It's been a few years since we buried Chris, I wrote about it within a few days of hearing the news. He's the one who got a bad batch of cocaine and left behind a wife and young son before his 36th birthday—him. Every once in awhile I fire a random group text:
Fuckin Chris!
Thanks Ash!
She gave me permission to run that photo:
Deal!
Two and a half years is a long time, a lot's changed since then—lot LOT. Memorializing someone today at the same venue we memorialized Chris would likely have limited seating and more than likely require disguises. Life continues, Chris stopped, he'll always be 35.
The weirdest part is shortly after he died Ash began dating a mutual friend of both mine and Chris. A friend of everyone's actually, he's a brother out of my Local Union, he and I go waaayy..
Only Weird @ 1st
We even shared a roof at one point, carpooled I don't know how many times, super close. Pura's still remorseful about that one. We weren't married yet when the three of us attempted to share an apartment together cuz he and I were working out of town—didn't work out. My buddy who's now dating Ash who's now raising Chris's boy, one morning on our way to work after sharing rent for about two weeks: "I found a new place to stay dude, your girl's mean to me."
It's funny now
'Sorry man I get it. We've talked about it, I can't explain it. Get out before it gets worse I guess.'
They're close friends today, that was just a unique time and place (something like that), he's a good dude. For this article, we'll call him DeLa. When I needed new shirts in Europe because all they wear over there are v-neck's with elastic sleeves and streeeetched waist lines, DeLa shipped me new threads—him. That isn't what this is about.
I probably played a significant role anyway, it was me who introduced them. Chris's service was the week before Pura and I split for Central America. It's my fault they exchanged phone numbers. Before I left I told her 'anything you need, call DeLa, he's 20 minutes down the street from you. If you need anything at all, don't hesitate, you can count on him.'
Fact—he accepted a father role for two kids who aren't his. Ash, who's battling leukemia herself, also has a daughter from a previous relationship. There's plenty of bastards out there who I'm sure wouldn't mind having someone like DeLa around.
He updates me regularly with photos and video clips of Driver—Chris's boy. He's probably seven or eight years old now, a hair-trigger just like his dad, he's already hitting bigger jumps on his bicycle than I do. That isn't what this is about.
Dec 2020
A few weeks ago my phone rang—DeLa. We talked about his work, the kids, whatever else for 20 minutes. He told me they enrolled Driver in gymnastics and he loves it, he gets to jump on trampolines and do flips and stuff twice a week. Positive updates are my favorite date.
The boys grandparents have water front property on the Colorado River. DeLa and Ash take him mountain biking on the weekends and gymnastics during the week, run him back and forth to grandmas regularly. He has a lot to occupy his young little life for a little kid who buried his dad. As miserable as things could be, Driver's happy, he's surrounded by love and that's what he needs—answered prayers.
I told Pura about it later that evening. We talked about Driver for awhile, she can relate. Pura was in gymnastics as a kid so it brought back fond memories of her dad—buried him when she was 21. Driver will never get over losing his dad but he couldn't be in a better position considering the circumstances. He goes camping, fishing, hunting (DeLa's so outdoorsy he doesn't shave!) jet skiing, mountain biking, gymnastics was the latest and whatever else the kid's into. That isn't what this is about.
Couldn't have been more than 12 hours since I talked to DeLa. The following morning Pura's playing footsies with me under the table. Early—little before 8 o'clock. I'm going through Hive and crypto, she's going through instagram, both of us sipping on coffee, my second, her first cup'0 Joe: "Dude what's up with Ash?" I sensed her concern.
Ssssp. Hot. Scrolling - sc - roll - ing through my feed with the other hand, 'whad'ya mean?'
She's reading me something Ash posted on instagram about All you people who think you can question my son because we enrolled him in gymnastics.... ....How dare you ask me if he's gender confused.... Pura continued reading out loud everything Ash said about gymnastics is good for the core and goes on and on about how it teaches balance, discipline, comradery bla whatever else she said bla.
The longer I listened the more irritated I became. Driver suffered one of the most if not the most traumatic events a human will endure in their lifetime and did so at an unthinkable young age. Today he's happy and it's only been two years. He's enrolled in multiple youth activities today being a kid with other kids. He's surrounded by love, he's protected and financially secure, plenty of food on the table, he's warm and clothed. All that shortly after the death of his father, the one man who would've killed for him, and Ash woke up to a buncha motherfuckers she probably doesn't even know questioning her parenting and informing her how it's ok to be gender confused and how she shouldn't interfere with her sons gender and how "it's not a choice" bullshit. This is about that.
