HOW ARE YOU?
HEY NOW
There it is. Picking up what I came for, I walk towards the front. “Hi, how are you?”, she says. I know her. I’ve seen her several times and had conversations. She’s always friendly and kind. I answer the question the same way I do for almost everyone now, for at least five years. “I’m okay”, I tell her and mirror it up and ask her, “How are you?”. From my observations, a majority of the time, people will answer with “good”, or “great” (or some similar word). She selects “good”. I’m thinking, great, let’s get my purchase paid for (a couple items) and I can be on my way.
HOW ARE YOU?
Always, there’s some moment where I’m caught off-guard. Someone says or does something unexpected. Frequently, it will be something I don’t like, or something that crosses one of my boundaries. She asks me again, “How am I?”. I pause. I respond with “okay” again. She prompts me, “You’re good, right?”. I pause again. I repeat for the third time, “I’m okay”. I’m standing there wondering why she needs me to say the word “good”, why she needs me to agree with her, and why OH why is she continuing to pressure me to do this ridiculous exchange on her terms.
I’m only mildly irritated. I’ve trained myself out of many (not all, work-in-process) habits of reactive behaviour. Instead, I wonder what’s going on for the person that they are behaving this way. At the same time, I still have to engage in conversation and a transaction, which at this point is almost over. Thankfully, since I find this sort of behaviour from others to be tiring. I’m way beyond tired as it is, with no time for much of what I consider nonsense.
OH REALLY
Obviously what’s going on has nothing to do with me. She needs to know that I’m good. What if I wasn’t? What if I told her all the things I’m dealing with in my life right now, what my reality is? Oh no, not going there. Absolutely NO, full stop. She’s a decent person and tries hard. I can see that. Still not going to say, “I’m good”, no matter what. I’d be lying if I did and that’s not something I’ve ever been fond of doing. So, I tell her yet again, “okay”, and another favourite, “it is what it is”. She says something else along the same lines; but I’m walking away now, almost to the door, and I’ve checked out of the conversation. I toss over my shoulder, “It can’t be what it isn’t” and “Have a good night!”.
Really, what am I to say in such situations? I don’t want to be hurtful to others. At the same time, a constant pushing to do something because someone else thinks I should do it so they can feel “okay”, is not something I’m okay with. I think of all the things I could impose on others in that manner, ways I used to behave before I learned how harmful it is to push people’s boundaries, and try to force them to conform to what you think.
GET LOST
Where I live, whenever most people ask you the question, “How are you?”, they aren’t asking because they want to know how you are. They expect you to answer back with certain words. All of that is an unspoken dialogue that is agreed upon with no actual discussion about it. It’s all a matter of “this is how you behave”. So conversations are often prefaced by this question, “How are you?”. Strangers, acquaintances, friends, and family all do it. It’s a way to smoothly glide into any conversation. People have no idea what else to say and if you look like you might answer honestly, you can see the panic start to flicker in their eyes.
THE POINT
They’re thinking things like…. What do I have to deal with now? How much time is this going to take? I need to get other things done. How do I move this along quickly? I know this because I’ve had those thoughts when I’ve asked someone how they are and they actually told me. I’ve had to stop with the self-centred thought trains, put it on pause, and be present. Focus on the immediate situation and find a balance. I have to take care of myself and at the same time be considerate towards others. Those are rules I have put in place for myself and that’s been for some years now.
The reason I answer the question, “How are you?” with, “I’m okay” is because of an old friend of mine. Every time anyone asks him that question that is his answer. I watched him do this for some years, including towards me. I tried to pin him down on what that means and he ignored me, LOL. At one point, I was really tired of hearing him say that. I told him that “okay” is a meaningless and generic word. What exactly does he mean by he’s “okay”? He responded, “It means that I’m not in crisis”, with a completely blank expression. I nearly died laughing. It was the best thing I’d ever heard in regards to that question. I adopted it from that point on and it’s been a good fit.
EXIT STAGE
So, tell me..................
HOW ARE YOU?
You already know.........
I’M OKAY
All photos taken by Nine with a Pentax digital 35mm camera.
