ok. time to spill my heart
again...
i face a slight dilemma. there's a girl in my bed.
its been 5 years since i had a girl in my bed.
she's asleep
and im thinking about killing myself.
how fucked up is that?
over something miniscule.
a broken phone.
a lost email address.
.001 btc.
but most of all, for the fact that there would be someone to report my death, before the cats ate my face
see, i dont have much, finances wise. i live off $18k aud/y
i live in subsidised rental
and i STILL can barely afford to eat.
ironically, i joined this platform, because, knowing what its like to go without, and then seeing the shit go down in venezuela, i thought
i need to do something. i need to be able to make a change in these peoples lives.
so i bought in on hive.
full ape
$4 per ( steem sorry, not hive)
just so that i could send money to those that are struggling.
fk me.
i dont have family.
barely any friends.
i dont bother mesaging people anymore, because, if i get a message, and i reply WITHIN 1 minute, and then get left on read, for hours, days, weeks, months. . .
i get that 'people get busy' but some really? EVERYONE? every single friend i have/had, is too busy, to pick up the phone, once, in 5 years, to call me?
ask how am i going since the death of my last family member.
and THATS why i hate social media
its anything BUT social.
people assume that, because u posted within the last month or so, that you must be ok
you might find
however
that they are not fine
that they just want someone to ask how they are, and ACTUALLY WANT to know the answer, as opposed to making idle conversation.
so many women ask
'where are all the good men?'
"in your DM's, STILL on red"
contemplating going up the road to pick up a pingpong table
that i have no use for
but the drinking friend ( i dont drink, and have requested they dont drink here, several times, only to be ignored)
but i cant say 'dont come over anymore' because he's kinda in the same boat as me, and has noone.
and i KNOW the reason he drinks.
its cos his ex wont let him see his kids.
brainwashing them to hate him.
i was meaning to do a post, with full statistics, on how many men each year take their own lives
over something preventable, like shared custody.
remind me again how women arent treat as 'lesser than' when they are PAID to have babies
and not have the father around
hell, the way things are going, i think we ALL are gonna choose the bear at some point.
also, can anyone explain to me how gym pants, in the supermarket, is 'empowering' EVEN if u weigh 300 pounds, and i can see your cameltoe
but a 100 pound MAN, in bike shorts, WITH a bike, is 'the epitome of grossness' ?
Hey there Ponder Pony (is there a name behind the pony?), I'm glad that you were able to share these thoughts with us. I can tell you that loneliness is something that has, ironically, been plaguing more and more individuals since the advent of social media - or, in other words, antisocial media. It can be used in a good way, and sometimes it is, but in many cases it causes irreparable damage. It's clearly caused you some harm. People themselves have evidently caused you harm for you to feel this way.
Even within your only friend, you can sense the loneliness. I'd like for you to remember that there are many people out there who feel the same way. If all the lonely people got together, would they actually feel lonely anymore? It's a bit of a philosophical question, but the reality lies in the fact that ultimately, you are never truly alone despite the fact that you feel that deep sense of loneliness. There are people out there who understand what you're going through and would want to be amicable with you.
You seem to have a lot on your mind, and the capability of expressing yourself through words. It's a skill that not everyone possesses. It's valuable, and I am certain that with a wider reach, someone out there would be interested in sharing thoughts with you.
In fact, I'd like to do that!
There's an entire community of people around who are interested in exactly that. I founded the FreeCompliments Community to connect the kind people who want to exchange kindness with each other. I think you could use a little bit of that right now.
I'd like for you to remember that this fleeting thought of potentially wanting to kill yourself is a permanent answer to what may be a temporary problem. I understand the reasoning, but I'd like for you to use the same reasoning to say, "let's give this another shot in a different way and see if it works." Let's try out different solutions and see what sticks, even if it takes some effort and practice. I'm sure that, with a little bit of help, you'll find something that will work out for you.
its been an ongoing thought, plaguing me for many years.
its just that, without my rock to keep me grounded ( mother ) i...
i just dont see the point of trying anymore.
sure, a lot of people would be at my funeral, but why would it take my death for people to finally come and see me?
I wonder... what would you rock, your mother, tell you during this time? What wisdom would she impart your way in this situation? One thing I'm sure that she would not tell you is that there is only one way out...
Let her continue being your rock. Think what she would advise.
Yes, I do agree that people have this tendency to congregate over someone (or something) when they're already long gone. It's a last attempt to grab onto something when it's already left. Human nature is quite silly at times, can't deny this.
I think in situations like ours (I also experience a deep sense of loneliness at times), we can't really rely on others to come to us. We have to be the ones who initiate and maintain contacts. There's also a tendency for people to gravitate towards us when we consistently reach out to them (albeit, not to a point of being clingy or needy). If our own efforts are denied, then they're not worth our time. If they reciprocate, then that's the foundation for a friendship.
Hello friend, Sometimes life throws lime at us, but the best thing we can do is turn that lime into lemonade. I’m truly sorry to read about how you feel. It’s essential to approach this situation with care, One thing I can always say is that suicide is never the best option, You are worth more than you think.
