My real life story about homelessness and how I coped with adversity in my life

in GEMS4 months ago (edited)

Hello! My name is Mary and for those of you who know me from Hive you are most likely aware of the fact that I am very creative. You know me for my bodypainting, my book reviews, my pointillism art and my philosophical writings.But it is time to reintroduce myself to the Hive community because there is something I am ready to share with you now.

Hello again! My name is Mary and I’ve been homeless for the past 3 years. By the time I publish this I already managed to get my own HOME.

How did this happen? I must go a little bit into my past and tell for those who do not know me a little bit of my personal history. I have shared my story about my past dysfunctional romantic relationships. I had a long 8 year long relationship with someone. I had the courage to cancel our marriage after I have found out that I was cheated repeatedly. I do not live in my native town. I fell in love and moved 500 km away .

Me after separation, losing everything after 8 years

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While being together with this guy , after some failed business attempts, I managed to open my own beauty salon. I started doing manicures but that wasn’t enough to sustain the rent and myself. So I became a hairdresser too and slowly started to offer more services.
The situation of being alone after separation and sustaining a business after I have lost everything I have gathered in 8 years has just put a lot of pressure on myself as I felt stuck and like a failure. Still, I didn’t want to quit.

And then it came to me….
A crazy idea….
Something which could have gone wrong in so many ways…
And then I did it
I took the plunge
I decided. I took a leap of faith…
I moved clandestinely into my beauty salon.
Pause.
Read again.
Yes I did it.

The thing is that the beauty salon in which I worked had 2 big rooms. I didn’t manage to find a colleague to work with so I stayed alone. I had enough space and I liked that no one could just destroy my silence. And then this crazy idea came to me as I managed to cram up my business in the first room of the space and use the back room for moving out. Crazy crazy. Did the landlord knew? Of course not. I bought a washing machine with dryer included because the space was too small to dry clothes, a shower cabin , a couch which I could turn into a bed and used other furniture from my salon to try to make it a cosy place.
The ex couldn’t believe I did this. I couldn’t believe it either.

This used to be in the back room. I had no idea I will be moving in here years later

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Why did I take this decision?

I must get you a little bit further back into my past and let you know that I didn’t have the easiest childhood. Since my parents got divorced I forgot what HOME is. I felt out of place. Like I didn’t belong anywhere. I had to grow up way too fast. I had a lonely childhood. I had my books and my art. They were my therapy. And I had a grandmother who tried to give it her best in educating me. You see, no matter what would have happened with my life, I never felt I had a HOME to get back to. I often wondered if stray dogs feel the same, if the homeless people walking down the streets upon which people look with disgust feel the same. I wonder if my childhood trauma is responsible for the fact that I desperately wanted to own a home together with someone I love for as long as I knew. The irony is that I ended up in dysfunctional relationships yearning for someone to build a home with only to end up in the complete opposite situation: rejected, bullied, misunderstood and my desire for having a home mistaken for just a whim.

I am not a quitter. I could have wrapped it all up and go back in my native town and try to make a living there. I refused the idea of letting go of a business for which I worked so damn hard. I didn’t want to give satisfaction to the naysayers. I didn’t knew how to accept failure . I guess I wanted to prove to myself that I can do it and I wanted to just be left alone. With me moving there, the ex-boyfriend had no chance in coming and disturbing me. The salon is in the central city area, filled with people and other businesses. He was unable to stalk me anymore and I knew this from the get go when I took the plunge. It was the perfect safe space. Or so I thought.

YOU WILL DISCOVER WHAT HAPPINESS IS BETWEEN FOUR WALLS IF YOU DO THE INNER WORK

I must tell you that I came to this conclusion rather late.

Moving in. Making the necessary changes for this brave transition

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The adrenaline of the decision weared off and then SHAME and FEAR appeared. What if people find out? What if the landlord finds out? What if some random people find out and they just crack the salon door open and do me harm? My mind started to panic and all sorts of crazy thoughts came to me. To put it simply to you so you could comprehend the amount of mental pressure to cope with what I did let me illustrate it like this: imagine that you have to live in a McDonald’s without anyone there finding out and you have to wake up from your sleep and be ahead of time, silent, in order to not get discovered. Imagine. Picture yourself now wearing your worn out pijamas in a McDonald’s with all people suddenly staring at you. Imagine the shame. Imagine the guilt. Imagine the despair and hopelessness. This is the way I felt for a long time. My mind became my enemy.

Of course that some people somehow found out , clients of the salon I mean. But they rarely had the courage to ask me directly. Some of them did. I lied. I learned to lie that I live on Flower Street or Victory Street or FuckyouwhyyoucarewhereIlive Street. It is incredible how some people feel good to know that you are down. But guess what: I have now learned how miserable they were for putting me down and how happy I really was.

I now look behind me and realize how brave I was. To do this in a small town. With 3 other beauty salons next to me and other businesses. Coping with shame. I had a hard time feeling like a woman: beautiful or sexy. I had a hard time loving myself. I was reluctant towards finding a guy and falling in love. I did had 2 relationships while living in the salon. Both ended and taught me valuable lessons about respect, self love and boundaries. I tried to evaluate what made me put myself in dysfunctional romantic situations and I realize that I also had a lot of trauma in order to accept the unacceptable. Meeting these guys showed me that I needed to learn how to love myself. Meeting these guys showed me that I had my own wounds and that some of their traits mirrored me. I wasn’t the perfect woman but I strongly believe that no matter the circumstances it is wrong for a human being to become violent towards another human being. This includes words, actions, emotions and it is important for both women and men to realize that violence is never the solution to the problem. Communication is. In order to give love you have to be love. In order to meet the good guy/woman you have to be good yourself and love yourself. Until recently I discovered that I had no idea how to do that and I came to the conclusion that my romantic experiences were meant to lead me towards the journey of self-love. The most rewarding journey I ever took. Now that I look back on all of my relationships I realize that I also did harm to others through my unconscious behavior and it is a pity that life is so short and we waste precious time hurting each other instead of trying to evolve as human beings. I strongly believe that living in my beauty salon was the Universe’s best method of making me more self-aware and spiritually conscious.Looking back on my ego, I believe it was the only way I could change. Through pain.

What did I do between four walls?

I have started to build my own library and buying books that I liked. I came back to reading and it was very soothing for me. I started my youtube channel and slowly made the courage to do book reviews.

My setup when I started to do book reviews streaming from my phone. I smile now remembering how much I struggled to get out of my mental shell and accepting the situation without feeling like a failure

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Art has been my loyal friend. I rediscovered art again and again while dealing with tough situations in my life
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All of the great creative posts you have seen on Hive were created in this one single room , where all the magic happened: sleeping, working, showering, cooking, painting, reading, creating, crying, loving etc. I discovered photography and re-discovered my artistic side. I painted. I discovered bodypainting.

Getting creative in my tiny "room"

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This foldable cosmetic bed was my idea of a table and I occasionaly slept on it to make a change when feeling depressed for living where I lived
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Painting t-shirts
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I have grown so much while sitting in the back room of my beauty salon. I had to peal my wounds and discover not why the romantic relationships were a failure, but what attracted me towards those guys in the first place. I needed my own healing.

