Lately, I have been feeling pretty shitty, but have been soldiering on doing what I need to regardless. Feelings are just feelings - they aren't even necessarily based on reality, rather just some kind of sense of reality filtered through our perceptions, which are filtered through all kinds of preconceptions and conditioning - so how accurate are they really?
It is easy to make ourselves feel better though, as all we need to do is lower our expectations. A lot of people have mentioned this to me recently (and over the years) but I always question whether it is a healthy approach, or just a race to the bottom. If we just keep lowering the bar of what we expect in order to make ourselves feel better, where do we end up?
It is akin to the "everyone gets a prize" teaching that started filtering into the schools a few decades ago - making kids feel better about themselves, without them having to do anything for it. As I see it, there should be a cost to feeling good, and that is generally the time, energy and effort it takes to learn and accomplish something. If the "high" comes from a lowering of the learning and accomplishment required, it is like taking a cheaper and cheaper drug -
The side effects get worse.
It is no wonder we live in the age of entitlement and the desire of workless wealth though, because many people haven't had to go through the hardship to get the feedback that they are doing well. Many today have been coddled, spoiled, and wrapped in cottonwool to protect physically, mentally and emotionally - and then we wonder why we have a society of hyper sensitive people, who have low resiliency, and are pained and triggered by the slightest discomfort.
Reacting violently to feeling bad.
A lot of people feel that they deserve good things and seem to carry the "don't you know who I am?" attitude like a celebrity. Even though they aren't famous, and have done nothing of note, nor hold the probable skills that could accomplish something of note. They think that just "being an individual" should afford them the privileges of those who have worked long and hard for what they have.
I often wonder if I am falling into the trap of lowering my expectations in order to feel better about myself, to feed my ego. I don't consider myself a victim, but I do think I have some pretty bad luck in some aspects of my life. In the past, I considered myself lucky that I was able to work hard under all kinds of circumstances, but I feel I have lost a lot of that - or at least, I have lost being able to do it relatively willingly. Now, I have to force myself to do anything at all, which is part stroke symptom, and probably part disappointment at outcomes.
I am not alone in this, which is why I share a lot of my thoughts here. I think that just maybe there will be others who are feeling pretty shitty about their lives, but are suffering through it alone. We all die alone, but we needn't take the journey to death alone - right? Sharing thoughts also lets me explore whether how I feel about circumstances is an accurate fit, or if my feelings have got away from my and turned too far toward disconnected fantasy.
Reflection is a fantasy.
Whenever we imagine anything, it is a fantasy. And even when we remember the past, it is not an accurate account of what actually happened, but just our own perspectives, and flawed memories - but that fantasy feels real, so we think that our thoughts are close enough to what actually happened - the truth. But, experience is all subjective truth, not objective truth.
But it is the subjective truth that guides us and we act upon - which means we take the fantasies we believe and make concrete actions in reality based on them. We create our real world from our belief system - but if we think we needn't be better, why would we improve? And if we keep lowering the bar to feel better, we don't even stay the same - we get worse.
I subjectively believe that the world is getting worse. Yes, there are technologies that are improving and doing some amazing things, but as far as the wellbeing of humanity is concerned, I think that we had a few decades of rapid growth and we took it for granted, got greedy, entitled, and felt far too good about ourselves, and now we are in a retraction, a regression to the mean.
And the mean, is mean.
The less we expect from ourselves, the meaner our mean becomes. And I think that we are on average colder, harsher, more violent, less caring, and less loving than we were before. Things weren't perfect in the past, but there was more community, more family, more individuals striving to be better versions of themselves - rather than just paying improvement lip-service on social media - virtue signalling. People used to be better for themselves, not for thumbs and hearts. and that was more real, because when the metric is the thumbs and hearts as to whether someone is successful, it is possible to game the system and get more, by doing less.
When the metric is looking as objectively as possible into the mirror at the reflection, and being as honest as possible in evaluation - it is far harder to feel good, by doing as little as possible.
Even in failure, trying is better than lowering the bar.
But it doesn't feel good.
