Be careful the environment you choose for it will shape you; be careful the friends you choose for you will become like them. - W. Clement Stone
I've been a leader of people for many years across various roles; I believe some are built for it, have natural attributes that lean them towards leadership, and others are followers. All good leaders will be able to learn from others, evaluate good and bad examples, and apply that knowledge to becoming a better leader. This new series is designed to expose great quotes by various leaders and to investigate how they may relate or apply to myself or others. original im src
This week's leadership quote
Be careful the environment you choose for it will shape you; be careful the friends you choose for you will become like them.
I'm not sure who said it, but many years ago I heard the saying, you can choose to soar with the eagles, or stay on the ground with the turkeys, in respect of choosing one's company, the people we choose to surround ourselves with and what effects they may have upon us.
It's a good little phrase and I think works as well with environment as it does with people. The words are different, however it means the same thing as the W. Clement Stone quote I've chosen this week which tells us that the influences we have around us can effect us positively or negatively, so choose carefully.
There's many angles, and examples, I could use to discuss this quote as there's no shortage of bad influences in society these days; they reach right into our homes from around the globe in seconds via the internet too and I believe the impact and cost to us as individuals and as a society is massive. Be it social media, friends and peer groups, news and infotainment services, corporations, governments and organisations, no matter where we are we're influenced in some way. Sure, we all have the choice of whether to take the influence on board or not, but even if we choose not, it finds a way to seep in, even if just a little and without us wilfully taking it on.
Choosing the people we have around us, friends or otherwise, and where we spend our time, can have great impact upon our lives.
I've always sought to remove toxic or negative relationships from my life and replace them with those that are more positive and uplifting but, of course, it's not always possible.
Being in environments we may not be able to fully control can mean we are exposed to people who may influence us poorly. This could be school, sporting clubs, workplaces and even family situations; it means Hive and the other social medias also, however we have the ability to control that environment to some degree by turning it off. What's important though, is to recognise and remove those bad influences. Oh, and don't forget that there's the opposite also, good influences, which is what this quote is all about; finding and embracing them.
So many people respond to these posts with, I'm not a leader, but I completely disagree. We all lead lives, and in those lives we have to lead ourselves with thoughts, attitudes and actions that [hopefully] create lives we are content and comfortable with, and also set good examples to others around us. Selecting the company we keep and the environments in which we exist is a critical step towards that. Having the ability, honesty and ownership to recognise and remove bad influences and identify and embrace good ones is a skill we should all be developing and using.
If you have any thoughts on this leadership quote, experiences of your own, or questions please feel free to comment below.
Design and create your ideal life, don't live it by default - Tomorrow isn't promised so be humble and kind
Out with the shit and in with the fit.
If something or someone is negative, don't go as often and don't stay as long; if you can avoid going altogether, do that.
Someone told me that a long time ago and it stuck. Add in some good influences and a person has the right ingredients to create something worthwhile.
Whatever I said, that was the first time I ever heard it. Sounded really good in my head.
Haha, sometimes the best said things are the good ones, most relevant or valid. It was a good line.
I thought it was good. And hey, I just stumbled into that mess, saw him double down. He doesn't get it and never will. Won't waste any more energy on that shit pile. I'm done with that.
Yeah, I saw your comment. It's rather bonkers how a person just can't seem to grasp what's right there in front of them. I tried to make my comments plain and simple. It'll have no effect though, clearly.
That ignorance is intentional or just comes naturally as in, not too swift.
I thought maybe it was just an emotional reaction that turned into one's pride clouding their judgment. That's not the case. The mask is off. That's a nut. Next!
It seems unbelievable, but the more challenging your days are, Galen the stronger you are and the more you would be willing to go against the wall or obstacle that stops you...every place you find yourself will serve you to learn, and every circumstance to grow with the herd in the environment (your work team), in which you become motivator and booster for your people, the plus to identify what is not working in the team... I call it my needs' detector.
Not everyone is always negatively impacted by negative people around them, some have the ability to rise above it, however it's certainly not a situation conducive to positive growth.
It is good to apply group dynamics to detect what works and what does not in my experience has always worked to detect training needs, and learn, to strengthen the weaknesses in order to improve the business at least in the oil and petrochemical culture given good results Galen is only a suggestion for in practice what is in accordance with the corporate style in attention to human talent...what I call a professional profile according to the context...just thinking about it!.