For a long time I was mad and furious for being stuck in the salon. Furious on myself. Furious on God. Now I realize it was all a blessing. God used the situation to change me, to put me in front of my pain and let me solve it. To allow me to be alone in order to discover what I really like to do. I learned how to swim. I started to buy stuff for me and allow myself to feel good. I was so used with working, over working and sacrificing to make the situation better that I forgot about self love. I had no one to teach me about love as a kid. So I didn’t know what healthy love was. Therefore my bad choices in men. But I hold no grudge and I now realize that we are all damaged in a way and some of us are not even aware. I see how difficult it was for me to face my demons, and I had to do a lot of reading and walking alone time in order to heal.

I discovered nature again.

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I discovered what it means to love yourself as a woman and allow moments of relaxation everyday. I discovered how PRECIOUS TIME IS. Imagine that I did not have to commute or stay in traffic or even dress for work. I woke up from bed and I was at work. Looking back now, this saved me a lot of time. I managed to grow so much creatively because I had more time. I now look at traffic and at the way people consume their mind with what to wear as being alien petty things. I value time enormously now.

There is another thing which was of paramount importance for me while I lived in my beauty salon. I was so consumed with the thought of owning my own home that it made me sick. I was anxious. I was afraid. I was feeling that I wasn’t enough. 4 freaking walls to define your existence. Absurd. But losing my home due to my parents’ divorce and going through living with other people who took pride in showing me that they own a home and I don’t affected me a lot. But this wasn’t the real problem. Upon serious reflection (thank you God) , I realized that my real problem was that I didn’t know what to do with my life and my talent long term. I don’t see myself retiring from this beauty salon. I want freedom. I want to create art. I want to travel. The thought I had no home obsessed me so much that I forgot that a home didn’t solve my real dilemma: what will happen with my life after I get the HOME? So I pondered and realized that I want to broaden my horizons. To make a career change in the future. That will be a surprise for many of you !

There are so many people who have immense mansions and they seem happy. But they are miserable as they haven’t found their purpose. They should get a room and sit alone in it for as long as it is necessary until the stream of crazy thoughts is reduced to the essential: what is my purpose here?

HIVE WAS A BLESSING FOR ME AND I AM FOREVER GRATEFUL FOR THIS COMMUNITY
I discovered Hive near the pandemic. I am sure this was definitely divine intervention as the timing was perfect. I have spent the 2020 lockdown alone in my tiny room .I was so so grateful for having this small room to go back to knowing that no one will harm me there. It was the first time when I experienced real GRATITUDE. This was another important lesson God taught me. I now realize that you can’t have more if you are not grateful for what you already have. I learned to see my reality with different lenses. When people say that life is 90% our reactions and only 10% what happens…It is so very true. I started to change my perspective. I was so lucky to live in a place of peace and have the opportunity to discover myself without any interfering. I have shifted my energy and vibration that I started to attract nicer people as clients after lockdown ended. People I could talk to. My whole world changed and I discovered that for those who knew that I lived in my beauty salon, they had an enormous admiration towards me. I wasn’t a disgrace, I was a little hero.

I was blessed to find Hive and to manage to put forward my creative content. I often wondered what would people from here believe about me if they knew my secret. But I am now aware of the fact that I would be admired and not judged, loved and not rejected. So many of you had a positive impact on my life and I still remember having tears into my eyes when @galenkp announced me as the winner of the Hive Engagement contest exactly on 1st of June, kid’s day.

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It was the best present ever and I still keep the paper heart I wrote to Asher and Boomy and Galen.

Guys, you are far away from me and I hope to meet you face to face one day, but your actions prove that just being nice and kind toward a person about whose difficulties you were completely unaware of is the best way to spread positivity and love. Galen you are my role model and one hell of a guy, I want to thank you so much for being you and helping me out! I would cover you in Vegemite, Lego, guns and expensive Rolexes if I could hahaha.
I managed to learn how to have compassion for all of my former boyfriends. I hold no grudge and I realize that each of them was hurt, abused and damaged in his own way as a child. But it is unfair to bleed over the people who did not hurt you and I can only wish them healing and I hope they discover God, faith and love. I hope that they will learn to love themselves and that they will have the courage to speak with their parents and set healthy boundaries and close the doors of the past in order to allow a great future. I hope they will heal. I hope they will forgive me for any harm I might have caused and I am at peace knowing I have forgiven them. All of them have helped me realize that I was bleeding too. The most difficult relationships will be your greatest teachers. I have learned that the most important thing is to be able to be rational enough to see the person for who they are and accept it or walk away. I am no longer attached to my need to change people and I can walk away much sooner from situations/people which do not suit me. I can keep my energy and focus it where is needed. When you try to change people and circumstances you bleed energy, energy which you could use so much better for your own growth.

I am 31 years old now and I have been through breakups, mental breakdowns, depression, a pandemic,dysfunctional relationships and a homeless situation. And guess what: I feel that I am just starting to learn how to live. I feel that life has lived me and I only now start to be aware. I am grateful for everything that I have. God has given me a bucket load of talent. I have hands of gold and a precious mind. I am so blessed to be able to be what I am and do what I do. My journey has just started.

I have written a book while being in lockdown about my experience here, in my beauty salon. I have sent the manuscript to several publishers and I got refused. But who knows, when I will have this published I can already tell you what will be written on the first page: for all of my friends from hive.blog. This is the only thing which I want written as a statement for my book.. The name of the book will be: A beauty salon called home. Discover happiness between four walls.

WHY AM I SHARING THIS NOW? WHY IS MY STORY IMPORTANT?
I know that there are so many untold stories of overcoming adversity which are far more impressive than mine. There have been women and men going through much worse ordeals than me. I do not believe that I am special or that my story is of ultimate pain. But I want to share it because I am sure that it would give a lot of people something they desperately seek in times of distress: HOPE. I know that when I went low and it was dark and sad and a feeling of void was sucking me in, I know that it was hope and faith helping me the most. I am sure that many of you reading now have your own problems and suffering. I know how insignificant or irrelevant my story could seem to some of you. But the pandemic has been harsh on all of us. People who had a place to live still got depressed. So we need more people who managed to overcome adversity in any way to tell their real story. Shame free.
I am not completely proud of my behavior as a human being . I know that I have made mistakes in my human interactions. I was also cruel and judgemental towards people. I was also at times a nasty girlfriend and a bad person to be around of because of my attitude problems which resulted from childhood trauma. I had my egoic mind running the show for many years. Ego, ego, ego… It took a lot of trauma, pain, learning, re-learning and mindfulness to shift my perspective on life.The book I wrote also shows this dark, nasty side of mine and I am not embarrassed to admit that I was , in moments, also a pretty loathsome person. I believe in showing people the flaws as often enough it is easier to depict a hero with a flawless character. I worked on my inner peace and behavior a lot and I will continue to do so for as long as I shall live. I believe that the better I become, the better I will attract. I know that I no longer have to search for love as love will find me!

TIME FOR GRATITUDE

I want to mention Hive members who helped me, in various ways, to feel accepted and loved in this community. Maybe you had no clue that your vote, comment, action, gesture, had a positive impact for a person who , at moments, lost hope.

The lesson to take from my story is this: kindness is the biggest gift you can give to humanity, no matter if you are rich or poor. From my humble experience I can tell you that you can overcome any adversity with the power of faith. It is the only thing which personally kept me going.

