Where Have My Thoughts Gone

in #life5 months ago (edited)

Every time I come to this box, I cease.  Staring at my first line.  Already on my third.  Still, nothing.  I wonder what it is I want to say.  It must be intense.  There's no other reason why my body or those juices or that chemical mix involved in deliverance would refuse to let go.  Am I protecting myself from something?

Impossible to be hiding or cowering in fear as there's nothing to be afraid of, for no thoughts have come near.

Can't seem to remember my life.

But I'm here now, so I'll begin a new one, and this time I'll get it right.

Who was I though?  Did I do wrong?  Or is this simply the same old song and dance they all wish for when searching for that one last second chance.

I recall a darkness all around me, disguised as light, shining brightly and profoundly, burning these unsightly eyes with blindness compounding.

Could finally see.  They were all around me.  Then walked away, leaving me be.

NoNamesLeftToUse  The Nonsensical Award.png

I said nothing the entire time as the darkness unfurled into an array of thick slime, quickly becoming the only enemy of mine.

The silence was screaming and howling.  Prowling and scowling as it circled me then surrounding; my heart's pounding.

Defeating it with a whimper and thoughts of something simpler, I walked into the deafening void of nothingness and no mind, just to see if I could find some more of my kind.

With no sense of time, I travelled, with hopes of unravelling the mystery of my newfound consistently unbound complexities sensed all around but nowhere near.  The closer I came, the further it went, calling my name and saying, "Come here."

On and on and on yet I hardly put a dent into discovering the new dawn.  Began to yawn.

So tired.  Closed my eyes.  Finally I could see again.  The words are leading nowhere, my friend.

NoNamesLeftToUse  Drilled It In.png

Despair

I must get out of there.

Think happy thoughts before the brain rots into the dust snorted by the contorted mind doing squats; working feverishly but never able to connect the dots.

It's all starting to come back to me now.

Living in hell and I remember it well but it was all tucked under the shell of fucked thoughts confined to a cell.  The Brainbreak Hotel.

Checking out with a quickness beats roughnecking it into sickness; until we meet again.

What have I become other than someone willing to smother my own mother of ideas.  Where will I be in five years if I just reach for the beers while watching signs of life go downhill like some skiers only out for a thrill, zipping past the sightseers, looking for that cool place to chill.

Time to catch a ride and take the lift or I'll slide into the rift created and only maintained to damage one's pride, while the onlookers become cheerfully snide; married to their thoughts like an unhappy bride.

NoNamesLeftToUse  RaffleCoppin.png

Leaders of nations with their vibrations shaking the planet into pieces while making funny faces.  Who would ever want that job aside from the mob outside doing the same damage only folks like that can manage.

Replace anger and destruction with more anger and destruction; all that's left is another obstruction.  Changing clothes has no impact on internalized woes but I'm glad it materialized and it just goes to show when things begin to glow then shake, rattle and roll, it's the soul trying to escape from the hole in their swole heads they stole from the people who replaced hearts with some coal.

Only a matter of time before they get burned; turned into the smoke and ashes left there for the masses and the new asses soon to be kissed until something goes wrong and a few get pissed.

No such thing as peace anymore; an illusion society tricked into buying some more and if they don't get their way, they just smash the store.  Grabbing new shoes is how society sings the blues.

Don't get me wrong.

It's intentional.  I never wanted to belong for that only means I'm owned by a song.  The Historical Record.

"Society.  The most 'together' and 'exciting' group going.  Welcome, 'focus'..."

NoNamesLeftToUse  Growing Tomaters.png

Sounds about right and seems rather fitting.

A butcher of the past; all I have left is this future blast into the cosmos of all things osmosis and the next new big bang of hypnosis.  Uncontrollably restrained by design yet nothing is learned as power yearned for an eternity in fear of losing it.

Impossible to lose something never gained.

Who's demonstrating control?  The wannabe head honchos screaming at large or the one holding back from getting an assault charge.

But what do I know as the creator of my own thoughts, in a world full of scripts and illusions, hypocrites and delusions.

NoNamesLeftToUse  My Head Exploded.png

Just an intrusion; as the world fights for the freedom to all say the same things, and win the war for the mind, so they can turn it into something lost again, finding peace in being behind a cause, instead of in front well ahead of the game playing them.

Carry on.  Carry on as if nothing really matters.

I don't want to call it an experiment.  'Unrecognized, unrealized, or unacknowledged progress' would be more accurate.  Not a lab rat.  More like a pioneer or explorer; a concept society today lost touch with and can't relate to.  All trails; no trailblazers.

Exhibit freedom in a decentralized world yet people are still looking for masters to blame for problems they have.  Knowing only how to be fed; no clue how to feed.  But I'm not worried.

NoNamesLeftToUse  Purple Popsicle Licker.png

Those lagging behind will catch up eventually but only once their burning desires to stand out by fitting in can be lit by the flames upon the torches once held by those who chose to light the way, for themselves.

The freedom to act exists now on the internet, at least.  Without that, freedom of speech is just noise.  No such thing as being deplatformed.  If one tries to kill, what was once a victim now has the choice to live, or die.

