A False Dawn

in #lifelast month

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Wee man, I've met somebody.

My brother's voice boomed out of my phone and I had to scurry frantically to tap the volume down button.

You have what'ed somebody?!?

I asked belligerently as if he had told me he had just started baking his own bagels.

I've met somebody. I wanted you to know. It's gotten quite serious.

He said this patiently, like a Doctor would when explaining that the Moon-Howls were just the price to be paid for being a woman and that perhaps a course Evening Primrose Oil might help with the urges to murder her husband.

I blinked a lot in consternation.

A number of questions whirled around my head.

How the hell could he have met someone, we had been locked down for 6 months or something? And serious? How can you get serious with someone when there is a global pandemic and life has become cheap and expendable.

Shouldn't he just have been smoking banana skins and masturbating to odd porn?

Wasn't that what being single was all about?

That's nice. Where did you meet her, we have been locked down for fucking ages?

I was genuinely curious? Was she a delivery driver? A supermarket employee. Had their eyes met over a tin of beans and the beeps of a checkout?

Ah met her on the Facebook.

My brother stated with a disturbing lack of irony.

You met someone on Facebook? How does that work? Is she a scammer? Are you sure she isn't a Nigerian dude in flip-flops and shorts? I mean have you actually seen her in the flesh and I don't mean hooky photos of some random woman in a bikini.

I asked with genuine concern. My brother isn't the most internet savvy and I could imagine some little pelican with a moustache leading him on and draining his bank account along with his balls.

Of course, I have fucking seen her. We do video calls. She lives up in Aberdeen.

I made a burping noise as my breakfast attempted to fling itself bodily out of my stomach.

Aberdeen?!?! That was worse than Nigeria. Fuck, I bet she had hairy feet.

Aberdeen? So you haven't actually met her then, it's all been online?

I asked tentatively to see how bad things had gotten.

Aye, online. I am going up there though, as soon as the travel restrictions are over. As I said, things are quite serious.

My brother clucked this last line out proudly as if he had just laid an egg.

Serious? How can it be serious if you haven't shagged yet?

I got straight to the point. After all, life wasn't that shitty old Tom Hanks movie where he lives thousands of miles away from a woman who faked orgasms or whatever it was.

Don't you worry about that, we've done plenty of other stuff. Hur hur.

My brother chuckled in a way that frightened my penis.

Other stuff? On the phone? Ewww, dirty dirty pair of bastards. My mind shied away from the images conjured up by my brother and some woman squawking at each other on a phone whilst rubbing their nadgers.

What other horrors could he tell me? Did I really want to know?

Her name is Dawn.

He said with quiet satisfaction.

I nodded to myself.

Dawn? That wasn't even a fucking name. That was a time of day.

For fuck sake. I'm getting too old for this shit.

Sort:  

Some things you do not want to imagine. As it'll stay there and hunt you for the rest of your days.

You might meet his new flame one day and then all that will pop into your mind...

Looking at them both, not even able to focus on a conversation. Because of the vivid imagery playing like an extremely unpleasant adult movie in your mind.

Dawn, sounds very 60's / 70's, high up there together with names like Flower and Sunbeam. Not that bad though, I think, there are names in history that you do not want to name a child with.


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Chin chin!

Sunbeam, that is straight out of the hippies seventies manual! I knew a Summer once, she was actually quite the hottie so she could get away with being names after a season.

My mind is already a whirl with trying tonot to imagine their naughty goings on. I think I will never toucha another thing in his house. LOL!

!BEER

Winter for a name would not have predicted any heat. And if her name were Autumn then the song California Dreaming could spring to mind. Surname Spring, first name Autumn, born in the Summer of 69. Made in Winter.

Places where you do not want to sit, eat and drink. The mind that does exactly the opposite as what you do not want to. "Noooo, I do not want to imagine that! STOP, that is just wrong, no more of those thoughts. And those nasty gutsy sounds, damned, cut it out brain!" 😄

Cheers mate, thanks for the beer!

Winter would be a cold one. You would expect a frosty and gnarly one with a name like that.

California dreamin, that song still triggers a magical feeling in me when I hear it!!

If only it was real beer it would be more of a pleasure!

Pitty it is still a wee bit early to pop one open. It could be fun to take a real one everytime a virtual one was send via Hive. 😁 It could be extended with Pizza 🍕, endless possibilities there. (Also my imagination has some twisted thoughts on that, which I'll keep to myself.)

Or using NFTs that have things like a prosponed Coffee inside. Which can be consumed anywhere in the world. Same for Beer of course! One with a timer, to be consumed after a certain time. Complete dinners for two NFTed. Okay, drifting off...

California Dreaming was sang in canon a lot during music classes long time ago. In my mind it created a complete movie. A timeless song.

Yes indeed, too early but it would be good if you could crack open a real one for each beer you received. You could end up getting in some right bad circles!

Beer circling hidden in the dark corners of the Hive blockchain. Singing drunken lullabies, all day long. Nah, does not sound good.

Think I'll leave it to be as a kind of a prosponed beer idea. One to be drunk at the right time and place. Like this evening.

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This evening is looking good for it. The seasonally adjusted bollocks which makes the morning hurt always cheers me up when at night it is light as anything :O)

Hey ya cant knock it. Being virtual beats being dead I suppose. After all isnt everything going virtual anymore?

Some things have to remain sacred!!

At least for another year or two!!

This is a bad time for picking up chicks. It's all virtual now and rubbing yourself on the monitor is as good as it gets! !WINE.

How does it even begin? I am baffled. I understand dating apps and the like but just randomly bumping into folk on Facebook. It strikes me as weird and not actually managing to see someone in the flesh!?!

