I was overseeing the loading of one of my trading ships accompanied by my able assistant Button. That's right. The one with a face like a well-skelped arse.
One of my trading colleagues Willard Ferenczy approached me on the dock. He is an annoying old fellow, Willard. He has a handsome, although horse-like face which makes me intrinsically distrust him. After all, a gentleman should never cavort with other gentlemen of fair face.
It's not seemly.
Hail and well met Mr Boom!
Bellowed Willard.
It's Uncle Fucking Boom you rum-addled twat.
I replied kindly. They do say, that one must keep your friends close and keep your enemies closer.
He wrinkled his face at my retort as if eating a Languedoc pastie.
Yes, yes Uncle Boom. Well, I suppose we must observe the pleasantries, being gentlemen and all. How fare you on this brisk December day?
Sadly the Gentlemans code forbade me beating him to the deck with my cane.
The day finds me well. As you can see, I am loading my ship. I expect a good run from this one. All of the spices are up don't you know?
Willard, handsomely, yet disapprovingly looked at my cargo.
Bloody peppercorns and coffee beans? Where is the adventure? Where is the risk in that?
I stiffened, one might say whatever one wishes of a man but one should never mock a mans cargo. I spoke softly.
I have jars of pickled ginger root for the Americas too. You know they love that kind of thing for their, ahem, night jamborees. The name of the game is profit Willard, not flights of fancy that can ruin a fellow.
Willard looked smug.
Perhaps flights of fancy can make one a fortune...
Oh bloody go on. What are you carrying then?
Limequats.
I sniffed the sniff of a man who has smelt a corpse farting.
Bloody what cats?
He produced something from a deep pocket.
That's a bloody lime.
It's a cross between a Lime and a Kumquat actually.
Replied Willard smugly. He went on.
They are very popular in the...
Button!
I interrupted his nonsense.
Give Willard a kick in the pishflaps, I have never heard such shite.
I took my pipe out and puffed merrily away as Button proceeded to the task with gusto.
Boom!? Boomy?!? What about the code!?!
Wailed Willard, as Button administered a good old fashioned leathering.
Hmm.
I thought for a moment. Then decided.
Oh and Button, when your done, stick one of his "limecats" up his arse.
Now, where was I?
What a magnificent day and what better way to end it than to look up my fellow steemians in need and lend them some...
Horrifyingly the SpamFarmers are learning. I received nothing in the chats but my comments were bombarded with a new breed of upvote fishers. I have attached a couple of example conversations.
SpamFarmer1: your total writing my favourite...i think you are very beautiful writer in this steemit thank for sharing your valuable content.
😍😍😍
UncleBoom: And I thank you for such beautiful words. They remind me of the time I played fiddle to the grand Duke and his daughter caught my eye
SpamFarmer2: thanks for sharing your valuable content..best of luck my friend..carry your activity..
UncleBoom: I laughed very much when I checked to see if you had voted. Haha, of course you hadn't you unwiped arse!
SpamFarmer2: yes.. but i am very sadness.. you say to create this name for me..😰😰😰😰
UncleBoom: It makes me sad too when people comment on a post to say they like it but they do not vote. It shows that they are hoping to get a comment upvote and probably do it a lot.
I will flag you now. But know this, my heart is heavy in the doing and I am shedding a tear
SpamFarmer2: please my friend withdrow your flag..i am extremelly sorry..i don,t understand this post..please please don,t do this😭😭😭😭😰😰😰
UncleBoom: It hurts me the doing of the thing. Know that I take no pleasure in this. Tonight I shall forego the anointing of the bishop because of the deeds of this day
Splendid. Well, please remember. If you feel the need, you can find me on the steemit chats or, in breaking news... DISCORD!!. Remember... Anonymity is assured, after all...
I wonder if you're related to Unclus Boomificus? Depicted below beating the shit out of an errant employee in 72BC....
Just a thought 😉
Oh look, it is Uncle Boomificus!!
The nose still runs true in the family to this day :0)
Thursday with Mr. Boom always a great read buddy. Hope you are doing great. I miss your great posts. Keep up the good work and greetings to Booms clan. Do not for get to see my latest post about elyte and its website (its live now)- price increased more than 1K % hiyaaaaa...
Mr Charles!! I will have a look glad to see you are well!!!
welcome my fellow gentleman , am having a nice beer and at the same time enjoying a great read from your post...hiyaaaaaaaaaaaaa hmmm, Gentleman club tonight?
The Gentleman's club every night!! What with steem flying high it won't be long till it's true! ;0)
advisements are definitely what i await for on Thursday, yet Uncle Boom is a worthy contender !