I find it all so incredibly fascinating to be a part of.  And the old world is dead to me.  Just some relic.  But I don't expect folks to come along in droves any time soon.  Too busy worshipping control in order to be controlled, better.  Too busy fighting their reflections.

Yeah.  That's all.

Have a nice day.

Credits:
Youtube video linked to source.
Art and images seen here were produced digitally, by me.
NoNamesLeftToUse Outro.png

"The art comes from my archives.  I have thousands."

Images © 2022 @NoNamesLeftToUse.  All rights reserved.

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I so much love how you write...

And I must say, your comment was quite enjoyable.

Wow that was some deep dark and sometimes light hearted read.

The poetic rhythm in the pacing of your word structure was in stark contrast to the mix of ideas presented in this.

Am sure if re read again I will have another interpretation to what you are saying.

A deeper meaning within the light hearted phrases. Perhaps?

Yeah this was either meant for advanced readers or I'm just off my rocker again. Either way. Still had a blast putting it together, unrestricted.

Wouldn't go past being of the rocker with writing something advanced. After all Hemmingway was mostly off his nuts when he wrote his classics or was on their way to a bender or after massive ones.

I'm not even stoned. Just started jamming keys in the middle of the night when most sleep. I didn't plan this. That's how it all fell out of my brain. I dunno. I like it.

It's like that old proverb.

I fell, tripped, landed. Now she pregnant..

chuckle

I'm at my most creative in that same situation haha!

The mind does some amazing things while half dreaming.

Ah so poetic! I like this realistic poetry of yours , it is like I can hear your inner thoughts between the lines you have written.I liked this the most

Grabbing new shoes is how society sings the blues.

Many don't even realize how much of a great singer they are, although they live their life screaming their blues.

As for control, people like it when they can put the blame on someone else. The leaders reflect the nation. The problem is within, like the mold which is already eating through the wall although we can only see the dark dot. It goes deeper.

See, you're allowed to call it poetry. I think if I, as the writer, did such a thing, actual poets could come and blast me. To be 'safe', I just call it writing lol!

Actual singing makes me feel awkward. I'll do it when I'm under the influence of something though and people seem to have fun, so I dunno. They're probably just drunk too.

The leaders reflect the nation. We're on the same wavelength. I said something similar in a response here. Politics make it confusing though. If that 'leader' is on the 'wrong team', oftentimes people don't want to admit that's still a reflection. Those divisions are an illusion. It's still humanity at the end of the day.

Ah poets and their ego....

We are all one. In the end when we throw stones in others we also hurt ourselves. We like to put a nasty tag like " enemy", "politician", "leader" so we could have the reason to blame: it is them, not us. We still have a lot to learn.

We're all flawed but I like to keep some things in mind while navigating this world and people. For instance, "If you point one finger, don't forget about the three pointing back at yourself." Silly things like that are good to keep in mind.

As per usual you have an image that I like but have no clue why I like it, or what it even says to me. (the first one below the READ one). I think it is the colors they just blend so well. I am sure I will end up dwelling on it and searching for meaning, but I think in the end it i just going to be the colors blending together so well.

The song, I am not so sure about, I didn't like in the 70's and 49 years later I think I still so not like it. But what I like or do not is not the issue I guess, some found it appealing, and some still find it appealing, for the life of me I can not see why, but then again not many people Liked Prince's song Raspberry Beret, or When Doves Cry. I liked the movie Purple Rain.

Too busy fighting their reflections.

I like that line.

We've spoken plenty of times about my art. Once again, I too was able to find new meaning within. To me, it makes perfect sense, but of course once again, I'll keep it to myself as to not spoil the fun.

I can't say I'm a fan of that song. I just put it there to represent chaos. It's beyond ridiculous, like this world sometimes. I wasn't even born when that song came out. My playlist is jammed with all kinds of weird shit though.

As for that line, I could also add, "...and admiring themselves."

But I left it.

It's been some time since I heard 'Hocus Pocus', a by-product of having your pants way too tight produced high-pitched sounds like 'Thijs van Leer' made. Just look at Barry Gibb in 'Staying Alive'..., same thing.

I once read, or heard (got this idea somewhere i dunno) the cocaine use back then was a contributing factor. The way sound hits the ears while on the drug. That kind of high pitch stuff sounds 'great' apparently, when under the influence of cocaine. Something like that...

I put that there for a bit of chaos, and irony too. They do not look or sound like they got it together. I still respect the art of course. Not mocking it. It just seems so absurd.

The imagery was very much of the time, and was a little before mine (even though I am ancient). I preferred the instrumental 'Sylvia', but have heard it far too many time now.

I can't remember exactly how I found that one but I had never heard of them. I have an oddities collection and actively look. By the magic of internet, there it was. I know very little about the era. Before my time.

I needed this one. Thank you! Thankfully 😅 I have you for when these are needed. Deep dive… when needed. Can’t ask for more. !LOL

What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.

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Use the !LOL or !LOLZ command to share a joke and an $LOLZ. (1/2)

Yes indeed. I was actually reading your mind while putting this together. Thanks for the help! Next time I'll knock first...

Is this Introduction to Ancient Assyrian Philosophy or am I in the wrong classroom again?