God bless all of you and thank you for reading so far! If I forgot anyone I apologize, I try to mention all of you! I hope to meet some of you in real life one day, it would be cool.
I thank @appreciator and the admin @bluemist of the @gems community , it was such a great feeling to have their support in my journey, I continued to post even in my toughest moments. They believed in me when I was a no name in here.! Other communities which believed in me are : @bdcommunity, @discovery-it, @nftshowroom, @onchainart, @threespeak, @qurator, @proofofbrain, @makeuppower, @nerday, @freewriters, @sketchbook, @photographylovers, @ocd and @curangel were forever present and @acidyo really helped me gain exposure and helped me out a lot, I didn’t forget about @hiddenblade, @chekohler and @galenkp with @tarazkp who were always supportive and encouraging. @jaynie helped me see the positive in everything and she inspired me when she told her own life story on Hive. @darthknight I hope you are all good, your upvote when I posted art and writing was a huge help for me.I know that these guys aren’t going to win a popularity contest, but their upvote helped me out @ranchorelaxo and @haejin, thanks a lot!
@meesterboom and @abh12345 you 2 of the three musketeers who gave me such an awesome present on kid’s day by winning the Hive engagement challenge. My hats off to you! I have my dear friend @m31 who is an awesome girl and I admire that she always reads my posts and engages with me. I have the same appreciation for @nuthman and @bdmillergallery together with @kommienezuspadt (very cool guys). I have found talented people like @ammonite (he does the most amazing sand sculptures) and @gabrielatravels (she takes hiking to another level) and @alejandra.her (she is now making a living off her art which is extraordinary, I always encouraged her and I received the same support in return).
@papilloncharity I loved reading your posts and you are doing such a wonderful job on Hive with your charity, @maxwellmarcusart you always admired my art and I always admired your lovely drawings. @nonameslefttouse I came across you later but you are a true (cherry)gem, I have found you inspiring and your “ I don’t give a damn I will write the real deal” posts really encouraged me when desperation came crawling under me. There are so many talented people on Hive who supported me and I want to say that you should just keep creating, writing, drawing, commenting, upvoting because the service you do to humanity is greater than Hive itself. I can’t help but mentioning my very first follower on Hive and the one who kindly gave me a delegation which was my start in here: the one and only uniquely creative and caring @vincentnijman. He is the sweetest person who draws dinosaurs and his spirit is what makes Hive be such a lovely place: it oozes kindness and positivity. @anggreklestari I appreciate your support and your plating skills are just too good, @ackhoo you are doing great curation and @ewkaw you are my succulent competitor haha. I noticed all of your support, together with @emiliocabrera and @dswigle. I thank @isaria, @brumest , @wiseagent, @trucklife-family, @ecency, @kristal24, @tipu, @nainaztengra, @kgakakillerg, @trafalgar, @ladybug146, @teknon, @my-musings, @phage93, @foxkoit, @wendywoodall, @blocktrades, @anmolsingh3006. I have mentioned you because you all helped me out through your vote and/or comments and interactions with me, I am grateful for all of you. I want to thank all of Hive for being the greatest place for a creative and for a person to gradually share their true self. I feel that it contributed to my healing to know that somewhere I can write and the right people would see it and appreciate it. I hope my story will give power and hope for those who believe they can’t go through another day. The pain will go away and the heart will heal and I strongly believe that the Universe has our back.

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The Home wooden sign is made from a random piece of wood I have found in my nature walks in the natural park in my city. I have drawn on it and marked the date, knowing that I will use this in my future home once moved out. This reminds me to never forget the power of my mind and my strong will to overcome any adversity. This piece of wood reminds me of how powerful we human beings can be if we put our trust in God.

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A stray dog who often greeted me when taking my long walks in the park
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I have another person to thank to. I have left this to the very end because it is the most important. More important than money, than Hive, than recognition or lovers. I have a special relationship with this one and he is a rockstar. He was there when I felt lost, sad and depressed. He helped me find my faith and I was never actually alone until I realized how powerful it is to have this presence in one’s life. I promised myself that I would give him a huge shout out when I will have my home because only through him and with faith I managed to overcome all of my adversities. For you and you only, as I promised: thank you God!

Cheers and hugs to all of you Hiveians! Toodle loo!

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Thank you, for your courage, perseverance and trust. As a fellow writer, often living hand to mouth, Art has saved my life too, and continues to do so.

Here’s a little poem I wrote that you might appreciate:

I have been lavishly gifted
a pain, as thick & rich
as oil paint,
by pushing it
around the page
I learned to make Art.


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Wishing you continued success, healing & liberation on Hive & Beyond 🙌🏼

What a great poem! I love it and thank you so much that you wrote it especially for me! I also love the painting too, it shows how from pain beauty can bloom! God bless you!

Good bless you, too, fellow creative soul 🙏 Grateful that the poem resonated with you and the painting, too (it's by a modern master, Agostino Arrivabene).

With all the challenges & deprivations that accompany the artistic life we're also so very fortunate to participate in the Divine Act of Creation. Art onwards & upwards!

Beautiful, you've made my day prettier, thank you!

Welcome back and what a comeback! Your writing is powerful and even for my tired soul, I was gripped by every word. What a story and adventure. To be honest, sometimes I have imagined the day in the life of many here on Hive. I could never have imagined you were going through such a metamorphosis.

These last two years have also been very difficult for me. Covid removed much of my work possibilities and family health problems have dealt continual heavy blows. But Art and creating have really helped keep me sane. I am still dealing with health concerns for my family but your post has given me much-needed inspiration and distraction from my own demons.

Home is where your heart is.

Oh, you have touched my soul with this comment! I am humbled that my story inspired so many of you, you included! I feel you as the pandemic has been harsh for all of us. It made us all reconsider our previous choices and put us in front of the fact that nothing is certain in life. I often wondered too how people from Hive are in real life, what kind of emotions hide behind a happy post. I wish we could all meet one day in real, it would be wonderful.
I know that you experienced difficulty due to the pandemic. Art is a great friend, almost like therapy, I am sure this is very helpful for you to do in times of distress.
After everything I have been through I now consider that home is something you take with you everywhere you go, no matter the circumstances. Maybe home isn't even a place, maybe it is just a feeling , you know *** home is where your heart is*** is the line I have chosen to end my book with. It is so funny and wonderful that you wrote the same line here now. Universe works in mysterious ways. And yes, my heart was in this salon for a long time. And I now realize that home is what I have inside rather than four walls.
I wish you all the best ! Hugs and may God bless you and your family!

That was a powerful and inspiring read. You are such a strong, brave and dedicated girl. Thanks for sharing your story. Very inpsiring indeed. Greetings, hugs & best wishes from Poland :)

@tipu curate

Thank you very much! I am strong and I have worked on the brave part. Hugs and greetings to you too, thank you for stopping by!

great idea and nice pictures.
that's really amazing.

Creative Mary.. The one who has lived a lifetime in such a few short years. This shouldn't be the way, but unfortunately it is for so many, like you, that keep it hidden and personal. Thank you for taking the time to write this and share one of your most vulnerable sides. That couldn't have been easy at all.

I am SO VERY PROUD of what you have accomplished. You didn't give up and made tough choices. You should NOT be embarrassed or regret any of them. They simply make you all that more beautiful and inspiring. I wish I had an ounce of your courage.

Your Mr Right, your true love, is out there somewhere. Don't settle for anything less than the right fit. A guy that treats you like your the only woman in the world. A guy that respects your body and your creative, adventurous mind. He is the only one that deserves your time. It's out there! True Love is out there.