Soft and intrusive, welcome to the 21st century. Individual personalities are less acceptable, categorization's the new craze, each day a new box pops up and, with it, an overzealous community. Today there's more concern about a placard outside the locker room door at a public facility than the sport played there.
It isn't the individual who's confused, they wake up each morning with the same conscious desire to figure this life thing out like anyone else. If anyone's confused, it's you. It's gymnastics for fuck sake, not Girl Scouts.
If Drivers sister wants to play Cornerback in the NFL she isn't gender confused, she's the toughest little girl he knows. Quickness, cover skills, speed, those are agility skills you're either born with or not, not gender specs.
We don't need much to div / ide us. very little actually We're human, the slightest excuse to direct attention toward someone else is more than enough. The day children have a U (undecided) option next to the sexual orientation box M / F / U in coed sports is closer than you think—congratulations! The birds and the bees won't be addressed until middle school but sexual orientation identification comes before the alphabet—F / U.
It's extreme, it's crossing the line. I doubt the majority of these digital parenting gurus have children because either they are children or no one will procreate with them but it's no excuse to confuse gymnastics for sex—not even close. Phone companies should require hands on training with annual prep courses or something before handing these devices out to just anyone. They make it too easy for just anyone to make a wrong turn on not their business.
This was quite a read. I feel I was given a deep look at some of the characters in your life, and just as I got to know them... bam! It's a post about gender-identity, societal judgment, and the direction of humanity.
Really well done subversion of my expectations. :)
If I understood, your overall point is that society is too easily 'triggered', over-divisive, and quick to judge?
That's the message I took anyway, and one I totally agree with.
(P.S. I'd like to thank @joshman for reblogging this, 'cause that's how I found it.)
Absolutely, thank you @joshman. And you, thank you @ryzeonline. No thanks to Kansas University though for making pronouns illegal. I wish I was making that up.
I missed the mark then, Way off I was aiming for neighborly, nurturing, and metrosexual. The people you speak of sound like close minded assholes.
Wassup man? Thanks for stopping by. My responses usually go something like this, I stay in character until the next one. Don't be a stranger and congrats on the attention you're already gaining on the blockchain. I'm impressed. It took me forEeEEVer to get double digit votes. You're doin it like the uneven bars. Nailed it!
(grin) my pleasure.
And wait... I didn't think Universities had law-making authority. Did Kansas U suddenly level up in social clout? lol. (That article linked is epic.)
HahHAhaha... my bad, that's a much better summary of society :)
And I get it (I think)? As someone who's rarely written 'in character' (unless that character is 'myself'), it's an interesting experience.
Thanks for the encouragement! I have some experience with copy, design, content-creation, and tech... so I imagine those skills help a bit. But as someone who spent many years creating content in obscurity, I feel any success I have here is because somehow kind people (like yourself) found me and upvoted, commented, delegated, and taught me. Very grateful, and I hope the guide I'm working on will help others join Hive smoothly.
'Stranger,' out.
-J :)
Jesus christ!! Are these people living in a cave with no access to internet and TV? They never watched men's gymnastics during the Olympics??!!
Thank you. I'm glad it's not just me. I had no idea there's people out there who thought gymnastics is a unisex sport and apparently there's a lot of them who think that.
How.. when did this happen?
Did you not watch the first ancient Olympics in 684 BC. Where have YOU been??? Living in a cave as well???
684 BC was the year they introduced catapulting sheep heads huh?
My chariot broke a triple axle that year, the whole thing went over my sheep head.
Feel you on a lot of this. Lost my best friend about 2 years ago to some shit laced with fentanyl. A lot of similarities in experiences since but I won’t get into my experience as this is about your dude.
RIP Chris. Glad to see how well his son is being taken care of. Y’all real <3
That's exactly what it was. We knew already—autopsy proved it. Right around the same time a lot of people died. I never understood the dealers purpose on that one. Dead customers are dead. Not that I don't strongly believe ultimately it's Chris's fault for being so selfish he took his life in his hands for a head change but still... coulda been anyone. I play with fire too.
Good thing I put this in the rant channel. Seems I'm still doin it.
Thanks for checkin this out, I appreciate it. I knew Driver would be ok but I had no idea things would turn out like this and he's better than ok. I'm happy.
People are stupid though. Gymnastics. Lame.
Yeah, I was out of the country at the time it happened, but as soon as I heard his name I knew what had happened. He had been going through quite a time. And fentanyl is a huge problem where I live(VT). I guess cash is more important than customers lives, there will always be a demand in their minds. I'm sure I've had it in my system before..