This cashier at a grocery store I used to frequent would always say something like "OUTSTANDING!" or "FANTASTIC!" when I asked how he was. I loved it.
If I can think of something weird or witty to say in response to the How are you question, I always do. It confuses people and I think it's funny :D
Weird or witty, I like your way of thinking and the art of confusion. That can bring people into the present and away from auto-pilot. I'm wondering what you've come up with in the past? I'm curious 😂
Well a lot of times I just use easy one-word responses like nifty, rad, or peachy. Anything but good, really.
Some lines I've thought of (haven't tried them all yet though, feel free to steal):
How's your day going?
How are you?
🤣🤣🤣 I just died laughing! Those are all so delightfully hilarious. Thanks for letting me borrow. I think I'm just going to have to do that.
I remembered one I took to saying for a while....
"It's just another day in the Garden of Earthly Delights
lol, that's gotta be one of the craziest triptychs I've ever seen. Anyone get that line, or would they be like me and have to google it?
Nope, no one got it, which is what made me laugh so many times. They weren't quite sure whether I was serious, sarcastic, or being funny and they wouldn't ask further. He's an old painter, more obscure, so I wouldn't expect anyone to get it.
Your pictures are so clear.
Thank you, I appreciate you checking out my post 😊
You're welcome
I wish more people would recognize when they are being pushy and STOP right then and there. I completely agree about the fact that when people ask How Are You?, they are expecting a quick response of I am good or something along those lines. I doubt that many of them have the patience and time to actually listen to the full depth of how a person is doing.
I have been so wired to say I am good, I finally stopped saying it when I don't mean it and put up the neutral response I am okay. Recently, someone did push me to say I am good instead of I am okay and I simply cut the conversation and told them to get right to the main points LOL.
I am glad that you stick to the authentic side of how you actually are like and did not feel pressured into saying I am good.
That's so funny! Stages. I used to give the expected response way back. Then I went to "fine". Didn't like that much. Then tried out some "radical honesty", way too cringe. Then went for a more neutral response inspired by my friend because it all made sense once he explained what "okay" meant, 🤣
Your friend's explanation behind the response made me laugh. Its practical and it sums up the point entirely.
If you knew him, you'd find it even funnier 😂
I sometimes say, unbelievable. Sort of like this...
UnbeLIEVABLE!
They never know what to say. The point is I could be unbelievably good or bad, they'll never know. I follow it up with, and you?
Most people don't give a crap how I am, or anyone else for that matter, but they love saying how they are.
It's unbelievable that you say "UnbeLIEVABLE!" but I'll believe it because....just because
My favourite follow up 😂. Sometimes, it's a back and forth, where "How are you" and the answer are mirrored back a few times.
You're right most people don't give a crap and love to grab that opportunity to talk about themselves. There's a casual friend I know that does that. In a social setting of three of us, he talked almost the entire time. The other person and I listened. She didn't want to interrupt him (that whole rudeness thing) and I wanted to see how long he would go like this, just for the fun of it. It was about an hour and a half to two hours, then he realized and guiltily asks and how are you? 😂😂😂
Hmm yes people do that sometimes. I wonder if it's for lack of having anyone else to pour it out to. I tend to listen and encourage them to talk. If they're talking about themselves then I don't have to talk about me. Although, I guess there's times I do the opposite; situational I guess.
I think people don't feel seen and heard, so any opportunity.
This is funny. I've had this thought so many times. It is situational too. There's an ebb and flow.
I'm ok to talk about me, but I choose who hears it. I've always found value in listening though, one learns more.
I agree, move value in listening and learning that way. Selecting who hears it, I get you there.
Sometimes I shout things from the rooftops, but not so often these days. No one cares anyway. 😉
'Any better would be illegal thanks for asking.'
You're having some spectacular time, I think I want in on that 😜😁
mine is "i can't complain" (i mean i can, i am great at complaining. i developed it to an art, but in reality not really a lot to complain about). i do like the OK definition.
@ithil94 was saying he will start telling people everything when they ask him "how are you" or "whats up" but i think he never started doing it.
