Walking On Thin ice

in #outofthinair2 months ago (edited)

I got called in the principles office yesterday. They said Atlas is causing an uproar amongst her peers.

MY Atlas?! Daddy's G - A Model Female Dog, her? 'Uproar?' You must've mistaken her for a different dog.


Both the principal and her instructor assured me we're talking about the same dog. "Atlas, the only Czech Shepherd in class, her." He continued.

It was cute the first week, we chose to ignore it. But now all of the other dogs are in on it. It's truly become a hindrance.

Atlas already completed basic and advanced training. Scored highest in class. Learned how to bite and release and track and all that. Her commands are on point, I'll put her skills up against any dog. I highly doubt she's causing an uproar. The class is called deep sense. It's where they learn techy stuff like how to differentiate between bomb ass kush and shwagg.

In on what?

Excuse me?

You said all of the other dogs are in on it. In on what?

The identity thing. Doug, a golden lab, one of her classmates, now he won't participate unless we call him a refrigerator.


It's true. And students are all followers. Take Rosy, for example, the Jack Russel over there running in circles, she identifies as a sprinkler now and refuses to smell fentanyl without a garden hose.

And the Great Dane, Simone, she identifies as a possum. All she'll do is play dead.

And Atlas instigated all this, how?

According to her, she's a gorilla. The whole class calls her a gorilla because that's what you call her, she said. We played along in the beginning but now it's gotten out of hand and needs resolved to prevent future disruptions.

L - L - L

I fought the urge to laugh out loud.

Gorilla.. Am I understanding this correctly? This thing, whatever this thing is we're doing right now isn't about her temperament or obedience or intelligence?

Correct. What seemed harmless in the beginning quickly became an overnight sensation. Now the other students refuse to participate unless we stop calling them dogs.

That's your issue, not mine.

That's why we've asked you here today. We don't think it would have escalated had your dog not mentioned it in the first place and, with your help, we're confident we can proceed as soon as she understands she's not a gorilla.

She knows she's a female dog.


This is a misunderstanding.

I explained how when she was brand new she'd say grill instead of girl so when I'd call her good girl, she thought I meant good grill and, rather than explain it every time, we just went with it—'good grill.' Never did I think I'd have to explain myself. Nearly a year and a half later, she'll be 2 in October, grill has become 'grill-uh' and 'gO-rill-uh' is just an evolution of that. But she absolutely understands she's a dog.

She doesn't think she's a gorilla, it's how she says girl.

Taking what you've said in consideration, we'd like to suggest you begin referring to her as a good girl at home rather than good gorilla. She's bright, it won't take long for her to adapt and, once she does, her classmates will follow suit and we can continue without further interruption.

Big bright eyes and smiles, both of them, like a pair of English chaps when the sun comes out. Even stood up to shake my hand and excuse me from the room as though we're finished.

Who's the instructor here, Atlas or you?

Looking back and forth between the two but directed my question to the instructor.

I don't understand.

Who.. You, an educated person or, her, a German Shepherd Dog? Who's the instructor?

Obviously I am, not her.

Then tell her she's a dog! Tell Doug and Simone and whoever else they're dogs. Student / teacher. I shouldn't have to tell you how to talk to a dog.

We believe all bad habits begin at home. Their classroom behavior is a direct result of their living environment.

I can't believe you pulled me aside for this. They're dogs. Walk on all fours, bark and have canines, wag their tail and need let out in the middle of the night. They're not appliances for fucks sake.

You're not the first nor the last. It's all the hype these days. I just found out last week my neighbor Terry has a turtle who insists she's an ashtray.

Aren't you embarrassed?

Of course not. My neighbor smokes like a chimney, I tend to agree with the turtle.

Look.. We can all tell by looking, Simone's not a rodent. I couldn't care less what they call each other outside the classroom, they're dogs! I call my friends all kinda things. In a professional setting, however, such as a classroom like this, just call them by their name.

I stood up. Figured I'd excuse myself and give these educators an opportunity to stop digging a hole. But they had other plans.

We're an institution who takes identity seriously. Unfortunately your reaction leaves us no choice but to terminate Atlas from deep sense. We'll refund your tuition but we're going to have to ask you to leave.

Fair enough. Where is she? 'Atlas!' It's your institution, not mine. Careful what you wish for.

What do you mean?


I mean if today Doug's a refrigerator and a girl can't say gorilla without explaining herself then, careful what you wish for. It's just a matter of time until they got you all sounding like idiots speaking in tongues.