Wrong door! This is shop class. We're making spindles.

Close enough.

But I could be wrong. Our Iraqi friend over there did seem to naturally connect to the thought offerings. So maybe I'm in the wrong room. I dunno. Too many doors these days.

As long as those spindles get made it probably doesn't matter.

That's our motto. Are you sure you're a new student? You look familiar, but so does this bottle in my drawer...

I was in your Introduction to Ancient Bottled Assyrian Curses class last semester. That bottle looks like the one I stole from a tomb in Ninevah for my final project. Why is it empty?

Why is it empty?

If I told you, you'd drink, too. And if I'm not careful I'll be down by the river laughing at boats.

Go next door for the, um, best I not say.

Pretty sure everyone can hear the banging down the hall.

😂 I wonder if they have use these in that class with all the banging?

Did someone say next door? Here I am.

Here I am.

😂 That makes me laugh every time I read it. I think I get a picture of an axe and big eyeballs with it.

in a world full of scripts and illusions, hypocrites and delusions.

Couldn't possibly think of a better way to describe the world at the moment.

Hard not to get sucked in. Like a magic show, minus the entertainment.

Well said, my friend. But despite it appearing like our darkest days are ahead, I see pin pricks of light in those clouds.

Those are the only pricks I like.

Excellent!! Another post and another stream of consciousness.... Love it.... Just writing what comes to the mind and it's not known where you end up and how you got there...

Think happy thoughts before the brain rots into the dust snorted by the contorted mind doing squats; working feverishly but never able to connect the dots.

Eloquent language delivering a stark message here.

Leaders of nations with their vibrations shaking the planet into pieces while making funny faces.

Nail on the head here, well not all the leaders, but certain ones for sure flash before my eyes as I read this.

Brilliant! And yeah that's exactly how this came to be. Going with the flow. A bit of fine tuning but, you know.

As for leaders. That's just a job. They play dress up and go to work just like anyone else. The pedestal is an illusion.

As for leaders. That's just a job. They play dress up and go to work just like anyone else. The pedestal is an illusion.

Yes, I agree to an extent, but they have such power at their disposal for change and for the betterment of society, but eventually almost all of them bend to the will of the money, large lobbies and real power brokers. It would be refreshing to see some people get into power with pure altruistic intent for society and no secondary agendas etc. Just basically make the world or their little corner of it a better place to live in. I think some of the Scandinavian countries do better than most in this regard and I like seeing more female head of state coming into power, as many have a more maternal instinct towards the planet and society in general. Yes that is a massive generalisation, but I do think there is something in it.

I can agree with that. Realistic. At the end of the day though they're just a human. No super powers. Their mistakes is society's reflection. Humanity is flawed, heavily. Even the manager at Burger King falls for the same crap, goes on the same power trips. And the employees all think they can do a better job, until they get the job, then things change.

I've held several lead positions myself working my way up the corporate ladder. People expect a little too much most days. It eventually drove me nuts so I just walked. Never looked back.

Their mistakes is society's reflection.

Very interesting way of looking at it actually, and you're right, the politicians are often populist and do actually mirror many in society. I suppose society will never be perfect though, as there are so many competing voices on what is right and wrong etc and it is so much worse today with fake news muddying the waters.

Yeah the information delivery isn't helping. It's a problem that'll correct itself eventually. News media, regardless of source, is for profit. How long would a comedian last if the jokes insulted the audience (and I don't mean banter)? Not long. Eventually those folks in news media will realize they're alienating their consumer base. People are wising up. Turn your back to that stuff and they lose the illusion of having power and control. Humanity is strange though. Something so simple as flicking a switch could change the world, but even that's a huge ask.

News media, regardless of source, is for profit.

Ya, nail on the head there. There is always an agenda or an editor who wont publish or broadcast certain stories. To be fair some newspapers and news channels are better than others, but none are perfect, because as you say there is money at play, so full transparency is often lacking.

Pretty scary that it could all be over if a couple of Megalomaniacs with access to nuclear weapons get into a war. Although, we're probably going to do ourselves in ultimately anyway, the way that global warming is accelerating. Our ancestors will eventually look back on our generation as idiots, who had all of the information and science, yet continued to plough on as if nothing was changing.

Making a mess inevitable. It's interesting how folks don't want climate change, so their answer is to do things to change the climate, but in a different way. Either way creates interference and either way the results are unpredictable. The Earth is in control regardless, not the people. Had it not been smashed to bits or frozen over; completely uninhabitable... we wouldn't even be here. I suppose it's all about balance. Our lifespans are too short. Those future people might be thanking us for melting the snow and ice and providing more land to live off of, while places now a desert could turn into lush jungles due to 100 years or so of heaving rains and flooding. So many variables. Apply politics though and then one is only allowed to pick some variables while dismissing the others. Just like the news.

Ha ha, sorry that initial comment was a placeholder :) Edited now horsebox!

Slow down there bud. Mine was a placeholder too. Now we're even; even more confused.

Think happy thoughts before the brain rots into the dust snorted by the controlled mind doing squats; working feverishly but never able to connect the dots. I must get out of there.

Despair is certainly not a good place and we must get out of there and find solace, lasting solace.

