I am batting above my average.
For those who think that is a sporting reference, it is not. It means that my wife is out of my class, a better person than me. Normally, this is said about looks, but while I have some advanced traits, she is better in most ways than me, so on average across the board, many would consider me pretty lucky to have been able to fool her into being with me. This is especially true since I had the stroke, because suffice to say, it didn't make me better in any ways.
But we are all getting worse.
"Almost everything has gotten worse,"
Sebastian Hielm, Director of Food Safety at Finland's agriculture ministry.
What he is talking about is that the percentage of Finns considered overweight has drastically increased in the last ten years, going from 48.1 percent in 2014 to 60.5 in 2024. That is a massive shift that they put down to too much time in front of screens and poor food choices and eating habits. But, while these might be practical causes of obesity, I think they are symptoms of a larger problem (pun intended), where we have been influenced to believe that we are beautiful, no matter what we do.
I sound like an asshole at this point.
I sound like an asshole at most points, but this isn't about looks. The "beauty" I am talking about isn't about fat percentages or body shapes, it is referencing how we have been conditioned to feed our desires, even when it is making us worse off. While many think the body positivity movement is about helping people accept and love themselves, it is actually about increasing consumption of pretty much everything, whether it be food, media, or the many pharmacological interventions to combat the effects of too much food and media.
Now, when it comes to obesity, BMI is not a very good indicator, because it doesn't take into consideration muscle mass, with a lot of fit people having a high BMI, because they have a higher percentage of muscle which weighs significantly more than fat. I am BMI obese.
If I were to lose 20.3 kg, It would mean losing one of my legs at least. If I were to lose it in fat alone, I would probably be at around 4% fat or something like that, and be absolutely ripped up enough to be in a fitness magazine - with my face blurred. It just isn't practical given my level of muscle. But I could lose a few kilos for sure.
For the backward, 1 kilogram = 2.2 pounds.
But again, this article isn't about fat, it is about unrealistic expectations. The narrative around unhealthy body image discussions tends to be because beauty "standards" in the media portray fit and thinner people, which puts social pressure on those who don't fit into that mould and can make them feel bad. I get it, especially in the world of tailored media today which is far, far more influential than people give it credit in their lives.
However, I think as far as average health goes for the majority of people, the bigger unrealistic expectation is that it is possible to keep consuming and behaving unhealthily and still be healthy. That it is fine and even good to keep feeding our desires, even if it means being unhealthy. In many instances, people seem to believe they are somehow morally superior when they accept themselves as their unhealthy condition, when what they are actually doing is accepting that they are unable to control their impulses to feed their desires.
It is a hedonistic approach to self-destruction.
And they don't feel good, mentally, physically, or emotionally. But it is definitely far easier and more convenient to be unhealthy than to be healthy, in a society and marketplace that itself has reduced its quality and social responsibility in the name of profits. The reason the global population is getting fatter is all in the name of profit. Culture has shifted based on what makes money and since we are convenience seekers, what makes money is what makes us more sedentary, more consumptive, less active. And it is a self-perpetuating cycle, because the more inactive we are, the more inactive we will become.
In all the Nordic countries, about a quarter of the population is "hyper-healthy" while another quarter eats far too poorly, doesn't exercise enough, while smoking and drinking too much. But it’s the 50 percent in the middle that we have a reasonable chance of influencing.
Hyper-healthy. It definitely isn't a quarter in Finland, but perhaps across the Nordics it might be. However, what is interesting is how few people are actually able to remain committed to being healthy, something that used to be a guiding principle for many in the past. And sure, while many will talk about mental health, I think the increasing numbers for mental health problems is a pretty clear indicator that whatever we are doing now, isn't working. It seems the more people have conditioned themselves to focus on their "mental health", the more people have instead chosen to prioritise their desire satisfaction at the expense of their mental and physical health, leading to worse outcomes on average.
