I am Me

Who I am - My origins

Being a BBC - British Born Chinese - I always created a bit of identity confusion. My looks defined how the British perceived me. As a kid, when I went back to Hong Kong, my dad's birthplace, my broken Cantonese raised eyebrows amongst the locals. I was neither here or there. In case you're bracing yourself for a tearful story about a kid growing up on a foreign country, how she struggled to fit in and got bullied and abused at school, well, I'm not going down that route. Racial abuse wasn't a big part of my growing up. Maybe I was lucky, I grew up in a small town. Or maybe I was quite thick skin, I'm quite insensitive to words. (You got to be on Hive.) I had as good a childhood as any normal kid would.

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Who I am - Growing up

To be specific this includes me up to the point I graduated from university, 22 in my case. A lot of kids had great ambitions when they were young. I want to be a doctor. I want to be a teacher. I want to be an astronaut. I want to be a policeman. The I probably being the parent. Occasionally you'd get a kid saying I want to be a binman, and you'd know the kid really said that himself because 99% of parents don't want their kid to go round picking up people's rubbish. Big mistake, they have no idea how important binman are. Anyway, I digress.

I had no flipping idea who or what I wanted to be when I was growing up. I had no aspirations to do something great, no talent to become an artist, singer or actress, and certainly no looks to become the next Miss Universe to bring peace and prosperity to the world. All I knew was I wanted to dress up smartly and work in an office.

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Source : Unsplash


Who I am - As a parent

We all go through phases in life. After graduation, working, and getting married, the next natural phase was parenthood. I'm sure being a mum changes you into a different person. Your priorities, your outlook in life, your financial situation, your temper and your patience. The phase came and went. I never went through that change. I was neither desperate nor upset. I remained who I am throughout the years. Content with the bundles of joy from all my little nieces and nephews.
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Who I am - Now

Ultimately what matters in life is Are you who YOU want to be? Not who your parents, your friends, your children, or your other half wants you to be.

I was fortunate that my parents never gave me any pressure when I was growing up. All they demanded was that I finish university, not an unreasonable demand from an Asian parent or most parents for that matter. Not being a parent meant I had a lot more freedom with my life. My holiday schedule didn't revolve around school term times. I was never tied to a location because I had to consider a child's education, and I certainly didn't have to worry about saving up for tuition and university fees for my kids. All I had to consider was myself. Ok, there's my other half as well, but that's lot easier to negotiate and manage.

Now I do as I please and go where I like. I don't settle on where life takes me, I take myself to where I want my life to be. And that's all that matters.

I am Me.

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This post is in response to Ladies of Hive latest community contest. Am tagging @beeber a new user I've come across recently, maybe she'll be interested as well?

Are you who you want to be? Did you dream of being something else,
or settle down into a life that just took you along...?

Sort:  

That was well written and well and very positive and uplifting. It was nice getting to know you even more.

thank you @leaky20 and @sjarvie5, I'm so blessed to have met you guys on Hive ❤️

I chuckled at the binman bit because horrifyingly for me when I was young and approaching leaving school age my parents tried to convince me to become one because it was good money. They were bizarrely disappointed that I went on and furthered my education.

And oh yes, we all have to be a bit thick skinned on hive!

Haha, what an interesting thing! In my country parents used to threaten kids with this line: if you do not learn and continue school, you will end up like a garbage man, picking up the rubbish! It was that kind of job that was looked down upon. It still is. I find it ironic as we would sit in our own filth if they would not pick up our mess.

It's something that I threaten my kids with!! Haha, with a certain irony knowing what my parents wanted!

!PIZZA

I think that this also happened to them otherwise they would not have done it too, I guess that it takes some time until it washes it off lol

Let's just say your parents have foresight! No one really cares if the CEO is away, but look at Brighton now with the bin man on strike!

I know, no one cares until they go on strike and suddenly it's a nightmare!!

Your parents sound cooler than most of the Cantonese parents I know. That lack of pressure may be why you didn’t have a hard time fitting in? Anyway, I’m glad you didn’t those kinds of experiences!

In my school, people basically judged you by your accent or your ability to quote South Park more than race or origin. Now I feel bad for that kid who we thought had learning problems but actually just didn’t understand English well.

You sound like a kick ass mom too!

You sound like a kick ass mom too!

I think so too, but I guess we shall never know!