Your arts and images are spooky, I love them.

It does often boil down to a choice. But of course not all choices are easy to make. We've all been there.

Happy to hear you enjoyed the show. I have a metric shit-ton of work now going unseen so I like to mix it in. It's always new to someone. And so much better than generic stock images folks dig for in the bargain bins.

Heavy man! Yeah, speech must not be noise and the poetic element to the writing could be jingled as a rap. But that music is so cutting edge! WOW! And from your despair comes the focus of mastery.

I did have a beat in mind while writing, but not always the same beat. Just a beat. Could easily be rap, with some fine tuning.

And I thought the song was bonkers. Stumbled into it a few years ago and thought, "How the hell did I not know about this..."

I hope you keep writing and posting what falls out of that infinitely complex cranial system of yours, the waking dream musings of a tired torchbearer.

I tend to want to go microwave all of my rice bags to apply to my head after pondering the existential fodder you lay in the trough.

I have nothing clever to add, I’m too tired from it all, just know that your thoughts are appreciated.

It seems to only come out now when speaking a language I know. Still tucked between the lines though. That's where I stash the flow. Can see the rapids but can't feel them until one goes where they can't be seen. Something like that. Nothing clever to add either.

Thanks.

Well that's quite a piece of writing, really weighty. Liking your twists and turns with much to sit with. I haven't seen much of your art, really enjoyed pausing to digest each piece.

married to their thoughts like an unhappy bride.

This was one of many phrases that popped out for me. I've not heard or read it put quite like that. Quite well captured.

I really enjoyed your post.

As I sit here I think my only regret was stopping at 1100 words. Chopping out thoughts and feeding them to the birds. Could have kept going but then what am I showing? Off?

chuckle

And I have so much art I produced it's to the point I don't even remember what I was thinking when I made it, or if I was even thinking at all.

Lol, you could run it into book length, I'm sure.

How many years have you been doing art? I know what you mean about not remembering.

I started digital art back when I was a kid on MS Paint, windows 3.1 style. I didn't enjoy art class or anything like that growing up. But this clicked with me. I think one of first things I told you is you learn something new each time you try. So I've been developing this particular style for roughly seven years but it dates back further than that for sure.

Day-um! That's hard core, using Paint. Art class isn't arranged for anyone to enjoy, enjoyment is when go explore on your own.

Interesting how you've worked that out for so long. Last year was my first attempt at digital art of any kind and I have no idea where it's going, far too new.

Do you do any other art forms besides these very distinctive digital pieces and some kick butt writing that brings me right to attention? (no chance of boredom whatsover, thank you)

I can do other things, with a more traditional approach, to the point you wouldn't even know it's me, but I keep this and that far far apart. The vagueness is intentional and necessary. This is more of an underground independent thing that just kind of happened; going with the flow. There's no rules or restrictions with this brand. Don't talk about my life much.

Hahaha! I never doubted you could do other things. I'm just really curious as to what.

Separation, yeah, I can appreciate that. I can also appreciate why without asking.

There's no rules or restrictions with this brand. Don't talk about my life much.

I quite like that very much.

Hello I am Fallowing you now to help support the Canada front end on Hive, a room which you have joined. I hope to interact more and soon in the room.
Your work stirs something inside of me. They are quite something and have such feel to them.

This post wasn't on display there. Not sure if I'll ever actually enter my work into confined spaces. I like the potential audience to come unprepared and not know what to expect. That helps with the stirring... ;)

ahhh yes that could be possibly best as they do not know what they do not see, until they see it and know it and you show it. Perfect.

Yeah, or I blow it. I've always enjoyed placing art for instance in front of folks who didn't necessarily come for art. Folks take a genuine interest after something catches their eye. The end result is I get to see all these genuine and down to earth people come to my show. Been doing it that way since day one here.

Having the real genuine reaction must be nice. The truth is right there for you and them to see. What kind of shows do you put on? in Canada?

Didn't mean that literally. Meant the show, here. That's the show, up there, and down here. All of it.

Ahhh fair...i thought you got to see their faces first hand...i guess you could hack the camera on the computers to have a look when they open your post. Hahah
Anyways nice work, ill see it come through my feed form no on. Make sure to take and accept Z Dollards.

Thanks for poetic faces

I have read what was written in red.

I'm not sure exactly how much freedom of speech we actually have posting on the internet considering our respective countries and circumstances. What I chose not to say sometimes speaks more than what I have actually written or spoken.

!LUV

We're all born with it. Even those with disabilities can communicate thoughts with their hands. As we do here, there, elsewhere. People standing on distant hills cannot hear one another, yet they're free to speak, so they light a fire, and talk with smoke. The ancients never fought for it. They worked for it. They acted.

A lot to chew on...

The ancients always had something to grunt about and so does my teenage son. I think I will buy him a microphone so he can get on air. Some years ago the user One Apha was a ham radio ID. Over and out.

Someone should reengineer the megaphone to sound less annoying.

I'm still contemplating the first comment with the smoke signals. I bet there is already a social network called SMOKE... but MEGA SMOKE would be something new ^^

SUPER MEGA SMOKE FANDANGO

That looks like your target audience.