There is a difference between accepting yourself as you are physically, and being happy. Acceptance doesn't automatically mean a better feeling, it can also be a resignation into accepting a worse feeling. For instance, after a stroke, I have to accept a whole lot of issues that have left me feeling worse, but accepting them doesn't mean I feel better. All it means is that I have to face the reality of current circumstances that I can't affect, and turn my focus to improving the areas that I can affect.
For the majority of people, they can affect their health, whether it be their physical or mental state. And for the majority of people, improvement doesn't come in the form of desire satisfaction through consumption of things that make physical and mental health worse. It comes in the form of positive action toward better conditions, even if it is difficult, painful, or uncomfortable. Even if goals aren't met and there are many failures and disappointments. Health isn't a simple outcome, it is a way of life, a journey. The goals aren't the goal, they just provide a direction in which to head for some aspects. It gives development direction, in the same way "getting to the moon" inspired all kinds of activities and innovations that wouldn't have been created otherwise.
For each of us, it is up to us how we operate our lives, so if people want to habituate into self-demise, it is up to them. But, if we are making our own decisions and are willing to accept our own bad habits, we also have to take responsibility for the journey we are undertaking. While they are influenced by external factors, each day we are making decisions for ourselves. It might be difficult, but we can change the decisions we make daily, to improve our conditions and therefore our experience throughout our own lives.
Accept yourself, doesn't mean resign yourself to only getting worse.
Many of us are struggling in many ways, but rarely is the easiest path going to improve our experience of life. And when it comes to wellbeing, quality of life and a life worth living, the easiest path tends not to be the one that creates the environment for them. It is finding solutions through the difficulties that make a worthy life, not finding the easiest way to avoid the difficulty now, only to have it worsen tomorrow. That is not a solution, it is a pain management strategy. And it fails every time.
While we have the ability to change ourselves, we are not terminal.
I am batting above my average in terms of the partner I have. I also face challenges that are quite different to the average compared to many others. Yet, if I resign myself to accept me as I am now and believe I can do nothing to improve, and believe that the best I can do is feed my momentary desires, life is just going to get increasingly worse, and I am going to feel increasingly worse for it. I am not going to give into the temptation to do what the advertising tells me to do, and consume no matter what it does to my mind and body.
Fuck that.
You do you.
Taraz
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Believe it or not, I kind of agree with you. I know that isn't always the case when we discuss weight, but today, I am going to say I agree to an extent. I think where I draw the line is the fact that some people try and others don't. It's one thing to be actively working on getting healthy, having the results not happen as quickly or exactly the way you want and still being confident and comfortable with who you are. Then another to not even try and just say "I'm beautiful" as you spiral out of control. Sadly, with most people being lazy these days, the latter is the norm.
It is this I rebel against.
And this is what I support.
Too many are selling themselves short by not putting in the "work" (all the parts necessary) to take the journey. Failure doesn't matter, but not trying is a waste of opportunity and potential. It isn't just in weight loss, but in so many things these days, where people end up just taking up space, taking resources, life without living.
Yes, I agree with that. Like I've said before, my wife and I get up every morning and workout. We don't really see much in the way of results, but we are putting in the work. For me, I know it's mostly how I eat, but for my wife, she keeps a strict diet and still doesn't get the results she wants. I think hers is attributed to her meds, but I'm no doctor.
This can be a huge part of it. It is for me at least. Two of the meds I am on have added weight to me and before starting them, I was 15-20 pounds lighter.
Yeah, it's scary. I told her she should stop taking everything for a bit just to see, but apparently that isn't very sound medical advice... :P
Maybe I'm weird too, but you don't sound like an asshole to me, at all. It's a huge issue, and it's not useful in the least, telling people they're fine as they are, and that it's somehow self-abusive (as if) to deny yourself any interest, desire, temptation.
I was just listening to a lecture around how self-restraint and regulation actually lead, in time, to us being better people all around. Obviously, it's not to say you should live as some sort of extremist or great puritan. But you know what I mean, I'm sure.
