“I was laughed at by everyone upon every occasion.
But no one knew or guessed that if there was a man on this earth who knew better than anyone how ridiculous I was, that man was myself...”
― Fyodor Dostoyevsky, A Gentle Creature and Other Stories
A lion does not flinch at laughter coming from a hyena.
A gorilla does not budge from a banana thrown at it by a monkey.
― Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem
A mother doesn't back down when her offspring ridicule her like a playground bully.
An author shouldn't let ridicule stop him or her from writing--although, sadly, I've seen people shut down by negative feedback and criticism unbalanced by positives. Ridicule is actually easier for me to dismiss because ridiculous is what people are when they resort to ridicule.
Affirmation. Positive Feedback.
A feeling that we are not alone, but others see and feel, think and hear, the way we do: that's one incentive for daring to use words to express ourselves--and even more boldly to put those words out there for the world to see.
From infancy I experienced a family dynamic where ridicule was the norm, and praise was withheld: if you can't say anything BAD about a person, don't say anything at all - the flipside of the conventional wisdom! I spent my childhood in a chair in a corner, reading books, escaping into a safer world where dragons roared and magic put them in their place.
Being "roasted" at the dinner table was one thing, but having an older sister laugh at your little "graphic novels" (hand written and illustrated on scratch paper) and then to RIP THEM UP... suffice to say, I survived.
“Unlike the world that points out your flaws to ridicule you,
when GOD point out your flaws, it's because He want to walk you out of it.”
― TemitOpe Ibrahim
Having been ridiculed by a close family member yesterday at a Christmas gathering, I had to take time out from the busy holiday schedule to find some words of wisdom others came up with on the subject of ridicule.
“As human beings, we crave love, acceptance, and belonging. As part of this, we fear the opposite: shame and ridicule.”
― JOEL ANNESLEY, Quiet Confidence: Breaking Up with Shyness
"The fact is, we are all authors. Just because you aren’t published yet, doesn’t mean your book isn’t more real than ever. In fact, what has helped me enormously is to print out my progress. To see the material work taking form is what increases your level of believability....The story you have inside of you is worth putting to paper, no matter how raw and unorganised the first version might look. Keep charging ahead!"
― JOEL ANNESLEY, Quiet Confidence: Breaking Up with Shyness
“Mockery developed as a conformity enforcer [...] A good dose of mockery can still shut down critical thinking and make us fall right in line.”
― Cracked.com, You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News
“We must be passionate and controlled but not reckless. Truth is not established by shame, guilt, or coercion or tribalism. It must be established by reason, evidence, presentation, compassion, and yes, faith. It cannot be established by ridicule, mocking, or insults of sacred icons or traditions but by disproving them or establishing their lack or veracity or usefulness.”
― Leviak B. Kelly, The Leprechaun Delusion
“REMEMBER THE LOTUS FLOWER"
Great people will always be mocked by those
Who feel smaller than them.
A lion does not flinch at laughter coming from a hyena.
A gorilla does not budge from a banana thrown at it by a monkey.
A nightingale does not stop singing its beautiful song
At the intrusion of an annoying woodpecker.
Whenever you should doubt your self-worth, remember the lotus flower.
Even though it plunges to life from beneath the mud,
It does not allow the dirt that surrounds it
To affect its growth or beauty.
Be that lotus flower always.
Do not allow any negativity or ugliness
In your surroundings,
Destroy your confidence,
Affect your growth,
Or make you question your self-worth.
It is very normal for one ugly weed
To not want to stand alone.
Remember this always.
If you were ugly,
Or just as small as they feel they are,
Then they would not feel so bitter and envious
Each and every time they are forced
To glance up at magnificently
Divine YOU.
― Suzy Kassem, Rise Up and Salute the Sun: The Writings of Suzy Kassem
“Ridicule is a terrible witherer of the flower of the imagination. It binds us where we should be free.”
― Madeleine L'Engle, Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art
“It is never ridicule, but a compliment,
that knocks a philosopher off his feet. He is already positioned for every possible counter-attack, counter-argument, and retort...only to find a big bear hug coming his way.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy
“The crazy creatives are the creatives who never go completely mad. They aren't so easily disheartened by the seemingly endless amounts of scrutiny that creative individuals tend to receive because they, like insanity, are the ones who feed off of opposition and negative feedback and manage to continue along with a healthy ambition. It is the crazy that teaches us to use our gifts wisely and own all the attackers.”
