How do I feel staying away from home? How does it feel to be a refugee in an unknown country? How do I am coping with everything, the big change? Almost every day I face such kinds of questions and I don't have proper answers. It is hard for me to talk about the past, the past that hurts me constantly and tore my heart into pieces. It's been 6 months since I left my loving home; I left the city Kharkiv of Ukraine. Yesterday was the 5th of October and 6 months have gone so quickly. Half of the year in my life is gone already and I still don't know what I am up to or what I am gonna do with my life. Everything still feels so overwhelming and I have started feeling accountable for my life. I am accountable for all of my decisions and responsible for my this life as well. Around 6 years ago when I moved to Ukraine to pursue my life and career, was it the right decision for me? My answer was always yes with confidence but now I highly doubt my that decision. Whatever happened, I can't change that. I didn't know my future and still I don't know my future...
On 5th March 2022, I was forced to leave my home in Kharkiv because of the war. I left a tweet with a video where I showed how I started my journey with my dog.
The tweet was - " Leaving home is feeling like my world is fallen apart..."
I had no idea where I was heading at that moment and what was waiting for me. I just left home because of fear and loneliness. I was completely alone and used to hide in the dark, cold, dusty basement with my dog. Nobody was there at some point and everybody had to leave. People thought about their safety so they left and I had to make friends with cockroaches who were living in the basement with me.
I used to eat less, I had a food supply but I couldn't eat anything due to fear and loneliness. I wish I could tell how it felt to be lonely. I used to miss my friends, and family members and every day used to think about whether I am going to be able to see them again in life or not. I stayed at the warzone for 9 days and among them, 5 days I was completely alone. I used to feel guilty, cried hard, and begged for my life back. I was weak and I had no energy. I still don't know how I went to the rail station and ended up on the evacuation train.
At some point, I was completely hopeless and stopped crying. If you see me now, you will never imagine what I was going through in the past to be in the present. I don't even like to talk about those dark days in my life. They are horrible. Some people have a really strong mind which I don't have and that's why I was traumatized. Besides my loneliness haunted me at that time. I wish I had someone beside me when I was in that condition. I know many will say different things about me and yes, I have said that I am accountable for all of my decisions and that's why I don't blame anyone.
I had to leave due to constant shelling and air attack. Everything was scary and so terrible. The memory is still surreal and overwhelming. It feels like yesterday but half of the year has gone from my life. I had to leave all of my belongings behind and I decided to keep my beloved dog with me. I did the right thing, my dog is my world and I love her. She saw me and she knows my pain.
Life in the Netherlands is good, better than living in a warzone obviously but as I have said I don't know the answer to staying away from home and living life like a refugee. I am a different person now, war changed me and my point of view. I see life differently, I feel scared about my future and I feel hopeless sometimes. People have a home, life partner, and family with whom they can share their emotions, and their life. I have none. I don't think much now. I don't think what will happen next. I stopped thinking and planning. Everything seems pointless to me. I am not in depression, I just don't find that inspiration to live life like before.
Life played a cruel game with me, so I let life choose a destination for me.
I have a lot of choices to choose from in life, I just don't want to choose anything now. I feel traumatized when I think about my past.
Life played a cruel game with me, so I let life choose a destination for me.
I have a lot of choices to choose from in life, I just don't want to choose anything now. I feel traumatized when I think about my past.
One good thing I have done for myself is choosing not to remember those terrible dark days in my life.
Thank you so much for reading...
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how terrifying... and sad.. your such strong brave committed people. I have spent alot of time In the Ukraine and chernobyl, and really hope to visit again.. I have no doubt you will rise stronger and united from the ashes one day..
That time was devastating, but yes, I left and didn't want to stay in the dark. I wanted to go to Chernobyl but I couldn't and don't know whether I will ever be able to explore it ever or not. You are really lucky, you saw Ukraine in person and Chernobyl.
I hope so too, thank you so much.
Hey Priy, it's been a long time, me interacting here with you. Being active here period. The reason is that I feel the same tiredness as you. As many people.
Everyone who comes in touch with war, destruction, death, terror is going to be changed forever. When you see the other side of humanity it is hard to go back to a carefree life. One can't ignore the scars that are left behind, physically and emotionally. We can only learn acceptance of it, that's when we can find a way out of it. Scars can be covered, but at certain times they start to hurt again, sometimes they crack open. The better we can accept it the better we can learn to deal with it. That's when life may look brighter again.
But the world is in turmoil period. That's what makes a positive outlook for our future rather hard.
But know that you are not alone, even though I can exactly understand what you are talking about. Big hugz to the both of you 🤗.
Ya I guess I am having a hard time dealing with the term "Acceptance", it's quite tough and I feel like my scar is still new and fresh. The devastating moment I have experienced in life probably will stay forever. Maybe it will be a story that I will tell to my kids and grandkids.
My biggest concern is my future, I don't know what to do, how to start from scratch, and what can be done to achieve and restart my life. It is scary, everything is still confusing to me. I am doing a job but trust me every day I think about my career, my focus, and my aim.
I am so glad to see you on the chain, I know what you have been going through and you came and read my post is an honor for me. Thank you so much for all of your help and support, Gigi loves your gifts a lot... She often plays with them...