The funny fact is that I don't even have a job, but I am not ready to give up on life because I want to make a huge difference before leaving, which I know you can do too.
Don't give up, that's not how to win. You can make a difference because I know thats what your family would want for you, they would want the best, so don't give up now. If you need someone to always talk to, we are here on hive for you
'family' are a lot of the problem. people that we ( mum and i) hadnt spoken to, for 20+ years, all came, with their hands out. her laptop was taken. all MY seedphrases, everything.
they took my LIVELYHOOD thinking it was an asset.
but im not allowed to get angry at that.
Change. Change comes to mind. You want change for others and also yourself. Have some things down in my life too. But I choose not to talk about those. Just share the good stuff and seek the good stuff. As far as your friend that drinks.. ..maybe it time to say no. You don't want "that" around. May be better to not make excuses to let that energy around you. Have a great time with the girl in your bed. Maybe she will be better energy than you friend that drinks when he comes over. Lay the ground on such a rule as no drinking. It seems important to do so.
Wonderful that you went in on (STEEM) to help others. Find things to help that help you and are more on the path that you want to be on. Many of us seem to be finding challenging times upon us. Wish you all the best.
Seek good fortune, for good fortune always is.
someone mentioned that there was a marketplace style tag, where, i can take photos of all the stuff i want to sell (apparently people see me as a hoarder) that ive picked up off hard rubbish (large item bin collection) over the years, because ive either known someone that needed the thing (last night wasa pigpong table valued at $400)((i didnt end up going to get it, as rain was expected))
I think the community is called Hive thrifted.
People are selling all sorts of stuff there.
Gives you a bunch of stuff to do if you start clearing out your hoarded items.
Catalog them, make pictures, invent a nice backstory for each item and share it.
Build a community around it. Start seling the items on real life fleamarkets, you might make some decent friends there.
Also reach out to those friends who never call you in 5 years, and ask them kindly how they are doing and how they are feeling and what has been going on in their lives. You are clearly not alone here on hive, see all the comments!
Also sorry for the long comment here is a potato in the making:
✓✓✓
Bro the part when u call them and ask they are, thats a good methood too. They would act like hey, what u need sometimes is like that and u only pass by saying a Hi from ur old -Friend-
That's awesome finds! Another man's trash is another man's treasure. Maybe you are finding such for a reason, or whatever. Why not make what you may with it. There's a site called Hivelist and blog. !BBH
Recent post (yesterday): Start A Hivelist Store For FREE! Start A Crypto Friendly Business Today!
tag: #hivelist
@dunstuff! Your Content Is Awesome so I just sent 1 $BBH (Bitcoin Backed Hive) to your account on behalf of @pepetoken. (3/50)
LFG @pepetoken
source !BBH
@fonestreet! Your Content Is Awesome so I just sent 1 $BBH (Bitcoin Backed Hive) to your account on behalf of @pepetoken. (1/50)
last week was gym pants, $30 each. 15 pairs
still with tags.
some people have way too much money
!LUV
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Hello my friend! I'm a Portuguese speaker so I'll leave it to my American colleagues to comment on your post.
I want to invite you to join the FreeCompliments community, we have a special day to vent, and we also have a group of volunteers who can support you on difficult days.
If necessary, every day can be a day to vent, the community is open to receiving texts in this format on any day you feel necessary! Isn't it incredible? Join us and let out everything you're feeling!
Find us through the links on your current frontend:
InLeo | Ecency | Peakd
Good call.
yeah ive been meaning to use the leo tags
but i thought it was only for trade/market analysis
maybe i'll need to look into it more
You can continue using the #freecompliments tag, but if you join the community you will be eligible to receive the rewards that we will distribute in the first week of June!
And if you join us, I hope to see your posts there soon!
!LUV
Many said things in the text but I guess it is good to see you clearing up, maybe you get some breath after this post? life is tough...but still challenges are in front of everyone! You have a good heart and I wish you the best!
Hello my dear friend, am so sorry for the happenings. In most cases, what happens to us is to make us stronger if we choose or to bring us down. No matter what it is my dear friend, we just need to tell ourselves that we are going to get over it someday. Every problem has an expiring date, we don't need to expire before our problems expire. As am talking with you presently, my elder brother is in prison, I have been going to court for the past few months in other to work for his bail. We have spent lots of money but we are still praying to God for help as we try the best we can.
My dear friends, am always in the Blockchain and am here to make you happy. Am @caleb-marvel, and using the #partytime account to reply to you.
If it pleases you, you can send me your number so I couldn't be checked on you or I check you on discord.
My dear friend, we need you and love you to survive, please 🥺🥺🥺🥺 don't take your life, we are here for you.
Thanks @freecompliments and @crazyphantombr for the notification.
apparently in the 2020-22 year, 1 in 6 had idealization, if not attempted.
guess its not just me?
This is also the case for other countries as well. It's a growing problem, and I'm glad that it's actually becoming more widely recognized and tackled. How are you doing now?