Thank you again for sharing this side of your life and giving me some inspiration to face my own life worries. And for the awesome shout out!

HEY, Give that cute puppy (from your walks) a belly rub for me when you see him next time.

P.S. - I really do LOVE your 'Home'. It's just perfect!

😁 😊 🙌

Oh you had me crying while reading this! I am deeply touched by what you've written, beautiful , just beautiful! It did take a lot of courage to share this and feel like it is ok and safe. It took me a long to get to this level of self love and acceptance of everything I have been through . I love the Mr. Right part, may it come true, I would love to meet him and have a beautiful family one day. Living a lifetime in some short years seemed like a torture , but now I see it as a gift: I have so much experience now and I can use it to have a better life in the future. I haven't lost anything as you can't lose what is not destined for you to have. So I believe that what I deserve by divine right I will receive. And I embrace who I am. I am sure that there are many Hive members who also have a struggling life behind the posts and I hope this inspires everyone to have hope.Blessings and hugs my orchid guru!

Woah! This is an autobiography in itself darling. You're an amazing person I must tell you and your story is so touching. You've been through thick and thin but yet you're still the woman you'll want to look up to, you're still a fighter. I love your fighting spirit dear. You'll always come through, always know this that you are more than a conqueror. You're loved.

Ohh thank you, you've made me smile! I am a fighter and I have a strong spirit, I am truly blessed and I am grateful for my inner power. I am loved and you are loved too. We are all loved and the Universe works for us in magical ways.

It sure does. Sorry for the late reply. Was a bit busy with school work. Thanks a lot

Art is a strange thing, it can change a lot lives out there if you use it right way, but what makes me more happy is that HIVE has helped you a lot. It have help me also last 5 years. I hope this year end fill help lot more so I can fix lot things :)
And I very like this small wedge what you have maid... it is very good small work, not stop and try every day make more this small arts and let as see how you grow :)

Uh and this room is very small what you have there :)) ... it is good for just for one resident, and if land lord see it what happens then ? :)

Art helped me a lot, it was like therapy for me. I am no longer governed by fear, I believe that God has my back in every situation. I am happy!

Fear is that what can take all, for the last three years I've seen fear put many in hospital without anyone thinking about what's really going on around them. But...but not stop and make lot art more :) I like art and this why I hold my eye on it 100% all time :) ... Every bad thing must end and I'm sure you be soon in more better hands then you have been last 5 years .

God knew who you would be, how strong you would be and how much of an impact your life would have on others even in the midst of your trials. The beauty of falling down are the miracles witnessed as we rise back up again. Our hearts and minds are forever changed after we have triumphed.

Your life is a miracle. I’m grateful your life was spared in those scary times you thought harm would come your way. You are a living testimony of FAITH AND PERSEVERANCE!

I’m so overjoyed for you that you have overcome it all and ran a successful business in the midst of hardship.

You are a beautiful being inside and out and have touched my heart in a tremendous way.

“Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.” Psalm 37:4

I pray your desires for a healthy romantic relationship are fulfilled. He truly does give us the desires of our heart. Your tribute to Him at the end really blessed my soul! Amen!! All Glory to our Heavenly Father who loves us more than we can even love ourselves ~

May the Lord continue to bless you! I look forward to continue enjoying your amazing artwork. ❤️

This was such a lovely comment to read, I can feel the good energy behind it and the honesty of your words, thank you so very much! I am truly blessed that I managed to hold everything together , especially during this pandemic. Only with God this was possible. I am sure that the healthy romantic relationships is on its way, I am a child of God and I deserve the very best! Hugs and thank you for reading this!God bless you!

Only with God this was possible.

Amen!! 🙏🏽

It was a pleasure reading. I am so glad I did :)

I am a child of God and I deserve the very best!

YES and YES!

Thank you! I know He will continue blessing you. You’re His beautiful daughter ~

Our stories are so similar Lady Mary, only that there were 5 of us in one room when my mom divorced her womanising violent husband. She moved to a big city from the farm and it was my gran, my mom. my two sisters and me in the room.
My mom worked her way up in the printing world until she could rent her own semi house and we moved in with nothing.

Let me just say that she was very successful and so can you be.
Streneous situations are there in live for us to overcome and I call them character builders.
Your work is great and somehow I feel that a great future for you lies in wait.

So feel proud of yourself and just continue to walk in the Light.

!PIZZA

@creativemary! I sent you a slice of $PIZZA on behalf of @papilloncharity.

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Wow your mom was a strong woman! My admiration and respect for that, not many women have the courage to walk away from their tormentor, I know how it can feel to be with the wrong man. I love how you named tough situations character builders, this is so true. I also believe the same about mine, it has made me who I am and I am better now than 3 years ago. I am blessed. Thank you for reading and all of my best wishes to you!

Like I said, you are also a strong woman Lady Mary and we wish you only the very best on your road forward 🙏

Same wishes for you too, Amen!

👉❤️👈

I was very impressed by every line in your story. I identified a lot with things in your life that I have also gone through and that I am still living, such as not having a home of my own and being from one place to another. More now that I have been a father for two years I have been looking for my own home to be able to give my daughter a roof. I feel very happy to see all that you have been able to achieve after so much adversity. Congratulations you deserve it!

Hey! Thank you so much for your kind words! I am so grateful that every Hive member has read this story from top to bottom, this is wonderful! I admire your struggle to find a home for your daugher, there is nothing a father won't do for their kid. I send you hugs and may God bless you in all of your endeavours!

Wowsers, a lot happened in that room!

I remember that heart! I am glad you are happy, that truly is the most important thing of all :O)

Yes, this was one room to rule them all lol. Thank you Boomy, I am happy and peaceful in my heart now!

Hehe, one room to rule them all, I like it!

Glad to hear it!

I want to shout out: "Yayyyyyyyyyyy...!!! Good for you" 💪
What a courageous move you've made, and still making! Taking charge of your life and its direction... No mean feat and to even open up & reveal your story, takes strength, lots of it. Am so glad you're in a good place now and real happy for you. 🧡

Thanks so much, I am amazed of how well Hive members received my story, I am truly blessed to be here and I am so happy that I have chosen to share this!

Everyone welcomes positivity, more so at times like this... Take care, keep safe

Wow! I almost missed this. What a story! Very inspiring. Keep being ( the best ) you ( that you can be ) ;<)

🤗

Thank you Vincent, I am glad if this inspired you!

You're cute and hard working girl❤️
I appreciate your work every time because it was not easy to do and everyone can't do it also...so this is only your efforts which take you to this place...Keep it up ❤️
Thanks for mentioning 🥰
Love from India🤗

Congrats on becoming the person you are today.

I don't know you but I would like to say, YOU ARE AWESOME.

Hello! This was one of the nicest things I have read in here. Appreciation for what I have become due to my experience. Thank you so much, I must tell you it has been such a rollercoaster! I am amazed myself of how much I have grown on a personal level. You know, while I was taking a walk in the woods just yesterday I thought about this: how the journey was actually the most important thing of them all, particularly what I have become. I can see now with so much clarity than even the worst thing happened for my own good, a detail which was impossible for me to see under the heat of the moment. I am 31 but I feel like I am just starting my life now, if this could make any sense to you, because of the way I think now. My mind works differently because I choose to look at life from a bigger perspective. I now begin to grasp the idea that we are more than our body, our material possesions and our achievements. We are what we become and we are our impact on others. So in the end, what we acquire or not is just a consequence of how we think. Amazing right? I will continue to work on myself, it is definetely the most important thing a human being can do on this Planet: work on yourself and then your inner work will work for others. Thank you for reading me and hugs!

