Is It Far?

in #life3 months ago

We had arrived in Carradale. A tiny remote spot on the Kintyre peninsula on the West coast of Scotland.

It was shit.

There was nothing for miles.

It has rained non stop since we arrived.

The only advantage to this was that whilst it rained you couldn't smell the cowshit which hung heavily over the hills.

At the local post office, which was literally a shack in the woods, I had asked the owner if the beach was far from our cottage.

It isn't far.

He had said in a broad Northern English accent.

I asked for directions as all we could see were trees and clouds of biting horse flies.

Which seemed to love nibbling on me which I took fairly stoically thinking that perhaps it was a compliment on my penis.

Right guys. It's not far.

I said to the family who were sheltered under an old toppled tree.

Like fools, they followed as I led them to the beach which was not far.

At first there were handy steps and rails as we traipsed through the dense forest.


But about ten minutes in as we followed a vague dirt path, all that helpful shit ended.


Another ten minutes walking and we started nearing the summit of the giant hill we had been climbing.


The trees were very straight.


As we forged our way through a stream, the kids found newts.


I fought a savage urge to kill them all, tie them in a chain by their tails and wear them like a crown of thorns, Jesus style.

Fortunately, I held back.

Eventually we reached the top of the hill and the trees thinned out a bit.

We had been walking for forty minutes.


Is it far?

The Little Lady asked in a pleading voice.

No, it's not far.

I lied like a Bulgarian's 'leather' jacket.

Another twenty minutes and we made it


The kids were over the moon that finally we had reached the beach and the sea.

Why are there no waves daddy?

Asked one of them.


Because this place is shit.

I muttered under my breath.


Yay, the sun's coming out!

Trilled the Good Lady happily to me.

I smiled and pretended I couldn't smell the cow shit.

But I could.


Well, at least you didn't hear the banjos from "Deliverance" along your walk

I was keeping a firm ear out for that!

Those are some cool pictures, but I'm dying to hear how the return trip went.

Funnily enough, like all journeys back it seemed to be a lot shorter!

What? No barrage of "Are we there yet?" or, "but I'm TIRED!" to assail your ears? Or were you the only one whinging at all?

"As we forged our way through a stream, the kids found newts."

Class, they must have got great craic out of them. Whenever I hear anything about Newts though, I always think of the Witch scene in Monty Python and the Search for the Holy Grail!! I have loved them movies since first seeing them as a young lad..

That was some trek for a beach with no waves! I'd say the walk back was great craic altogether!

The scenery looks lovely though, so unspoilt.

Haha, sure that's a good scene!

I was quite amazed by them. I don't think I ever spotted any when I was young!

That is beautiful. But then, of course, I can't smell the cow shit. Lol. Thanks for making me smile, man.

Hehe, cheers mate. Just enjoy not smelling that shit! :OD

Obviously the cow shit is there, well there are cows haaaaaaa, you can smell it because you are not so happy to see the destination, the children and the good lady are focused on enjoying themselves, when reading I imagine a grumpy man haaaaaaa but you really are a kind man , i know .
A hug

I am grumpy. Never fear in that score ;0)

It's not far... Famous last words.

I often wonder if the locals place wagers on how long it will take you suckers to get back. :)

Those trees are really straight!

I bet they do. I bet they get together in their local cubby hole and have a right old laugh at the tourists!

I do love a straight tree! The ones round my way are so gnarly!

Honestly, it is beautiful! Scotlands has some of the most stunning forests in the entire UK. So wonderful to camp, hike and be one with nature and your family. After driving back home with two whiny, fighting angels and an overtaxed wife, I think you might be happy to catch the red-eye (for two) to Spain and check into a spa.

Run faster!

It's the forests that I love best. Well, second best. I love the hills and mountains but with a four year old they are not very practical at the mo. Give it another year or two and we will be taking pictures from the tops of mountains as well as forests!

Going to Spain in September, will hold my water till then!!

Exactly why I was trying to buy that house overlooking six rows of mountains! I love it, but never realized I would want to live there. Forests are beautiful! Always!

Breathe deep!

I knew you were going to Spain, didnt remember when! September is one of the beautiful months there and the tourists have gone home!

I always aim for the time when the tourists have gone. Quiet but beautiful!

I wouldn't mind a house or in the country. It would have to be near the sea and the mountains. I think if you had that you would be laughing

Well, I never thought of that! ;) I have had the house on the Shore for 12 years now and it is part of the family. Nobody wants to get rid of it now. I just need to get the house in the mountains and put them in the rotation.