Taraz
[ Gen1: Hive ]
There's a length of time/getting old component to feeling worse and lowering the bar (or wanting to). It is draining to be constantly going nowhere and getting nothing at all done no matter how incredibly hard or smart or both you work every waking moment.
that's terrible for your health by the way even if you are of the active/busy persuasion
I'm guessing that's probably a decent chunk of why you're struggling. Maybe a "planning phase" is in order.
it's what I call breaks for people who are either incapable of taking breaks or basically want to take month long vacations after the slightest bit of anything that might be construed as something adjacent to the same universe as effort
And also remembering that high bars to aim for are great, keep working on it, but also have a bar that you can actually reach to work with as well.
How's your gardening and gym ratting going? :)
It is soul-sucking. But so is doing nothing.
At the moment, I am not even sure what the bars should be!
Garden is going okay - but raining and waiting for trees to arrive tomorrow. gym? What is that?? (actually going to go tonight) :)
Can you do a reset and start with the bars on the ground and move them up slowly? Though where you can set yours probably fluctuates a bit more than usual now.
LoL XD Been a bit like that has it :)
You know? You just wrecked something for me. I have fantasies (oh, yes, multiple) about a few women I've known, a few cars and motorcycles, and some epic rides. You are telling me that it's in the same category as 'what I should have had for breakfast'? Pshaw.
Grab hold of your balls, cause here I go. You have suffered a grave injury, a debilitating injury. You can't fucking do what you used to do. Get over yourself. All you can do, all any of us can ever do, is our very best each day.
If you can fantasize about your reflection in the mirror and know that you are trying hard as you can as often as you can, then that's enough. This is not a 'more is better' situation, it's a 'I'll try to be a little better at ______________ tomorrow.
I hope you understand (I think you do or will) that I'd never say anything remotely like that to someone I don't consider a friend. Ordinary folks would get a "You want fries with that burger?" response.
:D :D
The challenge for me is, that when I look in the mirror and reflect, there is always something else I could have done. Perhaps it is an eternal problem. Perhaps it will be a process where things start to click again, but at the moment I feel a bit like a lego block, trying to work as a cog in a gearbox.
I think you might be in a big black stripe of your life. You had stroke which is really bad and I don't know how bad since I never had one so I can only guess. You are trying to start your own business which is really hard to do even in the best of times and even in the best countries for it. You are in Finland which seems to be not doing great economically at this time so it is all a big pickle. No argument about that.
What I see though is that all of this bad stuff from the big black stripe in your life is coloring your view of the world, which is natural, I wouldn't pretend that it wouldn't color my view if I was in your situation. I totally get that part. But we also should look at the world objectively.
There have always been problems in the world: wars, economic uncertainty, recessions, depressions, technological change that kills entire industries. Think of horse carriages business or typewriters, VHS, or tapes, CDs, you name it.
The worlds is always changing and there were always good and bad things like there are now. Life itself cannot be all a black stripe, it is impossible. So your big black stripe will go away and good things will happen to you too. All we can do is control what we can control and take it one day at a time, stay strong and view the future with hope and positivity. I am not religious at all, but in this case I will quote the bible: "This too shall pass"
For sure it is colouring it - painting it all black - but not in a cool way. And yeah, things are never all good, nor all bad, but there is a tone at the moment that I am not sure if it is "just me" or if it is the reality. I do feel like things are going backwards in the world, and it isn't just the crazy leaders at the top - it is the everyday people on the street also. It can get worse - and I believe it is going to get worse.
It has been a long time since I read the bible. It was an religious exercise - I read many of the books from religions trying to take out the value, and leave the rest. Those books get crazy.
Your honesty and vulnerability in sharing your struggles are really commendable. It takes courage to acknowledge the challenges you're facing and to seek connection with others who might understand. Thank you for sharing your thoughts
Deep thoughts, Bro.
Please allow me to share some of my thoughts on some points in your discussion. They are just that, my thoughts, and not meant to challenge yours.
My feeling is that, at the moment, the world is in an incredible period of transition from the systems and centers of powers which have existed for decades if not centuries. Already it is a very different world due to technologically driven changes to society. It should be noted that most humans do not welcome change. Nor do most domesticated animals for that matter.