Ranting's good. This was a touching post too.
And yeah. People are idiots. That will never change
Vermont? That's cool. It's that upper Eastern region I haven't been to. Starting at about Penn I guess, there's about 7 or 8 states right there I haven't been to yet. You grow up there or?? Have you been elsewhere in the east coast?
Well shit.. I'm still asking question. Where were you when you were out of the country?
Yeah, we moved here before my memories kicked in so I always remembered growin up here. Old farm but close to the city. It's a cool place. If you're in the right part, you get to experience a lot of different shit all at once; you can go from big lake to city to absolute barren woods to giant mountains all in a 45 minute drive. I've become a little too accustomed to it and am eager to leave, but it really is a very cool place.
Yeah I've traveled a lot within the country by car, mainly revolving around several attempts at moving after high school. I always found myself broke and crawling back to Vermont though because of the work connections I have here.
I work(ed) at a ski resort in my hometown here and they do an international work program here where kids in college come and work at the resort for a semester. I met my partner through that; she's from Chile. I was down there living with her for a bit, also working at a ski resort which was interesting with my limit Spanish capacities, the year after we got together.. now that was fuckin' cool. Barely made it back but it couldn't have been more worth it
Oh cool! Now I know how you met. Guess work doesn't always suck. <- If you tell anyone I said that I'll deny it!!
I've been fortunate enough to tour quite a bit here too. I have some states I like a little more and some places I won't go back to. And out of everywhere dude, know where I'd like to go right now if I could?
Anywhere else.
Your secret's safe with me my dude.
Yeah, I'm with ya on that last part too. This place is cool an all but the community's also slowly chippin' away. All my friends are slowly moving out. Getting back together with the lady is priority number 1 once we can navigate all this COVID bullshit, and then we're workin towards renovating a bus and doing some mobile work. I'll take that option over this rental bullshit.
!WINE
!LUV
!PIZZA
!BEER
for you
Still got an eye on me—been a long time. I appreciate it @eii.
Thank you.
Sorry to hear about your friend...
Some people on FB/Insta are just insane and crave drama...
Yeah. It's never easy. A homeboy who's been right there with you.. same age.. same trade.. one of the toughest.
Overnight it was instant, kids won't leave the house and words are being changed and redefined left and right. <-- Look at "left and right" for example, way too many interpretations. Careful who you say that too.
What's next, Kansas University making pronouns illegal?
Could you imagine?! Fined or jailed for saying "he."
If anyone and I mean anyone turned their focus onto my childs genitalia, mentally, or physically, or to even question something like this (the gender) of a child who they are not parenting...
It crosses a line that would force me to x cxxxxt mxxxxr... (self censorship for legal reasons)
Many times when I see things like what I just read here, I thank the Godz that I decided not to bring a child into this fucked up and getting fuckey-er every day world.
Juss' Sayin'
We don't have kids either. I love'em, really I do. Just wasn't for me. Too many reasons. But I can't help but think 'you got a lot of explaining to do' every time I'm around the parents. Not for
Me. I'm incapable of teaching another living soul something I know Nothing about.
Gymnastics. Is that the lamest shit or what?! Dear gender police: Maybe it's not gender etiquette to say this but when I think of gymnastics I think of dudes, the really fuckin strong ones who do all those hanging tricks on the rings because they're strong and I'm amazed by their strength.
:meow:
Strength, balance, a shit ton of stamina, from all the cardio.
And access to some of the hottest most flexible girls on the planet...
I'm a big fan of her fashion designer. The stitching on that leotard is dead nuts.
You see, this is some @dandays 101 right here. Congrats on reaching a new mile stone todya, you deserve all the traction you have at the moment.
Cheers homie!
Well if it isn't my favorite South African transplant, wassup man? Thanks for checkin this one out, I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for the reblog. I had a tough time with the post button in this one. I think I tweaked it and edited it for two days.
And three nights
How long's it been? I'm just glad I can keep your attention. Thanks, Ed.
Reblog all deserved my friend, you got a good audience tuning in now!
What is wrong with people these days, it's sickening how people who don't even know you form these f'upped opinions.
Good morning @dandays. I remember when you wrote about Chris, such a tragedy. I am glad his son is thriving, it's kind of a blessing he was young, kids are resilient. How did gymnastics become just a female sport, I guess that person never watched the Olympics, the guys in that sport are awesome to watch, as are the women.
Just don't get it.