Where can I get the winning lottery ticket to pop into the never working again status?

It sounds magic. I think we could all do with that winning ticket so that we don't have to work again.

Oh, wasn't it meant to be crypto? 🤣

Why are there no waves daddy?

May be they were scared of you :)

And rightly so! ;O)

Lol and this is why I'm an introverted loner haha, this place looks amazingly beautiful. In fact it makes me thing of bits of very northern Maine here on the east coast of the usa , deep forest, lush and green and rocky sea inlets.

I had to laugh at the newts, as a child when I visited my grandparents they had woodland very like this and I'd race out to turn over rocks and see how many newts and salamanders I could find and sneak back home. Being a nerdish child, I always kept all sorts of little beasties and plants in terrariums and aquariums in my 'animal and plant room'. Lol, you'd have hated it. I could picture child me proudly showing child you my plant and animal room and you scowling and cursing me in your brogue haha.
Well, I'm glad you found the sea, I hope you had a dip.

We had half a dip. The water was very cold so only my daughter braved an actual swim.

I would probably have loved that, the animals and insects. But not on a grumpy day where it has rained at me non stop :0D

Absolutely gorgeous, the whole way! Like enchanted forest meets the water <3

You'll have to take me there when we visit one day! :0)

Why yes indeed!! If we can survive the one lane road that winds and weaves up and down for fecking miles all the way here. We had to do the last half hour surrounded by the smell of sick as the little lady just vomited absolutely everywhere sure to the windy dipping road!

That's like the walks to a couple of the beaches back home, except less frigid looking XD

I guess far is relative.

Guess the place looks a lot better than it smells? XD And did you manage to find a good time out of all that?

We have found many good times. There is in fact a closer beach we found today. It's very nice and very relaxing!

Yay for closer beach! Otherwise you might not have had another beach trip? XD

Yes indeed! This one has a magical shortcut which doesn't include a mountain in the way,lol

I bet you had a lovely time, you grumpy bugger. Even if it was Scotland.

Haha, I was totally being a grumpy bugger!!

Haha PUD pisses me off all the time and I get annoyed about power up virtue signalling all the time 🤪😂 So what if you've never powered down, right? Doesn't make you less loyal to Hive. And if you haven't, you clearly don't need the money. I did, swapped for BTC, made money, paid off last bit of my mortgage. Best thing I ever did. I mean it wasn't a ton, don't get me wrong, but enough to get over that last hurdle. I was criticised once by an irrational whale for sending 'so much hive to the exchanges' as if that didn't make me a good Hive player. It's taken me a long time to get over that I tell you! Never mind all the other stuff I do here and that it was my right to do how I pleased with my earnings? See, look at the grumpiness you have unleashed! 🤪🤪😂😂

Lol. Let it out!!

I think that's exactly what should be done with earnings. I technically should have about 120K hp by now but I like to take some our when hive goes up. It can hardly be called earnings of it isn't spendable!

I am glad you made it work for you!

120k? Jeeeeesus. You do alright! 🤪 Thanks man xxx And btw love that we are connecting more these days! Great to get to know you more. Oh btw I have written a bit of a comedic response to Galen's sexy time WE thing .. I'll post tonight or tomorrow but you might find it amusing. I did, but I do laugh at my own jokes.

I love that we are connecting more too. When I read your stuff it always resonates with me. Apart from the fucking mushrooms of course 🤣

I look forward to seeing your post! I can't believe he put a sexy option up which seems to be quite popular!!

If you can't laugh at your own jokes then they probably ain't that good!!

Aw, blushing. I know... I was wondering if all of Hive had eaten green smarties 😂😂 . Which made no sense according to hubs, but here in Australia as kids we said the green smarties made you horny, so we always saved them to eat all at once.

Lol, it did indeed make no sense!!

I thought it was the blue Smarties that made you horny?? Shit, I have been powering along under a placebo effect all this time!!

I live on the edge of farm country. I smell cow shit every day. After a while, I'm fairly sure I can tell exactly which cow it was that shit last.

It looks surprisingly beautiful for the West coast of Scotland. I've been told that the Southern Coast of Scotland is where the true beauty is. ;-)

Hehe, it is true that the very best resides near the South and in the middle!!

I am quite surprised by the beauty of it all. And the remoteness. I thought it was only you the very North tip that our was like this. It's almost like going back in time, there is no traffic. Which is probably a blessing sad there are virtually no roads!