!LOL

Why don't eggs tell jokes?
They'd crack each other up.

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Is a crispy crust better or a chewy crust !PIZZA with !BEER ?

Did you know if you buy two pizzas, flip one over and place it on top of the other, you can eat two slices at once and keep your hands clean... ?

The freedom to act exists now on the internet, at least. Without that, freedom of speech is just noise.

Some deep intrusion there - people always look forward to blame - at least majority of the population and that is how we gave birth to centralization - we needed a master.

You got it. And at times it's used as an excuse to remain comfortable, protected, maybe even parented, as it all comes naturally at birth. No need to improve or learn when it's the responsibility of someone else to guide, and who wants to blame themselves these days. Does society not frown upon wallowing in self pity? So hold it all in, then push it upon someone else.

Something like that...

I wonder who those pretty alien ladies are looking over their shoulders at, and why they are pointing out the lack of a heart in that spine. Or maybe I should call them demon ladies, as they look like they are standing on the River Styx. And there is a reflection in that black water, but I'm undecided what it looks like.

I find it all so incredibly fascinating to be a part of

Indeed.

Sounds like you've been doing those @NoNamesLeftToUse drugs again. But that's okay. That's legal and even encouraged here. Of course, I cannot explain the unexplainables. You know the routine.

I think I've evaluated this one before - I seem to recall talking about the River Styx. I'm always having deja vu when chatting here, and I'm always confused. Maybe it is the noname drugs.

Pact you made with the pretty demon ladies, isn't it? Two pretty green hands were caressing your face while they said in unison: There will be no explaining the unexplainables, understood?

I wouldn't want to be on their bad side either. No worries.

I hear you so loud and clear. I'm aware of these special powers but just know, it is a new day.

As for them and those that like to make appearances, I've been waiting for them all to come visit again, but they're late, and not calling me back. Not losing hope though. My most loyal friends of all time. And if that doesn't sound crazy, imagine me trying to explain it clearly...

My god, to think it has been four new days since you said this. But am I sure? No, I am not. Everything was normal, until I showed up back here, and now it seems no time has passed at all...

And if that doesn't sound crazy, imagine me trying to explain it clearly...

You are talking to a person that visualizes a lady in long flowing skirts and long pointy fingernails as the librarian of her memories. There will be no judgements from her or I.

Four days is a long time. So long in fact, much of it is indeed, a blur. Like it never happened. As if time is an illusion. Or a, space.

I better stop before I have an Einstein moment. I'd be pretty damn bored if I ended up figuring it all out, too soon. I need more time. Not less space. I think.

Wow and I really like the depth of your writing.

I wasn't expecting it to be that profound.

Thank you very much for your work and I can't wait to see more content from you!!!!

Thank you for taking the time and spending it here. What is sound, without ears. What is art without eyes.

Thanks again.

You are the artist.

You're welcome and I can't wait to see more of your content!

I truly wonder what the future has in store for us the next year on The blockchain!

You gonna be playing @psyberx ?

Hoping in about a month or so it is going to be here! Fps shooter play to earn!!!! Yeah man!

I've yet to try any of the games. Been around the block so long yet, not sure why. I've just been combining art and crypto since before it was cool and found a place to rest my thoughts. I guess I'm already playing a game I enjoy.

The silence was screaming and howling

Silence is very noisy.

Especially when experiencing tinnitus.

Haha. The replies you give to people...the one with turn 2 pizzas so you could eat 2 slices without getting dirty and this one. I laugh. It is that sort of nerdy humour which is really fun. Awesome , my dimples say thanks

I promise you on this end I'm smiling, too.

This was by far one of the most thought-intriguing posts I have ever read. It is a feeling I could only kinda relate to. Might seem like an odd comparison, but between the transition between steemit and Hive, I was away from the blockchain as a whole working as a translator.

The job was mundane and easy, a few weeks in I was on autopilot. And I could honestly say I remember like 8-9 things during the entire year and a half I spent working there, and that includes my off-work time.

After that, at least for a while, it felt like I was playing catch up with my thoughts and feelings.

I really love the surrealism imagery, whether in text or pictures, that you used here. Using the unfamiliar to explain the familiar.

Sorry, I could type here forever (and I did before realizing how much I wrote and decided to cut it down), but this was an excellent piece.

I just woke up and so far the only thing I can think of in response is, you must not read or get out much.

Of course leaving it there would make me appear to be a dickhead, even though I'm knocking myself down, so I've provided this sentence to help clear up any confusion.

All dumb jokes aside. It is strange how one can live so much but remember so little. So many days blend into the next. Then we're left with only the extremes. The best days and bad days stand out.

No need for clarification, I have followed you long enough to know where your heart is. And the statement is true, technically. I do read a lot, but even that I do in the line of research in an attempt to write a post. The one about going out is 100% accurate though.

Like, I do appreciate the beauty in a movie, TV show, a book, even analyzing a football match. But, and this is the part where your post hit resonated with me, it later becomes a part of this content creation process. Like, there isn't something about me that's mine at the moment. All my thoughts are monetized and subject to criticism/praise lol!

