilly man @meesterboom. I’m starting so feel sorry for your brother.not!
I have my relative who loves 🌶, I could definitely call him a chilly man as well, he once gave me taste of chilly sauce he bought. I’m not that much chilly man, but I tried, first just slight touch, I thought “hmm not that bad” then I took more and you could imagine how fast I begged for a milk. It was funny though. Nice and funny brother to brother story. I could imagine Your brother coming as a King Kong and leaving as a beaten ... with tale between his legs.
Lol, that is pretty much how it was. He will be back, still arrogant but I will smile every time I see him now
Lols, this is wierd too good, I have only been in this situation a long time ago, visiting my uncle in 2004, that's about 14 years ago, was a drinking drunk then, had a drinking duel with my cousin at night, I had 16 bottles of stout at a go, it was only a trick I fell to, it was no competition to him, he took his time and was in his 3rd bottle when I started the misbehavior manifestation of the baptism I had been submerged in.....you don't want to hear the rest of the story.....thanks for sharing, it was an experience I wouldn't want a repeat but it was fun though. Family is family whether they know you or not they still remain family.....they are fun sometimes and other times creepy annoying, but they still remain family.
loved this, thanks @adsactly and @meesterboom.
They do remain family. That is part of the problem sometimes, :O)
brotherly love ❤️... nothing finer...😜🤣
That looks familiar!
Oh the hell we must have all given our parents throughout those wonder years...
Lol, I am sure they are more than happy with the way yous turned out
Ohhh what perfect time for Brother topic..Few weeks before i didn knew about this community, my younger brother had joined this.He has been always a motivating force to me somehow .He told me to join this community and i should write my heart out, he believes i write straightaway from my heart..Now that I am here, people appreciate my views, i have started to get confident here, and i definitely want to share my heart out here..Just want to thank him for bringing me out here and having confidence in me..I feel at home when Im here.Though i am very bad in expressing my gratitude towards my near ones, here i would tell him, thank you Bro..The best thing between us is that we dont fight for things as others do, like who looks good, who's got the swag, who's mom dad's favourite, because he knows its me..Haha @shahaan, its always me bro, i got the higher kickin than You, and i know you are jealous of my hair too 😂😂😂 Though i would a say thing to you, you are a better human definitely, I cant beat you at that...Stay blessed and yea you got more weight than me ;)
That is splendid that you are so close and that he got you into Steemit! I hope you both do well!
Yea thank you, he is making me do things which are out of box for me but i kinda like it here :)
All good then!
im upvoteing you,,,, can you please . ?
I wish I had a brother with whom I can play with but I am happy as I am right now.
Frankly, I can not say as beautiful as you say; The color suddenly drained from his face, then suddenly back in a hurry. Her cheeks glowed red. He coughed. Only slightly. Then a lot. His hands clawed at his neck. He looked at me, his eyes glaring at his no longer arrogant face. Really, you are a spicy sculptor who makes people want to taste it. I have a lot of stories, but I can not afford them like @adsactly. Thanks for the talented cerpenis @adsactly been willing to share the story with us.
A pleasure to share :O)
Thank's @meesterboom
Hahaha, such an interesting story.. Couldn't stop laughing...
But trust me, when it comes to chilli pepper.. i can take you on... The tribe I'm from in Nigeria(yoruba) we eat pepper alot... We yorubas take chilli pepper with basically anything and everything...
without pepper, our food recipe isn't complete.
It's funny you say that. I can't eat anything without chilli either, every dish has to have it! Scotch Bonnets all the way for me!
How i wish there could be a contest for that...😂😂😂😂
Am sure gonna beat you to it.
HEhe, stranger things have happened ;O)
Hahaha damn!Funny man who took it as challenge,poor guy,I am wondering about his next morning in bathroom how horrible it would be for him while digesting that chilli out.
Now I think he matches his color with his BMW.😈
Yeah, I suspect he was in for another shocker on the journey out, hahaha
Haha ..
You played him like a pro..
I mostly get along quite nice with my relatives..
The ones I don't get along with, I just ignore..
I've been on the receiving end of these chilli pranks. If I eat something too hot and spicy,I just explode :p
He almost exploded, well from one end at least :OD
Haha..