Aww...all of the inconveniences are simply that... inconvenient. Everyone perked up at the end so all's well! Sorry there was nothing to be done about the cow patty aroma lol. The forest is so beautiful, I just love it. It reminds me of camping with my family as a child. On the way back I asked my mom what was her favorite part and she said....the part where we get in the car to go home LOL

Hehe, I thought at first that that might be my favourite part but it is beautiful and I am getting more in the mood now the rain has kinda stopped. I mean it still rains every day but there are gaps!!

Ugh ! Wasn't there a way to drive around to the sea (said the lazy old woman) LOL !

Who recommendws that place to take kids where there was nothing to do and a sea with no waves?? I think you should punch them in the eye when you get back (unless it was the Good Lady and then you will just have to eat it) 😆

Sorry about that ! Ugh again.... who needs THAT kind of surprise?

It is quite pretty there though. :) if you like hiking through a wet forest.

There is a way to drive! I will be trying that the next time. Apparently it is a tortuous route through cow fields and the like and I am terrified of cows!

We have been non stop booking through giant forests. My appetite for trees is beginning to wane!

It was shit.

Laughing from the start.., where's your nature sense?
It stops raining in Scotland... occasionally

It stopped raining for half an hour yesterday!! It was awesome, hoping for another dry spot today, lol

It's little better down south (to you). Isn't July supposed to be sunny?

When I booked this nonsense I thought, end of June going into July, we are virtually guaranteed mine sunny weather...


...and then the water temperature was also minus 500 degrees because north England hahahahha..

Ow wow...I would be the same kind of mumbler during a neverending hike like that

The water is hilariously cold. My daughter lasted about two minutes in it!

Cow shit, horse flies, rain sounds like this was ordered to annoy.
Seaside no waves at least you could wade that stench off your boots!

Happy days!
@tipu curate 2

Our spirits were definitely lifted by the sea. Although not by the horse flies. One of them got me, like a bloody vampire bat!!

Gorgeous walk through the woods, no waves on the pond a disappointment to the youngsters.

Horse flies/Midge/Mosquito bites come with the territory, theirs to hone in on whoever/whatever appears. Pesky buggers...., too much hot air attracts them 🙂

The woods were very spectacular. Wilder than any I have been in. I was rather impressed!

I think the rain has been encouraging the biters out too because it is warm and humid. Good old Summer times!

Further North always been fantastic even when they speak in a strange accent, much wilder with open spaces to explore, not get lost!

Hot, humid wet weather brings the little beasties out to taste blood, you obviously were the target.

PS: Bug Spray it works sometimes.

The accents are fab, I think they might struggle more with mine right enough, hehe.

I have two different kinds of bug spray. I am trying a new one today as Jungle formula let me down bad!

We all talk funny..., to those from outside of town.

Net tent made for one, traipsing through the woods with can of Doom should do the trick, or grin and bear itchy and scratchy for a day or two..., why do children never complain?

It's weird that the children don't send in the least affected. I was looking at this Net-Head device which is literally a net bag for the head and thought I can take the itching and the biting. At least for now!

So 'not that far' means about an hours walk over there. 'It is quite a walk', then would be like two hours. 'Too long for the kids', that'll be about a three hour walk.

Those horse flies sting like the worst. And it is commonly known that indeed they only go for horses. Or men hung like one. 😁

Sounds like you are having a family vacation. Saw on of the photos that there appears to be electricity available, so it could be worse.

From the looks of it the place is quite nice, except for the shitty smell.

Have a great time and may the sun greet you all a lot!

I think you haave figured out the secret language of the distances! That sounds exactly right.

We are indeed having a little holiday, It has been good. Our cottage has an open fire and electricity so we are sorted for staying warm and being able to cook!

Cheers mate!

Very greeny places. I don't like if it rains when I have a plan to trip somewhere.

I am cursed by the green!

The rain is a pisser, I think that's why people who live in Scotland rarely plan trips in Scotland!

That's why I don't like United Kingdom. I would drive crazy due to the frequently cloudy and rainy weathers.

Yeah, we class it as a special event when the sun find a gap in the clouds!


The "The fucking Sea" bubble had me thinking of Asterix comics :D

BTW, I think they call those straight trees "CIS pines" these days.

Hehe, that speech bubble is quite like those ones!

Damn CIS pines. I was about to say I prefer the bendy ones more but I think that would get me in trouble! :OD

Just perfectly written! Your irony is killer, cheers!👋

Hehe, cheers mate! I do like the irony :0D

It looks to typically Scottish though lol. Beautiful really Boom!

In one single post, you utterly summed up my entire lifetime of family vacations! They were all the same shit LOL!!!