With my parents, it's more of them not really knowing or understanding rather than being cool. Like most Chinese in England back in those days, they were busy creating a better life for us

Good point. My parents tried so hard to do everything right and protect me from hardship. I ended up going out and seeking hardship. There is no right way to raise kids! I still think you are kick ass

I'm quite insensitive to words. (You got to be on Hive.)

I noticed this early on, maybe bernie was a good test for that and many failed, lol. Then again knowing I was going to be on this chain the long haul early on you kinda learn to eventually just ignore some people as they come and go.

Your parents sound like England made them more chill which made your life less stressful, that's nice.

I think the last part is something that many of us should strive for and not to turn this comment into another hive shill tweet but I'm fairly certain that the chain will help get us that freedom over time to do what we want. Automation is coming, if you think times were bad when so many lost their jobs due to the pandemic, wait til bots will be able to do everything you do without the cost, complaints, vacation days, errors and lazyness.

I never came across Bernie, I hope that I won't either (hopefully I don't jinx it by saying it 😳)

Bots can certainly takeover a lot of things especially when you factor AI into it, the possibilities are limitless. But I think it will take a complete change in the whole infrastructure to eliminate human involvement. At the moment, we're lacking fruit and veg pickers in UK, we lack lorry drivers, we lack hospitality staff, we lack care workers, we lack butchers, kinda crazy to think that UK is one of the most developed countries !!!

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when we accept ourselves, that's when we will understand what life is and also we will know what we want, thank you for sharing @livinguktaiwan

so true @umiriska0, thanks for dopping by

You welcome

I am Me.

👌

So simple, but you are right... it's a perfect definition. We all should be just ourselves, not accommodating so so many times to the wishes of others or just settle on where life takes us. You also said that you are insensitive to words. How great! I would like to learn this, would save me from much unnecessary overthinking and stress!

To put it bluntly, once you accept some people are just axxholes and there's nothing you can do to change them, you become immune to what they say. It's quite sad really, for them that is

Yes, once you get to that stage of seeing through that kind of people, you become immune 🙌

Hi ☺ thanks for inviting me to the Ladies. I had already joined but it really makes me proud that you think of me !LUV

I like what you write it's a very good entry to the contest. Me too have no children on my own but nieces and neffius wich I love. They grow up meanwhile and have their own Family and children. So I am a happy Grandaunt 😃
Good luck for the contest !

What a coincidence! I have five great nephews as well, the one I'm cuddling is the youngest and will be 1 year old next month. By the way, I also got two great nephews who are half German!!!

Cool ☺ two Grandaunts. I've 4 grandnieces and grandneffius. They are betweeen 2 and 10 years old and a fith one maybe will come one day. They "work on it" 😃
I'm from Austria. Will they learn speaking german? It's a great thing growing up belingual.

Of course!! Silly me 😅

The kids understand German and Chinese as their parents speak to them in their native language, but they will only answer back in English as they've lived here all their life. Tricky situation but you can't really force them

For sure they will learn all languages quickly. I had neibourghs children im Bavaria growing up with turkish croatien and german language and it was so easy for them. Funny when they sometimes Mix up the languages because all are normal to speak for them.
My Grand Grandma came from Croatia but sadly she never gave us the language. In these times it wasnt so important I think.
🤗🤗🤗

Love that you love the life you're living and no holds barred. That's what I've always aspired to have.

yes, I've been very fortunate with that, so feel very blessed

Good for you, you defined your life on your terms. A strong woman should be admired. I had a very dear friend of mine that married the love of her life but they were unable to have children. But she never felt sorry for herself, so she continued her path in education and became a dept. head in the prestigious Princeton University. She was brilliant. Her students became her children. She was always grateful for her full and happy life. She has also traveled extensively with her husband.
Bravo to you my friend.
Nice post.

That's a great alternative to having your own kids 🙃 and I'm sure your friend must be immensely proud when her students succeed, in fact getting into Princeton is a great achievement in itself! Kudos to you friend for crafting such a successful career, and embracing life, the best way to live it!!!

Thank you for dropping by @farm-mom

Ultimately what matters in life is Are you who YOU want to be
BRAVO... glad that you are your own person.
Thanks for sharing, @livinguktaiwan.
Good luck with the contest!
Ladies of Hive provides you an avenue to express yourself
While at the same time, share the joys and bittersweet.
I hope that you will likewise engage others.
You will find that the ladies may or may not reflect your interests and passions.
But the recognition of common humanity is the first step in the celebration of our differences.

