I've just written the first draft on one of the most important pieces I will ever write: My dad's eulogy. I have written 1809 words...That's only a few hundred words over my average word-count here on a hive post...1809 words to summarise a life of eighty four years. It doesn't seem right.
My sister is reading it at the moment, as I type this. She'll have some feedback of course. I can hear her crying at the moment, and am keeping my distance to give her some space to do whatever it is she wants to do. Instead I thought I would share with you my idea for the small item of remembrance my family members will place upon my dad's casket prior to it being lowered.
As my dad was a very accomplished artist, (he made his living and provided for the family through his artistic ability), I felt an item referencing the importance of art in his life would be suitable, rather than a simple flower or sprig of rosemary; These items will be available for mourners to use, but for the family...Something more personal was required.
The image here shows you my idea.
This is one I made myself as a test-version; The end result will look better I think. It is a bundle of paint brushes and a flower thing all tied together with string. The idea is that each of us will place one of these and I've made one up for the five family members in Finland, @tarazkp, @momone and @smallsteps among them, who cannot be here which we will place on their behalf.
On speaking with the funeral director it seems people use all sorts of things for this purpose...She listed a few like Lego, car parts, shoes, books and so many other things which I think is cool. I think it's nice to leave a token that the person may relate to, not that they probably care themselves any more, but it's nice for those of us left behind.
Just a note here...If you're thinking Lego would be a good thing for me when I'm gone, because I love Lego, you're right. The thing is though, don't hold back until I'm dead. Send it now so I can enjoy it now. I'll send you my address if you're keen.
This week has been a little difficult for us here in Adelaide. We're trying to get the funeral organised and work at the same time. For Faith and I it's been terrible as we only just lost Merlin, our cat of 22 years also...We are still heart broken of course. But we're getting by. It has been nice to receive some messages of hope and condolence from hive, many of which I have read to Faith also. She says thank you.
I'm happy that the eulogy I wrote touches on the most important aspects of my father's life, that it will inspire thought and memories in those present at the funeral and that my dad would be pleased. We're bringing it all together slowly and soon my younger brother will be here from Queensland and we will all send my dad on his way. The funeral is on Monday 13th and we will be ready by then.
Thanks to all who have sent messages and have offered support. It means a great deal that the community has rallied around us and offered their thoughts and sentiments.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised.
Be well
Discord: galenkp#9209
To an artist, the material he uses are very important. They are the vehicle which the artist uses to express his soul. The connection can go very deep.
May he rest in peace. <3
He was always pleased to get some new paint brushes...These will keep him going for a while. 🙂
Thanks for your message.
For sure brother. Much love! <3
I like the little paint bush idea, looks cute. I remember you saying he was a painter in a previous post. You are going thru a rough time but you seem to be handling it well enough and I'm sure your family and your dad will be proud of your eulogy. Hang tough and hopefully everything will go smoothly here on out and the pain will get easier with time.
Thanks ladybug for your kind words. The paint brush idea seemed appropriate and I think will work nicely The family seems to approve. We're holding the fort for now, and will push on when able.
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ENGAGEtokens.I think that is a wonderful Idea you have, we honestly do not know about beyond, he may appreciate the brushes.
He guarded his brushes as if they were his most important possessions, and I suppose in reality, considering his art was so important to him, they were. I think he'd appreciate the gesture.
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ENGAGEtokens.it is a great idea to make somethinglike that is a rememberence for who left behind and makes him unforgettable...
Have a nice day my friend...
Yes, I thought it might be a nice gesture. I think dad would approve. Thanks for commenting.
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ENGAGEtokens.It must be hard for those who can't come to the funeral. The paintbrush idea is a lovely one!!!
My dad painted his life with vibrant colour and to the image of what he wanted it to be...I know he's in a better place starting a again, on a blank canvas somewhere...This way he knows where he can get some paint brushes if he runs out. It will be the same for me...But Lego.
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Stay strong it's a shame that other family members can't be there due to the circumstances but they will be heard. Love your idea of the paint brushes Dad will be certainly taking them with him 👍
It would have been good if everyone was able to make it here but it isn't possible. Even the funeral home is limited on numbers, about 74. Still, only several weeks ago my brother and sister (NSW and QLD) would not even have been able to make it.
This covid-19 has made things hard for many people sadly but there thought will be there on the day ❤️
Sorry to hear that all your family members won't be there for the funeral, sometimes we have to accept the faith. Stay strong man, god will surely send your father soul to the heaven.
Thanks linco. We will make the best of the scenario and honour my dad regardless. They will be here in their hearts.
The paint brushes seem a legit idea very fitting.
Seems right, doesn't it?
Does indeed from what you have shared with us about your farther.
Good to hear that you managed to find the words.
I had forgotten you were in Australia and that it would be difficult if not impossible for parts of your family to return. We had a scare recently (and thankfully turned out okay), and found out about the 2 week mandatory quarantine upon landing and the reduced travel options.
Hi Bengy, yep it's a bit shit to be honest as the entire family has not been together for a very long time. It would have been nice to have them all here. We'll make the best of the hand we're dealt though and honour my dad regardless. They are here in spirit, as my dad is there in the same way.