AAT - Oh!

Alright, well, It's been real. Thanks for having us! Soon as she's done we'll get outta here.




I see that as you are starting to feel a little bit better your sense of humor is coming back, that's a good sign. Boy how time flies, Atlas is just about to turn two, it feels like you just got her.

Humor? All that really happened, Sweed, non-fiction. = }

She's real sharp. Barking on command is always a crowd favorite but she can run backwards, how cool is that? Back back back back back and she runs backward.

What's happening, buddy? I guess a late response is better than no response.

I would imagine that with all of the downtime you've had, Atlas has been a real blessing, keeping boredom at bay. That's some cool tricks you've taught her. I'm sure she has the give me your paw and turn over down commands down. What's next, standing up on two legs? Get her to stand up on her two front legs along with the other commands she follows and then you can take her on the road to perform.

The last week and a half we've been balls to the wall. You know what time of the year it is right, MAPLE SYRUP TIME. I haven't posted in a while, but I'm putting one together on making that sweet nectar.

I hope the knee and the hand are coming along, otherwise you may have to teach Atlas how to cart your ass around. 😁

We've been blessed again with another grandchild just a week or so ago.


What?! Congrats bigger than THIS. How exciting. Spring time at your place is on.

Member that piece awhile back about she injured her foot? Would you believe she just reinsured it at the dog park??

Mhm, Gotta keep her down again.

Much love you guys.

I was just kidding about teaching Atlas to stand on her two front legs, hopefully that's not how the injury happened. Good luck keeping her down.

Stories like these never get old!! I don’t know how you do it but damn they are funny!!

That’s a good looking gorilla you got there.

Slightly better looking than my brother’s Orangutan…


Hey what's up dude, long time no see. Appreciate the curation. How's your boy?

Hideous eh, the things they let dogs get away with.

Tough to take a bad picture of her!

Thanks for telling me the make and model of that thing. I never would've guessed. A face only a Splatt can love.

Hi there!

How have you been?
I read this post last week and laughed a lot, great post! Just forgot to come back and let you know as I was ill..

I've been reading a lot of "appointed female at birth" sentences in medical documents lately and I guess it's a bit in the line of what this post is referring to. :)

If not, either way, I had a good laugh lol. Atlas was smart to leave a souvenir there.

Hope the hand is improving <3

Hey that's cool, I put it up last week!

= } Hello. I like to remain silent when I don't have anything good to say or when I'm being questioned by the law.

But with all the shit and booms, Ka'pows and testosterone and psychopaths clogging up the internet, something to laugh about was a no-brainer.

Saw your passport whoops and was like, I thought she was from one of the B's; Belgium or Brussels or something. Nope!

Haha, smart move to remain silent in these cases :)

I think if I had my knee replaced, I'd not be very talkative either lol..

Worst thing about the passport issue was if I realized it in Budapest, the embassy was just 15 mins away instead of a flight or 6 hour drive :o
But whatever, going to make the most out of it now :)

Take care there, and where's my dose of Atlas? You always leave a comment with a cute picture, come one!

Ok, but you're gonna be all O.. M.. Geeeee.


Very funny! Love the ending.

I'll bet not a few parents of humans are having this conversation in their childrens' schools, or wanting to. Surreal.

How's the knee?

Thank you, love the comment.

What would they do with all the war and murders and high level cover-ups and underage sex trafficking if they actually talked to their kids?

Hello. It's a slow one. Been taking Atlas out lately again, about a week straight now. Yesterday I was able to walk about 50 yards and back. With my cane. I'll take it!

Upside down toothy smile is one to write home about, dumper in the cold keeping good distance a great idea!

She is too cute!


Hello. Never a bad time for a Joan sighting. Thanks for coming to see me.

Tough to take a bad shot of her that's for sure. She's got the cutest sad face, gets anything she wants with it.

Sounds so familiar to the dog here, just be cute and get anything..... Have an amazing day!

What’s Forest Gump’s password?

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Yeah.... I was grinning through the whole read. It's all about this ridiculous, right?

Call me a renegade.... or a dinosaur, but I just can't play the game.

Hey what's up renegade or dinosaur!

Glad you didn't mind this one. Thanks for keeping me company.

Not as much up as it should be ....ha ha

Getting a few boring things done between doing happier things that don't need to be done. It's been a pleasant day though.