And I must say, what Button does, does not have your hands over it - maybe a little, yet technically, no code broken, not by Uncle Boom!
Exactly dude, the code is intact!! Hehe ;0)
Uncle Boom,
I respectfully request permission to quote you on this in the future, "...of course you hadn't you unwiped arse!"
Respectfully,
Your humble student
But of course you may!! Such sayings are all the better when shared! :0)
Fanfuckingtastic, I was actually thinking of suggesting you do something of this sort, the ones in the comment sections i've happened to catch..hahahaha!! Make my day.
I'm all about the feels right now. This post inspires such love and admiration for you that it almost brings me to tears how I adore you, well would almost bring me to tears if I wasn't already in tears after a pleasant laughing fit over limequats and arse shoving.
My God do I ever look forward to the day of our meeting, Scotland is ever calling my name.
Limequats and arse shoving. You put it awfully well haaaaahaaahahahaaaaaa!!
I do like a comment teasing, that one went on a bit longer too but I edited it!!
You are a cheeky chopped star my dear. I worry that I can never live up to my rep now ;0)
I've day you will get to see the purple hills (ooer) or I will get to see grape country! It shall be so!!!
You are not just a steemit persona, not to me. We are kindred you and I, we have known one another for lifetimes, I'm certain of it, we were best mates or even siblings perhaps, but my spirit recognized yours from the first. You 'doona' have to try and live up to anything, you are more, not less, than what you portray here.
Or to put it another way- you could set the room ablaze with a putrid fart from hell on the moment of our first meeting and I would tell your instinct to be embarrassed to shove itself (if I could manage to speak between gasping laughter) then we'd go to the nearest pub and get proper fucking sloppy with no need for a modicum of pretension, as comfortable as though we'd been hanging out since the playpen. Perhaps we have cosmic families outside of this plane where we've forgotten who we are and where we come from, if so then you are most certainly one of mine.
Aw you are so poetic!! I think it would be spending to meet because I too believe the same. Something's you just know when you know that someone is a smasher!
I am also lucky in that I am splendidly like myself online and in real life hurrah!! So no embarrassed nonsense from me after farting. I would be count my hand and trying to qumph ya!! ;0)
Yet a smasher lass! And sorry. I nearly missed this reply via it was feeding time at the zoo and I was rushing things!! Lol
I don't know why I came to this conclusion...but I would like to ask: this epic story takes place in the dawn of the British Admiralty ?
If so, I very much hope that further in the story we meet the one-leg (or full legless) pirate and "miserable" Frenchmen! Soyez aimable :)
Lol, it's a very strange story that takes place both then and now. Have to squeeze in stuff about spammers and crypto occasionally! A no legged pirate would be a grand thing!
You are the maximum dear friend, in the first lieneas began to laugh, your assistant Button. "He who has a face like a well neglected ass" from here on I laughed just as you read your post, my family look at me from afar, they must think that I'm going crazy because I laugh alone.
It is true dear friend SpamFarmer have changed their way of begging votes, now they are phrases alagadores, they like your work so much that they are not able to cast a vote, fortunately we have the Uncle Boom that puts them in line to all.
18 consecutive Semas from Uncle Boom love this character
I wish you a beautiful day dear friend @meesterboom
When I realised it was 18 i was quite surprised myself! Cheers @jlufer!!
Splendid, splendid! Simply splendid! My, my... Button has grown to be quite the diligent manservant hasn't he. Why it was only yesterday when he was but a whelp. It's nice when they don't need chains anymore, isn't it?
I say, my good man, how is the view from the moon? Did you get to dispose of your SBD at the new summit or were you a fool like me that traded at the previous peak?
Button is doing very well indeed. Like a well trained dog!!
Oh ho ho ho!! Why is course not, I keep seeing my SBD thinking it can't go any higher than this and every time this week or goes double the next day. I am half thinking of holding my next post reward for a day or two!
Haha! Great minds, brotzeit! Great minds haha! I wonder if anyone's sitting on a pile of SBD thinking the opposite from our own mentality. "I just know the SBD is going to the moon, so I won't sell it during the highest price it's ever been"
I'm really going to kick myself if I hold then it drops below a dollar hahaha!
The last time I held it crashed so it is all getting sold as I get it!!
Hahaha! You did envision this though, but for STEEM instead of SBD! So, you deserve all the profits you can get, you bro-lific trader you!
Hehe, I was having a look at my ten dollar steem one, lol. One day bro-ham!!
I'm still counting it as a correct prediction on your part, broseph. No one could've guessed that it'll be the SBD that would shoot up. Yes, not even the ones who didn't sell and would claim that they guessed correctly. Yeah, you know who you are. I applaud you all for the lucky break, just don't tell me you made a bold prediction about this.