Thanks @silversaver888. Engagement is something I do need to work on more, despite me preaching it all the time and telling newbies 😌

I need to pop into the different communities more. Thanks for the reminder!!!!

We all have at work at it!
I wish that I had all the time.
There are some here I cannot get to!

You are who you are and that is what makes a person unique and special

Well said, we're all unique and special in our own ways

First can I address that adorable picture of your young self? That is such a cutie pie photo of you! 😍🥰

I think that’s so great how you enjoy embracing your niece and nephews and that completely satisfies you. I have no idea what it’s like any more to just worry about myself. I remember those days when I could leave as I please, travel without making sitter plans and just go about life as I wished. But as you stated becoming a parent does change you and the way you live and think. I can tell you really enjoy being able to travel as you wish and also not having to be tied down to just one location.

I admire your confidence and strength and I really enjoyed learning more about you ~

Thanks crosh, and in fact I have to thank you for this post, as I saw your post which inspired me to write mine (despite the fact I didn't leave a comment as I'm crap at engagement 😬)

You certainly have a handful at home, five I've I remember correctly? It's a bit of a marathon, but I'm sure the joy they bring to you is priceless, not to mention when they have their own kids, you get double the joy in the coming years without the full time responsibility. That's surely something to look forward to ♥️

Oh wow that’s really cool to know, thank you. I’m so glad you were inspired to write this. Yay! 😄

Yep that’s right, five! For sure, I think about that often and hoping I’ll still be around to enjoy the next generation of our family ~ ☺️

I am grateful and lucky that my parents also never put any pressure on me when I was growing up.

And I also quote your sentence which is the same as myself: Now I do what I like and go wherever I like.
I don't settle where life takes me, I take myself where I want my life to be. And that's all that matters :)

And Thanks for sharing, @livinguktaiwan
(I think simply, can or not I greet you as a mother or sister. I worry about making mistakes and feel shy. Sorry)

Good luck with the contest :)

You're welcome @arlaarifin, Hive is all about meeting new friends, even if it is virtual, and sharing our thoughts. Sister!! 😉

What a privilege to learn more about that little cutie pie in the pic @livinguktaiwan!
Life certainly takes one on many paths full of twists and bends with our goals changing all the time.
I admire the strong woman you have become and not let the nasties get you down! I find it so heartwarming seeing the cute gifts you make for your little nieces and nephews; Arthur being one I cannot forget as that's my hubby's first name😉
You have been and still are an inspiration for me here on Hive and I'm sure there are many who echo that sentiment my friend💞

Now you're making me blush Lizzie.

Talk of being strong and an inspiration, you are the real deal!! You started a new chapter in life after your retirement and set up your BnB, I would never have the courage to do that, to take on such a big commitment and be so successful. I take my hats off to you for achieving that!!!

Thanks for sharing your experience with us!
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Oh, what a cute bambino you were :D

I remember I wanted to be a teacher at one point because I wanted to rub the board (I was never given the chance to be a class monitor)
And then I wanted to own a grocery shop so I can weigh stuff - it looked so fun
Also wanted to be a bus conductor coz I wanted to clip those bus tickets ;p

Sometimes I look at single women or couples with no kids and think that is fun too :D

I love your reasons for choosing those jobs!!! But surely being a teacher you get the students to clean the blackboard!!

Not as fun as when you can get your kids to give you a little massage when you're tired, husbands tend to ignore you 😂

But if I was the teacher I could choose when I wanted to hahaha
Though the reality is, I have absolutely no patience to teach - so maybe I will be there just to rub boards hahaha

Actually, the kid massage don't last, once they get in their teens... aiaiai hahaha

Living life as it arrives, perhaps one of the best ways is to take each day at a time.

One way or another it comes to an end, fortunately we never know, keep positive and enjoy whatever life offers us. Have a great day.

And to appreciate each day. I more I get nearer to the other end, the more I feel that way, which is probably a good thing I guess. Appreciation, not getting nearer to the other end, which is inevitable in life

One way or another it comes to an end, fortunately we never know, keep positive and enjoy whatever life offers us. Have a great day.

We all have our stories. I'm also one without guidance of life from my parents. We were quite poor but not very poor and they are good people and I was only encourage to study hard but they don't tell what I should study of focus on but I think I didn't turn out too bad.

Other than making sure we were educated, I think most of our parents generation didn't really have much idea unless they were the wealthy and educated bunch. But yeah, like you say, most of us didn't turn out too bad, guess we were lucky and times were a bit easier in our generation growing up. Nowadays it's a lot more competitive in the real world.

