Brittle Betty and the Highlander's Bridge

in #life2 months ago

Fancy driving to Chatelherault today?

The Good Lady bustled into the room and towered over me as I tapped away at my laptop keyboard.

No can do baby girl, I am teasing a troll on the interwebs.

I barely looked up as I fed another morsel of joy to Brittle Betty. By my reckoning, he was about to explode.

Who knows, he might even go full rage and start typing in capitals? Oh, the horror.

What? We can't stay in all day because you are fannying about with random folk on the internet?

The Good Lady gave me the eye and not the naughty naughty nighttime boogy one.

Aw... But you know I love tormenting the weak?

I stuck my bottom lip out and made a face that I had seen on a pug

We are going out and that is that.

She sniffed snootily as if someone had suggested that the next Bond could be a Welshman.

Uff alright, but I am not driving to fucking France to see this Chatelherault place?

I snapped the laptop shut and folded my arms. Somewhere Brittle Betty squealed because he had not yet ejaculated.

It's not in France, silly. It is just up the road. It has some great walks in the hills apparently. Even an ancient old bridge that was in Highlander or something.

The Good Lady smirked as the effect of the word Highlander jerked me to attention.

Highlander? Hot batting shit woman, why didn't you say?!

In no time at all, we had left Brittle Betty, the interwebs and Glasgow far behind. As we pulled into Chatelheraut my heart sang at the idea of visiting a bridge that might have had something to do with Highlander.

Who knows? Perhaps someone would challenge me on the bridge and I could chop their head off?

That would be awesome.

We set off down the bonny Scottishly flowered path.


After some five minutes of walking and the children asking if we were there yet, the bridge hove into view.

I felt giddy with excitement, there can be only one! I shouted in my head.


We followed the trail, it was relatively easy going apart from my ears at the grumbling grunts of my children that they were tired and it was too far.


The trees were straight as fuck which pleased me. I dont ask much of a tree but I do appreciate them making a bit of a fucking effort.


The path started to weave upwards. By now we had been walking for some fifteen minutes and the children were complaining that they were going to die.


Occasionally some fallen trees barred the path, we easily stepped over them, even the Little Boom and I laughed to imagine Brittle Betty facing such an obstacle. No doubt he would froth and rage and blame the fallen tree on Big Pharma.

Maybe he would break out the CAPS Lock key?

We were made of sterner stuff though and ploughed on.


By dint of some strange optical illusion and despite us having walked upward for several minutes we came upon the River.

Fuck the water.

I thought. I am only interested in the bridge.


We reached a signpost. I read out how far we had to go.

The Little Boom started screaming that he could go no further and that we were mean.

It made me chuckle because he is four and Brittle Betty is like fifty odd and they were behaving the same way.

Thank fuck the Little Boom didn't have a keyboard or he would be ALL CAPS right now.

Should we head back? The kids are knackered. Sorry about not making it to the bridge. We can come another time?

The Good Lady looked genuinely sorry, perhaps she too had harboured thoughts of chopping off a random person's head.

Aye fuck it, let's go home.

We headed off and at that, the sun came out.

Ahhhh, Scotland, you little tease.



I would have made those little crumb snatchers finish the walk. Good training.

😆 🤣 😂 😹 😆 🤣 😂 😹 😆 at a Scotsman being James Bond

I was tempted to force them but the missus is soft.


For your road tripping pleasure

And in case you wanted to see the bridge .... I used my Googling powers and this was my favourite pictures. (and I didn't even get bit by a mosquito)

For the life of me, I can't remember that bridge in the films ... but that only means that I now have a reason to watch them again. :-)

I love the fact they call out the midges there! Thankfully there were none bothering me on that day. Although I have found a new deterrent and since using it have never had a nibble!

Dare I ask what the new deterrent is? If it has something to do with what's found under a kilt ... Wait ... mental image of mosquitos and exposed nutsack.

Hahahah! Thankfully it is not anything like that.

A product called Smidge, it not only helps with midges but anything else either!

Love a good forest walk with the family, always a good day out and tires them out, meaning they may (may) sleep beyond 6am!! Great photos, especially that last one, serious colour there - rugged nature at its best.

Aye, you will know that's the eternal plan. Knacker them so that they sleep!!

Oh belief!!! That's what I'm doing now, at a some Gaelic football matches now, then beach for a swim. That should tire them out and they might sleep past 7:30am tomorrow 🤞🤞

Don't be fooled by those straight trees. You think theyre easy to climb and the first little branchlet thing takes your weight, then you step up onto the next and it breaks and you drop down where upon the first little branchlet sticks up your arse.

Anyway, just take your poor kids to the park. Shit streaked slides, broken bottles and used condoms were good enough for us when we were kids! Nice scenery and fresh air is for old folks!

Terrible dadding in my humble opinion 2/10

Hahaha!! It is terrible.