― Criss Jami, Diotima, Battery, Electric Personality
“Some skeptics believe religious people are religious because they fear Hell. It's about as fair as saying skeptics are skeptics because they fear the ridicule of modern society.”
― Criss Jami, Healology
“A man does not have to feel less than human to realize his sin; oppositely, he has to realize that he gets no special vindication for his sin.”
― Criss Jami, Killosophy
“Take lightly what you hear about individuals. We need not distort trust for our paltry little political agendas. We tend to trust soulless, carried information more than we trust soulful human beings; but really most people aren't so bad once you sit down and have an honest, one-on-one conversation with them, once, with an open heart, you listen to their explanations as to why they act the way they act, or say what they say, or do what they do.”
― Criss Jami, Healology
“Satire's nature is to be one-sided, contemptuous of ambiguity, and so unfairly selective as to find in the purity of ridicule an inarguable moral truth.”
― E. L. Doctorow
“Sometimes the universe uses ridicule as a tool to turn you into a titan and tighten up all your loose screws.”
― Curtis Tyrone Jones
“What would you think of an engineer who expounded the art of flying without revealing the secrets of the engine and propeller? That's what you do, you engineer of the human soul. Just that. You're a coward. You want the raisins out of my cake but you don't want the thorns of my roses. Haven't you too, little psychiatrist, been cracking silly jokes about me? Haven't you ridiculed me as "the prophet of bigger and better orgasms"? Have you never heard the whimpering of a young wife whose body has been desecrated by an impotent husband? Or the anguished cry of an adolescent bursting with unfulfilled love? Does your security still mean more to you than your patient? How long will you go on valuing your respectability above your medical mission? How long will you refuse to see that your pussyfooting procrastination is costing millions their lives?”
― Wilhelm Reich, Listen, Little Man!
Ok, I feel all better now!
Sometimes I wonder how I can be a gray-haired grandma more than half a century old yet so lacking in the confidence and Teflon-coating or callouses that come with surviving years of all the ridiculous things life can dish out. But I do find affirmations where I can, even (yes) in goat videos on you-tube.
There were so many other great quotes
on ridicule, but I've been here at computer screen too long. I invite you to post your own favorites in the comment section. Maybe I'll post a "Best Of--" collection in response.
Thank you for reading!
Happy Holidays, and may your friends and family treat you with kindness and compassion, and if they satirize you or ridicule you, may the do it with humor and good will.
This one addresses religion vs writing, but I like the message to be revolutionary even in the face of hatred:
“On a social level, secularism is safe. As literally the world's most fundamental conformist, the secularist wants to call himself a revolutionary all in the same. In most parts of the present world, rebellion against Christianity is not really much of a rebellion if one is to consider 'rebellion' something of a courageous sort or a bold act. Long ago Christ was crucified, and in some form or another, to this day, the scorn continues for 'little Christs'. The world hates Christians, and according to Christ, it is supposed to hate Christians. A true Christianity is a true rebellion; and for one to be 'freed from Christianity' is for one to religiously conform to the pressures of the rest of the world, for one to be freed from freedom.”
― Criss Jami, Healology
This contest has ended,
but the spirit of it has been on my mind since the post went live:
Thoughtful Daily Post - Best Seasonal Thoughts Contest Update by @wesphilbin
Please use the #bestseasonalthoughts tag, and the #thoughtfuldailypost tag in your post!
Good news/Bad News
from our kind and generous contest host:
Peace, Joy, Good Health and Good Will to all!
#affirmation #ridicule #mockery #selfesteem #confidence #kindness #compassion
Ridicule is the tribute paid to the genius by the mediocrities.
—Oscar Wilde
And there you have it. You can put a positive spin on anything if you try hard enough. That said, family have the weapons to cut through any armour. My father was an awful man for put-downs and ridicule. It was nothing personal really, he just did it for amusement. But even knowing that, I could never stop myself taking it to heart.
