After the major mental breakdown, this time I decided to seek help. I was completely determined that no matter what happens, I will not ignore my mental health and will definitely look for a specialized doctor. Enough is enough, my ignorance has brought this day on me and somehow I blame myself for not listening to my inner voice. My life wouldn't be worst than these days, not only I emotionally broke down but also I have so much to share, so much to talk about.
I am carrying a huge pain for a very long time and it started feeling like a burden. Not only every day I cry seeing myself but also my health is slowly getting worst. My stress level is so high that I barely can think anything straight and properly, I have forgotten about the word called "Focused". I can't eat properly and I don't feel good, every day seems so difficult and painful. I know it's all in my head and I am slowly losing control over myself.
In the Netherlands, everything works in a very systematic way and I still don't fully understand their medical system at all. All I know is here finding a specialist in time for the treatment is a miracle because of the long waiting list of patients to see a specialist. Anyway, I am gonna write about my whole week and my treatment process.
I already said that after the incident, I started seeking help. I went to many people to ask for help including the territorial manager from the municipality, Almere for the Ukrainians. After knocking on several doors, finally, the local manager set a meeting with me and discussed my issue. She assured me that she is gonna help me no matter what and she suggested taking a break from work at least for 2 weeks. Of course, my employers were not happy with this but it is what it is.
I already understood my aggression and anger levels and extra stress will cause more complications for my mental health. I also didn't want to feel that my co-workers look at me in a different way knowing everything though my employers tried to convince me to return to work. Anyway, the first step was to put me into the medical system of Ukraine. So, the local manager took me to a nearby community health center(Gezondheidscentrum De Driehoek) that helps Ukrainians to find a family doctor in Almere.
I don't know how to describe the "Family doctor" in terms but here they call it GP (General Physician). You can take an appointment with GP at any time and describe your health issue and GP will refer you to a doctor or specialist. I didn't have GP so I had to go to the nearby community health center to find a GP. I had to describe all the details of my problems so that I can do a quick appointment with my GP. After hearing about my medical case, my GP has given me an appointment last Thursday early morning. When I was in Gezondheidscentrum De Driehoek (community health center) I was crying constantly especially when I was explaining my problem. It felt like I have been holding so much inside me and everything was trying to come out together all at once.
I could have controlled my emotions and could have completely ignored everything but I didn't. I felt the necessity to go through a traumatic and psychological process. After hearing everything, doctors from the community health center told me that I need help and I need to see a doctor who can help me process all of my thoughts.
My thoughts are very overwhelming nowadays. I blame myself for everything and I feel aggressive these days. So many incidents happened and most importantly this big change makes me so angry. I tried to control in fact I am well aware of my problems and I guess that's why I am still under control and didn't go crazy.
Thursday arrived and I was fully ready to visit my GP called Dr. Diden. The appointment went well. The day was rainy and the clinic was 20 minute's walk from the shelter so it was convenient. Again I explained all the details of my condition and at some point, I started crying out loud. Dr. Diden was completely silent and asked me a few questions when I finished. She listened to what I wanted to say and at last, all she said was, your case is complicated and you need a psychiatrist. When I asked for the necessary help to live life, she said she can't suggest anything because my plate is too heavy and only a psychiatrist can suggest to me what and how to deal with all of my emotions.
I knew that I was not well and the burden I was carrying is coming out in an aggressive way but right now, all I could do was to control and calm down. I find it very difficult to control my emotions and stress and it's not so easy to stay calm and positive after this major mental breakdown.
My treatment will be done by the Department of Adult Psychiatry Almere.
My week was not finished yet, everyday seemed so stressful and devastating. I still don't know where all of these stresses are coming from, sometimes I feel I am going crazy. I can't sleep because of nightmares and weird dreams, I can't eat though I feel hungry, and I have lost my appetite. I lost weight again and due to lack of sleep, other health problems are coming. On the other hand, my employers are asking me so many questions and pushing me hard to return to work. A mental issue is something that you can't see from the outside, you will see a normal person but never gonna realize about the person and what they are going through.
Any way to bring changes in my life, I decided to take a long walk in Amsterdam and spent time at Dam square. I thought it is the best time to put some colors into my monotonous life. I tried my best to live in the present and not to think about other things.