I shudder to think how you annoint the Bishop, lol. Thanks for another Thursday chuckle! :)
Hehe, it is probably the very horror that you think! ;0)
I love Thursdays with Uncle Boom! A new breed of spammers, you say? The nerve! You gave them what for, old boy!
I know, how very dare they!!
Hahaha xD I am rolling! the 'you unwiped arse' comment had me giggling for days after lol OH bless you @meesterboom, you say all the things we want to, but daren't for fear of loosing friends xD
Haha, I probably lose lots of friends :0D
FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The lime up the arse bit?
:0D
no, the episode!
Wow. This seems like the first week that no one died! Uncle Boom is slipping.
Love the dialogue between you and spam farmer 2. I'm sure that last message confused him considerably given his broken English.
I know, it was possibly a bit mean of me for spamfarmer 2 lol.
I thought you would notice no-one died. Perhaps its a story arc!...
Mr boom I could not help thinking that it must be so weird to be called Mr Boom.
Thank you for making us laugh and enjoy something so early in the morning.
Lol, it is funny. Some of my friends call me it, it doesn't half get the odd funny look!!
Pulls up her Catholic Knee Socks
"I'll hear your confession now"
Throws Holy Water on You
I swear my family thinks I am nuts laughing in the corner by myself.
It's a good kind of nuts! :0D
Even if you forego the anointing of the bishop, know that I, the Steem Pope, bless you.
Hehe, smashing! How you doing dude!
Keeping on keeping on. My posts don't seem to get a lot of traction, so I plan to switch to writing about games. I have a plan to open several packs of Magic:The Gathering cards.
That sounds magic, literally ;O) You gotta keep plugging away!
Sniffy sneezy as I was today you, mr. @meesterboom managed to paint some sort of hapiness over my otherwise flewy mask of a face. I have certainly appreciated that and when asked I might even admit that secretly I still do.
The fun you portray in playing with this creature you have named SpamFarmer2 as if it were a mouse, I do not wish to be associated with, nontheless. How can you fiddle with this man for he not knows your slang nor understands he the difference between our sweet little harbour and horrific moorings such as facebook and the likes? Please, with the spirit of Christmas in our vicinity, forgive him for his stumbling efforts to fit in. It's language that fails him. Evil ways to up his wallet probably never even came to him.
And in the possible event that I might be mistaking: I can take a sore beating if you feel the need to punish some old chap.
For now I bid you an evening full of joy and peace, and maybe a good glass of wine and a goodnight kiss from however pleases to offer it.
Lol, I do forgive him, although I think it was a lady. She is a shameless spammer but I forgive her. It is the season after all :0)
I may just have a glass of wine tonight! Cheers!
All for one and... well, all for one! ;-)
Can you help me, vote for me please : )
This is a joke, you always have new moments in your posts.
Haha, angling for a spot in the next one ;0)
I see comments like that all the time. Most of these seem to come from people that don't speak very good English. I understand those people want a piece of the pie and I have a hard time putting them down. If they don't have anything to say about my post though and they just want to say nice work or something like that then they won't be upvoted though.
That is how I do it. Where it is even slightly related to my post I tend to upvote it but when it is
So informative.
I dont bother. Although sometimes it is funny when I dp a proper sweary funny post and people say things like, very good information, I follow now I am like, wow. You cant really do that to a sheep you know?
Complete fruitcake spam farming, it does make one chuckle 😂
They are bananas, I do like the fact that many of them actually respond these days instead of bot'esque comment rampage
They are, the responses get more and more evolved, e.g. Im enjoying this, Meesterrrr boom he go bang, no? I like theese, I shall upvote with all my power Sir Willard etc, taking keywords from the piece of writing to give the comment credibility, genius if we didn't see right through it 🤖
I know, its almost insulting in a way!
The ones I hate most are the ones that wholesale lift a paragraph then say under it. This is amzing pictures
or some such tosh lol!
thats a outstanding story..thanks for sharing..
You are very welcome my goosy little gander!! :0)
Interesting.... Nice pices
I have the finest pices. Once my own aunty asked if she could diddle them!!!
😂😂 ok, beautiful then
Lol, even better!
🤣🤣🤣
Well wrote
Good story
Thank you for sharing
Thank you
I am all time follow your blog. your all blog informative @meesterboom
It's weapon grade! :OD
Nice post I follow you but follow me and Upvote my posts please !
Please Upvote me my post !
Consider it done my friend!!!!
Turn from your path of sin and come to the light! The Steem Pope offers redemption for your blog transgressions!
Lol, splendid pope'ing!!
good publication @meesterboom
thank you for sharing
Why thank you! Very festive!
ok friend