I have no idea about my future either. Who knows what will happen the next months in Europe, in Ukraine. Life in Germany becomes tougher each day and to be honest, I think our country is pretty screwed. In all these circumstances all my "maybe goals" vanished and like a lot of ppl here I focus on making ends meet. Life is day by day. My future is tomorrow. There are many out there like us.
I know it sucks Priy, the waiting, the feeling of being stuck, of not being able to change the situation the way you would like too.
Ahhh the chain, it's a bit ambivalent lol. But at least the energy to sneak around again silently came back 😂.
Btw, I read most of your posts aaaand I'm happy Gigi likes her toys 😊.
I am so sorry you had to go through that. It is the kind of stuff that each Latvian kid has learned at the history class past the generation of my parents. I have never experienced anything like it but somehow our parents have passed down this never forget attitude to us. Yet I can't imagine the loss you are feeling. The grief of losing years from your life you spent building something. It will take some time to get back to some sort of normality, to find a new direction, or to even feel like you are ready to take your life in your hands again. I wish nothing but strength to you! I believe after some time you will feel inspired again. I really do. Just hang in there! Hugs
I sometimes feel afraid of whether I am gonna be able to start again from zero. it takes a lot of courage and motivation as well which I feel I don't have right now. Every day I think about my career and my future and it scares me. When I am gonna do everything? Do I have time? When I see my friends and compare myself (which I shouldn't do), I automatically break down internally. Ya, everything takes time but my fear is do I have that time!!! I wish I could just run away from everything and live life fully without any struggle and thoughts. My stress level is increasing and I feel like I am falling behind...
Dear @priyanarc , it's already 6 months since you left your home; the city of Kharkiv in Ukraine, how sorry I am, I live in Venezuela there is no war, but there is a lot of hunger in my towns, and I imagine how it will feel outside of Ukraine, I sincerely hope that this nightmare of the war ends now, I am with you friend, I left my Cumaná town for 7 years to Caracas for work reasons, and I know what it is to be far from your territory and those that are cities of Venezuela and I know what it is to be outside, how hard it will be far from our homeland. I very much wish that the war ends and I can return soon. For now keep Hive as your entertainment to give you strength. I hope to always visit you on Hive.
Staying away from home is tough, especially for people like me who are homesick completely. I miss my home, my familiar atmosphere, there is nothing like home. I stay in the shelter and every single day I realize and get a feeling of staying away from my home. Nothing can be done now due to this war. Life destroyed though I know I can start over. I saw the situation in Venezuela and I am really sorry about that. The whole world is dealing with the crisis and I wish we could live a peaceful life...
Let's have faith @priyanarc there always has to be a better tomorrow. Thank you for answering my brotherhood message. Greetings from Venezuela. Successes in Hive.
The situation they faced is very traumatic, it is not bad to be afraid, it is the most understandable. It's okay to be a little disoriented. By God, many people would be totally paralyzed. No one could advise or give an opinion on what to do, that's true. Still, it's just an opinion, if you allow me, with the best of intentions, at this moment just try to stabilize yourself a little, you don't have to decide or have a plan.
I really want you to get ahead, I can only send you my best intentions, but it's all I have, I wish you good health and good luck.
I am continuously working on my mental health and it's a lengthy process. The situation is critical and that's why I don't blame anybody. But fear and emotions are hard to deal with and I am trying my best. Thank you so much, your words mean a lot to me. Because of the Hive community, because of friends like you, every day I wake up and decide to move forward...
For me you are very strong, you wouldn't make it this far if you are not strong.
Thank you bro, honestly, I don't consider myself that much strong because of my emotional attitude and due to my personality...
Welcome, and stay strong.
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
:) :)
We never know what the future holds, so each time we make the best decisions we can with what we know at the time of making them.
Despite Russia's previous invasion of Crimea (Ukraine), in 2014 if I remember correctly, I don't think many people would have expected Putin to unleash a war of conquest and annexation of territory. That caught quite a few people by surprise.
I remember what you shared from the days in the basement and it was kind of creepy. I was always happy that you took your pet with you and that you managed to get it out of that hell with you, even though there were people who tried to force you to abandon it.
I wish you that everything gets better and you can find a way forward.
Stay !ALIVE
Again annexation happened and this time 4 cities... I often wonder why? What is the purpose of this war? I don't have answers. I started looking at everything deeply and trying to understand the Ukraine situation as much as possible but in the end, I hope for peace.
I am doing good, but sometimes I feel emotional and overwhelmed thinking about life, the future, and reality. I guess this emotion will be staying with me always, it makes me sad. Right now in Kharkiv, there is no life, no job. I don't know how people are living there but 60% of people left the city already. The city is under continuous shelling every day and I know I would never survive till now if I stayed there. Sooner or later I had to leave.
I can't even imagine how that 40% that stayed in Kharkiv survives.
Despite the bad things, it was good that you left when you did, but it does hurt to leave everything that took years of work.
Me too and I am still connected with some and knowing their lifestyle breaks my heart. It's really horrible, especially at night.
I will be fine eventually and I know that...
As if the problems were not enough, I see today in the news that the Russian bombing of #Kharkiv is intensifying again. I really think you made a difficult decision, but it was the best decision considering things as they are.
Kharkiv is now a hotlist, everyday continuous bombing, and shelling are happening, unfortunately...
Probably yes because I couldn't stay alone in that situation...
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