My long walk in Amsterdam was good, I often enjoy walking there. A lot of places to see and explore and I often end up finding something new. I felt good seeing all the people and enormous pigeons at dam square. Tourists take photos, do the shopping and eat famous holland french fries. All I did was sit there and observe my surroundings. Sometimes the crowd is good, helps to stay away from traumatic thoughts.
I took some photos as well.
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I am waiting for the call from Central hospital and still don't know when everything will be okay and come together. I have created a mess in life and my brain and mind are completely puzzled and disturbed. My dog is my emotional support but still, it's not enough. I cry every day and I don't know why I cry. I want to talk and be like before but I can't. I often feel heavy, burdened, and ashamed...
I took a baby step to help myself and I hope this time I will success and become stronger...
...
Thanks for reading...
Love
Priyan...
I am @priyanarc.... An architect, a dreamer, and a passionate writer who loves to write about life. I try to present my own perspective and experiences. Please leave your feedback and criticism because it's the only way I can know and reach your mind and thought easily...
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It's best to seek help when you need it, and it's great to get help when you need it.
In the title of the doctor, you remind me that in my country we call him an Internist, which has been a General Physician, who does the first interview and the first evaluations before indicating a treatment or referring the patient to a specialist doctor.
It is good to be aware of your own problems and try to control them to the extent that is healthy, but exaggerating that control can lead you to be like a pressure cooker, that is, like a kind of boiler that heats steam inside and runs the danger of causing an explosion if the internal pressure relief and safety valves do not work.
In my land, an old saying is often said about the anxieties and problems that each one carries inside: "The Procession goes inside" It is part of the cultural and religious heritage, it refers to the event of carrying a religious image or a relic and walk it through the town, but when it is pointed out that it is inside, what it shows is that each of us carries his own burden of problems, traumas and events from our personal history. Nobody else knows them and they are not seen from the outside, so it is dangerous to judge people only by how they look on the outside.
Thinking of your employers, I understand that they would prefer that you return to work, but I think they should be a little more aware that if an employee has a mental breakdown, it is very unhealthy for her to return before her treatment begins.
The colors of the sunrise are beautiful.
It's good that you have Gigi's support, but I understand that despite her love, she alone may not be enough help, I wish you that everything improves, and that everything is for the best.
Stay !ALIVE
!LOLZ
!GIF Take care yourself!
!PGM
!LUV
!CTP
In Ukraine, the treatment process was also similar and we used to call GP a family doctor in English. But the treatment process was fast and there was no waiting list unless something was very serious...
Exactly, It was like a burden, and still, my body feels shaky when stress arrives.
In Bangladesh, the belief of the people is the same, there is nothing called mental health even people don't believe in it. But work culture and lifestyle are also very different in Bangladesh and I must admit, European life is tough, especially for immigrants or people like us...
Stay !ALIVE
!GIF Love to all!
!PGM
!LUV
!CTP
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You are incredibly strong. Fact.
You been through what most people can't even imagine. Fact.
You need to helped on a professional basis and am glad you took the first step.
GP is what we have in the UK too.
I knew something was wrong with me for a very long time but I ignored thinking it will go away eventually in time. Things got worst so quickly and I was bound to ask for help... Glad I did it...From tomorrow my treatment will start, let's see how it goes...
It is common to ignore things, thinking they will go away.
Oh I hope the treatment started well today.
Asking for help is not easy, even less so when the suffering is emotional or mental. But you did what you had to do, you took the first step to healing. I'm so glad you gathered your strength, and I send you my best wishes, that there is no turning back. A big hug. 🤗
!LUV !LOL !PIZZA
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Thank you so much. Seeking help was not so easy and it is very difficult for me to control myself as well. After covid, the medical system changed a lot. I know it will be another challenge for me to do the counseling/therapy properly but I am ready for that...I need to let myself heal completely...
Thank you so much...
It may not seem like it, but you are on your way to recovery. Crying is okay to get rid of that sorrow you carry. Walking is good too, when I had anxiety or a lot of depression it helped me a lot.
People shouldn't push to get back to work so fast, you could have an accident, and it wouldn't be good.