#Love the Oscar Wilde quote!!
and sorry to hear your dad enjoyed the same sport - put-downs and ridiculejust for amusement. I'm with you here: "But even knowing that, I could never stop myself taking it to heart." Because someone like Oscar Wilde also said "The truth is often spoken in jest," and we internalize the smallest shred of truth in whatever being ridiculed for. Hugs to you and here's hoping we stop taking to heart whatever criticism is dished out at us, however "in fun" it's supposed to be!
Carol, you make a choice to live in such toxicity because you've chosen to keep peace with your family for the sake of unity and grandkids, which is commendable in its own right. I chose the opposite--I chose to put an entire ocean between myself and family members who say nasty things to me and do even worse. My mother has unfriended me on Facebook. This is the same mother who kidnapped my children and made countless police reports about me stalking those children when I was 500 miles away and bankrupt from hiring an attorney to make the court give my kids back. I know, I know...that's water under the bridge from 2004. But even me forgiving my mother and father for what they did to destroy my family wasn't enough to restore the relationship.
They are still critical of every decision I make, disdainful in their appraisal of all my life choices and clearly wish I did not exist at all. For me, though, being unfriended on Facebook and cut off from my family (I will probably never see my grandchildren) is the price I pay for refusing to meekly accept the condemnation of my parents. But the peace I've found is worth it. In your case, it probably wouldn't be. You have an entirely different set of circumstances than I do.
There's always a fear of being totally alone in the world once we take a stand and refuse to allow such horrible treatment of us by those people who are supposed to love us the most. In my case, the opposite happened. Once I put a stop to it, the better half of my life started. But that's me. It's what happened in my own situation. As for you, I recognize a completely different dynamic and it makes my heart break for you, because I know you don't deserve to be treated that way. Especially when the people inflicting the abuse on you are only superficial in all of their accomplishments and living in some pretty fragile glass houses themselves.
Thank you Rhonda for such a thoughtful
response - you are wise and understanding and sooo accomplished and so "with it," in spite of a lifetime of slings and arrows of outrageous misfortune. Well, half a lifetime. I'm counting on you to live to a hundred or more. :)
@carolkean,
Thank you, my friend, for deciding to join in on my #bestseasonalthoughts contest. The contest is actually running until the 25th of December, so you are not too late! I could go on, and on, about the quality, "I know what you mean", and content you provided, but this says it all:
I am 49... I get it, I have been there, wrote the mini-series! Thank you... again, for your entry...
@alliedforces curate
Thank you so much @wesphilbin!!!
You get it!!!
For readers who might take my word for it (oh no, don't do that), I'm glad you corrected me: the contest is not over yet! A Christmas day deadline? I hope you'll be too busy celebrating with loved ones to have time to read contest entries! Thank you again for hosting this, for promoting *positivity, and for all your kind words. And may you be on the mend soon with the inflamed liver and kidney stone!
Oh yes, my friend...
I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in 2016, which started quite a journey... as for the contest timeline; I have had my #thoughtfuldailypost movement going for some time... I see all the "negative" energy on the blockchain... downvotes, lack of appreciation, and I realized its really no different "out here"...
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So November 25th, I decided to do a contest (which I said I would never do... like vlogging) and take one month... help amplify awesome and positive energy. It's not much, and I am not some Whale... but it's the thought that counts... right? Day by day my friend... appreciate your kind words, reply, and support!
You have MS? I'm so sorry. The liver/kidney issues on top of that. The downvoters. I applaud your efforts to be positive and to SPREAD positivity!
Not a whale - alas, that's what keeps me from showing my support. I was auto-tipping my favorite bloggers and kept running out of funds for it, so I no longer tipu, but I hear that all changed after hardfork.
You go!!! Thank you for all you're doing!!
Keep up the great work and join us in The Castle sometime!
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Thank you, thank you, @alliedforces, @untersatz, @trendotoken, @helpiecake, @drotto, @innerblocks, @c-squared... what an outpouring of affirmations that I should be too old to "need," but I guess we never outgrow the craving for love, acceptance, and belonging. Again, thank you!
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Wow. I know it will come as a shock, but my family had a similar dynamic.
My father, the kind-to-his-students teacher with a degree in child psychology, used a rapier wit, and sometimes just a rapier tongue, to cut down my mom and my older sisters regularly.
I was generally "spared," as his natural daughter, though it hurt me to see my loved ones so treated. But then I was also given similar treatment by those sisters, particularly Carol, the closest to me in age.