Hope you have a great day. It's been raining here since yesterday and today doesn't look much better for today. I think I'll do a little painting of some flower pots and make a pot of soup. Thesweed and I cleaned the house yesterday, yipee.
I heard you guys are going to Florida, while talking to my sister yesterday, who lives in Venice (Fla) she said it was sunny and 86 degrees. When I said I prefer it around 75 degrees, she said then, it's not California.😅
Well good morning! Yes, we'll be flying out Monday and hang out down there for a week. Still doesn't look like we're going anywhere any time soon so we're shopping for a new roof. Like everything else, job included, everything's cool at first. TN is no exception.
Between me and you, it's just us here, right? If it comes down to weather in sacrifice for a couple bucks, I'm going back to LA.
🤫 :secret:
Fuckin Chris! I hated writing that one back then. Told my buddy Nate "this is the worst thing you've ever said to me." I'm kinda tired of people dying @farm-mom. But yes, "Driver" is thriving! I'm so happy. Resilient is right, I love that kid and I can't wait to see him again.
Eh you wanna know something else since you're the bookchain grandma? It's writing this one, mining the old one out, stuff like this I'm realizing I need to be a lot more open, loving and caring toward his sister too. We all lost when Chris left.
Anywho.. I'm showing my soft side again and don't wanna tarnish this gangster persona :rawr: so I gotta sign off before I get to bla Bla Bla bla bla bla bla about the strongest dudes are on the rings at the Olympics and how I'm in awe by them and how I wish I was in gymnastics when I was Drivers age so I could've been surrounded by all then physically fit and hyperactive girls!
💖
Back to LA, SAY WHAT? I love the coastline, but LA, just too crowded, too expensive and too plastic for my money. Maybe hit the hills, of northern California, but you know the landscape much more than I do, so good luck with the new roof search.
I am happy to hear Driver is doing well, life can be so harsh sometimes. I lost my parents within 18 months of each other, with Bob's dad then his mom sandwiched in between, it was a really tough couple of years. Then we had a rash of my boys loosing a couple of friends right after was laid our parents to rest. Those young men's deaths really floored us. Then we lost my nephew, 22 years old, just fell to the ground while jogging, gone before they could get him to the hospital. Found out he had a heart defect that was never caught. In fact we had to have all my kids as well as his brothers and sister checked for the same defect , it was a genetic thing. Thank God, everyone else was fine. It's hard to bury your parents, but there are no words to describe how painful it is to bury the young. I still cry sometimes when I think of those young men. Then just a few months ago we laid to rest my youngest son's BF, just 36 y/o, my boy is still having bad days of that one.
Yeah I am with you, I am tired too of people dying.
Sorry I just went off, but I couldn't help myself.
Anywho, have a pleasant day.
I felt your heart beat all the way over here. Thank you.
Kind words, thanks @dandays🤗
@farm-mom, thanks for coming back. I've been thinking of a more appropriate response to "LA is too crowded." Firstly, it's very crowded.
This is just my opinion, you're obviously wiser than me. Having lived in several countries and stayed inside the US both in the sticks and in the city. What it comes down to me, personally, the more privacy I have, the less culture. Nearer the city, more culture, less privacy. Not that one is better or worse, I just prefer more culture. Like more-more, right in the middle of the city more.
Muah! Thanks for listening.
I hear you for sure. I lived my whole life in North Jersey just, 25 miles from the Big Apple, NYC. We went to the city all the time, loved the concerts, pro games, museums, restaurants, the shopping oooh, the shopping. If I was your age again I would still be living in the suburbs and playing in the city. So, yeah enjoy the culture. As for myself, the country is the place for me, of course, there are some cities I could surely visit to enjoy the culture, but privacy is what I enjoy.
Nice talking to ya.
People need to awaken to reality. If a kid says one day she wishes she was a he, hold all the horse and out comes daddy war bucks to make all that happen, they never hear or listen to the other part, "because boys get to be doctors and lawyers and astronauts", where is all the money for the specialized training for HER to reach those goals??
What a nice surprise, thanks for checkin this one out! I can see that doctor/lawyer stuff, makes perfect sense. Not knowing boys are in gymnastics, though, that one still confuses me.
I never thought about the little girl saying she wants to be a boy for those reasons. Once pointed out though, it sucks. If it makes any difference, I've only had one drink bought for me one time, pretty sure my door has never been opened for me and I always have to drive.
💖
I remember when u posted about it bud passing years back on Steemit.
In a weird way it’s kinda cool the guy sjes with after knew him. I think it probably gives her more comfort that he’s not someone ego didn’t know him.