I agree with you that every human being is a leader, it's not a choice. You don't necessarily have to lead a community. Whatever you do, your neighbor can follow your example, your child can follow your examples. Somebody will follow your lead. I'm translating these sentences right now, I hope it translates well lol.
I think the people around you say who you are. There is a saying in Turkish. "Tell me your friend and I will tell you who you are." So everyone should choose the people around them carefully.
You have some good sayings in Turkey!
I don't like to hear people say, they're not a leader, because it's untrue in reality. I guess it's a matter of perspective. Thanks for your comment and no worries, it translated well.
Beautiful write up galenkp. We are nothing alone. We keep learning from enviornment silently. It is important to have good surrounding cause we are always the reflection of it.
Indeed, the people we surround ourselves can lift us up or tear us down and, also, just by association, cause us to be judged favourably or unfavourably. It's important to ensure we get it right and surround ourselves with the right influences.
Absolute truth man.
It's a cool quote and very relevant to what we experience in all our interactions.
When I was 10 years old and had many friends, my late father always "investigated" each one of my friends. At that time, I felt a little irritated by all the questions from this person I respected so much.
He often repeats the phrase "be careful choosing friends" to me. So once I tried to argue with him that "if you think they can influence me, why don't you think that I can influence them too?"
This made him satisfied and gave me more confidence in my association. Maybe he concluded that I had good protection for myself.
He also once told me that "If you hang out with perfume sellers, then you will smell good too. But, if you are close to someone who is burning a fire, you will also have the potential to get burned. At least you will smell smoke. "
Your post has reminded me of what my father once told me, Mr. @galenkp.
Oh my God, I miss him again now.
Your dad had some good advise for you and wisdom to share, as did mine. My dad is gone also, however I still carry the wisdom he imparted to me and it helps in my life.
Just on the influencing of other people thing...I know a few people who have the need to save those they deem require it and therefore spend time with rather undesirable people. These particular ones make a positive difference, although there are many who find themselves in those positions, often toxic relationships, and also say, but I can help them. The problem is though, that if it's not done right the outward influence one hopes to have ends up caving inwards and the bad influences the good, dragging the person into a descending spiral. It's a complex matter though, and I'm probably not explaining it well. Maybe you understand what I mean?
I can understand that, sir. That's right, sometimes one can be dragged in that direction. Self-management really affects that part, right?
I am sure that your decades of experience in managing other people have made you discover many things and have positioned you as a person who is able to provide solutions. You must have boundaries to protect yourself from being dragged into a downward spiral.
I, like many people here, feel many benefits from your post. I really enjoy your posting sessions on leadership.
I do - I avoid negative people like they have the plague, although, I help a few here and there [those who want change and are ready to do what's required to gain it] and am always careful to keep some distance so their woes don't imprint upon me.
The people we move with or relate with indeed has a very vital role to play in the persons we are or become. Being able to identify the environment that works for us, will go a long way in bringing out the leaders in us.
You are absolutely right, no matter how we try to shy away from it, that doesn't make us less leaders, instead it just makes us waste time in discovering ourselves. In one way or another, we all are leaders so it's best to accept it and continue to get better at it.
This is truly informative and helpful, thank you so much for sharing this with us.
The concept that we are not all leaders seems rather bonkers to me because, quite clearly, we all lead others in some way, even if it's just leading by example. Sure, not all of us are leaders like Napoleon Bonaparte was, or Alexander the Great, but leadership isn't the sole domain of great and mighty people, it comes down to a responsibility for each of us to lead ourselves through life...So, we're all leaders.
That's right, even if we might be scared to lead others we have to lead ourselves a d by doing that, we are still leaders then. So many just think that leadership is just for those that have others to guide and direct, we forget we also guide and direct ourselves.
As we all might be leaders in one way or the other, that's also important that we learn from whoever we had contact with. You see this bad influences, they teach lessons alot. If one is able to know the strength of his or her influence it will help decipher how to balance it and where to channel it. Just like me, I control whatever I take into me and throw away whatever I felt won't be positive to me.
Being a leader is burdensome and some folks have natural abilities of the role and can prove it effortlessly and at same time we all have once impacted someone around us either emotional or physiologically.
Being a leader doesn't mean one should showcase his superiority over others/followers but to show responsibility in matters of people's affair. I can be a leader and also a learner, no one is above learning.
This is a good ethos to have and I'd say a person following it would do well in life, certainly better than someone who does not.