I always found it interesting that the sister who was my greatest champion was also my greatest tormentor. I know she loved me deeply, as I loved her, but it goes to how unhappy she was in her personal life.
I was a handy target to take out her frustrations, especially when she perceived me as being far happier than she. Of course, the fact that I made a conscious decision to be happy, while it didn't escape her, also never motivated her to follow suit.
I have, throughout my life, done my best to resist the temptation to give like treatment in return. I'm far from perfect in that, and my buttons can certainly be pushed, by I do my best to live a kinder life.
I dated a man for several years in Florida who made belittling jokes at my expense on a regular basis. He was mostly a good guy, but I got tired of being treated like crap, and ultimately gave him the heave ho. And I'm so glad I did.
None of us deserve to be treated like that. We are worthy because we are human, and no one and nothing can take that from us.
We can choose to not give our power away. It's not easy, but it can be done, and if we don't treat ourselves well, neither will anyone else.
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Thank you for sharing those insights and personal details - I wouldn't have guessed your dad had been sharp-tongued or your beloved sister Carol was ever both your #1 champion and #1 tormentor. Great observation about your CHOOSING to be happy, and great that you had the volition to break up with a guy who demeaned you - I've seen guys do this and how clever they appear to their friends, but how old it gets to be the butt of his sense of "humor." Thanks again for this and Happy Holidays!
Wow...what a collection of quotes. Can't top that, although I do find @dierdyweirdy's Oscar Wilde quote entertaining.
I don't really agree entirely with Wilde, witty though he be. Ridicule reveals nothing about the target, but a great deal about the perpetrator. It is a mean and self-loathing character that seeks to elevate self by disparaging others.
Sorry about your father...that leaves a mark, one you can proudly grow beyond.
Wishing you a peaceful holiday season and a truly happy New Year.
thank you so much - and you're right about ridicule revealing more about the perp than the subject of ridicule. I'm ok with constructive criticism, but I don't need to be mocked, reviled, or laughed at to get to the point. Funny thing. I saw my dad on Christmas Day and he didn't have a single negative thing to say to me about me - in fact he was positive - and that was one of the best gifts ever!!!
thanks again and all good wishes to you too!
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This is such a great post Carol. I really liked this quote:
“Sometimes the universe uses ridicule as a tool to turn you into a titan and tighten up all your loose screws.”
― Curtis Tyrone Jones
Recently I saw an interview by a singer/ songwriter now in his 70s. He has regrets from his lifestyle and many broken relationships. He said his biggest regret was not being kinder.
He regrets not being kinder - and it took him how many decades to see that about himself! Maybe this is why mean people seem to live longer while the good die young. The mean ones need more time to... meh. No. They don't need more time to repent and be saved.
Thanks for reading and commenting! I'm still working on achieving a more positive outlook and somehow shrugging off whatever negativity rains down on me from others. On the bright side, the "Don Rickles" of the family (two, actually) were very nice to me this year on Christmas. There is hope!
Someone ridiculed you at a Xmas gathering?! That seems sacrilegious, although one of my sisters did the same to me at my father's funeral. I hope you did not take him (a him? them?) to heart. You're amazing.
Love the quotes! That Chris Jami knows what time it is, but my favorite of all is “Sometimes the universe uses ridicule as a tool to turn you into a titan and tighten up all your loose screws.”
I've read through the comments and see a great many of us have family members who are awful to us. In my case it was first my father and then, after my mother's death, one of my sisters. Neither of them could see that their feelings were unjustified or admit that alcohol was a factor - both resented me for drinking very little. But for my part, I could sometimes respond in kind, no matter how much I tried to be aware. It's as if someone else takes over, and only later can I see I could have had a kinder response myself, or no response at all.
Great post.
Writers do seem to have in common a family member who was awful - but you're all too rare in the insight, I could have had a kinder response myself, or no response at all. That's my most grievous error. Reacting to negative stimuli. Taking the bait. Trying to defend myself, going on the defensive, NEVER works. It's all political and like dealing with toddlers. -_- Thank you for reading and commenting, and I'm sorry you've had family members being awful to you - even if you'd "had it coming," a kinder and gentler come-uppance would do. Ridicule, chastisement, grudge-holding: meh. At Christmas, of all times. At a funeral. No. Grow up, awful ones!