But ours is a society that's rapidly spiraling into laziness, hedonism, and radical self-indulgence, all the while selling it off as "self-love" and "positivity". As you put it, fuck that.
As for batting out of your league, I don't believe there is a single more attractive quality in either gender than the desire and will to improve and grow (as we ought to, continuously, throughout our lives). I know what you meant, but we use this expression re. a wide range of things - looks, money, skills - all transient things. If I choose to be with someone for the long-term/forever, I'm interested in how they ride the wave, not how they're balancing right now, and willingness and interest to grow (should) score very high when selecting a partner.
I think so. It makes us more compassionate of other people I believe, as well as more patient in dealing with them. Those without self-restraint, tend to treat other people very poorly.
I agree. Obviously we can grow in many ways, but I notice at the gym that the most attractive people (men or women) are those who are there putting in the work, regardless of their body.
And it can be a pretty gnarly wave to ride at times.
As the main problem for the "body positivity" I see is that it still matters a lot. It's not like the pendulum has stopped in the middle, but went from fat-shaming to fat-cherishing, ignoring the health you mention. Sure, fat shaming wasn't healthy, either, psychologically and physically in the aftermath. But instead of preaching mere acceptance, shifting the focus from looks to health, it was kept on looks, just judged differently.
The interesting thing might be, that it was healthier than today. People were on average psychologically and physiologically healthier than now. It isn't just the shaming part of course, but the whole direction of culture that has got us to this point and if we don't do something, we will keep going down this path to oblivion.
I actively try to stay healthy, though as I am about half a year from fifty it is becoming harder and harder it seems that it is taking more excercise and better diet every year just to keep weight from slowly rising.
My wife keeps telling me that I have nothing to worry about and that I am in a better shape than 99% of men my age, but I am not comparing to other, I am comparing to myself and I guess in my mind I am forever stuck in my twenties...
Age go up, body go down.
I think men are very prone to this. I actually think it is part of the reason that men look at younger women - because we still see ourselves as in our twenties! :D
That and the fact that we can make babies even when we are older 😞
Nice post fatty. 😃. Being comfortable in your own skin is all well and good and all but a person with your medical history it is more of a necessity than a lifestyle choice to get below the 30 BMI anyway. I am 43 myself and I have finally ended the desire for a six pack and have increased the need to just feel good. Have you tried swimming yet? There are a couple of lads in my club that had strokes and can outswim me. If you want I can put you on the "Hive to 5 lengths plan?
I try my best, despite the public humiliation I face daily due to my size.
I have tried swimming, but the problem is, I am the world's worst swimmer. Do you remember Eric the Eel from the 2000 olympics from Naru - he is world class in comparison.
My weight is diet too, though I don't drink too much. I have a very sweet tooth. I am hoping that the more my legs heal, the more I will be able to get out for a walk, jog, and hopefully run one day. I'd be happy at 80kg - still a high BMI :)
Look at the physique on Eric. Toned from splashing about so he is.😃 When my uncle had a stroke he would walk lengths of the pool and his mobility started improving. He would stop swimmers mid length to chat to them 😂.
This is so true many people unable to realize the importance of direction, they set goals and watch them to get accomplished. I remember weighing close to 110 kg but no one pinpointed...may be never looked bulkier... it was only when my shirt button starts to unhook, led me to my diminishing health...I took up the challenge and reduced my weight to 89 in 7 months...I started feeling much better. Sometimes mere acceptance our state may misguide while the actual result are not the same....my dad alwsys used to say, there is alwsys scope of improvement..and that apply to pur health too.
That is a big change in a short time! Have you been able to maintain it?
I think this is what humans are primed for, but we seem to be giving up doing the improvement work and instead hoping someone will fix it all for us.
So far so good.....I avoided many things to eat... and kept the rhythm with stretching and some yoga.