Great story, hope you are getting back on your feet!

Thank you! Yes I am getting back on my feet and believe me that I never knew that I can be that strong, I am truly grateful for having this strong mind and for having my faith, it helped me a lot to feel that someone above is watching over me!

Wow! That is some journey and some courage to write about it all.
So happy to have you here with us :)

P.S. You know.. if you want some succulents just shout. I am more that happy to send some over. Gotta feed the healthy competition :D

Thank you so much, it did take a lot of courage to share this for sure! Ah you have spoken the S words, the sexiest word ever lol SUCCULENT. I will figure out what kind of arrangements I can make in order to fit as many plants as possible in my new place lol. That is a must. Can you send plants abroad? Don't they die? I never tried

Let me do it again then:
S...
Suu...
SSSUCCULENT :D

Yea I can and they don't die (unless the post office decided to take a long vacations and hold the parcel). They are really tough cookies! We have been exchanging some plants with other Hive succulent maniacs lovers already.
Just let me know :) I have plenty of little cuttings that can go to a new home.

Oh wow, now this is interesting! Once I am finally moved out and settled and done with moving stuff I will totally want some of that! Plant power all the way, I could have international succulents, ahhmazing!!

Welcome back Mary! I was missing your amazing works and posts in my feed and I am so glad to see you are back to writing here. You are very brave for sharing your story, it must have been scary to open up about it, but thank you so much that you did. You have been one of my favorite artists on Hive since the time I first found your blog and a true inspiration. And what your story tells me about you is that you are also incredibly strong person too. You mentioned feeling shame about your salon home for a while there, but I think you should feel really proud of yourself. Not only you fought through a tough situation, but you also acquired a bunch of wisdom and lessons that will continue to be useful in your life going forward.

You are worthy of finding your person, to be loved and to love, and to feel happy in your home. No matter if it is a tiny room or something else. I wish your dreams come true! Hugs and I am always here if you need someone to talk to about life and universe and all <3

Oh girl, thanks so much for this heartfelt comment, I can feel you smiling and being so happy for me! It was scary to post this as I often found myself wonder if I should do it or not. The feeling of shame is one of the worsts as it can act like a blockage and prevent you from seing the whole picture.
I also believe that I am lucky to be able to have so much experience acquired by the age of 31 and I will definetely continue to work on myself and use it in my future experiences. To remain humble and simple is my biggest wish. To remain in a state of gratitude and bliss no matter the external circumstances.
I am now aware of my worth and I love myself now. I now realize that I truly deserve a man to love me fully and embrace me with everything that I have. I am sure that God will take care of this as I believe that we attract what we are.
Hugs and thank you from my heart for reading this!

I love personal stories, this one is super! And not just because I'm on the special heart :D

You've done good, proud of you!

Thank you Asher! Yup, you are on the special heart and also in my heart as I truly felt wonderful in that day, it meant a lot for me! Hugs!

Wow. Just amazing!
Thank you for sharing this.
I applaud your courage!
Praise God!

Thank you much! God bless you and thanks so much for reading!

Wow, what a story! I never would have thought you created these awesome things in a tiny backroom of your salon ;) Sad to read you went through that, but even better to read how you empowered yourself and managed to not get caught (that would have been horrible if your landlord found out) and got out of it better and more positive. It must have been hard during the lockdown espcially. But good for you you are where you're now, and good luck in your new home! <3

Hey! I surprised myself too by creating so much stuff in the room. I guess it was my brain's way of coping with adversity, a sort of mental escape. I feel like I have found myself although often I felt lost.
The lockdown was a test of endurance , especially that everytime I was out I was thinking "what if police stops me and asks me where I live?". It was quite a challenge to get over that and just enjoy the present moment as it was. I am happy that I am no longer governed by fear. Fear is crippling and it makes your judgement blurry.
Thank you for all of your best wishes and I appreciate you reading me!

First of all I'd like to say it's good to hear that you are ok

Thank you so much for the mention it really means a lot I'm happy to know that I helped you in some way keep up the great work and keep being creative Mary no pun intended lol 😂👍🏾 good to see you back stay strong stay happy stay free

Thanks so much, I truly appreciate every word of kindness, it is awesome to see how my story inspired so many and to see so much love from Hive! I have the same wishes for you, God bless you!

It's my pleasure my friend I'm just happy you are happy now and I can't wait to see what you are going to post next 🤝

Thanks for the kind words as always and good luck with everything you have going on ✌🏾❤️

Thank you, you're a sweetheart!

My pleasure 🤝 and thank you 👍🏾

Oh my dear, you have poured your heart out in your writing. You have been such a brave girl and confronted your situation. While all the while your situation has been challenging but with your good nature and attitude I am sure there are good things awaiting for you in future.
Lots of Love and Hugs 💖🤗

Hey! Yes, I did pour my heart out and I must tell you it felt wonderful, like a big big burden has been lifted. I believe that great attitude will always change someone's situation. I am much stronger and yet more humble now. I appreciate that you took the time to read this! Hugs!

You have made me cry because recently after 3 strong years, like you, I have reencountered God and I have understood that many times he calls us but we are deaf, we are too preoccupied with our lives to turn to see him but he is patient and waits for us, he calls us in every possible way and we are still deaf thinking that God is bad because he sends us strong situations to overcome. The truth is that he loves us, he wants us strong and he knows that when we turn to see him all our problems will turn to dust, because all that is nothing compared to the love of God. I send you a hug. Thank you for reminding me today how great God is in our lives.

Hello! Oh, you have cried, I hope they are tears of joy. I surprised mysefl crying too many times before making the courage to publish this post.
God is always there. I often thought I was alone, but once I understood the connection with the divinity I now realize how being alone was never the case. I am grateful for all of the experiences I had, they made me who I am.
God is great, he truly is. Thank you for reading this!

@creativemary you’re such a beautiful woman and your very blessed with intelligence don’t let guy talk down on you, your beautiful just the way you are my dear @creativemary my mom always says be your self at all time it’s impossible to please everyone at all time so don’t bother going extra miles for the person cause your efforts might not be recognized by the same person you want to impress, am a man yes I know! What that doesn’t mean I should support injustice or stand for what’s not right after all you did for him, it’s not fair, am a man that doesn’t mean that I will say that a white thing is black just place my follow man no! But in all this am glad you find your way to the top. May God continue to bless and Provide for you!

Hi! Oh I am now very much aware of my worth and I wouldn't allow myself to be put in a situation where a man or a woman would consider talking down on me. I believe that we allow it when we do not love ourselves and when we do not know our value. I have grown a lot and I have learned self love. I hope that every man and woman out there will learn how to love themselves, it is the most precious gift we can give to the world, next to faith. May God bless you too and thank you for reading!

Your welcome my dear @creativemary am glad you’ve understood that fact stay blessed and always be happy

Thank you, you too!

I hope you keep finding success.

Thank you so much! I hope the same for you!

Thanks for the mention! I have been so busy with the little one that I've been pretty much missing in action here on Hive. I still check in from time to time. I am glad to see you are doing well. Keep up the creativity!

You are very welcome! Good luck with the little one, I am sure that he is growing day by day! Hugs!

This is a very encouraging and inspiring post to read

Thank you ! I am happy that it inspired you, all of my best wishes to you!