Yes, our "job" was to study and figure out things on our own.
Now, the generation get so much advice and maybe information overload and some are still lost.

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Good post brother .. Thank you so much for your advice to me at discord. Nice to meet you here . Warm regard 😊🤝🏻🙏🥰🎉

You're welcome!

Becoming who you want to be, not what the world expects of you. This is the most important achievement and I am glad that you succeeded. Binmen are important, I often think what would we do if they would cease to take out our rubbish. They truly deserve a higher pay and more respect!

Absolutely, cleaners and binmen keeps society running but many people don't realise it until they go on strike!!!

Oh yes! It happened this summer for a couple of days in my town. Oh the smell, the piles of garbage....Needless to say that after a few days they got what they asked and the garbage was again taken. Point taken, they play a key role in our lives

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I love what you have become! You are you and nobody can take that away from you. I enjoyed @meesterboom's parents. I hope they weren't too disappointed! :) I tried really hard to not put any stress on my kids when they were young to do everything and become involved in everything. Because we lived all over the world, they had a hard enough time growing up and feeling like they belonged - no extra stress needed.

I think you did it perfectly for you, there is nobody else that is quite like you, everyone is unique and so I am happy that you don't find a need to be just a faded copy. I love these pieces that were put forth at the #LadiesofHive contest and I went to do one last night and found the contest was over, so, I passed.

I was afraid it wouldn't be read as it was over.

I love that you did it and I love your story. I have actually always wondered about you because of your name! And now I know!

Thank you!

Thanks for your lovely comment Denise. I think living in different countries definitely broadens one's horizon and it seems like it's becoming more and more common nowadays as the world is becoming a much smaller place. Personally for me, I think I have benefitted from it, having both the Asian and British perspective of things, so I consider myself very lucky in that regard. I'm sure your kids do as well.

This was actually an impromptu post, had absolutely no idea where I was going with it when I started, but I'm so glad that I was able to talk about some things that I hadn't intended to. Maybe when the time is right for you, you can write yours as well. Contest or no contest, I'm sure it won't matter, the Ladies of Hive community always has so much engagement!!!

It's true. They have great contests too and I cannot believe that they pass me by, it has been crazy since COVID started. Crazy, right? It should have given me more time.

I am glad that you did yours also, I was intrigued by your name and knew there was a story behind it, but, it is the history of your family and how you were brought up that still intrigues me. Speaking purely from your parents being first-generation Asian.

Thank you again! I may just do that. I will be like whistling in the wind now that the contest is over, but, I'm not sure that bothers me. :))

Hive on, my friend!

That's called having personality and knowing what you want in life.
Motherhood is not easy, but it has its rewards.
I think the demands your parents made on you are what any parent would make on their children, the inheritance parents leave is education, and the best thing children can do is study.
I'm glad your childhood went smoothly and you were a happy child.
You have two completely different and attractive cultures and that's great.

inheritance parents leave is education, and the best thing children can do is study.

how very true @carmenm20

I always wandered where is your name coming from! I was thinking that maybe your entire life was split living between the two countries but never thought that you are a British Born Chinese kid, which I think is pretty cool!
Also that's a great contest because there are always new things to learn about people which is amazing!

Not sure about the cool part 😅, but I have been spending long periods between UK and Hong Kong when I was younger, and in recent years Taiwan as well hence my username, which is when I started blogging.

Childhood and all that it entails in a foreign country is not easy, but at least you have that taste of victory that you made it. Even though you didn't know what you wanted to be; at least you had a clear picture of what you wanted to do.

I don't have children, but my mom tells me over and over again that children always change your life for the better, I'm even curious! And what you say is absolutely true EVERYTHING changes with the arrival of children.

The phase came and went.

Sorry about this. Thankfully, you are able to not get upset and move on, truly your skin is tougher than I imagined at first.

Thank you for your kinds words. I'm sure that your mom is correct and hope you will experience that some day as well!

What a lovely well written read that was @livinguktaiwan. I love sincere posts like these as it often shows the best of the types of folks we have here on hive. It's always a treat to pop by your blog when I get a chance to catch up and give your posts a look. :)

Thank you @mudcat36 ❤️ and thanks for dropping by. How are you doing yourself, haven't seen you around for a long time. Hope all is well

That is one cool baby picture :)

I think so too 😊