That is great. Glad to hear it. I think as long as you keep that rhythm going and remain aware of the possible temptations, you'll do well :)
December is now here, and people will start to make promises that in the new year they will put themselves many goals and not a goal( Me included ). But we all know those goals will just remain in our mind across the year, and at next december, the cycle will begin again.
Unfortunaly bad habits will wait for a few years more.
If you know your behaviour, why do the same thing each year? NY resolutions don't work in the same way no intentional change in behaviour doesn't work, if it isn't kept in the awareness all the time.
I read that a healthy weight for someone 180 cm tall is up to 78 kg. But I only gained 79.5 kg once in my life, and that was during a hunger strike in my university dorm, when I ate almost nothing. I think my healthy weight is 100 kg, otherwise I'll have to cut back on protein.
It depends on the body type also. BMI is based on height without considering width. I have broader shoulders than people I know who are 195 tall. BMI doesn't account for that.
I basically don't drink but I believe that my body control has gotten worse. Back when I was in school one or few times I slipped on ice and had a fall. I was able to stop myself with my hands and not get injured. But this year I had a fall while chasing a bus. I was not able to react in time and hit my leg quite bad. it took about a month(?) until it healed completely. I guess that means that not only am I losing a bit of reaction time but also I am getting more fragile because in the past I was never injured for so long.
Getting old(er) sucks...This is what happens with age, but also happens happens faster with inactivity. One of the biggest issues people have in old age is their balance, and that comes down to foot strength and mobility. In the past we used to walk barefoot everywhere on many different uneven surfaces, now everything is in shoes and on smooth ground, so our feet have lost their ability to keep us upright and moving well.
Your honesty in this piece is kinda refreshing. You did manage to point out the tension between self-love and self-improvement without shaming anyone, which i greaty appreciate. It’s a reminder that growth is uncomfortable, but still worth doing. And your point about daily decisions shaping long-term wellbeing really hits home.
Body shaming is something I don't really like, though it is can be fun with friends ;)
The thing with self-love and personal acceptance is, can someone that actually loves themselves be body-shamed? Does a dog-lover stop loving dogs because a cat-lover says dogs are stupid? Everyone has preferences and opinions, so why get so upset when people disagree?
While I talk a lot about other people, the focus is actually on me improving my own thoughts and behaviours through reflection. I see myself in others more clearly than I see myself.
In my opinion, someone can look 'fat', yet have a healthier body than the slim ones. I think the primary determinants of having a fit healthy body is our lifestyle. Whether we eat healthy, nutritious foods and exercise often.
Someone can eat healthy and partake of regular exercise and still look obese and someone else may shun good food and exercise and look slim. We have been monstrously deceived.
I think someone can be pretty healthy if they are a bit overweight, but obese (in actual fat percentage) is unlikely to be healthy. Even the sports people who are obese for their sport, end up having troubles later because of it.
I think it is importantl to understand that just because we accept ourselves, it doesn't mean we shouldn't goal for better choices.
Yet it seems that many believe (at least through their behaviour) that accepting yourself is to give up on improvement.
What hit me the most here is the part about acceptance not meaning resignation. A lot of us confuse the two. We think accepting ourselves means we no longer have to try, but real acceptance is seeing the truth clearly even when it’s uncomfortable and deciding what we can actually improve.
Your honesty about your own struggles makes the message land harder. It's a reminder that progress starts with telling ourselves the truth, not comforting ourselves with lies.
Yes. We confuse lot of things, as well as when we do try and improve, we only try the things that are easy and don't do much to make a difference.
Getting a good life partner is a sign of good fortune and according to you, you are the lucky one. Because a good life partner makes your life happy. However, nowadays most of the people in the world are becoming overweight or have a big belly due to bad eating habits and excessive eating. Here we also see that those who eat excess food or eat junk food have such problems.
Being fat is one thing, but being fat and conceited is another altogether. I think people these days somehow think that being out of shape makes them better people.
Maintain a balance between your inner and outer world and you'll do just fine 😊
My inner world might be my outer world - does that count?
Cheers