I remember the times where I was actually living. But those memories do feel like they happened in an alternative. And somehow my conclusion that is implanted in me is that I will find peace once I leave Iraq and somehow manage to be more alone.

I was diagnosed with mild dissociative disorder, let's hope that's the cause hahaha!

And with all things aside, thank you for this piece. It did give me a lot to think about.

We all become products of our environment, man. Nobody is immune. I know exactly what you mean by your thoughts not being your own. When I'm in this mode, creating, whatever, the only thing I put in my head is music. I shut the rest of the world off. If I'm working on art I don't look at other art. Don't want to be influenced. Then when things get too hectic, that's when I vanish from here. I'll be gone for months at a time. This last time I even disconnected from the internet. All I was left with were my days and thoughts living out in the middle of nowhere, alone. Said in my previous post I got learn who I am all over again and become friends with that being. I see a lot of people on this planet when I come online simple products of what they consume. You are what you eat.

You should have been a rapper. Bustin out rhymes, a poet of our times.

Words like chimes man. Jingling away in the window. Thoughts in the breeze, yo. Shaking down the trees though. Ain't nothing stopping these flows.

And it just kind of goes on like that forever...

It's like running water. Those flows :o)

I could listen forever!

Just don't go chasing waterfalls. Stick to the rivers and the lakes that you're used to...

Your words somehow managed to place a song in my head and now I can hear it...

I can hear it too. I fear it will be a sticker!!

Who needs a radio, when you already got one.

I came listen to the radio in my head because the voices are on all the channels!!!

I tuned into polka but now I see dots. I think I'm defective. Should probably go to the hospital and demand to speak to the manager.

Did you freewrite...? Sonetimes thst way we are raw and honest with the thought that clash against our skulls? Or was every word intended the way it is? Either way there is a depth and unraveling that will always belong to you, like a decrypting key, and leaves wondering after first read that I should not venture my guesses cos it is not meant to be an easy read, but a poke into an open gash to take something out in order to heal it later
Oh or maybe that is just me assaulted by freewite again and will have to decode myself too

Yeah. From start to finish I didn't know where I was going, but eventually got there. Of course I proofread and fine tuned a few things for presentation purposes after. It is meant to left wide open to interpretation. Folks can take what they want, leave what they don't want. No arguments, just thoughts. Poking and prodding at myself just as much as society, since it's impossible to be on the outside.

Our head box (brain) is always fascinating and I find that sometimes when I let it flow with no restriction at all, I find myself even not grasping entirely the depth of what I write, but it's usually a door of subconscious

I open that door with my artwork as well. I'll sit for hours simply building up a base, randomly, chaotically. Then I'll see something in the chaos then produce that image. Pareidolia. When your eyes play tricks on you. I paint the tricks.

Excellent post!!! ❤️
Love your writing!

This is deep and mind blowing

And towels come complimentary if you need to wipe that shit up.

Wow! Very deep thoughts..I love it! Sometimes words were strong Infusion of mix feelings to one´s self. More to come?

Always more to come. No real plan for what's next or when though.

Reading this stoned gives me an airy feeling. Nice choice of words..

I might take you up on that offer and read it stoned later just to feel what you're talking about. But I can imagine.

Bueno amigo me perdí un poco en la lectura porque utilizas una profundidad en las palabras que obliga a releer, me gustó la tercera parte me identifique pues la libertad existe ahora en el internet y se que es así, poder generar dinero desde la comodidad de tu hogar es algo que nunca me imaginé agradezco a Hive por ello, y con respecto a tu comentario de que podrías estar loco otra vez, bueno todos los que escribimos jugamos con ese mundo, saludos.

Está destinado a ser un poco confuso. Tengo curiosidad por lo bien que se traduce a este idioma. En inglés fluye y rima a medida que avanza.

Wao. I was hooked. Great piece.

Thanks a lot. Cool to know something like that can make sense all the way around the world.

Good to have a peak into your mind and, the power you have over words is just incredible to say the least.

Maybe it is social commentary? Analyzing this is well beyond my public school literacy level, so I'll just say upvote # 500, hell yeah.

And here I thought it would be easy to rip apart.

Been awhile. Hope you're doing well.

I'm doing great. My time away worked as intended, then I started missing the place. It was time for me to return.

That's usually how it goes for me as well. I'll go months not even thinking about any of this then for about the final three weeks being away this place builds into being all I can think about, until I snap and show up.

I have a lot on my plate right now, coming back relieves an itch.

My english level is not good enough to understand this, but at least i can enjoy the song xD
!PIZZA

Often when I publish here I try to keep it within reach for those using translators or still learning. I apologize if this wasn't one of those times.

Freestyling at its finest! My son is pretty freaking amazing at it, lyrics just drop from his brain onto his tongue, then fall off of it like the organ is a carpet being unrolled while his best friend beat boxes like a pro. Magic!

Nothing worse than brain fog though when it comes time to put on a show. Sometimes I can go and go and go but then other times; standing there looking slow. This here was easy, you know. Rhyming one syllable and timing some silly flow just got a lot harder; now to the point I'm thinking discard, or, keep blinking until I'm tired or, maybe go for a ride or, use it all as a guide for, another day when I'm fried.