Same here. Had a couple things I needed to get done during the week but didn't and now it's the weekend so I'll have to wait a couple days.

Hahaa!... Way to go Atlas!! Always leave them something to remember you by :D Good gorilla!

She's so the best gorilla. BIGGEST baby.. But a good gorilla.


Is there a Jane Goodall school of deep sense training? 😂

I didn't catch any other names, was she the bulldog?

She was the woman who studied silverback gorillas in the mist.

You have been out of the HIVE LOOP Bro... (dotdotsdots now refer to them as it, it, its)

KrazzyTrukker is now BINARY and will be know as...


What should we call YOU and your Gorilla? Has Pura been effected by this wokeism insanity?

This is an example of Toxic Masculinity and will no longer be tolerated.

Did the binary life forms who dress as furries and perform perverted sexual acts on children and animals that we all should be forced to know about, the (tools) you speak of, did they look something like these idiots? Some call them "politicians".


They got to you, eh.. You're sp-in spin eeeeeaking in tongues.

Ima take a leap here, know what I mean, off the edge like a gorge.. You liked this one.

Good thing it's totally fictional dog story. Could you imagine if it was non-fiction?!

Hard to tell what is real and make believe these days. It is still hard to believe your part cyborg. And that L👀ks like a very painful transition. Not saying your a Tranny. Ok, you kinda are... Just part metal part man. With a really cool dog and a hubba hubba wife.

I really did envy you untill the realization of the real life (not really make believe) really very physical bullshizz your really living real life with... Really!!

Anything I can do just ask. Might not happen. But you can ask. Best wishes as always. But those only have value if you give it to them. I tried to spend some best wishes once. I told them those wishes are priceless. And That I identify as a...

patriotic, masculinity toxic, american male, non terroristic, non bigoted, homophobic, xenophobic, heterosexual, human being...

They laughed uncomfortably, I laughed uncomfortably and no good wished were spent. Zero point Zero was their value. But you got mine.

Best wishes ya Tranny...

Hope this made you laugh, smile or smirk. I will take what I can get. Wish I could do more than "Wishes..."

Just remember, you will always be my Gatekeeper, Java Queen Slayer, Motherfuckin' Bad Ass, Tower Climbing, Pink Princess, Dog Rescuing Hero!!

For a cat lady, you sure are sweet.

Too kind. I never know how to say thank you, right. That's why I didn't get all mushy on your post. I wanted to.

It's a trip, that's for sure. Pow pow back to back ouch like this is new.

Lol. I would say, like dog, like owner. Way to go to Atlas, sure you've left a mark. Just like your Daddy.

Hello. Thanks for hanging out with me. She learned that one all on her own. I've taught her all kinda tricks but that one's an Atlas original.

A gorilla like that should not be monkeying around.

Never a dull moment, sharp as a tongue. And stubborn like a picket line.

Yeah. I can imagine. I'm sure watching the steam rise in the morning sun on a frosty lawn is quite pleasant though, and really helps to balance things out.

L - L - L

I swear that shit wasn't intentional. But yeah, it really does. Summer months are so climate correct.

What's LLL? Laughing like lunatic?

It's a pre-laugh like the car cranking a couple extra times in the cold. Takes a second to fire up.

Dude you seen Mike Epps new one? Just released it.


I haven't seen it. Thanks for the heads-up. Been watching Kill Tony quite a bit. Fun show they do.

LOL! Oh Atlas - we need these shenanigans in TV series form. Saying goodbye to our 14 year old good gorilla this week so getting quite emotional reading about these funny dogs lol. You are gorgeous Atlas <3

14 is a helluva run. What kind of dog? Those days are the worst. Where are you? I ask because I could link you to some no kill shelters? Have you ever considered fostering?

Geez, how rude, I'm not usually this rude. Hello. Bout time we cross paths, you've been here even longer than me, what took you so long? = }

haha! Hello!! Well I was away so long I didn't know what Hive was til a few months ago, or that people weren't really using Steemit anymore >< lol So I haven't been here in a while.
Our grill Flow is a mix I guess - maybe Lab/Collie? I'm not really sure but she has been amazing for the last 14 years.
I am in NZ. I have considered fostering detector dogs & possibly rescue dogs.
These really are hard days at the end. It will be real weird without her in the house that's for sure. It helps looking at everyone else's doggos on here.


When she was younger <3


toilet business

Not sure if that's a compliment or insult. :flush:


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