Oh certainly... it helps...as most time I live around areas that aren't positively influencing me...so I stick with what I have... not giving out the energy...till I move to area where I can receive great influence and meet real folks
Good luck. The right attitude goes a long way.
This is something that I think is largely overlooked these days. I think that people overlook the fact that there is choice in the matter. It's something that I've written about in posts and comments recently - if something is weighing you down, what can you actually do to remove that from being a strain? I've had to cut toxic friendships and relationships in the past and while it can be painful, it's worthwhile in the end if you take a step back and weigh up the situation objectively.
You need to be able to release the bad stuff while nurturing the good stuff. Not every relationship is going to be sunshine and rainbows but if it's constantly storm clouds and thunder, it become more taxing than it's worth. This happens in work place environments as well and so often people get so tied in to the scenario because they are dependent on the income that they fail to see how it might be destroying their soul.
We always have choice, Viktor E. Frankl wrote about that. Sure, the choice may not always lead to a good place, but it is choice nonetheless, even should that choice be to think differently or have a particular attitude.
Removing negative or toxic people or situations is of paramount importance to those who want to move forward with more confidence, efficiency and a better chance for greater results...But for some, surrounding themselves with all the shit feels safe, comfortable or whatever...maybe it's just that they don't know how to get on with the drive towards a better life and so staying in place seems preferable. Maybe it's because they gain a feeling of validation to be enmeshed in the drama and gossip of toxic relationships. I have no clue, all I know is that negative people don't make me feel good so I get rid of them.
Have always been a believer in the ideology that our environment and company play a strong role in the individual we turn out to become. Never relent yourself from associating with people who give that synergy to do better. It's quite important.
I agree, this is what my post is about. Thanks for reiterating.
It's my pleasure and I enjoyed your insightful narrative.
I totally agree to this,living on an already set life pattern of others is disastrous sometimes in that one is fully engrossed in such lifestyle and as such repeat the same mistake the afore time role model did. The bad part is that one might not even fully understand that he is into the mistake the role model did because of how engrossed he is already.
Am not saying learning from people's mode of life or lifestyle is bad, but creating your own pattern but from already led foundation of good things learnt from the role model, with this not much mistakes will be made.
Humans, individuals, must find their own paths and plot their own course in life. Mistakes will be made for sure, but that's how we learn, adjust and move on. Of course, taking some influence from others can assist in the journey as quite often others have been through similar things and the wisdom they gained from it can help others also...But, as you say, it's important for each of us to make and own our own decisions.
Yes mate, nice reply
Conversations are determinants and predictors of our lives and future. And how we thrive in this world is going to come down to the quality of our conversations.
The word "conversation" is a mid-14th century word, and it had nothing to do with talking. Conversation originally meant a place where one lives or dwells. The overall pattern of actions or habits. The manner of conducting oneself
So basically, those we choose to have conversations with ultimately affect the way we think, act, and so on. And just as this quote by W. Clement Stone says, choosing to cut off those who are bad influences and embracing the good influencers will go a really long way in making one a much better person. It isn't entirely possible to be completely cut off, considering that enocountering them is inevitable, but we can try.
Turkeys or eagles, people need to make a choice as to where they want to spend their time, and will develop commensurate to that choice usually. Cutting out bad or negative influences and the drama that usually goes with them can leave more room for more healthy and wholesome things that will help one move closer to better results.
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When I was about age 11 I was fortunate to live with an uncle who was a teacher daily he keep telling us choose your friends don't allow friends to choose you I'm sure he maintained this encouragement until he passed on that also support this post of one been mindful of the friends and the environment he keeps as friends and environment plays great role in redesigning one. Evil communication corrupts good manners. And today I I'm with the cycle of friends I have.
That's some good advice, and I wonder how you've proceeded in life knowing it? Has it had an impact?
He built us though then it was not really a sweet experience but as I became more mature I found out what a great and excellent work he did in us and I'm ever grateful.
This is often the way. I hope you had a chance to tell him.
I did appreciated his impact, his mentorship, his tutelage but honestly not to the level I would love but he left us too quick to the great beyond. May his soul keep resting in peace.
@galenkp all what you said here is true. Just like the say goes "show me your friend and I will tell you who you are." That why I we really need to be careful most especially the up bringing of a person really matters alot too in life.
Thanks for taking a read of my post and commenting.