I'm wondering if there's a human who hasn't made and art form out of complaining and that includes myself.
I like hearing that you can't complain. Hahaha, okay then!
He's in for a world of entertainment if he does. Been there. done that and sometimes still do it. 😂
i don't know, i feel that complaining is how i do things :D
🤣 but can you levitate?
😂
(it was a bitch to find this photo, my cataloging skills suck :D )
🤣🤣🤣 You have a levitating photo! I think I just died. That's the best, so good!!!
hive is guilty for that :D photogames more then 3 years ago :D
How dare you break societal norms and expectations.
How dare I indeed!
Now....
HOW ARE YOU?
My response is always "living the dream." Doesn't even matter what they're asking. 😃
LOLOL, sparkly dreams to you then!
!discovery 25
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STOPThank you!
That's not his hand is it?
Whose hand? Are you smoking weed, weed, weed?
Nah, it doesn't look like male genitalia at all.
This is probably one of those times I should probably not draw a roadmap to things only I see.
I see it. Don't draw the roadmap. I think I'm flippin' dying now. 🤣🤣🤣
Is it possible I'm no longer the only one incapable of reading my original question without laughing their ass off?
🤣🤣🤣 It's stuck in my head now, thank you ever so much.
hmmmm but see - mine was a real one :)
mine is always a real one
I've experienced the same thing as you - they can barely get to the "you" part of the question without looking over my shoulder.
i hate that - and i never EVER do it.
it's so rude, and so dismissive. I would rather someone just smile at me and walk away than ask me something out of monotonous habit.
but i'm glad you're "okay" 😉
It's my standard response whenever anyone asks, so it's not about you personally. I have for a long while now, seen the question "How are you?" as a part of societal structure, so I give it the nod of acknowledgement from that perspective. 😉
I didn't take it personally -believe me!! I was just assuring you that I get it too - but mine was real heheh
Maybe it wasn't best suited for a comment. LOL but so few actually READ the comment section that i've had full on conversations (even private ones hahahah) and never felt exposed - so I am just in the habit of starting a conversation there and not realizing that yes- this -is -public - and-blockchain ROFLLLLLLLL
I had two super shitty weeks. hardly any sleep (15 in the week). so much.. ughhhh. wanting to give up/can't give up. soooooooo want to give up. CANNOT GIVE UP.
and then this week. i've started to come back to myself (hence - why i'm actually READING posts and getting to comment hahahaah and seeing you LOL) cuz when life is nuts - i just write and retreat. but in that - i was also able to get both of my books up and free my mind to finish the third. and get the DreemPort stuff all in alignment and fun and all that. and that's so... RIGHT. you know? right as rain. and balanced, and responsible. and all that
but then i lose a little of the "me" me. and i miss it. but then pendulum swings and i get weeks like this when I get to just be creative and connect and i feel like - ok - as long as the pendulum keeps swinging, and the clock doesn't wind down - i'm good! lol but... yeah. life :)
what did you say? it is what it is.. and can't be what it isn't. hahahaha
anywho. i do hope you're more than ok. maybe that's what i'll say to you from now on when we bump into each other hehehe
not "how are you"
just an affirmation. "I hope that you're more than ok" hehehehe
sending love. ❤️ (and now my hubby is taking me to get pupusas hahaha)
🤣
I'm glad you understand that my response is not about you at all.
What is real in this world? I ask myself that question every day, LOL. I think I'm actually living in a dream. Can you see a difference between when you sleep and dream and when you're awake? I can't, LOL!!!
So good to hear you're doing better. Lack of sleep is no one's friend in the end. Congrats on your books and starting a third, that's wild!
Feel free to say whatever you like. I'm always comfortable with that and prefer it. I make a point of not asking others to change. It's faster and easier if I get my magic wand out and presto chango zap a new me into existence, LOLOLOL!
Affirmations are always appreciated, thanks. I will be writing about one tiny pie wedge of fun/not fun part of my life soon. I'll add a few more real life horror stories for extra laughs. Keep your eyes peeled, LOLOL 😂