Guys, can we have a little discipline here?
El-Jefe mooed at us mournfully from the front of the meeting room next to an ominously empty whiteboard.
His face was shinier than usual as if he had just made love to a bacon sandwich with his face.
The noise in the room calmed down as he wrestled with the lid of a whiteboard marker before it popped off and flew into a darkened corner of the room. His face fell as if he saw his own life flicking away into the abyss just like the lid.
Right, you lot, I need you to pay attention as what I have to discuss is quite serious for us as a team.
He wheezed a little and tugged at the waistband of his trousers as if there were Koi Carp inside them, swimming around in slow circles.
You know our American partners, hmm?
He nodded vigorously and his head wobbled alarmingly like an overly large but perfectly set panna cotta.
Management has decided to terminate our contract with them. They will cease to be working as our partners after the end of the month.
He looked down and raised a hand as if to fend off an onslaught of questions.
None came.
In fact, of the five of us in the room, nobody looked the slightest bit surprised.
El-Jefe looked up, tentatively lowering his hand.
What? Does no one have anything to say?
He scratched at one of his mighty moobs, huge mounds of flesh that could have housed many Bulgarians.
No one spoke, the silence stretching out until it became awkward and twisted.
Truth be told, none of us could have given a flaming fuck. There were few of us permanent staff left and we were all too busy Tik-Tok'ing in the toilet to be concerned with what partner our employer was deciding to diddle this month.
God you are a lacklustre bunch at times. Oh well, if there are no questions I suppose you can all go back to work.
He waved dispiritedly at the door and then paused.
Hang on. Hang on! Just one thing, you can't tell any of the Americans that we are dropping them, ok? Not till they are gone.
He chuckled at this and rubbed his tummy like a Scotsman smelling a Turkish barber's scissors.
Eh, Boss man. Isn't that a bit shit?
I said frownily.
Why? Why do you think it would be, ahem... shit?
El-Jefe looked genuinely confused at why we might not want to lie to people we had been working with for almost a year. Some of whom we even liked.
I get on quite well with the Test Team, it doesn't seem right to have to lie to them and pretend nothing is untoward...
It wasn't often that I got on a high horse but this was one that needed mounting.
El-Jefe snorted smugly at me as if all his life had been building up to this point. He scanned the room to make sure he had everyone's attention before speaking slowly and deliberately as if to a simpleton.
I think that is a species argument.
He rocked back on his heels with the recoil from his sneering put down.
It's a what?
I gave him a raised eyebrow, the kind that I normally reserve for people who fart on sofas in furniture shops.
I said. That's a species argument.
He chuffled with delight at finally besting me with the word things.
Someone in the room that wasn't me muttered species? and grunted with laughter.
El-Jefe coloured slightly like inflamed stomach meat.
I grinned and sauntered past El-Jefe to the door, only stopping to whisper loudly.
I think you mean specious? Even then you are using it wrong. Go on, Google it.
I barked out a laugh that a mad Serbian would be proud of and headed out to tell the Americans that the game was a bogey.
As you walked out of the room, you should have congratulated El-Jefe...
"You know bossman, when you just used species in that sentence, you gave off an air of having a specious appearance of intellectual genius. Was that your intention?"
Then smile and shake your head in a way that you know will make him say yes.
Haha, that would have worked a treat although might have been too much for his poor head. He might have thrown himself into the abyss after his pen lid!! :OD
I love farting on the mattresses while mystery shopping.. the looks be damned 😆
Haha! When you press it right in and impregnate the fabric with it. Maybe that is why they knock so much off the price when selling an ex display model :OD
There's always a GIF
One of my favourites (in emails) is 'I will bare that in mind'.
I'm sure the Yanks were delighted with the news.
Hahah, I have seen that often in mails! Itt's funny. I am convinced that more and more people are forgetting or not learning how to speak properly. I am forever correcting people who talk about their lunch being a roll on sausage I am like, you mean a roll 'n sausage as in and, They dont get it though and I slink away.
I watched The Princess Bride lately, still a fab film!
There's all sort of common mistakes that seem to become part of the language, like 'could of done it' instead of 'could have done it'. I try not to be too much of a pedant.
The bald guy from Princess Bride was in Young Sheldon recently. Inconceivable!
Inconceivable indeed! He just be right old by now!
Could of, oh yes, that's another. I sometimes revel in the pedantry although I have given up with there/their/they're and the like as no one cares anymore. Truly language does evolve!