I will find a good park full of used johnny bags and broken glass. It's Glasgow so that sums all of them up. It will be character building! :0D

😂 I have to check every link you embed in your posts because I know it will be worth the time every time. I was not disappointed. Maybe do that pug pose in your cover art at some point?

Really beautiful and that bridge, oh that bridge too far. I think I'd almost cry. That's a ton of what looks like fireweed growing by the path.

It was quite the spectacular pug pose. I will definitely try to do something with it!

If only I got close enough to see the stuff growing roundabouts it!

Oh yeah, it would so work. I can visualize it now.

I hope you get another trip back to that bridge. I'd love to see a load of photos. There are no such bridges in Canada that I've ever seen like that.

I want to get back to it too. I was quite impressed at just what I saw from a distance. I used the zoom in the phone to get that close up. It was bloody tiny otherwise!

Wow! Yeah, I saw the sign and thought so much father than it looked. You got a good shot zooming in. I drooled.

I have a 3X optical zoom in my phone which usually give some for results, beyond that is digital mush.

I'm impressed with what phones can do. I've seen them used in conjunction with a telescope, although I don't recall the set up for that now. Yes, digital mush, but that's a thing with cameras also, got to have all these different lenses.

All the lenses put me off my big camera even though the pictures were stonking. I had a little telescope and experimented doing that. Its quite easy, you literally stick it in the eyepiece because it is a longer tube so the focal length usually works out ok and you take the pic! There is quite a lot of fannying about to make sure you get a good one though. In saying that, I was using a digital camera at the time as phones were shite. Might be quicker now you can just look at the screen

And I thought I was only the only ones to see Highlander. Did it ever come to a head? No pun intended? They actually should do a remake of it.

Hehe, Highlander was fecking magic man. I loved that movie. I loved it so much I watched the ever worsening sequels.

They could remake it but I bet it would be shit. All the kids would lap it up though and say it was better, like the new Star Treks :OD

Would you believe I've never seen the films but watched the series where a new guy every episode would come to Scotland to kill the main man. It used to be on around 2am on channel 4.

Oh, I remember that as well!! It was not bad! Obviously not good enough for me to totally remember it right away!

Thanks for the post, such a beautiful place and your finger tips made magical click"nice photos" did so well and the story , you made me laughed like crazy.🤣 I once had a great walked in one of the woods with my sister and niece. to which I intentionally uninformed them because they would refused; My! Did they ever hated me of my cunning skills😆

Glad you liked it. It was a lovely day for a walk even if it only ended up half a walk!

Man, your storytelling skills are awesome!

My mind is blown reading this - now you don't need to Chop off Random person head 😂

The tree part is hilarious, Still LMFAO you Got dark humour and well won't talk about details but

I do appreciate them making a bit of a fucking effort.

This is insane and so deep or maybe just my brain taking me somewhere else.

1.8Km was almost near but it was nice decision to comeback - you already had so much from this experience.

Hehe, cheers! I like to put an imaginative twist on things.

I am glad of two things, I don't have to chop a head off and that the trees surpassed themselves today! :0D

Damn! It's an art - pure magic and really adore + respect!

Haha lemme add one more thing for today?

"Getting rick rolled on hive" 😂 Sorry. No escape from Rick!


You can't ever breast getting rickrolled! It's like a rite of passage!

Now I'm going to be singing that all day long tomorrow :0D

Hi @meesterboom ,In some of your posts in which they go out to exercise, well, in these places to walk, the same thing happens, the tired children, the repentant good lady haaaaaaaaa, I hope it helps her to think twice before taking you out of the house and from the computer haaaaaaaaa, you make me laugh a lot :)
Hey they couldn't cut off any heads, it will be in the metaverse haaaaaaa, so there will be no consequences of any kind

As long as it wasnt one of those metaverses where they edit out the blood and guts!

We have many recurring journeys of tiredness and wailing little booms. Its like groundhog day! :OD

You left Brittle Betty on the laptop only to go deal with some manifestation of Brittle Betty somewhere in the woods. Lucky this one didn't have a laptop on him and lucky he's so young so it's understandable and thus doesn't irk like it's supposed to.

It was like a sea of Brittle Betty's everywhere I went!

I do forgive the little chap though :OD


I thought you meant the castle for a moment. Just up the road...ha! 100 miles up it.

It was relatively near once I hit the motorway! I was surprised how close it was!

I meant this!

The Eilean Donan Castle near Dornie, just south of the bridge to the Isle of Skye

Oh that!!! Oh man, I would spontaneously combust at that!

For some reason that has never been on my radar! I am going there! But maybe next year when the wee man is 5!

It's very touristy but you can get some good shots. A little mist rolling in early morning is best!

And it ain't hard to get some must rolling in in Scotland!