Brain fog, that's the worst, makes you feel like you're cursed, when the words they desert, what the hell, where'd they go, left me right before the show, fuck it I gotta know, where the hell do they go!

I feel like a melting candle, and all I can do is try my best to control the direction the wax flows, up towards my goals.
My mind is a strange loop and I suppose at the end of the day, you can really only see what's actually in front of you.
I guess this is probably way to simple of a comment in response to your great depth of a post here, but thanks for sharing!

There are no wrong answers here. I'm fascinated by all the responses. Everyone has their own take. This all gives me something interesting to read.

I was honestly expecting you to reveal you were describing your DMT trip or something like that. Loving the art, so unique, but great!

have a good weekend ;)

Those trips can be confusing, so it wasn't far off.

Glad you enjoyed it and yeah! Holy shit it's already Friday.

so it wasn't far off.

AHA!

Mind you, I only know DMT trips from others describing them, I tried once, as I was advised to try it to help me with trauma healing, but I was too scared to inhale deeply, lol, I was afraid to see those creatures everyone spoke about.

What I did see were the most amazing HD (or even better!) colours. I remember there was a drinking bottle on the table which is usually pink, and when I felt a bit of the DMT trip (the beginning only), I saw it in a colour so clear I can't even imagine seeing it normally.

Oh, and everything looked like a cartoon, not sure how else to describe it. I would like to try it one day, but still too scared of the unknown maybe.

I touched on that in the words. How there's nothing to be afraid of, except our own thoughts. We're afraid of ourselves, us silly humans.

Oh yes, I believe you're right!

It's all in my head, and the weirdest thing is that those people sharing their stories of DMT trips still speak highly of those trips as the most beautiful things they've ever done. I guess hearing about 1 very bad trip (a guy with a very bad conscience) made me fear it as that was shared just as intense as their stories about how every human should at least do one DMT trip in their life.

Oh well, maybe one day.

Ever notice how you'll most likely dream every night, but forget, unless it's a nightmare?

I've had bad trips on mushrooms and the only things I was able to pull out of those experiences and hold onto, were good things. Of course, you don't know until, after.

I know folks who stopped smoking weed because it would create 'anxiety' within they couldn't handle. But all it was doing was ripping their mask off and exposing them to the things they're trying to keep from themselves. It's kind of like, revealing secrets. But one can't keep a secret from self. Though people do try, and some succeed, at living a lie.

These altered states of reality simply don't care about walls and have no desire to knock first before entering. But it's not a criminal trying to take your stuff. Might leave a bit of a mess but that can be cleaned up.

Ever notice how you'll most likely dream every night, but forget, unless it's a nightmare?

Mostly, this is true, yes.

I've had bad trips on mushrooms and the only things I was able to pull out of those experiences and hold onto, were good things. Of course, you don't know until, after.

Good to know, thanks! I shall remember this when a situation occurs in the future.

But all it was doing was ripping their mask off and exposing them to the things they're trying to keep from themselves. It's kind of like, revealing secrets.

To be 100% honest, I think this might have been the reason for the fear at the time I could experience it as well. It was a very (very) tough phase in my life where I had just lost everything (house, children to loco ex who didn't let me see them, we moved abroad as I lived in constant fear for my ex etc) I think I wasn't ready for that moment to maybe see even more stuff that came to the surface.

Might leave a bit of a mess but that can be cleaned up.

Nice wording, I think I will remember these comments in the future. Thank you! I've personally not sought professional help/medication for the traumas, but started writing instead. I believe I did myself a true favour and learned something along the way.

Thanks again!

wow, you're such a baller at writing, i wonder if there are people who read what you write in their minds in a kind of monotonous way where they would miss all of the cool stuff you do. even if they do, they probably still enjoy what you write, you've got it covered from all angles.

but yeah, i really appreciate that you wrote this, and included that song hocus pocus - i can't say it hits for me, and i've never heard of that band focus. super weird stuff, like they're just taking the piss, tough for me to understand but people must have been into it. i guess i felt i needed to include some rhymes in my reply. i'm not sure for sure though that i want you to have noticed. i do love your writing, i don't want this part of my comment to seem like a joke and be dismissed! i actually debated whether i should try at all, but in the end i couldn't resist.

oh it is fun, maybe if i keep practicing and reading your writing i can get good at it lol. hopefully you take it as a compliment that i tried. :D

Yeah. There's a lot more said than just the words. Some folks might of read it with a head full of blurred thoughts. Others dread it. Like stirred sauce for the mind or maybe dental floss for all humankind. <--- I'd probably fix that if I was publishing it. It's fun.

Strange song though. I know. There's something there that doesn't happen anymore. Maybe something in the water.

Nice seeing you again. The rhymes were fire. You're hired.

ooh i'm hired! thanks 😄

maybe that something in the water was just liquid lsd

and you are really good at that rhyme thing. you're probably a well-known rapper who likes to lay low using aliases on the internet. i won't tell anyone.

Or maybe a washed up rapper on the shores of Hive, looking for a new place to be alive. Either way. I won't tell anyone either today.

Man that flowed like a cool mountain road.