Poor guy, he probably won't show off for a while now
Oh trust me he will, he never learns. Never.
Glasgow more famous,,, coz i know a footballclub glasgow rangers,,,
You do the best for the people like that my friend,,, :D
Im support yours,,,tranquility defeats arrogance,,, You do a good thing,,, i think,,, for poor people,,, good luck my friend,,, and enjoy it :D
Yes, it is quite the famous football club!
Bahahaha, I don't know what I expected from this but that was really funny! @adsactly
Glad you liked!
One of my girlfriends ate a pepper that looks a lot like a habanero but it's red I can't remember what they're called right now but they're like twice as hot as Habaneros and they are the one of the hardest ones in the world oh yeah they're called Caribbeans but anyways they are no joke the guy that I got them from said don't even touch Them and touch your face or nothing like that he was really paranoid about them so he's like all watch out don't touch them so anyways the smart-ass that I am brings it over to one of my girlfriends who says she can handle any hot whatever's and she promised she could do it so she proceeds to take two big ones out of the bag and she starts eating will one at a time I was amazed as she chews up every single bite of both of those big ass Peppers with no water no bread no milk no peanut butter nothing nothing after and just chewed up every single little bite chewing all of it I don't know how she done it these are really hot peppers hotter than habanero+ no problem she said owning it
She is a girl to walk the mountains with!
Your brother is really a character. The story is quite interesting, i had to read it to the end. I think you need to change that car too. :)
I might have to, lol!
Ohh i loved what you read ..I love my brother very much than anything else in the world. He is not only my brother but is my best friend as well. We share each other our happiness and sorrow. We're both always ready to help each other in need. In one way he's my half body and vice-versa .
Lovely. I wish my own relationship was so but alas, it is not to be :O)
@adsactly i can relate the story i remember my brother when he was living with us in our younger years we had so much fun we do crazy things we quarrel a lot but the very good thing was at the end of the day a brother is always brother
a whale cant be a Daft... he will be fine
He will, although he is far from a whale lol
OMG... U r back.... u have been missing from quite a while... guess i have lost humor in my comments :p
When you least expect me, I will be there ;O)
OMG !!!! Karma... is that u ...:p
Hahah, ;o)
When I meet my brother
I think that sibilng fights are something hilarious. You would throw them in a dumbster and they would leave you strangled behind some tree but at the end you wouldn't give them for nothing. That love....you can't describe it
PS: love your post it made me think of my little bro
Good that you do see each other, family is important! Great blog!
awesome content!
Thank you very much.
I love it.😊😊
That is splendid that you are so close and that he got you into Steemit! I hope you both do well!
Wow.... That's cool....... @enyinugget
Brothers are so 😎
seen you live a few years back in Manchester so glad to hear some new music looking forward to seeing you tour again.
Lol, I have no idea what you are talking about
Anybody else noticed, when he sings "I knew the chorus to Smells like teen spirit" the guitar lead in the background is inspired by the guitar lead from the Nirvana song haha
There are no more important things in the world than family. 😀@titanik
Nice bro
nice @adsaclty
Very nice post
Nice post 👍
Great post
Nice post
Thanks for sharing
how to be like u ??
can u teach me ???
anyway this highly qualified posts
Well, firstly you would have to cut your hair in a style similar to my own. Then you would have to try a Scottish accent. It's not hard, just watch some YouTube videos of Gerard Butler. You are on the right path
Thanks for the information. This is a very helpful post @adsactly (74)in fun
The help is invaluable as is the wisdoms contained herein
thank you my friend I wish you to visit my account and vote for my latest publications
@aligotze37
Your creative work and valuable word in your story with brother really impressed me. Thank you @adsactly for sharing this post with us.
Amazing post
Crypto is the best thing you can invest on. I would not mind to be part of this project,i love crypto
What about chilli's? Are they worth an investment?
good,,,post,,,bro
amazing writing sir...☺👍
Well thank you
thats a fun visit i must say. I like this kind of stuff. thanks for sharing.
I hope the rivalry gets changed into love soon as love gives a better yield like your brotherhood does
That would be nice :O)
good story, thank you for a talented writer, good luck just as successful.
Beautiful
I have no power to explain
How amazing