Defo on the list!

oh my 😂😂😂, I can't stop laughing , what if the children are not tired , would you continue with the walk ? I guess no... hehehe
maybe you'll definitely look for another alternative for them, or rather look for a way to twist up everything ...😂😂

If they hadnt faded then Iwould be on that bridge right now waiting for the lightning to strike! lol!

oh my goodness! wating for the impossibility ? 😂😂

Who knows? Perhaps someone would challenge me on the bridge and I could chop their head off?

Now (or rather after you chopped off someone's head) I imagined a Skyrim guard appearing, saying "By order of the Jarl, stop right there! You have committed crimes against Skyrim and her people. What say you in your defense?"

Haha. This scene would perfectly fit into Skyrim.

Hahahaha!! Oh man, that phrase is so familiar to me. Closely followed in action by me fighting my way through them and running away!

I did read that if you b out of the conversation them nothing happens but where is the fun in that

Next time, take some snacks, and a few toys 🤣 Let him rest and play at the sign, then offer treats if he goes on to the bridge 😂

This post has been manually curated by the VYB curation project

That sounds like some quality advice! We did have a few snack and rest stops but today they just weren't feeling it with the country walking!

Bribes are usually a good way to get them moving 🤣 I don't think even that works to pry a troll outdoors though!

I live by bribes. It makes life so much easier!

Dem trolls, they ain't getting outdoors for no one!

Maybe if we banned them from the Internet they'd be driven out by sheer boredom!

But they can't type outside!! They would melt!! Like a vampire in the sun!

But it won't matter if they can't get online anyway! Maybe we could dangle a functional modem on some fishing line, and use the old carrot for the mule trick!

Hahahaha!! A modem on a stick. I can actually see it in my mind eye!!

Tell us how many you bribe to get moving.... ;), I need some additional skills for where I am.

Just use chocolate, they'll walk for miles 🤣


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What's your strategy for the sugar come down effects after said chocolate?

They've had loads of exercise outdoors, so all they do is sleep 🤣 Everyone wins!

My next question is, how many children have you tested this on? I need to know the percentage of effectiveness.

I love that flowery path.

At least you got a photo of that bridge you did not get too. It's a nice photo. LOL

Thank goodness it was not YOUR suggestion that you go. ha ha

The path was so purple it was like a Scottish fairy tale! After that it got all brown and tree'y.

I shall treasure the photo of the bridge. One day I might see it!

I never suggest places, they always poo poo them!

It's still ok to call trees straight then, cool. Even my autocorrect was like, strength.. strings no! STRAIGHT in all caps.

Straight all the way!! I have trained my auto correct not to be so damn PC!!

Git yerself a strap on child carrier, strap the young un on your back and voila. All the way to the bridge where ya can go and face yer demons, sword, or walking stick in hand.

Next time you can even pack some !BEER in the carrier.

I had one of them ages ago! He is getting dead big and muscular though, like a dead weight when you carry him. I don't know if I could take miles of hills with him being me with a branch to go faster!! :0D


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About the weight now of an army back pack and we all hated the order of a route march, as it was sheer murder up and down a short 10 kilometer mountain pass. Blisters were as evil as that new fan of yours that will soon send you replies in capital letters.

All that being said, good night from here and when you get to bed, have a nice Highlander dream about ripping into that troll on the bridge !LOL

Baiting trolls can be fun, but some outdoor family time ought to take priority. I need to watch Highlander again and I even have a DVD that was free with some newspaper. I love a movie where a Frenchman plays a Scot and a Scot plays an Egyptian/Spaniard. The music by Queen lifts it even more.

Enjoy the nice weather. Bit sticky down here.

It does take priority, I didn't take much convincing to get out and about.

The film had so many quirks and contradictions and somehow it all just worked. I need to watch it myself again!!

The weather has been not to bad here. Could do with some more sun as it is sticky also here

Gorgeous! I am enthralled with pine forests, something about the ground covered in reddish needles with the green way above my head, and around here they are usually close together so sunlight filters through in a haunting way. Sigh. I really do need to go camping! Playing on my stepson's farm is great, but I want some quiet time in the woods :0)

We are gonna get a tent. Astonishingly we don't have a real outdoorsy one just a shit one that is made of plastic straws and tissue paper. Then we shall get some real camping on the go!

Sounds the kids are asking for a one way off of the bridge muy rapido :))

There is always the possibility they were working me like a puppet!!

I got to side with the Little Boom. Another almost 2 km!?! In the brush no less! That is nearing the cruel and unusual punishment level lol.

"We headed off and at that, the sun came out." ...JUST BARELY LOL

Haha, yeah. The amounts of blue sky we saw was barely that of a postage stamp. I think we got five solid minutes of sun the nada!

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The forestland looks like the place where the movie, Wrong Turn, was shot 😁

I've not seen it but I googled it and I think I will download it! It would be a spooky place to be if it was dark or you were in the middle of nowhere! My daughter was a bit spooked at times because it was so empty!

I think I have watched 7 series of it and I bet there are 8-9 sequels.

That is a lot! I might wait till I clear my Bacolod of shows before checking it out in case I get drawn in!


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