It hard for all. Clearly you had an issue to that luckily worked out.
Yeah, but it really hit home how far away we are...
Yes...It's hard when people are so far away, especially at times of loss or celebration.
A nice gesture and a proper way to celebrate the life he lived. Stay strong. I think he'd approve of the things you are doing and the way you had us all celebrating his life in art with the drawing we all did at the weekend.
Thanks mate. Yes, he would have laughed a lot at the art...His problem was he couldn't draw badly even when trying...So he wouldn't have won any prizes! 😂
When I was a kid I had this one teacher who was an artist. Mr Busby. We always bumped heads as he thought anyone could learn to be an artist and i was always really crap. Then one day he found my 2000ad comics ( i was reading thinking he didnt know) and one of the stories was the stainless steel rat by Harry Harrison. He'd read those books and then asked me why I was reading the comics. I said i liked the stories and the artwork etc. When he realised i actually liked art but was just not good at it we were fine.
Good story. Some teachers get so passionate about what they do they forget to understand that others aren't, or like in your case, are not capable of doing it. Like me and mathematics. Lol.
My dad was a great teacher, and to my knowledge never forced people, just encouraged. I'm terrible at art and he knew it, but still encouraged me. Glad thing old man Busby and you became friends.
I remember Busby most for him reading the Hobbit. And the similarity between his Gollum and Andy Serkis's is uncanny. You'd think he was in my class listening
Love the Hobbit!
it is so good and actually not a big book
It is these little personal things that make all the difference. Also it is really good to be able to create something. It nourishes your soul when you create.
Often these things bring more value to us then many words even though words have to be spoken. To at least try to express the value of the one you lost for you and those around you.
My condolences with your loss. Peace be with you.
It was nice to make them. Faith and my sister did most of them based on the one I made up first. They came out really well.
I’m glad to hear that.
Difficult moments come in life at some point. Despite all of these happenings around you, you still have the courage to put up a contest and give out some cash wow! I lost a friend few years ago who was like a family member and I couldn't sleep nor do anything for a very long time, sometimes I sit and cry, we had dreams and how the future will be, I remember one time we went to a birthday party and came back around 10pm it was pretty late for young girls at our age to be out that late and she was drunk I had to carry her at the back and take her to her room just so the parents won't see us, we followed the back door entered the room quietly and went to her room. Few minutes later her little brother came and said her mom and dad wants to see us at the parlour😂😂 on getting there my dad and mom were also there waiting for us😂😂😂. That was the worst night of our lives. She died after a year from a brief illness. Sorry for your lost my friend, and to your sister tell her to be strong. Losing also a cat that lived with you for 22 years is something. I am just 3 years older than Merlin. Sorry for all the sad moments be strong!
I contemplated not doing the #weekend-engagement topic this last week but felt it would bring a little respite from the feelings of sadness. It was good to see so many entries and I got a few laughs.
We all deal with loss differently; I don't think there's a right way or wrong way to do it. We are coping as best we can here and are working towards sending dad off with respect.
What a nice and thoughtful tribute, very creative!
I will keep in mind the stuff you said about Lego. Hehe. You have little competition here, nr 1 Lego master
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Lol...I always accept Lego you know...It's like currency to me.
Yeah, I came up with that brush idea a while back...Sometimes I have moments of brilliance...Mostly I'm as thick as two short planks. 🥴
Do you have a dream lego, like a lego you couldn't get your hands on up until now?
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Many! I really want the Bugatti Chiron at the moment though.
Oooo now Grouchy would look cool in that. Ohh man yeah
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It's a beasty Lego Technic set...About $600AUD though...Which is why I don't have it. (Yet)
Hard hard tasks.
I've no idea the number of words I wrote for my father or my mother, but I know it was too many when I tried to speak them.
I really like the packet. I think at the very least it's you and your families tribute to your father. I slipped a half dozen flies I'd tied into my mentor's pocket just in case...
My very best to you and yours in this very hard time.
Hi Tom, thanks so much for your kind words and thoughts. It is greatly appreciated.
I almost feel bad for upvoting this post because it kind of feels like I like it.. but first of all, my condolences for you and your family.
It's great that you are writing something, and I'm sure it will be appreciated by those present at the funeral. Are you going to read it yourself?
I was 16 when my grandmother died (she was like a mother to me) and like my mother and aunt, I also wrote a poem for her funeral. I couldn't read it there though, so the priest did. Looking back, I'm glad I said I wouldn't do it myself as there were hundreds of people there, apparently many people I never met were there so I would have chocked in my own words probably.
It's always hard to find the right words, just wishing you and the family strength and love.. take care!
very fitting token! Our thoughts will be with you and your family over the coming weeks.
Thank you Pooky, we appreciate the thought.
That's a pretty awesome token.
Approve?
I couldn't think of a better thing. I was going to add some pencils but painting was his main thing and so yeah...I think it will work fine. His remembrance cards arrived today...They came out epic! I think he would approve.