As a Turk, I heard this for the first time haha. Very funny, man. Embarrassing your manager always makes you cool among the employees, you are great hahaha.
That is my principal aim to embarass my boss without getting sacked! :OD
I'm gonna try that. Wish me luck and I won't get fired haha
It's a fine line to tread. It helps to gratuitously suck up to the boss in between taking the piss out of him, heh heh
I'll take your advice, my friend. I trust your wisdom.
Careful now, that way could lie madness! :O)
Haha... This was a fun read from the beginning to the end part. I love each usage of words and their sensational taste.
This is a very brilliant work. 😁😁
Thank you for reading! I do like the words! :OD
Hehe... Thanks for sharing. I do love your stories and I just followed you and added you to my favorites list.
I want to learn to improve my usage of words when writing fiction. Thank you.
That is very kind of you! I dont know if there is anything to learn from me but you never know!
I did learn some while reading this. The way you captivated your readers in the first instance matter. I found it beautiful.
Ach, now you are making me blush :OD
I believe you should, especially when you did justice to your work.
Sorry, the reply came late, I was doing some work offline.
I believe you should, especially when you did justice to your work.
Sorry, the reply came a tad bit late. I was doing some work offline.
Hi, Sir @meesterboom I did not know that in Scottish slang that means the game is over, learning from your culture thank you very much.
Really, if the business ends, other better allies for the business will come to the company where he works.
Did that supervisor of yours not give a lot of explanations to his collaborators?!?? Definitely, the business with the United States team is in the peace of the lord hahah, so it is said around these parts.
Have a nice day 🌴🌞
It is one of our most famous expressions. A fine one for contemptuously ending something!
It sounds like they are arranging it on the sly with the really important folk and the poor sods on the ground are not getting told till the last minute. No matter, I have told them :OD
Have a great day!
I know what you mean many times I felt this way in the past when I worked for the first state in my country with supervisors "who hide everything" as if the company is a personal matter for them.
Some of them live far too much of their lives through the company and not enough for themselves. Madness
Exactly they take it all to themselves, and they are the ones who fuck the most, and they trip you up on the left... sorry for the swear word I just wrote, but it's the right thing to say, and it was said lol
HAhaha, you never have to apologise for the odd swear word with me!! You are exactly right in that!
Thank you, Mr, 😅
He scratched at one of his mighty moobs, huge mounds of flesh that could have housed many Bulgarians.
Jesus, this was funny. El Jefe is almost the perfect mosaic of every single middle-aged corporate male boss I've ever encountered. Maybe he'd be better able to focus if he had a mansier for his moobs.
With this cast of characters you'd have a perfect Netflix show.
Haha, a mansier indeed!!
He is genuinely like an amalgam of all that is mediocre in modern offices. Hell, even old officers!!
I need to work on that Netflix script! 😀
You really should create that script. I think you have hit on your hands my friend.
It could very well work if it hasn't been for that pesky Office show!!
You could definitely put your own spin on it...even the "working from home" angle would be enough to set it apart.
That's true, it is one to be saving to my list of procrastinations I call projects!!
Oh schooled, absolutely schooled, he'll not have liked that! Warn before writing the likes of this, when I'm swilling wine... Very nearly spat it on my sitting room floor!
Speaking of laughs, I was listening to a fella called Norm MacDonald on spotify today, American comedian, fucking gas.. Ya should check him out if you've never heard of him..
I havent heard of him and will defo check him out. I love a bit of comedy on Youtube, its how I pass half the working day :OD
Me Doing Standup is the name of the album I listened to👌
😁
I don't know why but the part about the marker lid cracks me up
😂
I'm afraid to good Specious at work...
It was almost poignant the way he stared at it. If he had jkust wrapped up and said Fuck My Life it would have been a perfect meeting! :OD
Lol that would be funny and a fitting end
If only he had the mental capacity to be cool!
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It's fun when people in those situations use the wrong word and think they are doing it correctly but then we can quietly burst their little bubble. I'm sure it popped with the stench of a porta-john in the height of summer vacation!
I love it. Their face is priceless. If only there were more words they didn't know!! :0D
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Im glad you went out and told them😂😂 but aren't you also American? I dunno perhaps Im lost😂😂
And wtf on God's green earth is a Panna Cotta 😂😂
Haha! I am Scottish! The free peoples with the blue faces! :OD
A panna cotta is a wobbly cream desert that is often likened to a ladies breast! I think they are rubbish but people love them :OD
That El-Jefe, trying to flunk a perfect plausible argument by trying to use a pretty expensive sounding word. And managed to make an arse of himself,bl perfectly.