That pretty much is Scotland, big trees and hills and the odd lovely beach!!

Don't even get me started on the kids fighting!

It was shit

Lol. How do you pick your destinations?
It actually looks quite nice though.

it isn't far.

I guess it's all relative. It really depends on what you're comparing it to lol.

The trees were very straight.

Lmao 🤣

Lol, we picked this one because it is near (relatively) to some uni friends of the Good Lady. It is a lovely little area. I was just feeling mighty bitter at that point! :OD

The trees are the straightest in the land! lol

Okay gotcha. Yeah, I was wondering because it does look quite nice. But mindset and weather can change things. Rain can ruin a trip for me lol. You got some sun though by the looks of it, so that's good.

It was the rain that was killing me. It rained for the whole 4 hour drive and then the first two days it rained solidly!

The sun perked me up no end :O)

Yeah, that would definitely get to me as well. Most people probably.

SO. Both you and @livinguktaiwan have colluded to post about my favourite places on earth. You pair of buggers. Damn that's beautiful.

Seriously, West coast of Scotland is stunning and the best beaches and clearest ocean in the world. Have an incredible holiday and please please please, more posts !

Newts? I haven't seen a real newt since I was about 7, I'd begun to think they were the stuff of legends and Enid Blyton books. Amazing.

Best wishes to you and your family mate :-)

It's near Campbeltown! But a wee remote village. it has a cheek calling itself a village as there is about 5 houses!

The beaches are pretty lovely and the scenery is stunning. I am quite happy apart from once again being the only person in the family that the flies and bitey beasts are interested in!

I had thought the same about newts until one of the eagle eyes spotted it and shouted newts!! I was like, really?

Cheers mate!

I fought a savage urge to kill them all, tie them in a chain by their tails and wear them like a crown of thorns, Jesus style.

You should write a song about that. 😅

I can hear the fierce guitars already! lol!

Damn. A hour walk. Each way. I'm outta breath just thinking about it. I'd have a word with guy... and maybe a fistacuffs ... after I caught my breath of course

I am thinking of burning his shack down and claiming it was a forest fire ;O)

These local folk seem to think 3 miles is a five minute walk with two kids. lol!

3 miles. Fuck.

If it was as the crow flies its one but there is a giant fucking mountain thing in the way!

To bad they don't have disc baskets along the walk..

It would be entertaining at least!

This is public you know.. You can't just go around calling trees straight like that, it's 2022 for fucks sake!

Shit, I forgot. Someone is going to get me cancelled on twitter! :OD

It's not far, indeed! haha 😅 I had a great laugh reading this over and over because I can totally relate. In my country, once locals say that phrase accompanied by their lips pointing towards the path you need to take, that means it's far and not far is probably hours of walking.

I admit the sea might not be as pleasing as other beaches but the forest you've walked through looks really inviting to me. I could jump right in and camp there!

I would love to camp in that forest, it's amazing! I loved staring up at the trees. I kept having to be careful I didn't fall down ravines and the like :0)

I have now learned that everything is about a mile away and not far according to the locals regardless of how far it actually is!

What a horrible walk and ugly beach. I can smell the shit from here.
Nature sucks.

Horrible nasty nature
Even at the sea it was spoiled by seals and cormorants.

Gaar! :0D

Ew, there was wildlife too??!!

Indeed. It was nothing short of a calamity. Not a soul to be seen just animals and green things and rocks and sea. Ugh

Not so far 🥵 but your shots of those VERY straight trees are beautiful, but then I couldn't smell the cow shit! Thanks for a good chuckle on this sunny Saturday 🤪
Enjoy your weekend 🌞

It wasn't so far on the way back. It's funny how things can seem so long on the way and then on the return you are like, oh, is that it!

Have a great weekend lass! :0D

I can only imagine what the monster of Loch Cow Dung smells like... brrrrrrr!

I imagine it would have a very funky beard to go with that smell! :0D

and likely full of bits and pieces of seafood and other residu ;^)

Lots and lots of shells!!

Me encanta la naturaleza, donde me provoca relajarme y disfrutar en ese lugar tan hermoso y lleno de paz 🙏💚🙏

Sí, de hecho, a mí también me encanta. ¡Incluso cuando llueve! :OD

Que hermosos esos paisajes, me encanta disfrutar de la naturaleza

Thank you, it is a lovely place!

Wow captivating place immerses the mind in natural beauty. Thank you so much I am very happy to share with you the place where you have to enjoy the natural beauty.

Thank you very much. It is indeed a beautiful place!

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