What a great story, glad you've got your own place.

Need more like this as the simply truth is that life can just be a damned struggle sometimes.

It's depressing that what stressed you out the most is not living in your workplace, which seems perfectly nice and comfortable to me but fear of other people finding out as this isn't normal.

Makes total sense to do so, when the only other option is to go into debt or live with someone you don't get on with to afford the rent.

How did you explain the lack of to and fro and certain times of day/ night? Surely the other salon owners nearby would have thought it odd that you never 'arrived' or 'went home' - these events tend to sync at least some days!

Anyway, glad you're sorted now!

!PIZZA

Hello! Yes, the thought of people finding out was the most scary thing and depressing for me to experience. I came to consider it quite ok , but the fear of judgement was so crippling for my mental state. I often woke up quite early in the morning to get out and do my shopping and this is how I made sure I was seen coming. Funny enough, after a while I realized that people are so concerned with themselves that they hardly ever notice or care what other people do. So it is quite possible some never realized the oddity of the situation. I find this to be the most depressing thing in our society right now, as a neighbor might die and it would take days until someone noticed or cared about their absence. I often found myself asking the same question, what if something happened with me, would those strangers even notice?
I also believe that we need more truth as social media is a display of sadness covered in fancy make-up and instastories which cover the reality of a depressed life. Most people are not as happy as seen on the screen and I believe we could encourage each other by revealing our true struggles rather than pretending to be just fine.
I am super grateful for everything and God is with me in everything I do. Thank you for reading this, I appreciate it!

I think it's a bit different in the UK - there's plenty of people with too much time on their hands looking to bring others down.

However if something bad happened to you most people actively try and avoid noticing I think.

Now I'm depressing myself, no, there are some decent people still around out there!

The problem with being truthful on social media is that it's a case of everything to lose and little to gain - better to educate people about how unreal the environment is.

I think most people know this, but reminders can't hurt!

There are good people on Earth still, I strongly believe in this, I think that it is the lens with which we decide to see the world the one shaping our reality. Now I choose to see the good in people and avoid those with negative vibes, our time on Earth is too limited to do otherwise

Oh I agree about the lens.

One of the best videos I've ever seen on the matter:

Every time I share this I can't help but rewatch it!

I listened to the video and I loved it, thanks so much! I like how he makes conscioussness look so simple to understand. I believe that we need more people like him in order to spread the word and make humanity understand why we are really on this Planet. When somebody puts the bigger picture in your face then you can see how our existence must and is beyond the petty annoyances with which we consume and distract our mind

Glad you liked it, he does do an amazing job of explaining things very simple, also he doesn't ram spirituality down your throat which I like - it's very much 'this is a world view, I think we should try and validate it' not 'this is the truth listen to me'.

Certainly a lot of lessons in there!

I think that people who try to convince others fail to do so while those who don't end up being more convincing than everybody else. When the student is ready the teacher will appear. I know from my personal experience how exhausting it can be to try and convince someone of anything (God knows how I tried oh my) and I guess you know too : the more you try to convince the other to believe or do so and so, the more they become stubborn and choose to do the opposite. People cling to what they believe not because they truly believe it but because of the sense of identity they get from identification . If they let go to a belief, then who are they? I have been in such place too, as often we can become stubborn as mules just to irritate the other person trying to do the convincing. Here he can see the Ego, the big underground player of our lives. I continue to do ego work in order to become a better me. And awareness and conscioussness thrive once the ego is tamed.

@creativemary! I sent you a slice of $PIZZA on behalf of @revisesociology.

Learn more about $PIZZA Token at hive.pizza (1/20)

I understand you very well and I understand that pain. I am happy that you found yourself and you are better with life. We all have our stories. I felt so emotional reading your post. Because I remember some of the things I suffered. I pray we all find joy at the end. Life is full of ups and downs. 😢

I believe that some people might understand my post better if they have experienced similar pain. So I feel your sadness as well as you might feel mine. Praying also helped me a ton, I pray every morning when I wake up. It changed my life completely. May God bless you and thank you for reading me!

God bless you too. Take good care of yourself.

enjoy HIVE, sell it and get a better life

I am definetely enjoying Hive and I know I deserve a better life, thank you very much!

So inspiring, Mary! That was so brave of you. This small room will eventually become big in the future and I see that! <3

Thanks so much girl,it has been quite a journey for me!

I was so used with working, over working and sacrificing to make the situation better that I forgot about self love.

That happens with all of those who love work, but sometimes, we need to take break and travel is the best thing to bring back all those energies. May be plan to travel in every couple of months - could be short, but it will refresh us.

Yes, taking a break is much needed. I find that I get more clarity when I stop working and start focusing on my inner world!

Hello Mary, you don't know me but someone I just met here on Hive shared to me a link of this very article you wrote, and I just want to share and express how much this resonated my very core. From the childhood trauma, creative outlets, relationships, dealing with mental health and your faith back in God, everything's as if you were speaking to me directly. I'll be rereading this article from time to time again for comfort. I hope someday I'll be able to meet you. From my little corner of the world, I wish you all the best. Hugs.

Hello! Thank you so much for your words, I can feel that they come from your heart! It is humbling to see how my story touched another human heart, miles and miles away from me. I am grateful for this platform as if it weren't for Hive I would not have been able to learn and share so much! I also wish you the very best , may God bless you! Hugs! If by any chance you visit Romania, let me know, I would be more than happy to meet you

I am not a quitter

I love this phrase, I try to live daily by it.

Also, I am so proud that you had the courage to live and I am so proud of where you are today.

Thank you so much ! Quitters never win and winners never quit therefore having a strong will and desire to succeed is the best motivator. And the most important of them all: faith. God bless you!

I cried after reading this. Thank you for sharing your life, I'm inspired. You are so brave enough to share such vulnerability and authenticity.

The things you said about going through dysfunctional relationships and childhood trauma and the journey of self love resonated so much in me. I am now more encourage that taking my own journey to self love is the best decision I have yet done in my life. Perhaps one day, I might just be brave enough to share my story as well.

And I would be excited to grab a copy of your book once its published! Sending you love & light.

Oh thank you so much for this comment, it is so sincere and warm, believe me that I have cried too when writing, it was a tough challenge to put it all in writing and let others read too inside my heart. I am still amazed that my story gave courage and inspiration to so many out there, this is humbling, it really is. I dream of a day when I will personally sign a copy of my book for many Hive members, it would be amazing. Blessing and thanks a lot for stopping by!

Hello, it is an impressive story, you are a super strong woman because of all the things you went through and you decided to change to have a new life that made you find love for yourself and God, I wish you the best that God bless you

Hey you! Thank you so much for the compliments, I like them and I also appreciate them! I am glad that my story was read by you and so many people, God bless you too and may you find inner peace and happiness!

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Sometimes it's the toughest moments that teach us the most. All the best for your onward journey Mary.


Such as are your habitual thoughts, such also will be the character of your mind; for the soul is dyed by the thoughts - Marcus Aurelius

Thank you G.! Yes, adversity can humble us and teach us the greatest lessons. I can see now how this experience shaped me and made me into a better person.
Working on the stream of thoughts....Is so important...As thoughts determine actions and shape our life.

Wow what an amazing story and a commend you for your bravery you have no idea how many of these odds alone would trip up so many of us and you had to face them all compounded. I really appreciate you sharing this story and being so open, we need more honesty in the world. I am a business owner who started out of my bedroom at 27 years old I know some of what its like to have to give up everything for your business and to make it work.