He truly seems to have mastered that!
It is never wrong to do the right thing though.
I love it when people do that as it exposes them for being the kind of person to use words they dont understand to show off! lol.
Compliance is futile! You been keeping up with Picard?
Have seen a couple of episodes of series 1. Somewhere upto where Romulans are restoring their own folk from the Borg assimilation. Infiltration of Romulans acting as Vulcans, a Romulan assassin cult group trying to act like terminators and an imposter trying to rat an Android out.
Have not gotten any further after that. Think that the Picard team were just about to get back together? Maybe next Autumn and Winter I will pick it up were I left off.
And you, did the series grab your full attention after the initial slow start?
I only watched a few eps of series one as well. It wasn't immediately grabbing me but I did intend to return. Apparently though, in series 3 it all kicks up a gear and becomes quite amazing!
Maybe series 3 is were I'll start when I catch up on Picard. :-)
And now it is time for something completely different: beer tasting evening. 😁🍻
Have a great evening mate!
Beer tasting sounds good. I am going to indulge a wee bitty myself!
Cheers mate!
Enjoy!
Slàinte!
Lol, you definitely got the last laugh there. And just like that - "the search term "specious" shot up in Google rankings" 😁
He sounds like a whole lot of fun to work with (not)
He has moments of clarity where he seems alright but in general he wavers on the pondlife end of the scale.
Hehe, after I told him he was using it wrong I had a google myself to make sure Iwas right!
😁 It was a great comeback. I think he felt like pondlife right then.
I am sure he feels like that all the time, hehe!
That bark of yours before going out meant to El jefe: "I have you in my hand, you are in my jaws and I can squeeze when I want!"
Or at least I had the feeling of hearing this heh heh!
I awaited your post with the impatience of a donut addict waiting for morning to come and buy a box of twelve, Doh!
I did feel particularly dog-like!!
I hope my post satisfied at least a small donut hole shaped part of your belly :OD
Yes, very satisfied, but you know I love your posts... donuts for breakfast tomorrow morning anyway!🤤🤤🤤
A donut is a fine thing for a morning! :OD
And I thought you said the Americans were wanks. Yikes.
Exacto!!! They pale in comparison the the King of Wanks! (not me) lol!
hahaa El-Jefe sounds like a lady named Brenda that I once worked with. We were both nursing assistants and had to attend shift change nurse's meetings. Without fail Brenda would inadvertently replace one word for another that had no bearing on the conversation. I think she always spoke faster than her brain could keep up with. One particular day, she was reporting on a patient we shared during our shift. She stated that the elderly man was suffering from swollen tentacles, when indeed, he had swollen testicles lol.
I got in trouble for laughing lol
Swollen tentacles... Hahaha! I love it. I think I have to use that!
I have worked with several folk like that. The ones who just rattle off nonsense. There is a man in my office who literally speaks in riddles thinking it makes him sound clever. It just makes him sound like a buffoon
Constant writing does have it's advantages..., that is we gain a large vocabulary of words most people don't understand. Careful Jabba The Hut doesn't sit on you and claim it was an accident!
It does stretch the old vocab a tad!
If he sat on me it would no doubt be a prelude to shoving me in his gob like a big bullfrog!
😀😃
Kind of an Archie Bunker moment. Darn! You ruined his moment - and outed his ignorance.
Well done!
Lol, I had to google Archie Bunker!
I do like the ruining of a moment! :OD
I can relate to El-Jefe a tad today. Shouldn't we all take some time out of our days to make love to a bacon sandwich with our faces? ;)
I have it on good authority that it is the finest way to make love to a bacon sandwich! :OD
Lots of nibbling, some tongue action. Makes perfect sense.
Why yes indeed it does :0)
How does a Turkish barber scissors smell? I think any of them would smell the same, I don't like the smell of an oily hair by the way 😁
I think they would smell quite nice, the Turkish barbers up our way always smells lime'y. I had a shave in their once and they splashed loads on. It was magic. Despite my fear of the cut throat razor!
You mean kolonya after shave ✌️
Yas, he literally squeezed a lime for it. I was sceptical but smelled amazing for the rest of the day!
I liked it; the Tik-Tok as well as your posts I hope soon there will be Spanish versions.
Hehe, No Spanish version I am afraid, I do not think that the way I write would carry over in entirely the same way!
A beautiful script, your story telling is captivating.
Thank you!