Cheers to Chris and his family 🤟
I’ve lost a few buds to simpler things.
My fathers additions had much to do wity his passing when I was 11. Not a overdose but long term damage complicated his cancer.
Dandays ur the man brother. Thank u for opening up to us. We here for ya and our other fellow steemian family
This a nice surprise, wassup man? I see you keep an eye on me, I appreciate that, but it's rare you drop a line. Stop by any time!
That's cool you remember the story steemit homie. I mean, really cool! Never in a million years I thought this one would play out the way it is but it is. Can't be mad at anyone except Chris.
Fuckin Chris!
Sorry about your dad. I only knew one of my parents, lost her 8 years ago. I don't know exactly what it's like for you but I have a vague idea. 🙏🏻
I read this one a few days ago and it was hard to believe that Chris has been gone for two years already.
Disgusting is the first thing that came to my mind when I read this one.
WTF is wrong with people, who makes them the experts. It sounds like Driver is doing great and that is what people should be focused on. I don't care if the kid is playing with Barbie dolls, just as long as he is happy and being cared for. Hopefully, the people that were questioning his sexuality and then putting in their 2 cents weren't Ash's friends, if they were, she needs to cut them out of her life.
Dela sounds like he is stepping in big time, good for him, he seems like a good guy and he's got his heart in the right place.
Thank You!!
Who gives a you know what?! I couldn't believe what I was hearing either Sweed. Commending Dela the way you did, dude you and I are eerily alike. 👍🏿
I'm the biggest liar on the blockchain if I didn't admit emotions all over the place when I learned they were dating. I stayed out of it for awhile, several months, intentionally kept my distance by ignoring so I didn't say anything I'd regret. Know what? I got over it real fuckin fast and I couldn't be happier. None of this is DeLa, Driver, Ash's fault. Chris did this to himself. Another thing..
I always leave her daughter out and I feel like an asshole nowadays. Ash has a daughter, "Kandyce," she's 2-3 years older than Driver, both those kids are loved and I can't wait to see'em again.
Two years, believe that?! Actually, Bob, we're at the two year, five month mark as I type this. DeLa JUST sent me another video clip yesterday. It's Driver on his little scooter at a skate park. I'll try to attach it here but I don't know if it'll work. Saturdays are "their day," DeLa and Driver. If it isn't a skate park, it's fishing, or even a road trip. Just talking about it like this chokes me up.
Nah. I don't know how Instagram works but I'm sure they were just virtual acquaintances.
Thank you for caring, Bob! I hope this finds you and yours well. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. It didn't work, by the way.. I had to make a gif. Nah, I don't love the kid at all can you tell?
Great idea letting things play out first before getting back to them. The Lord works in strange ways, and as sad as it is to have a friend pass at least he now has someone in his life that has his priorities in order and should be around for a while. Kids need nurturing and Dela seems to want to pour his entire self into doing just that, provide guidance, friendship, and a strong male figure.
Have a great day.
Fucking people man. That’s some annoying shit, can’t just keep to themselves about this gender shit. Let kids be kids, they don’t know about that stupid stuff for many years later. Good on your friend DeLa, he’s an awesome guy for doing that. I’m sure the whole family is happy and appreciative of each other regardless of the situation they are in with ignorant people.
One of the things I worry about the most is letting our son grow up without me. I can handle and do a lot of shit but thinking about him growing up without me is one thing that nearly breaks me down. It shouldn’t happen now that we’ve got some of the health shit sorted out a bit but had me scared for a bit this year!
Another way to prevent him from growing up without you is don't do anything fuckin selfish. Don't take your life in your hands for a head change, it's selfish. Nah.. ai'm not posted at all, can you tell?
Fuckin Chris!
Wassup man? Thanks for checkin this out. Anything cool this weekend? I had no idea G - Gymnastics was even Q - Questionable. L - Lame. Brother maybe it's cuz I'm from LA and I marry chicks like Pura who's from The Bay, both cities notorious for culture, but I don't care. Never have. Moreover, I prefer gay communities. That said, this whole gender craze is outta control and I hate that word—control.
DeLa: 'Here! Here!'
Yeah for sure, I thankfully am not in that mindset that I need to go out and do something stupid like go for a insane fast drive or do some crazy drugs or something lol. Some of my friends would do that to try and reset their mindset. Not my scene.
This gender stuff is brutal but a way to divide people which sucks.
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Thanks Frot, I appreciate you stopping by both articles like this dude, very cool.
Well yes and no. I found it, then got ahold of myself, dropped the damn thing, it fuckin broke! Now I'm just hangin out.