To have to sell many hours for free, but when business is a passion and a calling and not just a money maker you tend to be a little "delusional" for lack of a better word and you'll do anything to make it work thats how great long lasting anything is made, family, legacy, business, love anything

We often don't see the full picture or rather accept we don't know the full picture of other peoples lives and fill in the blanks with our own assumptions and I always think of this mistake and try not to get caught in my own bubble. We're all walking around with something we're embarrassed to share but you breaking the stigma is a powerful notion and I hope you realise that

I wish you nothing but the best for the future, I won't say the road gets easier, you just become tougher! On-ward and upward

Thanks so much for your appreciation! Only those who started a business know that it can take years until it takes off. It is like a child. It was tough as it all happened at once, starting from romantic failure to meeting the wrong people and a pandemic. The lockdown was a huge eye opener for me. I believe that we can't run from our demons forever and staying where I stayed has put a fast forward in my healing process. I now value the journey that I took and what I have become in the process more than what I have obtained. I now understand how it is never about the end goal as much as what you become as a human being in the process. Your last line reminds me of a saying of Jim Rohn: don't wish it was easier, wish you were better! Thanks again for reading this until the very end, I hope it inspires you in some way, God bless you!

Thanks for sharing such a beautiful life lesson.

You are very welcome!I hope this helps anyone struggling with adversity in their life

I almost cried after reading this article. Man, no one should really have to experience homelessness, but I'm super happy that you got out of that hole and made it back stronger. Not only did it help you come back, but you did what you love to attain it, that must feel so rewarding. Good luck with your future ventures!

Hello! I am humbled to see that my story touched the heart of so many from here, including yours. I have grown so much and now I am more in touch with myself than I have ever been before. Most importantly, I learned how to love myself. I value what I have become as a person in the process and this is how it should have been from the get go. I appreciate your lovely words , thank you very much and hugs!

Woah, What a hell of an adventure and experience you've had in life so far. I am very mesmerized, Perplexed and dumbfounded right now.

I like to describe this your experience as 'The good, The bad and The ugly' Hahaha😂

Anyway, I am just glad that it is all good for you right now.

Your story just taught me that no matter how bad or hard life gets, We should never give up or relent because we can never tell how close we are to achieving our goals if we stop and give up.

Cheers.🍾🥂

Bless up.👍🏻


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Hey! Well you pretty much explained it quite well, it has been a rollercoaster of emotions , thanks so much for the kind words! I had moments when I thought about giving up, thinking how people must think I am crazy for doing what I did. But then again I thought that I have cut all of my chances of giving up by moving here. I had no other option than to persevere and train my mind in order to be in better control of my emotions. In the end , we all live between walls, no matter where they are. It's what we think about them what makes the situation different! Cheers and thank you for reading this!

Alright, I get your point of view. And that is a very solid mindset to live with.

You are welcome and it was a pleasure reading it.

Cheeers.🥂


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You are one strong woman @creativemary! Thanks for sharing your story. I'm so happy you're here with us.

Thank you! I am happy that I shared this, it seems that it has spread a positivity and inspiring vibration everywhere , I am happy to be here with all of you too, this is such a wonderful place and I am sure I will someday meet some of the Hive members in real, it will be awesome!

"Art has been my loyal friend"
Can't count how many times I thought this through my hard times. All the best Mary.

Amen to this! I am glad that you also had art next to you in moments of despair, it is truly valuable to rely on anything in order to forget about one's demons. Blessings!

Leí hasta el final y probablemente nosotros alguna vez nos hemos sentido como tú. Me hiciste recordar y remotarme a situaciones,sentimientos, espacios, convivencias, acciones, circunstancias muy similares y aunque aún yo siento que no pertenezco sigo creyendo en Dios. De ahora en adelante aprenderé más a vivir y no quejarme pero si esperar que crean en mi. Por acá tienes una futura escritora, artista en la pintura y amiga. Gracias por compartir tu experiencia con nosotros. @creativemary.

Gracias! I don't speak or write spanish well but I have understood everything you wrote! Yes, I am a future writer and always an artist at heart. Thank you for reading this!God bless you!

Sorry, I understand a bit of what you wrote but some words I translated because I don't speak English. Yet the message got through.

I am glad it did! Thank you for reading!

@kreatif, Wow--wow, this is a really cool post I found on Hive. I should have longer, the writing just flows. Cool.

Thank you very much, I wrote it from my heart

Thank you Taraz!

Greetings @ creativemary
There is no doubt that making decisions like this are very hard in life, but you have shown that you are made for this and much more. I can tell that you are a very strong woman and dedicated to the goals you have in life. The ideal is that you have someone like you so that you don't delay the success that I'm sure you will have in your new life.
Thank you very much for sharing your story that will serve as an example and inspiration to many.

Hello and greetings to you too! Thank you for the nice words, they are a balm for my heart, I am so amazed and blessed to see so many people showing me so much love in here, it is really extraordinary . I have grown very much, I wasn't always strong , I also had moments of despair. Only faith pulled me through, I would have been lost without it . I do hope that somehow my story will help anyone feeling anxiety or distress, as I am sure that many Hive members also have personal issues in their lives. Never know how a little story like mine can help someone go through another day. This is all that matters in the end, the way we can touch other people's lives. Be blessed and thank you for reading me!

You are really a creative individual, this post has enlightened me. Thanks for this

I am honoured and grateful if I have did this for you, thank you for reading me!

You are a very strong person and you should applaud yourself for the way you were able to handle your situation.

Oh thank you so much, I am now more aware of the amount of courage I had to have, now that I look from the outside perspective to my situation I can say that you are totally right with your remark. Thank you for reading my story, I appreciate it!

Mary, my heart goes out to you, I am sorry and I am happy to hear your story. I have so much I want to say, I like your story. My favorite part of this post is when you wrote, "In order to give love you have to be love."


Some people can run into the wrong kinds of people in life, some of that can be toxic. The hard part is in getting away from the wrong kinds of people. I could briefly tell you one girl I met wanted to marry me when I was in Vietnam, she wanted me to take her to America and she broke up with me when I refused to give her all of my money.


So, I'm not going to exactly compare some of the heartbreak I've experience in my life to the pain you've experienced. But I will tell you I was homeless for 2 years when I was in Vietnam, long story. But I got out of that and things improved. I'm ok now.


I also like it when you wrote this, "I have a special relationship with this one and he is a rockstar." Oh, sounds like an ending to a modern fairytale.


Once upon time lived a princess. The evil beast cheated on the Drawing Body Art Snow White Chick. She escaped. She wandered in the woods for a while. Suddenly, a rock star came and swept her off her feet and onto a white horse. They rode off past the castle and into a beautiful logged cabin out in the woods by the lake and lived happily ever after, the end.

Joey thank you for reading and also sharing your story! I think that money and love and ultimatums about wealth don't go well together. True love feels safe , respectful and secure. I am aware that if we haven't learned secure emotional attachment in childhood it will be more difficult to pick the good ones, but not impossible. I believe you also worked tremendously on yourself if you can now share the story without feeling pain anymore. It shows maturity and I respect this . Going through homelessness is heartbreaking as the uncertainty is really unbearable, the feeling of not belonging to any place and being mostly alone in your suffering. But faith can and will shed some light. I think that it all happens for a reason and I can see my own role in everything I went through. Good and bad. I now realize how much inner work is still left to be done and I am grateful that I managed to get down and dirty and look what is inside my trauma and how to heal it.
I love the fairytale, it always ends well if it contains faith. Hugs and thanks so much for opening up and also reading me!