Always wondered if Focus named their band to rhyme with hocus pocus. They must have had some other songs, but it's like they knew Hocus Pocus was going to be a smash hit.

Pretty much all the way to the stop sign. Then I slowed.

Was that song a smash hit? Here I thought I was dropping down an oddity ready to blow a few minds.

Yes it got some radio play for a while in the '70's, but these kids today probably never heard it. Awesome tune.

It's so zany. So fitting though, for this world, today. I'm sure some of the global audience here, if it's new to them, would be spreading it around now. "Look what I found!"

I can hear their producers going "HURRY! Write another one like that!" An impossible request.

Nope. That's only going to happen once. Accept no substitutes.

So how have you been?

Doing well, even with this apocalypse going on. I have about a million drafts for ideas that I never posted (yet), soon I'm going to take a minute to look through them, see if anything is worth sharing. I've had some ideas that I thought were hilarious, but the world had lost its sense of humor for the last couple of years, and my little jokes didn't seem to fit into the hysteria. I've thought about compiling all of my more insensitive material as a 'compilation of insensitive material' or something like that, maybe others are as demented as me, and would enjoy it. With you hanging around, I might just do it! If anybody squawks, I'll just tell them that Nonames made me do it.

I'm glad you've dodged the Mounties so far through all this, we were worried a bit. Dreemit and I roughly plotted sneaking into Canadia to rescue you, but it sounds like you're fine.

Blaming shit on me might just work. Fuck it I'll just go ahead right now and say, "I encourage this behavior." But you'll notice it's in quotes. That's a loophole I might need for later depending on how things go. #comedyopenmic is up and running again with a community and everything. So you could even blame them.

You're right about this 'humor problem' and I too felt the impact. That all contributed a bit to my vanishing. I was becoming increasingly pissed due to media, from all directions, as I'm not the traditional political type. Everything was ugly. So I just went to stare at the water and trees for a bit. No apocalypse there, man. Same world it's always been. Spoke on that a little bit in my previous post, along with how it felt switching it all back on. Wasn't even exaggerating.

And no those bastards haven't found me yet.

Your words wake up places in my mind long since rotted away; bravo.
I was feeling like my thoughts were gone as well; but they are still there.

And your art, is awesome. Been a huge fan of it for what feels like forever now.

We'll carry the old to the new. We have for millennia

The new always becomes the old. It's only acting new or appearing to be new or sounding new, because nobody knows any better.

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This was an insightful post,I love the way you write those words down

Ideas rise up as the words flow down. Something like that...

Thanks for stopping in.

Wow.
@nonameslefttouse
Your use of rhymes is beautiful...

Reading your words felt like admiring an exquisite artwork.

What kind of music was that, played by the hocus pocus band? It's unlike anything I have seen before.

LoL that music...

Look up: Yodeling

I'm not sure what they were doing there. Combining several artforms into one I suppose.

Wow @nonameslefttouse

Checked it out and yodeling is indeed and interesting way to express music.

Where I come from it's seen as maybe, awkward. It's an old style dating back hundreds of years. But one can still respect the artform. It's there.

I agree.. the artform is there and I do respect the delicacy it carries.

When I first saw it too... I thought it was awkward.

That's humanity though. We're all weirdos in our own weird ways!

That's true... I just imagined that there are a set of people that are known to eat dogs... I mean kill dogs and eat their flesh, like you do with chicken.

I still consider them weirdos 😂😂

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This does shed light on it in a different way. I agree. I had to take my time reading this. So much depth here, lots to digest. Quite a bit of journeying you've done.

Gotta say, you're one intense person, not that that disturbs me in any way, just makes you more interesting.

the creator of my own thoughts

That is why I like you, summed up in a short sentence of your creation.

Funny how so many things in life can be so revealing yet remain invisible, at the same time.

Been dealing with those problems and these problems, forever. Similar to a chess match. There's a line there about being ahead of the game. And I did point out in a comment here it's for advanced readers.

Whatever though. Put on a show, people enjoy it. What would possess someone to come along and trash it, steal from it and so on...

Your guess is as good as mine...

Funny how so many things in life can be so revealing yet remain invisible, at the same time.

I agree. That's one of the concepts I like to play with when I create.

Ha! Advanced readers, most definitely. I am loathe to rush through reading this kind of writing, so I pause as I go along, but this one, lol, I had to stop three quarters of the way through and go sit with it for a while before finishing reading. I don't think I've ever done that on here before.

Put on a show, people enjoy it.

Always. They eat that up. Makes me wonder, that's something I need to explore more.

Your guess is as good as mine...

Complicated web. A simplification of that, is the darkness that runs this world.

Doesn't run the world. Runs interference. Simply watch how anyone infected with that disease spirals downward. You'll not find one case where they come out on top, without help.

Doesn't run the world. Runs interference.

I thought about that. Much more accurate way of putting it.

I have watched, up close and personal, and you are correct, they don't come out on top without help.

They built a fire upon ice. So at this point, since it's still ongoing with no signs of stopping, all I can really do is sit back, collect evidence as it pours in, and watch them sink. Damages grow by the day. And what's strange is I see stakeholders on that other chain supporting and encouraging it to continue. Silly thieves. Blindness compounding...