We saw with the rise of computers a higher degree of productivity in those societies which embraced them. This can be measured in GDP data. We saw disruptions in many industries. Napster to the Music Industry for example. The duplication of digital reproduction brought that industry to its knees.
They say that AI will be exponential in productivity. Instead of disrupting a central aspect of an industry, AI will affect multiple aspects. It will help in design, in manufacture, in distribution... in all aspects one can only assume. Productivity's growth will be exponential.
In my opinion we are reaching that point of abundance of which Marx spoke. The only drawback is that distribution of that new found wealth is not doing very well at the moment. If we can work that out then this could be a very nice place to be.
My feeling is that Bitcoin is helping to fix that. For starters no money printers will lead to no military complex. Its straight math.
Sending this one out to you...
✌️😎
And this is the crux of it all, isn't it? Abundance might be possible, but the benefits are stifled by gluttony. The distribution is incredibly bad and getting worse, and the technological tools are only going to make it easier to consolidate into fewer hands.
Bitcoin might be an answer, but it requires adoption. The problem is, those who adopt to make it really valuable, are likely to be those in control already - not the masses.
Thanks for taking the time.
@bigtom13 said enough, don't think there is much to add, but I will. Some of my best moments have come when bouncing back from disappointment. NO, it doesn't feel good when you fail, but fuck feelings. I wasted a lot of time the last 4 years feeling sad and disappointed about my mental and physical challenges, but finally got over myself and started working toward a better outcoome instead of keeping the bar low.
This is what I am trying to do. I am able to do it when alone and just power through house tasks - but those tasks don't pay the bills.
Hopefully I can kick my own ass into gear too.
It can be hard for sure. It takes a lot of self talk for me sometimes. No doubt you can do
It though.
People really need to be reminded how to deal with disappointment these days.
I just write about it. Maybe it is useless, but I don't think it is as bad as stabbing someone in the street for a funny expression.
Will you be able to hold out in a modest spending mode for 1-2 years? If yes, then the probability of selling a part of HIVE for more than $ 1 is high. And for example 250k HBD will bring you about 3000 euros per month.
It is going to get very, very tight. If I can pick up some consolting work it'd be fine - but everyone is laying off and don't want externals.
Told you just few days ago that I am lowering my expectations :) What can we do if things don't happen as we want and if we don't have the rope in our hand. In this case, supposing you do your best, we then need luck or possibility that would work for us, or we need to wait for things to change a while 🤷♂️
Change is always happening - I just hope for some that is change for the better. Any earthquake issues for you?
I wonder if this has done intentionally, to weaken western society 🤔
I blame technology for separating us. Smartphones and social media put it into overdrive.
I don't know about intentionally - but the economic incentives align for it to happen.
I can feel that lately, as my age advances, my body is no longer responding to training, for example, as it used to 3 decades ago. On top of that, with a surgery waiting, I cannot do any significant exercise. I feel so strange, as I used to be quite active. But as we age, we need to appraise ourselves and see out limits. Push them gently, if possible, but be careful.
What surgery do you have coming up? I have some too...
Not too complicated, but annoying. Umbilical hernia.
This part really got me thinking
It’s so true. Sometimes, we feel bad and want to make it easier by expecting less from ourselves. But deep down, we know real growth comes from showing up and trying, even when it’s hard. Life isn't predictable. We just have to keep pushing and never give up.
expecting less from ourselves seems to lead to a cycle of feeling worse about wourselves.
Hmm, that's so true. What to do then?
I agree that lowering the bar isn't the solution. Trying is better than lowering standards. But in my case, I feel like I'm in a constant tug-of-war. One part says your standards are too high, that's why you get all the anxieties and downs. You should lower them and be kinder to yourself. Prioritize your well-being. The other part says the world has high standards because it wants you to deliver only the best results. And the best results work. You don't want to give something that doesn't work, right?
Will there ever be a compromise between choosing to pursue high standards without succumbing to the pressure and sacrificing well-being?
Sometimes, I'm wondering, is it really that standards are too high, or if I'm just used to comfort and would complain every time I have to do something inconvenient or difficult.