I was so surprised to hear your story too, I've known you here for what feels like years. So, I feel like I know you and that soft cute voice. So, yeah, there is so much we can learn from our own childhood both good and bad.


I like what you are saying. It reminds me that people not only have IQ or intelligence quota but also EQ relating to the mastery over emotions, feelings, moods, communication, relationships, dialog, interpersonal conflict resolution skills, things crossing between emotional and spiritual matters. Oh, that reminds me, Yoda mentioned attachment in Star Wars.


So, some of the elements from our childhood can be left subconscious, subliminal, unaware, and especially unresolved. So, I do put some effort in analyzing my life and especially my childhood in order to analyze and break down the story but this time from an outside perspective.


The hard part can be in looking at things from an external paradigm or point of view while minimizing excessive bias governed by subjectivity within the realm and path towards insanity.

Good for you Joey that you take the time and effort to analyse everything, this is really important if we want to evolve. I know that it feels rather painful and that most of us would just like to bury it all and not "disturb the dead" , but looking in the dark corners of our souls can allow light to come through. It's hard, it is really hard. Now that I went through it (and the peal off process has just begun and will continue) I no longer blame anyone for not doing the process when I would believe they should. Each person has their own timing and we can never know what is in one person's soul so being gentle and kind is really the way to go. We learn this. I know that the path towards myself is always under construction and I am hopeful that more people will want to try inner management as knowing yourself is the only real thing we ever need. To know and to love ourselves for who we are.

Mary, yeah yeah and I also dig into my life because I am interested in studying psychology, anthropology, sociology. I try to help people. So, I try to understand the good and the bad of how people develop in life. So, I'm not going to say I don't try to study how humans evolve throughout their lives, because I do do that too. That is science. That is good for doctors, scientists, pastors, counselors, other people.


But at the same time, I am also looking at my life as a reference point, a starting point, a foundation, be it too subjective in nature or not, be it too bias as it is me looking at myself. So, it could become counterproductive, too bias, too subjective, too corrupt, etc, to study oneself. So, I always keep all of those things in mind.


We can learn from each other. So, I feel like people can learn from my life. It can also be fun to look back at my life. It can also be like a mystery. Like, I am exploring a deep hidden cave. Maybe there are things I've forgotten about which perhaps should be uncovered. But I'm not saying go into the caves and maze of one's own mind and get lost there for too long. Come back out every once in a while to get some beautiful sunshine hehehe.


Mary, like you said, I agree, we can let light shine into the darkness, into the caves of our lives. Yeah, timing is a thing I would try to rush at times. So, I learn patience, timing, endurance, perspective. Yeah, be kind, gentle, and aware. Be relevant. Be ready. To love oneself is a beautiful thing.


Knowing and then loving yourself for who you are means not getting lost in who you are not. It can become problematic when people don't know who they are, what they are, where they are, for better or for worse. It is so critical for people to start with where they are which is rooted in where they were, especially if they are interested in where they are going.


Inner management can be tricky and yet it can start with the seed of curiosity. So, we should start off small in the pursuit towards increased inner management. But it can feel like an overwhelming endeavor which leaves people idle. So, my advice is to simply take a peak at a one thing at a time every once in a while. Mentally, that can be the trick, to let curiosity get a foot in that door of inner management. One day at a time, one slice or piece of the pie at a time.

You've talked about self love and awareness so beautifully in this comment! I believe that indeed we can learn from all people we meet, good or bad. It took me a while to learn this lesson and I am constantly improving. May we all become better versions of ourselves today than what we were yesterday!

Loving oneself includes being brutally and severely honest as a starting point.

Oh Joey you've hit the nail on the head with this statement! Being honest, truly honest, might be painful for our ego as usually it means to assume responsibility for whatever crappy situation you are in. No matter the circumstance we always play the biggest role in what happened to us, next to our childhood mental programming and our biases. I work on being honest with myself as much as I can and I think that this is one of the key ingredients to a happier self. Honesty and assuming responsibility

I'm truly sorry that you had to endure this and had to go through all this mess. God bless you and I truly hope for everything good for you! Keep up the good work here on HIVE and much health and success to you! :)

Thank you very much, I have used the experience to change myself into a better person! All of my best wishes to you too!

Great! Thank you so much and keep up the good work! Best wishes on my behalf too! :)

This is an inspirational story with great narration! Thanks for sharing with us and best wishes!

Thank you very much for reading too! God bless you!

Thank you for sharing hope. I wish you the best for your future. This is a very special community indeed. I'm happy for you that you experienced so much support ❤️

You are so welcome, the intention of this post was to just give hope to anyone who might read. I am glad that it did that for so many. Blessings and thank you for reading this!

The small room represents a journey to find yourself. How creative, productive and artistic we can be when we connect with our deepest essence. It seems that a "physical" house is a big plus to our life, but our true home is in ourselves. Thank you for sharing your experience full of courage and bravery, you inspire me.

That is the cozy and magical thing about small rooms.

True! Small rooms can prove to be quite cosy if you can be efficient with the space

Thank you! I also feel the same thing, like I managed to connect with another part of me, a part which was hidden and buried under fear and limitations. Our true home is indeed in ourselves, it took me a long time until I fully understood this concept as I clinged to the idea that a home is the only source of happiness. Now I get that happiness is an inner concept, something you take with you everywhere you go

Aww! What a story, am glad you didn't give up and kept trying, this is a lesson to me.

Thank you very much, I appreciate that you have read it!

Thank you, I appreciate that you took the time to read it!Blessings!

What a great story of overcoming life, my respect for you, for cleaning your closet of life and the most wonderful thing to share it, only for the brave. your story encompasses so many feelings trapped by our egos, how good you could recognize them by exchanging fear for bravery, hatred for forgiveness, resentment for love, victimhood for heroism, and uncertainty for unshakable faith in God. successes in your book, thanks for sharing your story.

I loved your comment, especially the exchanging part, beautiful! It was a struggle and I am still working on myself and on how to clean my inner world. Blessings!

Without the slightest doubt, this is one of the most inspiring posts I've ever had the opportunity to read around here.

Well done, @creativemary! I hope your journey (in and out of Hive) is even more promising.

I am honoured to have heard this from you, thank you so much! I feel that my journey has just begun, it's like I have been given a full mental reset. It's amazing what faith , constant inner work and mind work can do to a spirit! I now realize that our lives are just a mental construct and Lincoln was right when he said that you are as happy as you make up your mind to be. I will keep my mental work nice and steady, this kind of exercise never stops as the mind needs to be tamed in order for the spirit to bloom.

I'm really impressed at the steps you've taken so far, if I must confess, I was inspired; to discover myself on the longrun, And I hope to get there ASAP. This is my first coming across you on Hive, I'm glad I met you. I hope to see more of your creative content. I'm @tuspark and would love to be your friend here on hive.

Thank you! I wish you success in here, I am sure that you will do well! God bless you!

Your are very innovative and creative!.
Woah! I'm really impressed.

To think that I just came across you today?.

I love you're perseverance and strong will.
If I were in your shoes, I prolly would have given up a long time ago.

Now you're a real motivation.