I admit it, I'm pure baffled!!

Are those dating agencies still operating? They can put you in contact, but that's about it. I used one in the very early 90's (Dateline) when it was embarrassing to admit using one. Maybe it was my bad luck.. but they all ended up being single dates...

Two of my friends and quite a few people in work that I know have actually met their match on dating apps and the like. It seemed to go through quite the Renaissance over the last ten odd years and it was no longer seen as an embarrassing thing. If I hadn't been married I would have been tempted to give one a go!

That was all pre COVID though. I have no idea how it would go now?

!WINE


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Yeah, it's no longer taboo and the women don't all have terrible breath and sport hairy legs (can you see why it didn't work out for me?).

Hairy legs. Uuurrrggh. I went out with a girl once who was very lax in that department. It was like lying with a yeti. It still gives me chills!!!

I'm quite glad all the cavorting about trying to get a chick is behind me!

I'm quite glad all the cavorting about trying to get a chick is behind me!

Amen to that, we are far to old and grizzled now.

And happy with the old grizzliness!!

Hahahhahahahha Yeti. At least in the winter no one will be feeling cold😂😂

Good insulation, true. But so awfully scrapey! :O)


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Dating isn't the same as it was when I was young, now you swipe right just for a shag, kids these days scare me. LOL

They do haha it all going on!!

Although, I tell ya. Nowadays it's more like swipe right for Covid!!

Yeah that's true too. Would rather do without its too much hard work.

Hehe, that is when you truly know you are getting old! :OD

Imagine having to start dating again, If hubby goes I will not have another partner... Knackered thinking about it hahah

Met on The Facebook eh XD

I thought you generally reached serious before shagging (because it has to be serious to shag)? o_O

I don't actually know anything about how relationships start/progress all of mine have just kind of happened to me XD

I thought the opposite! Ok, I get that shags happen and indeed they have happened to me but I thought if you were shagging and you like each other it could get serious!!

Oh feck, who knows!! :0D

!WINE


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Oh you must mean that Dawn. Yeah. I think everyone on Facebook knows her.

Maybe I need to get back on the 'book'!

They spanked me the other day for saying, "You people are so full of shit."

There is a lot of spanking going about and not the good kind!!

Dawn likes to be good spanked.

I heard she can be an angry one. That's what they said, an angry spanker. Yeeeek

That explains that costume I saw.

Was it the one with wings?

Tell your brother to beware... every woman named Dawn I've ever met has been a psychopath!!!

Ha!! I don't know what's more horrifying, the fact that they have all been psychos or the fact you have met more than one!! :0D

Ha ha! Story of my life -- put me in a room with 500 women and I'll walk out with the one psychopath, Dawn!

That is like a stand up comedy line, lol!

Regardless of name I too usually end up leaving with the nutter,:OD

It's common knowledge dude, Dawn's are virtually strange or ladies of the night, either or. Lisa's, however?! Totally different.

I do like a Lisa and can concur All of the Lisa's I have met have been top donk!! I still remember one wistfully...

Dawn's yech. Who likes the dawn?

Are you sure she isn't a Nigerian dude in flip-flops and shorts? This is truly frightening, right? This is your brother? Surely, he doesn't have the Boom gene! If my kids use a dating app, I may get on the site to scare them into doing stupid stuff.

During COVID, no less. How does one get serious online? Is he a writer? That might even be interesting. Then again... Ewwwww! Do NOT touch anything in his house, ever. Ever!

Hopefully she doesn't get virtually pregnant!

OMG. LOL

He isn't a writer. In fact, none of my family could be considered anything near a writer. I am like a cuckoo in the nest. I really have no idea how you can get serious just online. I mean I can understand the meeting and everything but getting serious, its just fucking mad!

He needs a hooker. Its been an eternity!!

Maybe that's what he's got! 🤣🤣

Hmm 🤔, so they already had sex than. Didn't they? But at the same time, she still could be a virgin.

It just doesnt bear thnking about! Hopefully she doesn't get virtually pregnant!

Lol. But anything can happen. You never know. After all, sex is energy exchange. Aaaand this would make your brother a virtual dad and make you...?

Aaaargh, it would make me something very horrified indeed!

I think I will have to go and brush my tongue or something lol!

Hahahhaha I laughed at this one. Meeting someone now.... Man I think it is difficult, dating is difficult as it is. Add a pandemic.....

People feel all sorts of intense feelings at the beginning. Give it time, it might change. Sounds like your brother is a hopeless romantic. I can imagine your face changing at the sight of the word romantic😂

How can you get serious with someone when there is a global pandemic and life has become cheap and expendable.

Ah romance crusher lol. I think that searching for love will never change, the need for it is too strong, stronger than Covid. A good question before meeting her: are you tested? Show me the test lol. I can imagine some people freak out about this. I have heard relatives not allowing loved ones into the house until the test has been done. Crazy.

Oh man, imagine that. Have you been tested? The very idea is horrifying!

He really isn't romantic at all. I think that is part of what is making me surprised however I can understand that he is locked away and has hardly seen a soul. Lockdown has been a cruel mistress and obviously not the one he needs! But yes, add a pandemic to the usual trouble of lockdown and boom, so much harder

!WINE


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This pandemic changes a lot of people. I wouldn't mind a more romantic vibe to the world lol. If that would be the case, 2021 will be a baby boom year hahahha. Well it would be too soon for Dawn, but as I have read in the comments, virtual pregnancy can be a real thing lol🤰😂The Dawn of new life. Ok I stop, let's believe in romance and love, maybe they will be great for each other, you never know. Fingers crossed🤞😂