This is a great idea.
The token is a fabulous personalised idea to see your Dad off on his final great adventure.
I did want to share my thoughts on a previous post about writing the eulogy but as you know I have had a few matters that have taken me away the last week or so. When we have to create the very best words and gestures to say a heartfelt, loving goodbye we become all consumed with making sure the gesture honours the person in exactly the right detail and covers everything perfectly.
We understand that we can not fit in all of the memories and nuances and multi-faceted aspects of an entire life and a myriad of relationships, but man, how we try. We always feel that we missed something incredibly important and likely we are right, likely there are tens of thousands of things we would somehow like to encapsulate. The part that puts the most pressure on us ((even though it an absolute labour of love)) is that whole 'honouring them' correctly idea.
Always remember that you would all have honoured your Dad so, so many times when he was here and of course you are doing so now. The way you live your lives as his family every day is a massive testament to the man who set you on the path. I am sure Mum is in your thoughts massively right now too, so I wanted to take a moment to mention her.
I am certain that she will/would be utterly filled with pride at the family she and Dad raised and feels honoured in so many ways by the people you have all grown to become too.
When my Nana died. I have zero hesitation in saying that she was my life and the reason I grew in to a man at all. My token was less classy but oh-so-relevant. I placed some cigarettes and lighter next to her along with some bingo marker pens, tea bags and a story and a poem I wrote about her life in my first ever attempt to write for cathartic benefit. I knew there were things she could not manage without and felt the need to make sure they were close at hand. Strange the rituals we undertake, humans are bizarre.
Take good care Brother, your words will be filled with love and crafted to the absolute best of your ability and doubtless a fitting send of to the man you call Dad.
Duly noted on the Lego by the way :)
I think your Nana would have appreciated those items! I have made up those tokens for the same reason as you did. I called my mum's mother Nana also, by the way. Funny that, huh? On my dad's side it was grandma.
I've pretty much done the eulogy...Just have to go through it again and proof it a couple times...I'll have it done, along with the other messgaes all typed, printed and ready by tomorrow night.
We are taking one of my dad's paintings to the funeral home to place next to his coffin at the service, some photos frames and his remembrance cards also...Final meeting with the funeral directors Thursday morning and then we're good to go for Monday.
I believe my dad is already in a better place, that he is with my mum. I don't know where it is, or what it might be like but he is at peace. He believed the soul leaves the body after death and that funerals are for those left behind. I agree with him. He will always be with me and I believe will be there on Monday to help ease our loss and to remind us that life goes on.
Yup my Mums Mum too. Funny that she was 82 when she left and I still classed her as one of my greatest ever mates. Wicked sense of humour, so warm and always surprised at how everyone she met liked her. I forget whether it was you or Taraz who said that your Dad had a sincerity that was disarming, yes that is how I would describe my Nana too.
The painting is a wonderful touch, I'm sure he would be thrilled at that.
You and I have a very similar thought about what happens after life! I was given several glimpses a few years back that reinforce that
beliefknowledge massively I have never been the same man since. That transformation in me taught me more than anything else that no matter how brutal life seems at times, no matter how cruel fate can seem and no matter how much these things leave us feeling trampled and broken at times. The story is far bigger than I ever dared believe.Thinking of you all my friend. Sorrow and optimism so often come as an entwined pair.
Ah, I think its a really touching idea as a tribute to your dad. Eulogies are certainly hard to write, and its the heartfelt contents of those words that count most. It can be a few paragraphs, or even a few sentences, but I'm sure you've made a fitting summary of your dad's life, and the love that he's shared with the family.
Your gift is a great one, just a simple and modest reminder of what your dad did best, to carry himself and little G-dog along. I'm a few days late, and as usual scrolling around chronologically, but send my best wishes to you and the family :-)
I've got the eulogy done now and we're pretty much ready for Monday. My brother and his wife flew in last night with their son. It was good to see them and we had a big dinner last night with my sister who has been here for a week already. Was good.
Ah, nice to hear that mate. I'm guessing the whole family's there now, or are there still folk flying in? I keep forgetting how damn big Australia is :-O
Two of my brother's are in Finland and cannot come back, so only 3/5 of the siblings. It'll have to be enough I guess. Yeah, Australia is huge man, so not easy to get around all the time. COVID has made it harder as some states are having a second wave which is worse than the first. (Victoria).
Ah, that's sad to hear. That second wave is truly brutal, since that's when most people are starting to become more complacent about the virus. Hope you're all keeping yourselves safe down there. Also, how's Faith? I read a few days ago that she underwent an operation. I hope she's all fine and well now :-D
People have certainly become complacent which is what's behind the second wave in Melbourne. They are isolated from the rest of the country now, so hopefully it doesn't come down here. Faith is having testing conducted for cancer as there were complications prior to the operation, which never went ahead. I'd rather not say much here at this point as we don't know where things stand.
Hmm... I do hope that's the case. Isolating an infected region is crucial in making sure this outbreak doesn't get any worse than it already is. I hope all is well with Faith. Best wishes, and I hope she gets well soon ❤️!