With the help of the specialist you will be able to recover more of your life, it will not be fast, but that path is one step at a time.
Walking always helps and maybe that's why I still haven't done any vulnerable things. My work is stressful and yes you are right, I could have an accident too but I guess few employers don't care... Or they just don't wanna understand...
From tomorrow my treatment will start and it will continue for 6 weeks. After that, they will evaluate me or my mindset... But the psychiatrist said it will take time to recover fully...
After reading all that you have been through, it makes me think of how you have been cooping with too much trauma, lack of sleep and crying everytime, but I was happy that when you took a walk around Amsterdam, you regain your self while taking beautiful photographs, I want to tell you that those photos you took are amazing, please get well 🥰💥😊
Thank you so much, it's been hard and still hard for me as I have less control over myself but with proper help, I am sure I will be better...
I know very soon you would recover from all the thinking, focused and get your mind straight. Have a great day ahead 💥
I will, this is a traumatic moment...
I am counting on you to overcome all the trauma 💪 and shine 💥
Best wishes...
Thanks ♥️💥
🫂just look at your support army!!!! we love and respect you! appreciate! We see every post! we rejoice when you feel good ... we are sad and sympathize when you feel bad ... this is already a small victory when there are so many people around!
Because of all love and support, I guess I am alive today and came so far. Some people really care about me and think about me I know and probably that's why I haven't done anything vulnerable so far...
With 226 (including mine) upvotes and only two comments I believe you are on a curation trail. It's not a bad thing but with what you are going through it would be nice to have more engagement from your readers.
You are a strong woman and will pull through this with help. Keep going on walks and reaching out for the help you need.
I love the sunset shot and the pedestrian shop-way shots. !LUV
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I will try, thanks for the suggestion...
I hope so, I need to build trust in myself and start believing in the future again...
Thank you so much...
Not from you dear. From your readers. It's great you got so many upvotes but not many comments from them.
Oh now I understood what you meant, ya unfortunate...
I'm so happy. Not because you had to go through this awful week but because you're finally getting the help from.professionals you've needed for a long time.
Fuck work. It's Europe, and whatever your status, you won't go hungry or lose the roof over your head.
Hang out in places that keep you calm until your appointments and let the professionals take care of you. Write here and hug Gigi.
Finally you are on a road to better life and health and like I said at the beginning, I am happy for you.
Keep going, one tiny step at a time.
I'm sure everyone on Hive is thinking about you with love and concern :-)
Yes absolutely right and even there are laws for Ukrainians that are very similar to Dutch labor law as well. Unfortunately, my current employer tries to take advantage thinking she doesn't know the rules and regulations and doesn't know her rights. The good thing is this time Government is also helping me.
Tomorrow my first session is going to start and will stay for 6 weeks. Let's see how it goes... I hope with all of the help, I will be more strong and be normal again...
🙏
Do not stop! create! who if not you! Everything will be fine! we strongly believe in you! sincerely!
Angels protect!!! God save!
Thank you...
I went to visit a psychiatrist today and from tomorrow my therapy and treatment process will start for 6 weeks. 3 people will see my case, a psychiatrist and 2 nurses... I will write everything soon after my first session. The doctor said the process will take time and he explained a lot of things which I already forgot... Seeking help was the best decision considering my health...
Good for you, taking that first step. I'm glad you are taking some time off work. You can focus on you. Exercise is good for you as well. Hang in there.❤️
Minimum wage work and employers are very different. They don't understand people and they try to take advantage as much as possible thinking about their company. Anyway, if I worked, I could have done something serious because my mind is in a critical position and very delicate condition. From tomorrow my treatment will start...
Employers can be crap sometimes. I hope all goes well with your treatnent. I wish you all the best. X
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Thank you so much @ewkaw, really appreciate this support...
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Good morning, @priyanarc! Thank you for sharing your struggle with all of us! I can only imagine what you are going through. What you describe regarding the health system in Holland is pretty much the same as in Germany right now.
Do you have any outlets to vent your emotions in a healthy-balanced way?
I hope things work out. If you need someone to talk every now and then, drop me a note! Have a great weekend!
BTW, nice pictures! 😄
!LUV
!PAL
!CCC
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